Ares sighed, opening his eyes, then smiled slyly. "Hungry, Joxer?" Joxer frowned. Ares knew that Joxer was always hungry--especially now that he was pregnant. He started to say something, and Ares materialized a plate. "Deviled quail's eggs?" Joxer's mouth closed, and he looked tempted. A shimmer passed over the dish. "With shaved truffles."

Joxer took the plate and started stuffing eggs into his mouth. He paused to shake a finger at his lover. "Are you sure you aren't Strife's father? I could see where he'd get his deviousness."

Ares shrugged, laying back smugly to watch his lover eat. "Not to the best of my knowledge. I'm sorry to disappoint you, love, but really--they got on my nerves. There I was, popping in to give them some of the best news in existence, and they were..." he grimaced, "their usual selves."

Joxer sighed. "Well, at least you told them about the wedding." He was too busy licking a smear of tangy yellow off his thumb to notice Ares' eyes shifting. "Are you going to be bringing them up for the ceremony?"

Ares snorted. "You honestly think my mother and Aphrodite are going to let me go anywhere between now and the time we say 'I do'? Mom wouldn't admit it, but Father has made her wary of any man being able to commit. She wouldn't want to think I'd get cold feet, but the idea is going to be there, lurking. I'm not stepping foot off Olympus. With all the crap Zeus has put her through, I figure she deserves a little peace of mind. And besides, 'Dite is going to be trying to groom both of us to within an inch of our lives. Just put your foot down with her, Joxer--no pink."

"I suppose you're right." Joxer gave Ares one of those smiles, the sort that he still had a hard time believing were directed at him. "That's one thing you and Hercules have in common--you're good to your mothers."

Ares groaned and pulled a pillow over his face.

Aphrodite regarded Ares calmly. "How many different interpretations can you put on that sentence? I have a guest room--he's using it."

"Dite, this is his home. He has a bedroom here--our bedroom. He has a bed here--our bed. I want him in our bed--that's why we're getting married."

"And because you're getting married, he has to spend the night at my place. Betrothed couples are not supposed to see each other for, like, a day before they're married."

"Who the fuck made up that ignoramus rule?"

"I think it was Hera. I think it was something like giving them 24 hours to clear their heads and be sure this was what they really wanted."

"Well, it's stupid!"

"I didn't say it wasn't--I just said it was a rule."

"You can't tell me that all the mortals do this," Ares said stubbornly. Dite started to open her mouth, "And don't give me that 'we're gods, so we have to be held to a higher standard' garbage. As far as I'm concerned, he's already my husband, and he's pregnant, and I don't want to sleep away from him."

There was a genuine note of pain under the irritation in Ares' voice, and Aphrodite softened. "Hey," she said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Ares, calm down. It's one night. He'll be less than a mile away, and he'll be with people who care about him, and will look after him." She smiled. "Bliss is so excited at the idea of Joxer sleeping over. He's already picking out scrolls for Joxer to read to him."

Ares smiled reluctantly. It was obvious that Bliss had hit the jackpot in the grandparent department with Joxer. "Joxer asked you to ask me, didn't he?"

Aphrodite nodded. "I told him first, and he said he could see where family tradition was important, but he just couldn't bring himself to ask you."

"Go home, Dite. I'll walk him over in a little while, okay?"

"Sure." She kissed him on the cheek. "If it's any consolation, when I had to stay away from Heph before our wedding, I destroyed an entire set of bone china. It helped. If it gets too bad, just look for something breakable." She flashed away.

Ares looked for Joxer first in the garden, then in the bathing chamber. Finally he noticed that the door to the small room at the end of the main hall was standing open, and he went there. The room itself was a little bare, sparsely furnished and decorated. War had never entertained much, and he hadn't seen the need.

Joxer was sitting on the bed. His back was to the door, and Ares paused, watching him for a moment. Joxer gestured at the wall before him, and it was suddenly covered in a mural of the sky--bright blue, with puffy white clouds. Ares had to choke back a laugh when he saw that one of the clouds resembled a winged horse, and the other looked a lot like a ship under sail. Joxer gestured again, and a peaceful looking valley appeared beneath the sky, green, dappled by small ponds and stands of trees. Joxer's hand wavered, as if indecisive, pointing at first one section of the wall, then another. Finally he snapped his fingers, and a tiny cottage appeared on the hillside. Then he cocked his head, and just studied the effect. Finally he slowly made a sweeping motion with his arm. The blue sky transformed, becoming awash in pinks and purples, the underside of the clouds gilded gold. A tiny sun could be seen just peeping over the mountain, lengthening the shadows of the hut and trees below. "It's beautiful, Joxer."

