Tha Birds, an' Tha Bees, an' All That Othah Good Shit
Month Two: Tha Hormones Hit

I finished tha last bite of my roast chicken an' sat back with a contented burp. I eyed my husband, who was watchin me expectantly, a basin in one hand an' a wet cloth in tha othah. "I'm tellin ya, Cupe, ya can put tha spew-pot away. I haven't chucked for two days now--not even when we flashed ovah ta visit Dite."

"Are you sure, Strife?"

"Sheesh. Don't ya want me ta have a settled stomach?"

"Of course I do." Tha basin disappeared an' he handed me tha cloth, which I used ta wipe my fingahs. "It's been making me wince, knowing that you weren't able to keep down much more than dry bread and water for the last month. I was starting to get worried about your health. Asclepius says you need to eat a balanced diet to keep Lump healthy."

"His concept of balanced is a cauliflower in one hand an' a eggplant in tha othah. Ain't gonna happen."

"Look, like it or not, you have to start eating some vegetables."

"Fine. I'll have potatahs."

"They don't count. You should eat carrots, or turnips, or beets instead."

"Tha fuck you say. I say if they all grow undahground, they equal out."

"You make Bliss eat his vegetables."

"That's different--he's a kid, I'm a grown-up... Stop snickerin!! Ya thought I was grown-up last night, didn't ya?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Right. Anyway, I earned my right ta eat whatevah crap I want to now."

"A, not when it concerns the health of our baby, and B, when did you ever eat your vegetables when you were a kid? You kept sneaking them to Cerebus. Hades never could figure out why he had broccoli farts."

I giggled. "I thought they were gonna hafta evacuate tha underworld that time Unc punished me by givin me that pinto bean an' brussel sprout stew. But yah, I guess yer right." I materialized a carrot an' took a big crunch out of it. Around tha mouthful I said, "Ya know, I've been toyin with tha idea of givin sentience ta at least one rabbit. He'd hafta be crazy, of course, but I think he could really drive tha hunters bugs. Whattaya think?"

Cupid rolled his eyes. "Oh, sure, and while you're at it, why don't you make him as big as a man, and able to talk? Then you could do the same thing with... with a duck."

I kissed him. "I know yer tryin ta be sarcastic, but ya really show a streak of genius sometimes."

That kiss was so nice that I gave 'im anothah one. This one lasted a lot longah. I may have mentioned before that gods don't hafta breath if they don't wanna, so we can do some pretty intense lip-lockin. I can kiss Cupe practically forevah. He's got a sweet, spicy taste, kinda like cinnamon-sugah. I dunno, maybe that's just my perspective, but it's what ya might expect tha God of Romance ta taste like.

We took turns explorin each othahs mouths with our tongues. Well, explorin is tha wrong word, I guess. There wasn't a nook or bump on eithah of us that hadn't been fully explored already, so we were really revisitin familiah territory, but hey... we all have our favorite hang-outs. I went ta a few more places where I had recently become a regulah, an' like all regulahs, I received a warm, enthusiastic welcome.

Aftah a moment I rolled ovah on my tummy an' got up on my hands an' knees, wigglin my butt in tha most provocative manner I could, an I could be pretty fuckin provocative. Cupid started ta massage my cheeks, an' I groaned happily as he began droppin soft little kisses on my ass. Damn, I love it when he kisses ass. Aftah a moment I made a quick mental adjustment an' crooned, "Cue-pee... almond flavahed oil."

"You devil," he groaned.

"Ain't that wunna tha new concepts those Jewish guys are talkin about lately? Sounds pretty cool, but a little severe. Needs a sense of humah..." I hadda stop talkin, 'cause I can't really think in a straight line when Cupe has his tongue in my ass. Or ta be more precise, in an' out of my ass. *snicker*

It didn't take long fah me ta get nice an' relaxed an' open. I started chantin, "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon." His hands gripped my hips, an' he moved up behind me. I felt him nudgin at my hole, one fingah slippin inside. "C'mon!"

"Gah, hang on, lover. I'll give you one more." I shoved back, takin his fingahs inta me all tha way ta tha base. "Damn! Okay, okay." Tha fingahs were removed, an' he pressed his cockhead there instead. I didn't give him time ta push in--I pulled tha same stunt I had a minute ago an' impaled myself.

He hissed, an' I heard his wings give a full, hard flap, beatin tha air. I couldn't help grinnin. "Gotcha."

"Oh, Tartarus yeah, you got me!" He pulled back an' thrust again. "And you're going to get me." Anothah thrust. "Again and again and again."

