Slowly he let his long fingers glide through the rough fur, idly playing with a white strand of hair for a moment. He had always found it comforting to let his hand brush over his partner’s fur when something was on his mind and this moment was no difference. To be able to feel the rough but at the same time somehow silky texture of the hair underneath his fingers always help him to calm down when his mind was in a turmoil again. Or maybe it was just the feeling that he wasn’t alone, that there still was someone with him, when everybody else was long gone. Maybe he was some sort of anchor for him. He could hold on to him when the storms of anger and the waves of despair threaten to sweep him away.

He turned his head a little and his eyes came to rest on Garurumon who was sprawled out beside him. In the twilight he couldn’t make out any colours but thanks to the bright light of the full moon overhead, he could still clearly see the characteristic pattern of the fur. The digimon’s eyes were closed and he was breathing slowly. If the boy hadn’t known his partner better he would have been sure that he was fast asleep. But not everything is what it seems to be at first and he knew that his friend was in fact wide awake.

“Do you think I’m doing the wrong thing?” the young blond asked softly.

“I am not to judge your actions. You are old enough to know the consequences of what you are doing.”

Others might have been a bit offended by these words but Yamato knew that his friend had merely stated the obvious. He was no longer a little kid and he knew very well what he was about to do. As for the consequences, he could imagine what would be the outcome but would everything really turned out in the end as he hoped it would? Perhaps only time could tell him the answer to that question. There really was no use now contemplating it again.

“You would go with me wherever I went, wouldn’t you?” he asked again now in a somewhat mocking tone.

“Of course, who else would be there to stop you from doing something stupid all the time, if not me?”

A short, soft laugh escaped the boy’s lips. “But you are not stopping me now. Does that mean I’m actually doing the right thing?” He had sounded a lot more serious now and he seem to tense up a bit as he waited for the large beast to answer.

“Certainly not, but this is your choice and you have thought the whole thing through so I have no right to stop you from fulfilling your wishes. What I think about it is absolutely irrelevant. You are my partner and I will follow you, wherever you are going.”

“Thank you.”

Again he let his hand glide through the thick fur as they sat there in silence once again. Yamato was letting his eyes wander over the wide plains that were spreading out before them but never letting them linger on anything for more than a moment. Just like his eyes his thoughts were restlessly wandering.

Although Garurumon had not objected his decision his determination was wavering again. He had indeed thought a lot about it, after all this was going to change his whole life if he really went through with it. But just spending much time thinking about something doesn’t necessarily mean that you are also going to find solutions or at least justifications for what you are planning. Well, actually he had enough justifications for himself but there was still a problem with them. If you really start to argue against them they would probably crumble to nothingness pretty soon and that was what he feared the most. Should somebody decide to question his reasons a little too much his carefully constructed card house built of fear, anger, lies and despair would collapse and bury him.

But for now it was enough if only he himself was convinced of what he was doing and after he had taken the first step it really would no longer matter what he or others thought about his motives. There would be no turning back anymore.

He closed his eyes for a moment as he took another gulp from the almost empty bottle of beer which had been clutched tightly in his left hand the whole time. He could already feel the alcohol slowly numbing his senses and making him feel dizzy. He had never been much of a drinker, probably because he couldn’t handle the stuff very well. Unlike Taichi who sometimes seemed to down it as if it was just water.

He smiled a little as memories of the first time they had gotten drunk together came back to his mind. The whole next day he had been running around with earplugs because even the smallest noise had sounded like a freight train going straight through his head. Fortunately his dad hadn’t been home at that time. Otherwise his head would have probably burst from all the shouting he would most likely have been receiving. All the shit about not being old enough and lacking responsibility, he had heard it time and again for various reasons.

But somehow he had always been happy whenever he had been shouted at again, no matter how strange that might sound. To him it meant that his father was at least acknowledging his mere presence. He couldn’t really blame him for being needed at work and therefore not being home much and he had even shown more understanding for his father’s situation after the divorce than most children his age would have been able to but that didn’t mean that he had to like it.

No matter how mature and how grown-up he behaved, deep inside he was still a child, a little boy who was missing his father and who got in trouble every now and then. It didn’t take a psychologist to tell them the reason why he had been this way. Even he himself knew it but at the same time he couldn’t stop himself. Getting himself in trouble had proven to be a reliable method of getting his fathers attention and he couldn’t resist that temptation. So he had grown up being generally known as a quiet, polite but somewhat problematic boy.

