this page is dedicated to all of our loved ones, who
are no longer with us.
-=we love you=-
i added a new page, for people
who would like a little more info ~*decisions*~
i had some one close to be die
due to heroin. she wasnt in any "scene".
( i dont understand how in the rave , goth, metal, etc. scene
people are so into getting a fix.....and i know every group does
it....so i am not trying to single any group or style out, but
its true, from living in ny and texas, i have found that heroin
and coke is high in the goth scene, and xtc and ghb and special
k is high in the rave scene. please again dont think i am being
stereo typical, i am speaking through experience, because i see
it, i am not assuming. i just dont understand how people feel
the need to do it.... when people asked me what i liked about
things i had done....i didnt really have a good answer.....i cant
say it made me feel good, cause when i came down from "k"
i got killer headaches, and after a while weed made me paranoid,
and shrooms always made me sick.etc. but why did i do it.?...because
i felt at the time it was enhanceing the good time i was having.
but since i have been sober, man , i'll tell you, i party more,
and i enjoy it more.....there is no better feeling then a natural
high.)
i dont condone (sp?) drug use, all i ask is that people do it
responsibly.
but no matter how responsible you are, you have to ALWAYS worry,
whos hands it was in before it got to you. you may trust the person
you get it from, but think of the chain of people it goes through
before it gets to your "connection".
(please feel free to contact me if
you have anything you would like to share on the page)
(please feel free to leave
a comment as well, but please don't
put your story there, email me for that)
I've been partying since I was about 15 and I just turned 22 so
designer drugs are nothing new to me. But what happened two Christmas's
age changed my life, outlook on life and the way I choose to party
forever.
The first time I ever tried Crystal meth I was 16 and with two
of my close friends Ryan and Jason. Ryan was a couple of years
older than me and Jason a couple younger. It was all our first
time and we had a blast. After that night we snorted or smoked
it almost every weekend, usually in combination with XTC. Since
we lived in a small town in B.C. , Canada the only time we could
get it was at parties so this limited it's availability. For this
reason Ryan decided to start dealing it since he already dealt
pot and sometimes E. This went on thoughout high school.
When I graduated I moved over to Vancouver for school and immediately
attracted a group of friends that parties as hard as I did. One
night after I'd been living away from everyone for about a year
an old friend came over to visit. We dosed two caps and started
remenissing about old friend. We tried calling Ryan but there
was no answer so we called another mutual friend. She was sobbing
on the phone harder than I've ever heard anyone before. Through
her studdering and sobbing she kept screaming,"Ryan's dead,
I can't believe he's dead. He's gone, he's gone forever! I can't
believe he's dead." When she finally calmed down enough to
talk she explained that Ryan and Jason had gone on a week long
meth binder the last she had heard. Then the police had called
her house wonder if she new where Jason was because he was under
arrest for the murder of Ryan. All sketched out Jason had waited
for Ryan to fall asleep and then took a hammer to his face. When
the police found him the hammer was still lodged in his scull
and it took them two and a half hourse to identify that it was
Ryan. The Jason I once new was not capable of such a disgusting,
horible act, but the Jason that meth has turned him into obviously
was. All because he needed a few more points and he new Ryan had
some that he was selling. All of this two weeks before Ryan was
suposed to spin at his first big party.
Now out of the three of us that all tried meth together for the
first time Ryan is dead, Jason's in jail for life and then there's
me. I binged for about a week afterwards because I wasn't mentally
strong enough to deal with it. Then one morning I woke up and
looked it the mirror. My long blond hair was a big matted greasy
mess, I had big blue eyebags, my ribbs were sticking out (a girl
that's 5'5 souldn't weigh 93 pounds) since I hadn't remembered
to eat in days and I just said why? What good will come out of
me making the same mistakes? If I don't at least clean up my own
act it's as though he died for no reason.
I've now been clean for over a year. I still think about Ryan
and miss him all the time but I also have a new found love of
life and I only wish that both,Ryan and Jason could go back and
get the same chance to do things differently. I still go to parties
because I love the music but some extra sleep and three shots
of espresso is all I ever need. Just make sure you're partying
to have fun with your friends because you love the music and not
because you want an excuse to get high.
~*The names have been changed
but the story is true*~
~*from A BC candy kid*~
i've done a lot of stuff in my
past, hardcore stuff, but in small amounts ya know..i always had
control, until i did E..it's weird thinking that i've done so
many "harder" things than E, but that was the drug that
fucked my life up..i had a beautiful, amazing life changing experience
on it the first time, the second time i had a very devasting...i
only did it a total of 4 times, but it was more than enough to
be completely adicked and changed for life..i'm now on serious
anti-depressants and mood stabilizers, partially a result of doing
E i belive. I am now dealing with a very close friend of mine
who is withdraing from Herion and having hard time...i've seen
my friends lose complete control to E, become potheads, and drop
acid like crazy, not to mention, some friends involved with herion...i've
realized that drugs are not a game, YOU can't beat it, no one
can..and why would you want to "beat" something that
you don't need to do in the first place..as of now, i am a changed
person, i still drink moderately, smoke pot occasionally, if it's
around, and do some other things here and there in small amounts..which
i really should be stopping..but it's hard... drugs really are
a dead end..only experience thru yourself or other people will
teach you that..
