EVIL, DEMONIC, VAMPIRE MICE FROM HELL
WHO TRY TO TAKE OVER
THE WORLD!
WARNING: THIS IS AN IDIOTIC STORY. YOU HAVE TO BE IN AN EXTREMELY HYPER MOOD TO READ THIS. IF YOU ARE NOT IN AN VERY SILLY MOOD, THEN THE SECRETLY HIDDEN A-BOMBS IN THIS STORY MIGHT ACCIDENTALLY GO OFF AND EXPLODE IN YOUR FACE, CAUSING EXCRUCIATING PAIN AS YOUR SKIN MELTS OFF AND YOUR EYEBALLS FALL OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS, AND HANG BY BLOODY NERVES, DANGLING ABOUT YOUR NOSE.
DISCLAIMER: THE AUTHOR TAKES NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY ADVERSE EFFECTS CAUSED BY READING THIS SLIGHTLY MORBID AND STUPID STORY. REMEMBER, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
It was a beautiful summer evening, with the sun slowly setting over the horizon. The sky was ablaze in the brilliant colors of one of God's most breathtaking sunsets, when TERROR STRUCK! AGHHHHHHHHHH! (Okay, now clam yourselves, It's just a story!)
I had just returned home from a three-day camping trip to find my neighborhood COMPLETELY EMPTY!
Don't panic, I told myself; everyone must have gone shopping at Wal-Mart because they always have LOW, LOW PRICES! EVERYDAY! (Even at three o'clock in the morning for all of you insomniac types out there who are sick of watching Latoya Jackson host those "Psychic Friends Network" informercials on cable TV.! Hey! When you can't sleep, and all is dark and quiet, you get bored very quickly! In case you are wondering, YES! It is 3:45 in the morning. I'm so extremely bored that my imagination has taken a backseat and decided to go INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE! Okay, back to our story....)
With no one in the house, or the entire neighborhood for that matter, I did not worry at all. That was before I saw....... THEM! THEY WERE BIG! THEY WERE UGLY! They had these weird little googely eyes that were bright red and looked a lot like blood! (Euw, Wouldn't it be gross if they had blood tears and they cried all over your nice, white carpet--but then you'd have to clean it up and you wouldn't want to do that would you?) THEY WERE, THEY WERE, mice?
(Now I know what you're thinking--mice? It doesn't make sense! Well I'll let you in on a little secret--IT'S NOT SUPPOSE TO MAKE SENSE!)
At first I ignored them, but then I looked to closer see they all had TWO INCH LONG FANGS! (But from my point of view it looked more like two feet! I mean, have you ever seen a mouse with two inch fangs? I didn't think so.) I realized this could only mean one thing: THEY WERE EVIL, DEMONIC VAMPIRE MICE FROM HELL!
I thought, and I thought. Then I thought some more. I thought for a long time- About 15 agonizing seconds, when it occurred to me--THEY WERE TAKING OVER THE WORLD! (THE HORROR! OH GOD, THE HORROR!)
It was then that I realized that my family and friends had been murdered by those satanic mouses! The worst part was that one of them killed my three cats, Axl, Psycho, and Boysenberry! (Yes, I actually named my cats, Axl, Psycho, and Boysenberry!)
I was angry! I was very angry! I was so angry that I practically tore apart the house in search of a number two pencil! After two hours of frantic searching and cursing, I finally found one underneath my bed mattress! (Don't ask me how it got there in the first place--I am just as dumbfounded!)
I sharpened that pencil RILLY sharp and sought after that mouse who killed my family and friends, and, of course, my poor, defenseless, little baby-cats!
It didn't take long for me to find that monster of a mouse, hiding behind the TV set, and when I did I drove that deadly number two pencil straight through his evil, little mouse heart.
There was only one problem, HE WOULDN'T DIE! Then he started to BITE ME, and that hurt!
"Ouch! Oweeeeeey!" I cried. My little pinky finger was in a lot of pain! This made me very angry. How dare he bite me? I got sot so upset that I RIPPED OFF HIS HEAD! (Sounds like fun huh?)
You wouldn't believe what happend next, he STILL WOULDN'T DIE! (They take a lickin' and keep on tickin'!) His head just FLIP-FLOPPED about, while his headless body ran about in little mouse circles! (It was a sick sight to watch!)
Okay, so this is when I begin to panic! I couldn't kill the sucker, everyone I knew was dead,
and I would be too unless I found a way to destroy these fiends! I thought about sticking him in the blender or the microwave ,but I didn't want to gross myself out too much.
Luckily for me, dawn was dawning. I hoped the sun would char that mini-beast to a crispy crunch, but I never stayed around to find out. I took off early that morning, hoping to find survivors, any survivors, but I didn't have such luck. The entire populace of Utah was missing! (I have a theory though: I think that everyone must have barricaded themselves inside the LDS Temple! Too bad I'm Catholic!)
I soon noticed that there were GAZILLIONS OF THEM! There would be no escaping their twisted wrath! (What's a girl to do?)
I decided that the safest thing for me to do was to move to the moon. Unfortunately, there was one slight problem; I forgot my space helmet!
THE END
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