Maybe it was a side-effect of the alcohol but suddenly, as if a floodgate had been opened, a whole wave of memories, impressions and other unpleasant fragments from his past washed over him. At first he felt as if he couldn’t handle that much information and emotions all at once but when he gave up fighting against it and instead let himself being swept away by the current of the stream of memories everything seemed to clear up.

Slowly the chaos of pictures and sounds which had been crashing down on him came to a halt. Somehow he felt as if he was standing in some kind of mental gallery. The short scraps of memories were lined up all around him making them look as if they were oil paintings. As he made a few steps forward to take a closer look at one of the ‘pictures’ he absently wondered why all of them looked as if the only colours used to create them had been different shades of black and grey. But he quickly let go of this thought again as he now solely concentrated on the one particular picture in front of him.

The scene of the picture seemed vaguely familiar. He soon recognized the shapes of furniture in a darkened room. Everything seemed to be veiled in darkness except for the small beam of soft light coming through the slightly opened door. It wasn’t enough to illuminate the room but it revealed the form of a small boy lying in his bed. With the blanket pulled up over his shoulders and the blond hair sprawled out on the pillow the light was barely enough to make his serene features visible in the otherwise dark room.

Yamato who had immediately recognized the boy couldn’t keep a small smile from making it to his lips. But as quickly as it had come it was gone again as he continued to examine the room. Soon he had noticed a second bed but unlike the first one this one, hidden in the shadows, was empty. However it didn’t take him long to spot the former occupant as well.

Right next to the slightly ajar door there was a second boy dressed in green pyjamas with his back pressed tightly against the wall. The same blond locks were hanging loosely into his face but he was slightly taller than the other boy and he also looked somewhat older. His blue eyes were shining in the twilight as he stood there as still as a statue obviously listening to something outside the room.

Suddenly, as he began to remember what had happened next, the picture seemed to come to life. As if awoken by some ancient magic the young boy began to move closer to the door so he could hear what was being said in the other room. Yamato now heard the voices as well. The sound of a pair of people speaking in a hushed but also somewhat agitated tone to one another could be heard from outside.

The blond teen knew very well what they were talking about and he felt a sting in his chest at the thought but he still listened attentively and so did the younger boy.

“… you think I like having to do this? I know as well as you do how much this is going to hurt them but I see no way how we can avoid it. But of course I’m always open for suggestions.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? I have been trying to find a better solution as much as you have and you know that! Don’t blame me alone for all this shit. It always needs two for this to happen.”

After a few more seconds of silence the male voice sighed before it continued in a calmer tone.

“Look, you know how long I have to work and that I can’t organize my working hours as freely as you but I agreed to take one of them and I intend to keep me word.”

“I know but how do we decide which of them stays with me and which has to go with you?”

“Maybe I should take Takeru. I mean he is the younger one and it may be easier to find someone who can look after him when I’m not at home.”

Again they voices fell silent and Yamato who had been staring at the door all the time now turned his attention towards the boy next to it again. There were unshed tears in his eyes and he was breathing heavily for a moment. But he seemed to quickly calm down again and all of a sudden his little arm shoot up to his face to brush away the tears and with shacking hands he opened the door a little wider and stepped out into the light.

Yamato turned away from the picture as if he had completely lost any interest in it. There was no point in watching any longer anyway for he remembered the whole episode as if it had happened only yesterday. Sometimes he still saw himself walking out into the living room in his green pyjamas were his parents had been arguing and telling them that he wanted to stay with his father. He had told them that he was old enough to take care for himself when he would be alone at home and that he would be alright with it. But he had never told them that he would have wanted to stay with his mother if it hadn’t been for Takeru. Neither had he ever told his little brother what he had done that night.

Takeru. There had been times in his life when he would have given everything to protect his little brother. His well-being and happiness had meant more to him than even his own life. He had thought that his life was unimportant as long as his brother was safe and happy. Maybe his parents had had a part in this as well since they had never given him the feeling of being something special. Well, maybe they had tried to do so but he had never felt their hearts being in it. Takeru on the other hand had always been their little angel. For as long as he could remember he had always been standing in the shadow of his little sibling.