I tipped my hips so that he hit that special lil' place inside me with his next push, then I squeezed. Ya know, when he growls he sounds a lot like his Dad. Anyway, it did what I intended. He started lungin inta me as hard as he could, an' oo, baby! Lemme tell ya, sweet an' gentle is r-e-a-l nice, buuuuut...

We spent a few really good minutes sweatin an' thrashin. It was short, but intense. Cupe beat me, but only by one stroke. Tha feel of his release burstin inside me did it, an' I made a mess of tha sheets, an' his hand. Now, usually aftah this sorta bout I'd spend some time actin like I was parchment an' Cupid was tha world's sexiest paperweight, but not since we found out I'm preggers. Insteada droppin on toppa me he held me around tha waist an' rolled ta tha side, still inside me.

I made some clean sheets so we'd be comfahtable... Well, I'd be comfahtable. I love 'im, but I'm not gonna sleep in tha wet spot. By that time he was reachin up ta pet my face, an' I took hold of his writst an' licked his hand clean.

He sighed an' bit me on tha back of tha neck. "I love it when you do that, but I love almost everything you do."

We dozed off.

I woke up a few hours latah, not sure exactly when. Time's sort of a fluid concept when yer immortal, ya know? Anyway, I noticed that Cupe had rolled onta his back, which was fine by me except for one thing--he hadda pull outta my ass when he changed position. I was empty, an' that just didn't seem right.

I crawled down an' started sniffin an' lickin, but very softly. Cupe sighed an' shifted in his sleep, but only part of him started ta wake up. Luckily it was tha right part. It didn't take me long ta get his cock hard again. I reached back an' fingered my hole. Yep, still nice an' slick--neithah one of us had thought ta clean up aftah that last screw. I got on my knees an straddled his hips, reachin back ta grip his cock.

I slid tha head up an' down my crease, teasin myself, till I pressed it up against my entrance, then I sank down slowly. We both let out deep sighs as his long, thick prick slid up inside me. I'm still doin comparison tests, but I think this position gives me maximum depth of penetration. Anyway, I ground down, cause I didn't want ta miss one teeny, tiny scrap of Cupid, then I started ta rise an fall.

He musta been tired. I was almost finished before he woke up. I was movin at a good clip when he blinked, an yawned. "Insults," I panted. "Nothin but insults. I gotta good mind ta cut ya off... aftah this one."

He grabbed my hips an' started ta thrust up, still kinda slow. "Baby, if I knew you were into necrophilia, I'd arrange for Hypnos to lay a deep sleep spell on me."

I kept bouncin. "Sounds cool. Crepe drapery, lostsa candles, a black marble slab." I came, gushin ovah his belly.

He paused. "Are you all right for me to finish?"

I kept movin. "Don't stop, or ya might just visit Hades early."

He kept fuckin, an' I bent back a little so he'd hit tha sweet spot on every thrust. Aftah a little while he gasped. "I don't believe this! Strife, are you getting hard again?"

I stroked my cock, which was rapidly aproachin full-fledged bonerhood. "Looks like." I reached down an' started ta play with his nipples, scrapin tha little buds gently with my nails. He shuddered, groanin, an' filled me again with his spunk. As he slowed down, then stopped, I said testily, "Crap! I ain't done yet!"

"Don't fuss, baby, don't fuss." He lifted me offa him, then turned on his stomach, foldin his wings so that tha tips kinda framed that glorious ass of his. I took tha invitation at once, spreadin his cheeks ta find that he'd already lubed himself for me. Damn, I got a thoughtful hubby.

I was in a hurry, but I still took tha time ta make sure that he was opened up so it wouldn't be uncomfortable for him. I usedta believe that fuckin had ta involve pain on tha receivin end, but Cupe had patiently convinced me that it didn't hafta be like that. Now when he moaned an' cried out as I fucked him, I knew it was for tha right reasons.

Not only is he thoughtful an' gorgeous, he's hot an' tight, too. Is there any bettah combination? I'd had tha edge taken off, so I fucked him long an' slow. He was murmurin with pleasure, but when I reached undah him, he was soft. "Whassa mattah, hon? Dont'cha love me any more?"

He sighed, "Hades's spades, Strife. It isn't that I don't appreciate you, it's just that it's a little soon for me."

"All right, I'll letcha off this time." I came with a grunt, spillin myself inta his sweet core. I lay on toppa him for a little bit. His wings were spread out ta his sides, and I spent tha time strokin them, straightenin a few feathahs that had gotten disarrayed. Tha aftah times are some of tha best parts.