Joxer didn't jump, as he might have a few months before. He just turned his head and smiled at Ares. "I figure we'll be keeping the baby with us in our room for at least a few months, but then I thought 'it's never to early to begin decorating a nursery'."

Ares came in and sat beside him, putting an arm around him. "Hera may not know it yet, but she's going to love you." Ares nodded at the wall. "Is this some place you know?"

"Sure," Joxer said agreeably. "Um, I've never actually been there. Uh, and I'm not positive it exists on earth, but I'd like to think it does. This is the place I used to go to when things got really, really bad."

"I thought you said you'd never been there."

"I mean I went there," he tapped his head, "in here." He laid a hand on his chest, "And in here. This was my real home."

"Ah." Ares nodded. "To get away from everyone."

"Oh, no, that's not it at all. Just to get away from the hurt. I would never want to leave the world completely behind--there's too much good, too many good people in it. Look at the cottage, Ares. It's faint, but see, there? The path?" Ares squinted. Sure enough there was a path that began at the cottage's door and wound it's way down the hill, into the valley, and passed into a stand of trees. "You can't see it, but there's a village just beyond those trees. Even in my safe place, I had to have a way to get back to the world." He smiled. "There were still people there who needed me."

"You're talking about this in past tense, Joxer."

"Mm. I haven't gone there for a long time." He put his arms around Ares and looked into his face, eyes soft. "Y'see, I haven't needed it. I traveled all the time; I didn't belong anywhere, but there. That was my home. But now this is my home. I'll never lose that place, because I love it--it was there when I needed it, but I have a real home now, with someone who loves me. That's sort of why I can go spend the night at Aphrodite's. I know you're here, thinking about me, and I'll be coming back."

Ares looked into his loving, trusting face, and sighed heavily.

That evening, Hercules, Iolaus, Xena, and Gabrielle were sharing a pitcher of ale at an inn, discussing the new development in the Pantheon. Well, Xena, Gabrielle, and Iolaus were discussing it. Hercules was still so stunned that he hadn't said much of anything since the ceremony, except, "Joxer?"

"Well," said Gabrielle, "I am just totally flabbergasted. I mean, if they needed a God of Peace... And they did. There were so MANY choices open to them."

This was old ground, and Xena was getting tired of it. "Oh? Like who?"

"Um, well... How about Demeter? The solid, nurturing earth!"

"How the hell peaceful is an earthquake or mudslide?" demanded Iolaus.

"Okay. Um... Gaia! The serenity of Nature! Deep, still glades, quietly flowing streams..."

"Blizzards, tornados, hurricanes..." muttered Xena.

"Um... er... Morpheus, or maybe Hypnos?"

"Nightmares," chorused Iolaus and Xena.

Hercules's voice was a little snide, "Hey, how about Thanatos? Can't get much more peaceful than Death, right?"

Iolaus slapped him on the back. "Finally! I was beginning to worry that you'd never..."

There was a shower of red sparks, and Ares appeared before them. He said curtly, "I'll make this brief. The wedding is tomorrow, mid-morning. Someone will come for you. Gifts optional, but my intended would be thrilled by anything you lot decided to give. By the way--it's Joxer, and he's pregnant with my baby." He flashed out.

There was complete and utter silence from the quartet for a moment. Gabrielle toppled over again in a dead faint. Xena made sure she hadn't cracked her head on the nearby hearth, and dragged her farther away from it, so her hair wouldn't catch fire. She considered dumping a cup of ale on the bard's face to bring her around, but decided she needed a drink a lot more than Gabrielle needed another shock.

Iolaus took a sip of ale and said, "Tell me, Joxer's official vestments are white, but if he's knocked up, is he still entitled to wear white at his wedding?"

Xena snorted. "I'll pay you if you'll ask Ares that question."

"Not a chance." Iolaus looked over at Hercules. "Herk, want to go in halves on a present?"

Hercules stared at him. "Joxer?"

Iolaus sighed. "Crap. Here we go again."

"You heard me, Dad."

"Cupid, it's generally considered to be an honor to be asked to act as best man."

"I know that. I AM honored--I just think that there's someone who'd be more appropriate."

"But Strife?"

Cupid looked up from the arrowhead he was sharpening, frowning at his father. "Dad, don't yelp like that. I nicked my thumb." He sucked a drop of blood off his fingertip, then notices his father's wary expressing, and laughed. "No, don't worry. No sudden change in father-son activities on the way. This isn't spelled yet. Gimme a little credit, huh? Who trained me about weapon upkeep?"

Ares relaxed a little. "Why do you want me to have Strife as my best man instead of you?"

"It'd just be more appropriate, Dad. Bliss, baby, don't touch," he said sharply, when he saw his son reaching for a handful of darts that were laid out on the table.

Bliss tucked his hands behind his back. "Sowwy."

