Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 22)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be
progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same
mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid.
Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are
dickheads. You are quick to reprimand,
impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off
everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are
being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor
influence on your friends and people resent you
for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and
are a general dipshit.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged
determination and work like hell. Most people think
you are stubborn and bullheaded.
You are nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People
like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined
to expect too much for too little. This means you
are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for
thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other
people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You
are always putting things off. That is why you will
always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit.
Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think
you are an idiot Most Leos are bullies. You are
vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is
disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers
and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder.
Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to
your friends and coworkers. You are cold and
unemotional. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult
time dealing with reality. If you are a male you
are probably queer. Chances for employment and
monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All
Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd
in business and cannot be trusted. You shall
achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack
of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch.
Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - DEC 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have
a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since
you have no talent The majority of Sagittarians
are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (DEC 23 - Jan 19)
You are conservative and afraid of taking
risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never
been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself

 

"horoscopes by adam sandler"

KaNDy JuNGLe