Finally I got offa him an he pulled me inta his arms. I drifted off ta sleep like that, feelin at peace with tha world. I mean, I was comfortable, I had a cute stepkid who loved me, I had a spectacular husband who loved me, too, an' I had given me a baby, an' I had been sweetly an' thoroughly fucked. It just didn't get any bettah.

I woke up just about dawn. I put a nice windah in tha east side of tha room and watched the horizon startin ta turn pink an' gold. Eos was doin her thang. Tha girl does good work. I turned back ovah, landin on toppa Cupe, an started ta rub against him. He made a small, woofin sound. "Rise an' shine, sweetie. Well, at least rise, huh?"

He peeled one eye open an' looked at me. "Zeus, Strife, again? What's gotten into you?"

"As if you didn't know."

He groaned. "I don't want to say no, but I'm feeling chafed." He pushed me offa him. When I whined he said, "Now, now. I'm not going to leave you stranded." He took hold of my cock an' began ta stroke me, quick an' firm. He knows how ta do it, an' it didn't take me long ta be buckin up inta his grip. I spilled quickly.

While I was gettin my breath back, Cupid stroked my hair. "Strife, you know that I love it when you're horny, which is most of the time, but this is getting a little excessive. I mean, I wouldn't ever want to pass up a chance to make love to you, but even gods have their limits. I'm going to start disappointing you if you don't slow down a little. Seriously, what's got your motor running? I'm not any sexier than I was when we got married."

"Sez you. Yer hottah every day--tha sexiness just keeps pilin up."

"I'm taking you to see Joxer again. Maybe he has some insight about this."

"I'm tellin ya, Cupe, this isn't a problem. Ya got a problem with havin sex with me?"

He sighed an' rolled his eyes. "Let's not talk about this right now."

"Why not?"

"Because despite the fact that I'm planning on taking you to check about your sped up libido, I don't want to risk the chance of getting you pissed enough to cut me off."

Practical, ya know?

We took Bliss with us so he could visit Accord again. He insisted on bringin a ball for tha baby. Cupe an' I told 'im that it would be a long time before Accord was old enough ta play with it, an' he said that was okay, that he an' Mjau could play with it till Accord was big enough. Practical, like his dad. *snicker*

Ares was off on business, an' Joxer was happy ta see us. Well, he's always happy ta have company, unless he's in tha middle of lovin up on Unc. We found him out in tha garden, sittin on a blanket undah a tree in tha shade, holdin Accord.

Bliss scampahed right ovah ta them tha second his sandals hit tha ground. Mjau came boundin out of a clump of irises an' chased him down, nippin at his ankles. I dunno. Maybe with tha wings he thought he was a particularly big dove? Anyway, he wasn't harsh about it, an' he just made Bliss dance an' squeal.

I picked him up for a second. "Calm down, kiddo! Excited is fine, but yer a little too close ta Accord ta get so adgitated."

He calmed down quickly, looking at Joxer apologetically. "Sowwy, Joxie. 'Cord okay?"

Joxer had been lookin a little anxious, but he smiled. "He's fine, sweetie. I know you'd never hurt him on purpose, but you have to remember to be a little careful. Now, come over and talk to Accord."

I deposited Bliss nexta Joxer, an' he held tha baby again. This time Accord seemed ta be payin attention ta him. It was warm, an Jox only had a light blanket wrapped around tha baby's legs. He waved his plump little arms an' batted Bliss on tha chin. Bliss blinked in surprise, then laughed. He looked gleefully at Joxer an' said, "He gonna be like Gran'pa 'Res?"

We all gotta laugh outta that. Joxer chuckled. "Um, well, he has a lot of Ares in him, but I think he's going to be a little less vehement. After all, he is going to be the God of Mediation."

"Yah?" I stroked tha baby's downy head an' crooned, "Oo, you an' me are gonna have dealins latah on, kiddo."

Cupid picked up tha baby an' said, "Bliss, why don't you go and see if you can interest Mjau in that ball? If he's going to be taking care of it for Accord, he should know how to use it."

That got Bliss on tha othah side of tha garden, rollin tha ball on tha grass an' watchin tha kitten chase it, then wrestle with it. It was funny as Tartarus, 'cause tha ball was almost as big as tha cat.

Cupe an' me sat down with Joxer, Cupid hoistin tha baby up ta lay against one big shouldah. He said, "We need to talk to you about a developement. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with Strife's pregnancy, but I'm reluctant to talk to Asclepius about it."

