How you think you
behave: You think you are behaving completely normal.
How you actually behave: Like you're
really drunk and really desperate. If you're especially lucky,
you might pass out, convulse, froth at the mouth, crap your pants,
lose consciousness, suffer heart failure and have your stomach
pumped before you really start to embarrass yourself.
Likelihood of getting
laid: 2/10, you think
you are irresistible, but you are really only completely desperate.
You will shag a chair leg if necessary. Nobody will touch you
in this state. Nobody.
How you feel in the
morning: After losing consciousness, you will sleep like a baby.
You probably won't remember what happened unless a nurse or a
cop is there to tell you.
Embarrassment rating: 9/10,
extremely high. However, GHB users tend to prefer the company
of those with similarly low standards which helps to keep everyone's
expectations of the night's events fairly minimal. Who says Darwin
was wrong?
How you think you
behave: Like the beautiful, caring, wonderful person that you
really are.
How you actually behave: Like the
creepy kid at school who always sucked up to the teacher. The
biggest turn off has to be those revolting sweaty hugs you inflict
upon anyone you meet. It's disgusting and so are you!
Likelihood of getting
laid: 3/10, sex is not important, it's all about the "vibe"!!
How you feel in the
morning: Like you should have gone for the sex.
Embarrassment rating: 6/10, ecstasy
makes you say nice things to people that you don't like. This
can be very embarrassing, particularly if people believe what
you say.
Be careful who you give your phone number to, they just might
call.
How you think you
behave: You're not sure, but you think people could be laughing
at you!
How you actually behave: Like
someone just hit you over the head with a 2 by 4.
Likelihood of getting
laid: 6/10, if you spend enough time on the couch, anything
can happen.
How you feel in the
morning: Like another bowl....and the rest of that pizza.
Embarrassment rating: 1/10, you
are moving so slowly that it's almost impossible to do anything
stupid.
How you think you
behave: Like the life
of the party. You are sexy, funny and everybody likes you.
How you actually behave: Like the
lowlife of the party. Your behavior will get progressively worse
as you tell stupider jokes, insult the bartender, spill your drink
and make a pass at your best friend's girl/boyfriend.
Likelihood of getting
laid: 9/10, your sexual standards drop dramatically with
each consecutive drink. If surrounded by others whose standards
are also lowered, then your chances are pretty good.
How you feel in the
morning: Who did I insult? Where is my car? Why did I sleep
with someone from the office? I've never felt this bad before.
This is the absolute last time!!
Embarrassment rating: 11/10,
not only are you stupid, you are sloppy. Everyone recognizes this,
except you.
How you think you
behave: You are smart, irresistible and wan to "do lunch"
with everyone.
How you actually behave:
You may think you are
the walrus but in reality, you are probably the apeman. You are
an annoying know-it-all who would sell his soul for the next line
of blow. Oh yeah, when you saddle up beside those ladies on the
dancefloor and they tell you to "BUGGER OFF," they mean
it!
Likelihood of getting
laid: 8/10, it may be the Jedi Mind Trick but you sincerely
believe you are so irresistible that some clueless and insecure
types may actually fall for it. For men, Mister T jewelry and
a gold AMEX never fail to impress. For the ladies, black lycra
and a trim physique is always useful.
How you feel in the
morning: Like the apeman.
Embarrassment rating: 0-10/10,
as long as there's more coke, you never have to deal with this
problem.
How you think you
behave: You think you are extremely interesting and witty but
in reality you are boring everyone completely senseless with your
never ending monologue on DJs/drugs/your job/school/the dog.
How you actually behave: Your
drug of choice gives itself away with the excessive lip chewing
and incessant chatter you inflict upon any poor sod who happens
to enter the conversation. You are voted most likely to be standing
outside the Club/rave/ supermarket saying "Where are we going
now? I know someone with turntables...."
Likelihood of getting
laid: 5/10, you are not even remotely interested in getting
laid. If you are a man, your penis has shriveled to the size of
a small pickle. If you are a female, you only want to talk. This
will never work. (A word of encouragement: If you actually shut
up long enough to "do it", it may be the longest shag
of your life).
How you feel in the
morning: Exactly the same way you did last night. If you are
like most tweakers, you are probably still sneaking snorts in
the bathroom and pretending this amount of energy is normal. It
isn't.
Embarrassment rating: 4/10, when
"coming down" you will worry that you talked too much
and made an idiot of yourself, which you most likely did. At this
point, you may also start to feel chronically insecure about every
aspect of your life and vow never to do speed again. The best
thing for this is another line. Nuff said.
How you think you
behave: You are not behaving but the world around you is putting
on a pretty good show.
How you actually behave: In reality,
it is you who is putting on the show. The rest of the world is
the same as it ever was.
Likelihood of getting
laid: 2/10, if you actually manage to get through the process
of selecting a mate, removing your clothes and choosing a sexual
position, you will then have to deal with the unexpected challenge
of your partner resembling a furry animal/the devil/your mother.
How you feel in the
morning: Either you are climbing the walls wishing that God
would put an end to your suffering or you finally understand psychedelic
trance.
Embarrassment rating: 0/10, if
you sat on the couch and laughed at Baywatch all night.
10/10, if you climbed onto the roof and tried to fly. (For God's
sake, what moron really believes he can fly on acid?)
How you think you
behave: Like somebody
on "Trainspotting".
How you actually behave: Like the
narcoleptic kid in your history class.
Likelihood of getting
laid: 0/10, "Does he/she have anything I can steal/sell?"
How you feel in the
morning: There's only one thing that's gonna get you out of
bed today. Grand Theft Auto.
Embarrassment rating: 3/10, "Ask
me when I'm outta rehab."
KaNDe
KoRNeR