Fanfiction: In Love With A Lie

In Love With A Lie


By Chibi Hime


This pain, what is it?
Never mind, I know. It's guilt.
I hate guilt. It burns and consumes my inner self
until there is nothing left but sorrow and regret.
Pitiful.
My mind is split in two.
The Realist and The Dreamer.
The Reason and Emotion.
Which am I?
The Dreamer is crying. He cries for something he can never have.
So, am I crying too?
Who cares?
I do.
I shouldn't, but I do.
The Realist tells The Dreamer to be silent.
His cries are disturbing.
"You almost had it!" he cries.
What? What did I almost have?
"You threw it away! Why? WHY?"
What?
"You could have found what you've always wanted,"
That's a lie.
"She didn't care,"
Yes she did. You saw how she reacted when I revealed my true self!
"She was afraid. You frightened her. She trusted you and you betrayed her,"
Trust. Do I trust?
"You wanted to......"
Silence!
"She loved you. Really. We could have had everything we wanted. You threw it away like it was nothing! We could have been one! The Dream and The Reality!"
She didn't love me. I know that. She loved a lie. An illusion I invented.
"You believed your own illusion......"
I betrayed her before I even knew her. I lived a lie for a few hours.
For the first time in centuries I had......fun.
Why do I still think about these things?
None of the others have conversations with their two sides, I'm sure.
"We could have been one..."
I told you to be quiet.
"You seek to silence only your own sorrow,"
Maybe.
"My sorrow is your sorrow. I am you," No. You wear the visage of the illusion I invented.
The Dream has copper skin and dark hair.
His eyes are warm, chocolate brown.
They rest beneath bushy eyebrows.
You are my dream.
A dream that I can never have.
I was a fool to have such a dream.
Why does it still claw at my being?
The dream looks in the mirror and sees me.
Reality.
Roughly seven feet of terror.
Black hide, sharp talons, enormous wings.
Burning eyes of fire, sharp fangs, long, pointy ears and a trio of head spikes.
This is reality. The dream and reality can never be the same.
They are too different.
Why am I tormented by ludicrous fantasies?
I have terrified humans for more than a thousand years.
They would laugh if they knew I was afraid of myself.
However, I have noticed something different since I created the illusion that is Seymour.
I despise mirrors.
With a passion.
They show me what I am.
And what I can never be.
They fill me with guilt.
They show me what I am.
They show me what I've done.
I hate mirrors.
And I hate those snivveling cries that echo in my consciousness.
"She could still.....she could still care," No.
She's gone.
I hurt her.
I hurt people.
It's part of what I am.
Isn't it?
ISN"T IT?
The others do not give a thought to their selfish actions.
Why do I?
Why am I the only one cursed with a dream?
I am ashamed to admit that Emotion, the Dream, is right.
I didn't know I wanted it until it was gone.
It was all a game till then.
I kept my pain inside when she looked at me.
The real me, in that way.
I knew it was coming.
I couldn't keep up the charade.
Part of me wanted to.
The other part longed to be completed.
I gave in to reason.
It was familiarity.
To be complete......
but eternally incomplete.
Life is cruel.
Humans are crueler.
Crueler, I think, than demons.
Demons are loyal to their bretheren.
Humans are traitors.
I am a traitor.
But I am a demon.
Humans can't love demons, they hate us.
Why, then, do I still long to be touched by a human.
Not just any human,her....Jade. Just a hug, nothing more.
She'll never touch me willingly again. I hurt her. She hates me now.
So I retreat to my mind. The dream stopped crying.
He's left me again to the ravages of guilt, Things that can never be, things I've done.
Alone in the dark, I sit, pondering what I am and what I want to be.
I want to be my dream. I want to be my own illusion. Sad. Isn't it? To want to be something that isn't real?
to hate your own body? To want something so bad, you'd do almost anything for it, even at the risk of rejection?
I admit to my pathetic dream.
Why aren't you laughing?
It's quite funny. A powerful demon smitten with the idea of pretending to be something he's not just for affection.
Affection from a human child.
Pathetic, aren't I? The dream and I can never be one now.
I've been too cruel.
But that's why they call it a dream, it's too good to be real. I don't understand myself. I am alone.
Alone with a dream. Painful memories of....her, and fantasies of what might have been.
Now.
Now I finally see the sad truth.
It was I who was in love with the lie.
I still am.
Hopeless.
All Hopeless.
Hopelessly in love with a lie.



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