~*anonymous*~
i remember when muh brother told
meh about one time he was at a party not to long ago and this
girl he had been chillin with through out the party was on sumthin
and well she either passed out or fell asleep and she was like
sorta laying on his lap so a few mins. later when he was ready
to get up he tried to nudge her a bit to get her to wake up but,
she didn't move and he opened her eyes and they were juss dialated-
soo he stood up and tried to yell as loud as he could "someone
get sercurity.. EMS!!!" and mostly everyone was like all
fazed out but someone luckly heard and sercurity came over, check
her pulse, and the cop said "oh my god.." "go call
EMS NOW!" to one of the promoters and soo he (bro) just stood
there, seeing them pick her up and carry her away from everyone
so they could servey her meanwhile asking him (my brother) if
he knew anything lyk wat she was one or wat-so. i guess it was
just an over dose on X or soo the usual.. but i would never forget
that story he told meh that sunday it devistated meh to hear the
way his voice sounded soo scared and shocked.
~*anonymous*~
I had a friend who
was addicted to coke, pretty heavy into it, and Iguess that's
why he started taking prozak (to deal with the depressionassociated
with the abuse), and he kind of went nuts, killed his girlie,
tried to kill himself
and jumped out of his
apartment balcony. . . he's injail now, but drugs like that, ones
that are designed to target specific
chemicals or processes in your body. . . IU think those kinds
of drugs canbe so much more powerful than regular old illegal
stuff. they can driveyounuts quickly, make you hallucinate. .
.some poeple go places and don'tever come back. . .
~*anonymous*~
What's up kyds,n-e ways I live
in Dallas,Tx,My mom and I had a good friend just die from taking
bad X,There is a bad bunch of it going around in Dallas,as well
as Acid,I don't condone the use of either,it's like she said you
don't need it,And she is right ain't nothin like a natural high
with the music pumping through your veins,I am just looking out
for my kyds,If you're gonna do the stuff I woul'nt suggest getting
any thing in Dallas.You may end up DEAD,So party have fun,dance,spin
do whatever just do it smart and safe.
Till next time.
Chris logging out....latter
*/*/** --*/*/**
My cousin, Sarah Jane Prill,
was 25 when she died of heroin last year. It was on the 23rd of December, 2
days before Christmas... she wasn't a drug user, and that's why
it's so bad. She was against drugs, she really hated them. But
her brothers and various other members of my family do deal drugs,
and that upset her a lot. Everyone knows she shouldn't have died.
She got punished for something she did once, that so many people
are doing all the time. She was just our partying that night,
with her brother's friend, a dealer from West End called Eddie.
She was very drunk and ended up going back to his apartment. She
did a £10. wrap and was then left on the sofa while he went
to bed. And when he woke up, she was gone. I just want to warn
people - please don't make the mistake Sarah did, it ruins your
whole family.
12-23-00
my friend died at an
after-party on saturday nite/sunday morning. she was my oldest
friend as far as partyin buddies are concerned. i've hung out
w/ her ever since middle skool. she was really cool, funny, street
smart, but waaaay too heavy into drugs...i've always worried about
her.
i see her out at AV02
at least twice a month. she died from GHB...if any of ya'll do
that shit, i hope to god you stop. this girl was drug smart but
that wasnt good enough. she's gone forever now and i'll miss her
and think about her for the rest of my life. and i vow to never
let anyone around me do that shit.
i was out at an after
party friday nite/saturday morning and i saw a guy givin some
girl a cap. my first instinct was to slap it out of her hand but
i didnt. now if i ever see that happening again, i wont hesitate.
i could save someone's life. i could have saved sam's life if
i had been there....and that shit hurts like hell....
5-14 -01 -"unknown" (she asked
to be left out)
*Randy was 18 when I first
met him at a rave. He was a cool buddy, pretty cute too, and he
was always happy when I seen him, whether he was high or not.
About 2 months later, he became a dealer, so he could have it
any time he wanted. People tried to warn him what it could do
to you, but he usually did what he wanted to do. After about a
year of doing this, after his 19th birthday, something weird just
clicked inside his head. He was still really happy when he was
high, but he got too independant on the drug for his happiness,
and every time after, as E usually does, he went into a depression
that grew deeper and deeper every time he came down off of it.
This wasn't him, not the real him, not the one I knew even just
months before, when he did drugs only on occasion. After parties
when he started coming down, he*d start getting really snappy
to his friends, pushing them further and further away, and then
two days after partying with him, I heard the one thing I never
wanted to hear. I had seen him leave the club at 8 in the morning,
and like usual at that time, he was alone. When I went down to
the local chill spot the next day, I ran into a couple more of
my friends that I had partied with. Friends that were usually
happy, and hyper, and carefree, but this time.. they were crying.
