Quotes
“Beware of any one who say’s there’s no calories , No charge, or let’s just lay down on
the bed and watch T.V.”
-Dourthy on Golden Girls
“The more people I meet the more I like my cat”
-?
“In your endless summer night I’ll be on the other side”
-Hole
“Years go by will I still be waiting for somebody else to understand”
-Tori Amos
“Glory is fleeting but obscurity is forever”
-Napoleon
“People demand freedom of speech to make up for freedom of thought witch they avoid”
-Soren Aaby
“Only two things in life are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure
about the former”
-Albert Einstein
“Reality is mearly an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”
-Albert Einstein
“We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?”
-Bohr
“In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is”
-Jan LA van de Snepscheut
“I believe in singing my favorite songs out loud and I believe that friends should be
friends forever”
-Game face
“He deserves the same treatment he gave his wife, he should be forced to die his hair
blonde, get breast implants, bare two children, then be murdered on the steps of his own
home”
-Lydia Lunch on JO Samson
“I think I made you up inside my head”
-Sylvia Plash
“Don’t let it end like this, tell them I said something”
-last words of Pancho Villa
“The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.”
-Clinton aide George Stephanopolut speaking on Larry King Live
“If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?”
-Will Rogers
“The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C’ the
idea must be feasible.”
- A Yale University management professor in response to student Fred Smith’s
paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found FedEx)
“Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives”
-Abba Eban
“Attention To health is life greatest hindrance”
-Plato
“Plato was a bore”
-Nietzsche
“Nietzshe was stupid and abnormal”
-Tolstoy
“I’m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy”
-Hemingway
“Hemingway was a jerk”
-Robbins
“Nothing is wrong in California that a rise in the ocean level won’t cure”
-MacDonald
“Happiness is good health and a bad memory”
-Ingrid Bergman
“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.”
-Mae West
“Now, Now my good man this is no time for making enemies.”
-Voltaire on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
- Lewis Grizzard
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
- Jeff Foxworthy
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
- Robin Williams
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
- Dave Barry
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
-Marilyn Pittman
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
- Bob Ettinger
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
- Conan O'Brien
"The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner."
- Roseanne
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
- Richard Jeni
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
-Johnny Carson
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
- Warren Hutcherson
"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet."
-Mae West
"Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress...But I repeat myself."
- Mark Twain
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait."
- A. Whitney Brown
Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet,"
- Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
- Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place,"
- Billy Crystal
"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'"
-Elayne Boosler
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence
-I have no idea who said this
Forgive Me Madam, But You Are A Shitty, Shitty Lady
- the guy that does alan partridge
Told to me by Auf Der Maur
"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."
- Told to me by Bionic
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
- Told to me by Bionic
"the light @ the end of the tunnel is just the headlamp of an oncoming train"
-Told to me by LilithPetals
"Only you can convince others that you're an idiot"
-Told to me by mcheerio
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