Reason Ten--
I promised that weekend to the Hell's Angels.

Reason Nine--
I can't coordinate it around my parole restrictions.

Reason Eight--
I'm scheduled to be abducted by aliens that day.

Reason Seven--
That's the day I'm taking the wombat to the vet for his sexual reassignment.

Reason Six--
No, I didn't say I would. That must've been one of my alternate personalities.

Reason Five--
There's a chance you could be the son I gave up for adoption. Yes, I know you're older than me. I was precoscious.

Reason Four--
It would screw up my karma, and I'd rather not be reincarnated as a llama next time around.

Reason Three--
The people in the television like you, but the voices in my head don't.

Reason Two--
Daddy said not to date any more, since the backyard is almost full.

And Reason One--
I checked the tenets of my church, and it's against my religion to date stupid people.