Joxer frowned. "Cupid, if there's anything at all wrong, you have to tell him immediately."

Cupid shrugged, makin baby Accord coo. He took a second ta kiss tha baby's soft cheek, then said, "It isn't exactly that something's wrong, Jox. It's more... more..."

"More like too much of a good thing," I finished for him.

I swear, I almost heard a gear click inta place in Joxer's brain. "Ohhh." He grinned, then looked at Cupid. "Wearing you out, is he?"

Tha God of Love can still blush!

I wanted ta just jump his ass right then an' there, but I'd hafta get him ta put tha baby down first.

Cupid was speakin again. "Don't laugh. When we talked to Asclepius he said that anything out of the ordinary should be reported, and, well..." He looked at me, an' tha blush deepened. Ooo. I felt so sexy. Tired or not, I was gettin inta his leathah pants when we got home. "It's not exactly abnormal. I mean, he's normally randy..."

I blew him a kiss. "I love ya, too, Sweetcheeks."

"...but the last few days he's gone into overdrive. Strife, baby, I love you to death, but my tailfeathers are starting to drag."

Joxer shook his head. "Zeus, this reminds me so much of what went on with Ares and I during the first couple of months of my pregnancy."

I snorted. "Ya don't mean ta say that Unc had a hard time keepin up with ys?" His smile broadened. "Why, you lecherous bastard!" I snickered. "Man, I can't wait ta..."

"I wouldn't advise you to say anything to Ares about this," Joxer cautioned. "He got a little touchy about it. The idea of not being able to fully satisfy his lover didn't sit well with him. He tried." Joxer sighed voluptuously, eyes half closed in fond rememberance. "Oh, boy, did he try! Bless 'im, he was raw after about two weeks."

He shook himself. "Anyway, we came through it, and so will you. This won't last forever. Remember what I told you before, Strife?"

"About my body havin anxiety attacks?"

"Yes. This is part of it. Your hormones are over-active, that's all."

"Hormones?"

"Yes. You know what hormones are, don't you?"

"Tha sounds comin from a room just aftah a tavern wench an' a barbarian go in?"

"Uh... yeah. But there's another definition. Asclepius explained it to me. You know how you have blood and bile and other liquids in your body?" I nodded. "Well, you have hormones in there, too. Hormones are the stuff that contol things like energy--sexual energy included. Well, your pregnancy has caused your hormones to start doing a happy dance. Consequently, you're hornier than a twenty point stag."

I shrugged. "Fine. Good a reason as any, I s'pose."

Cupid looked relieved. "So it's nothing to worry about?"

"No, not really. Strife, your body should settle down in a week or so, but it's going to be awful annoying if you don't find a way to work through it."

Cupid nodded. "Yeah. Uneven sex drives can put a strain on a marriage. Just ask Hera and Zeus." He sighed. "So, what are we going to do? I don't want Strife to suffer."

"You could do what we did, I suppose. Wait just a minute." He got up an' went inta tha temple. I took tha baby. I figured I'd bettah start ta get used ta dealin with an infant. How hard could it be?

*looks around* Did ya hear that? I dunno, it sounded kinda like tha Fates laughin their asses off.

Joxer was back inna minute, carryin a wooden box. He handed this ta Cupid. "This should help." Cupid opened it. Did I tell ya he could blush? Ya wouldn't think it would show so much with his tan.

"What?" Joxer took tha baby, an' Cupid silently handed tha box ta me. I peeked inside. It was lined with black velvet, an man, ya shoulda seen what was layin on that velvet! I reached out an' touched it with one fingah tip. "That is so realistic. If it wasn't for tha colah, I'd expect it ta get biggah when I touched it, not that it isn't plenty big enough as it is."

It was a cock. Uh-uh, don't get all green an' squeamish. Unc doesn't collect those kinda trophies. No, it wasn't a real one--it was gold.

"I asked him why he didn't go for brass instead, but he said nothing but the best for me." Joxer pointed. "Look at the base. You can unscrew it and fill it with hot water to warm it. He's so thoughtful. Anyway, you can use this as a stop-gap till your hormones settle back down. You'll be satisfied, and Cupid can get a little rest."

I ran my fingahs ovah it again. "Joxer, you are a lifesavah."

"Don't get too attached--I'll want it back. That's a very important part of our toy collection."

Cupid looked at the golden cock, interested. "Um, Strife? Do you think that you might... I mean, maybe tonight you could..."

I grinned at him, closin tha box. "Showtime."