But unlike many others who would have blamed their brother for all their problems he had never held a grudge against Takeru. To him he was everything he himself could never be. He had been a symbol of innocence, gentleness and pure happiness to him and he had sworn to protect him so he would never lose any of these qualities which he himself seemed to lack so often. Even as a little boy, Yamato had already been carefully guarding himself by hiding his emotions only to have his temper flare up all of a sudden. He had known that he could never be like Takeru but he had wanted to prevent his brother from becoming like him.

It seemed as if he had been doing a good job for a few years but in the end Takeru had found his independence and he had lost his dedication. As Yamato began to remember that day a picture drifted forward towards him separating itself from all the other ones that were slowly circling him. He only needed to take a short glance at it to see that it was indeed his memory of the time they had been fighting against Puppetmon and of how Takeru had told him that he didn’t need him any longer. It had broken his heart to hear those words from his brother and he had often wondered if it would have been any different if they had never gone to the Digi-world but he had soon come to the conclusion that it would have happened anyway sooner or later.

Even though he had gotten over the initial pain eventually he had never really been the same again. The mere memory was like a poisonous thorn stuck deep in his flesh and although the wound had closed long ago he could still fell his flesh being ripped apart underneath his skin.

Quickly he banished the thoughts about it from his mind and the picture immediately joined the others in their indifferent dance again as if it had never left them.

Maybe this had been the first step towards the darkness he had taken. More and more he had withdrawn himself from his friends and family over the years. At first he had been using his music as an excuse for not showing up at meetings or parties but soon he hadn’t even seen a need to explain his absence any more. He had stopped caring about what others might think about him and he had solely concentrated on what had been important to him. This was probably also the reason why he had lost Sora in the end.

As he had almost expected it a picture separated itself once again from the others and floated towards him as soon as his thoughts had begun to focus on his ex-girlfriend. With a cruel smile on his lips he prepared himself for the impending memories.

This time it began with the picture of a closed door. He watched as a pale hand with long delicate fingers reached out to turn the doorknob. If he had known what expected him on the other side of that fucking door he would have never opened it. Or maybe he still would have done it but he wouldn’t have been as shocked by what was waiting beyond it. However in his memories he opened it and was immediately greeted by the warm and musky air in the semi-dark room. He had never taken a step into the room since he had been too surprised to make his body move at that moment. But he hadn’t been the only one surprised as it turned out.

Sora who had noticed his intrusion first and who had quickly tried to cover herself with some sheets had hung her head low so she didn’t have to look him in the eyes. Taichi on the other hand who had noticed him only a moment later was desperately searching for words to explain that it was all just a huge misunderstanding. However he didn’t find any and the only words leaving his mouth were a few stammered apologies.

“You really deserve each other,” he heard himself say in a cold voice laced with disappointment and anger. Those had been the last words he had ever spoken to both of them and it had also been the last time he had seen them. Of course they had tried to call him afterwards but he had never taken any of their calls and he had never opened the door when they had come over to talk about it and after a few month of successfully ignoring them they had finally given up. He had never found out why they had done it but then he didn’t really want to hear their explanations anyway.

Back then he had been deeply hurt by their betrayal but over time he had just erased them from his mind. It didn’t matter any more that Sora had been the first person he had ever talked to freely about his feelings, that she had been the first one ever allowed to see behind the mask. It didn’t matter that he had once loved her. Neither did it matter that Taichi had been the first one he had ever called his friend. To him they just didn’t exist anymore.

No matter how painful this experience had been it hadn’t been until a year later that he had finally decided to leave everything behind. It had taken even more to bring him this far.

Unavoidably, as his thoughts took another direction once again, the picture rejoined the circling line. However this time none of the others took its place in the centre of the circle. Yamato who had already gotten used to the procedure by now couldn’t help but wonder about that. He had expected to see a picture of Hikari next since she had been the one he had been thinking about. Or more exactly he had hoped and wanted to see her. After all she was the reason for him coming back to the Digi-world.

Although his thoughts didn’t cause a picture to show up this time they still seemed to trigger a quite similar effect. While he was still trying to mentally force a picture of her to surface, the circling stopped all of a sudden and before he got a chance to give it a thought everything around him turned black. Somehow he knew that he hadn’t lost consciousness and that he hadn’t gone blind either although he couldn’t see anything but darkness all around him. Carefully he began to search his surroundings for any trace of light and soon he noticed a dark violet curtain to his right. He didn’t even try to imagine where it had come from all of a sudden and why it seemed to just hang in the air for he knew that he very likely wouldn’t be able to find a satisfying answer.