"Strife is visiting with Joxer and Mom." Cupid grinned wickedly. "Go ask Joxer to sing his song for you again."

Bliss clapped his hands, flapping his wings at the same time. "I can? Yay!" He darted out of the room.

At Ares' look, Cupid shrugged. "You know how little kids love repitition, and how it can get on an adult's nerves? Bliss is so obsessed with Joxer's song that it's started to drive Mom nuts. I figure this will help calm Joxer's jitters, and the mischief will give Strife a nice little energy boost. He said that endlessly repeated songs were gonna be a classic. The he started singing some crap about 'I love you, you love me, we're a happy family...' I threatened him with an obsession with Falafel to get him to stop."

Ares grunted. "Occasionally he can be subtle." Cupid frowned at that, and seemed about to comment, but Ares continued. "What do you mean it would be more appropriate?"

Cupid blew out a breath. He hadn't really been sure what he was about to say to his father, so he postponed it for the time being. "It just is. Dad, Strife is your second in command, he's family, and he's a new god. It would be the right gesture to honor him with this position."

Ares gave a grudging nod. "I suppose you're right." He stood up and clapped his son on the shoulder. "I guess I'll go tell him."

Cupid arched an eyebrow. "Ask him, dontcha mean?" Ares looked blank, then shrugged, and left the room. Cupid sighed and went back to his work, muttering, "I gotta have a talk with that man."

As Ares came into the salon, he caught the tail end of the song, Bliss' gleeful treble blending with Joxer's deeper voice. "...he's Joxer, Joxer the Miiiiighty!" Then Bliss crowed, "One more time!"

"No!" It was a near shriek from Aphrodite, then she laughed nervously. "Um, sweetie, you don't want to tire Joxer out, what with his wedding tomorrow and all?"

"Oh, I don't mind," said Joxer cheerfully. "Whatever makes Bliss happy, and..." Strife was giggling, and Joxer caught Aphrodite's 'look'. "Ya know, I AM a little pooped. Some other time, kiddo."

Aphrodite got up. "C'mon, Blissy, and I'll put you to bed."

"Kay." Bliss started passing out hugs and smacking, wet, baby kisses. "Nighty-nite, Gran'pa Res. Nighty-nite, Gran'pa Joxie." Joxer returned the hug, almost glowing with pleasure. "Nighy-nite, cuz Stwife." Strife gave the little boy a big hug, then stood up, flipping him upside down in his arms. He carried him like that over to Aphrodite, and offered the giggling boy. She put her hands on her hips, arching an eyebrow, and Strife chuckled, setting Bliss on his feet. Before he went with Dite, Bliss gave Strife's legs another fast hug, and Ares was surprised to see a fleeting expression of tenderness on his nephew's face. Then Strife gave Bliss a little push, saying, "Ew! Kid spit on my leathahs!" This earned him another giggle from Bliss as the child followed Dite out of the room.

Strife looked at Ares, sitting next to Joxer on a small sofa, and said, "Well, I s'pose you two wanna swap some spit, since ya ain't gonna be able ta for at least another ten, twelve hours. I'll just go, an'..."

"Hold on a minute, Strife." Ares paused. "I want you to be my best man tomorrow."

Strife's jaw dropped. "M-me?"

"Clean your ears. You."

"B-but I thought that Cupe..."

"So did I, but he seems to think that you deserve it."

"Oh." There was a hint of disappointment in Strife's voice as he realized that he wasn't first choice, but then his tone lifted a little. "Cupe said that, huh?"

"Yes, and I suppose he has a point."

"Sure, Unc. I'd be honored."

"Of course you will. Ow!" Ares stared a Joxer, who, arm behind Ares' back, had just pinched the War God's ass--and not in a sexy manner. Ares stared at Joxer in puzzlement, noting the small frown on his beloved's face. "I mean... thank you, Strife."

Strife, for once in his life too befuddled to catch the by-play, nodded. "Sure, Unc. Ya welcome. I... uh..." He grinned maniacally. "I s'pose whippin up a bachelah party is out of the question?" Joxer put his head down on Ares' shoulder, laughing. "Ah, c'mon. A few kegs of Dionysius' best, Etruscan dancahs, a bard ta tell dirty fables, some easily breakable furniture... It'd be fun!"

"You can plan Cupid's next bachelor party," said Ares shortly.

The amusement suddenly died out of Strife's expression. "Yah, there's a thought. I gotta go do best man stuff. See ya bright an' early tomarrah, Unc." The fountain of sparks that marked his passage sprayed up to the ceiling.

Ares blinked. "What crawled up his ass?"

Joxer sighed. "I love you, but you're majorly clueless some times." He refused to elaborate, just telling Ares that someone was going to have to have a talk with him soon.