I ran up and asked what was wrong and they could barely even speak
about it. In April of 2000, Randy had gone home, and turned a
gun on himself. My friends had gone to his house after he stood
them up the night before, and Randy's father had sat down and
told them what had happened. The police had already left, and
taken what was left of someone I truly cared about, no matter
how many times he had pushed me away as well. I've seen what drugs
can do to someone, more times then I can count, but Randy*s case
is definitely the most tragic. He had a full life ahead of him,
and it was taken away because of an addiction to one little pill.
There is not a day that goes by that I don*t cry for him, and
there is not a day that goes by that I don*t pray for the people
I know that are already heading down that path. I miss you and
I love you dearly, Randy. I get through the days just knowing
that now you can smile... and actually mean it. ~Cristi~ In loving
memory of Randy.
-1981-2000
*name has been changed, but the rest of the story remains
untouched.
Im a pretty peaceful
guy and for me my local rave scene was always a way to escape
the crazy and often cruel word we live in. There is one night
that changed things though, a night that sort of shocked me out
of my happy little perception of my weekend activities.
I showed up later than normal and was stuck with like a half hour
wait to get in the door, not too bad except the fact that i had
snorted two white euros in the car, at the time I thought that
is was funny I said "look everyone tonight im riding on the
euro rail" haha little did I know what would happen to me
by the time I got in the door.
I hate cutting and I never do it so all my friends just went straight
for the door and I was left rolling my balls of in line with strangers,
just the way i like it. Some guy near me was getting absolutely
like 5 calls every ten minutes and we all assumed he was slanging
rolls, no big deal somebody's got to do it. WellI vaguely remember
him getting into and argument on the phone when we were about
20 people from the door. I don't remember what he said or anything
I just remember he was the only one with a bad vibe in the whole
line, i mean after all it was pumping inside and we were all jonesing
to get to the dance floor. Roughly Five minutes before I would
have been at the door this car pulls up next to the line and the
passenger window rolls down. Our man with the phone walks up and
leans down to talk to whoever is in the car. I think at the time
I was wondering if they were these dealers I knew so i watched
with the detached curiosity that mdma always brings me. The guy
seemed to be emphatically explaining something to whoever was
in the car, for it wasnt anyone I knew, these guys were older
than the kind of people I normally see. well the guy started to
back away from the window and that's when i saw the gun. I wasn't
scared of course cause I was all retarded, pretty much peaking
already and though I saw the gun, threat didn't register in my
brain till I heard the guy go "no! no wait!"
Then, four shots in the chest later the guy fell back into me
and I just caught him, I was so shocked I just drug him back to
the fence and sat down with him leaning against me. In side I
felt like I had just gotten shot in the heart, I felt like I was
going to die. Those feelings of empathy that people always speak
so favorably? theones that come with ecstasy? Well right then
I swear i felt what this guy felt and I had never even talked
to him or seen him till that night.The paramedics and police showed
up and told the security at the door to get the whole line inside
immediately and to not let anyone out. I had to be carried inside.
I couldn't talk.I certainly couldn't walk. For all purposes I
was dead too. in the span of seconds I had been sent from the
purest euphoria to the darkest depths of despair. I was carried
me to the bathroom and soaked my head in the sink. I took off
my white tank top, now completely soaked in blood and attempted
to wash the blood off my hands. it took a really long time to
do this and while I was turning the sink dark with blood, it finally
hit me what had happened. I cried, I wept and then I collapsed
to the floor.That night my fiends had heard the shot and thought
i had gotten shot when they saw me fall up against the fence.
I could tell they were all shaken upjust at the thought ofone
of us dyingand they all pretty much babysat me all night till
the cops started letting people out at about 3 am.
I passed out in the car from what was surely pure emotional fatigue
and didn't wake up till my girlfriend at the time woke me up the
next night. I was pretty twisted for about a week after that.
Kids at school would make jokes about it to try and cheer me up,
but none of them knew the horror that I felt that night Unfortunately
my beloved rave scene is not as wholesome as i would like to have
believed.With the drugs come the criminals and often violence
and death. These are the kind of things that I got into the scene
to get away from but they found me.There's not much anyone can
do to prevent a situation like mine that night but I sure wish
I would have dropped my rolls once I got inside like I always
do. I f there is one thing i learned from that night besides the
power of mdma was that I would forever after that check myself
and my friends to make sure we weren't getting distracted from
the things that were really important to us. We would certainly
neveragain think about getting involved in the business side of
drugs again and that's all I can urge others to do. If you're
goingto usedrugs go ahead and do it safely and in moderation,
but be careful that you don't put yourself in a situation where
evil people have a reason to harm you or someone you love
-jp
KaNDy
JuNGLe