Lacking any other options he walked closer, slowly reached out with his hands and parted the heavy curtains. For a few moments he was blinded by the bright light flooding the darkness from the other side as he stepped through.

After a few seconds he decided to open his eyes just a little so he could at least see where he had ended up now. He blinked a few times as his eyes tried to adjust to the brighter surroundings. However he was surprised that the whole place wasn’t actually as bright as he had expected it to be. The main source of light was a single streetlamp and everything outside of its range was hidden by an impenetrable veil of shadows. But what he could see was enough for him to realize were he was.

Furthermore had the scene, he was about to witness again, happened only yesterday. He felt various different emotions welling up inside of him as he watched the two lonely figures standing under the streetlight in front of the tall apartment building but he decided to watch silently.

He saw himself leaning against the streetlamp with his arms crossed and his head hung low while Hikari who was standing a few feet away near the edge of the light was doing the same thing. For a while neither of them moved or talked until Hikari broke the silence.

“Can’t you at least try to understand? This isn’t easy for me and your being like that doesn’t help me at all.”

He could still feel the anger he had felt back then but like yesterday he kept silent once again.

“I know you avoid making choices in life but I can’t run away like you do. This has been really hard for me and believe me I would have done everything to avoid this but I really don’t see how. I wish I wouldn’t have to choose between my family which had always been there for me and the man I love but I have told you how it is and to be honest you are making the decision for me if you act like that. You just never really try at all, do you?”

Hikari paused for a moment to catch her breath and to give him the chance to respond but he still kept silent. She had probably hoped he would at least fight for her but he did not even lift his head to look at her, and to her is must have seemed as if he had already given up.

“I’m sorry Yamato. Take care.”

She had quickly turned around and he was pretty sure he had seen tears in her eyes in that moment. He had just watched her lithe figure escape into the dark apartment complex but in the very same moment he had also made his decision. Hikari had no idea how right she had been when she had accused him of being evasive about certain things. However she hadn’t known what he had really been avoiding.

Ever since he had been in the darkness of that cave in the Digi-world it had been with him. The others had thought he had escaped the darkness when they had left the cave again but he had never told anyone about the voices. All the years the voices had been whispering promises of success and acknowledgement and he had been tempted to accept them so many times but he had never gone through with it. For all those years he had found excuses again and again so he would not take what they offered but now he felt that he had come to a point were it couldn’t get any worse.

There really was no reason why he shouldn’t take up the offer. At least he could show Hikari and all the others that they had been wrong. He was better than that and he would no longer be the useless, strange boy everybody seemed to see in him.

Even the fear of ending up like Ken was gone. There was no reason why this should happen to him. He knew which powers he was playing with and he knew that the Digi-world was not a game but an other reality. No, he certainly wouldn’t fail like Ken. He would take the power of the darkness and use it as he deemed necessary.

He had finally made his decision and in the very same moment the darkness around him seemed to burst into tiny sharp fragments of black glass. On reflex he closed his eyes and shielded them with his arms but nothing happened.

When he finally dared to open them again he was back in the Digi-world. He turned his head a little only to see Garurumon’s worried face hovering over him.

“You had me really worried for a moment when you just fell over,” his digimon stated in his rough voice.

“How long have I been out?” Yamato inquired quietly as he slowly got into a sitting position.

“Only for a few minutes.”

“Maybe I should stop drinking altogether. It seems I really can’t take it.” Yamato tried to lighten up the mood by joking about it but it didn’t seem to work since his friend wouldn’t give up yet.

“Anything else you want to tell me about?”

“No, it’s nothing but thanks for your concern anyway. We really should get going now.”

Yamato got to his feet a bit wobbly but eventually he got his Digivice out and held it up.

“Where are we going?” Garurumon asked again.

His friend waited for a few seconds until the small device in his hand began to glow in an eerie light before he answered.

“We are going to face our destiny.”

He had barely finished the sentence when suddenly the mere air in front of them seemed to ripple and finally to be torn apart. Both of them just stared at the grey world which had become visible through the breach and listened to the sound of the waves before Yamato grasped his Digivice tightly and made the first step into his new life.

* * *

A.N.: I know it really sucks towards the end but I was running out of ideas and I just wanted to get done with it. You can complain about that but that won’t change much. Sorry, I’m just too lazy. Anyway I’m going to leave it at that. If you want to know how this is going to end you will have to use your imagination.