Tha Birds, an' Tha Bees, an' All That Othah Good Shit
Month 3: Cravins--Two Different Kinds

"I have a favor to ask."

I eyed Unc. "Favah as in 'I owe ya one'?"

He scowled. "I suppose so."

"I'm listinin." Hey, havin tha God of War owe me? You damn betcha!

"First, are you feeling all right? Nausea hasn't come back, has it?"

"Nah, I'm fine." I grinned. "Specially tha digestion."

"Good. I just wanted to be sure that you were all right before I asked."

I watched him. "Ya got somethin strenuous for me ta do? Is it that border war ya started last week? Ya need someone ta take care of tha fringe elements?"

"No, it's not that, and it shouldn't be physically stressful, especially with Cupid here to help you."

"It's gonna take botha us? What is it?"

"I just want you to watch Accord for me."

"Ya, sure. What time dya want me ta come ovah?"

"I don't. I'll be bringing him here."

That surprised me, but then again, Accord was almost four months old now. I s'pose they hadta start takin him out sometimes. "Okay." I wiggled my eyebrows at him. "So, ya figgerin on takin Joxie out ta paint tha town?"

"No. I'm figureing on staying at home with him."

"Aha! Ya want a little quality time with yer sweetie, huh? I can understand that."

"Understand this--I want a lot of quality time with him. You're keeping Accord overnight."

My jaw dropped. "Ovahnight? Entirely ovahnight? Ya mean like sunset ta sunrise?

"More like sunset to high noon. I intend to fuck Joxer so hard and long and so many times that neither one of us is going to be able to be easily upright before then."

"Unc!" Eh, so it was pretend shock. I couldn't let that pass, could I?

"I don't want to dim the future for you, Strife, but you might as well know right now--if you have a new baby in the house it can sometimes play havoc with your sex life. I love Accord with all my heart, but sometimes he makes loving Joxer physically, whom I also love with all my heart, a little difficult." He sighed. "That child could very well be the God of Mistiming. He hasn't quite learned the art of sleeping through the night. His feedings are getting a little farther apart, but I haven't had an uninterrupted blowjob for weeks, and fucking is entirely out of the question. The one time we tried, Accord got a colic bubble just as I was about to slam it home." He leaned toward me an' said confidentially, "You know, they don't actually turn blue, but it sure feels like it."

"Say no more. I know Cupe won't mind, an' Bliss will... Well, he'll be blissed."

"Cupid won't mind what?" My big, beautiful blonde strolled inta tha room, wearin Bliss around one leg. He barely limped.

"Watchin yer brothah ovahnight."

"Cord?" Bliss squealed. He let go of Cupe so that he could dance around tha room. I made a note ta speak ta Terpsechor about givin him lessons, if he was interested. Dancin was bound ta be an asset ta tha God of Happiness an' Joy.

"Yes, baby, Accord. Sure, Pops, bring him on." He gently disengaged Bliss, saying, "There's ink and parchment and a new quill in your room. Why don't you go make a picture?"

"Yeah!" He hurried ovah an' hugged Ares an' me. "I draw a picture of 'pollo's temple, 'kay?"

"Um, sure, kid, if that's what ya want." Tha horses I coulda understood, but whatevah he wanted was fine.

He ran off. As soon as he was gone Cupid shook a finger at Ares, smilin, and said, "If you're planning what I think you're planning, you'd better take some precautions unless you want Joxer to give Accord a baby brother or sister right away."

Ares shuffled. "Actually, for what I have planned, I'd better take precautions for both of us."

Cupid blinked. "More than I needed to know, Dad."

I elbowed him. "C'mon, Cupe. I think it's cute. I mean, ya ain't prejudice 'bout who's on first when we get tagethah."

"I know, but it's just a little startling, thinking about Dad... Strife, doesn't the idea of your Mom having sex give you just the least little... uh... squiggle?"

"Cupe, my Mom is Dischord, 'kay? Mayhem an' chaos is her stock in trade, an' sex pro'lly isn't too much different. Have ya seen tha way Auto walks sometimes? I've gotten useta squiggles when I think 'bout parental indulgence."

"Much as I enjoy the idea of family therapy..." Ares started.

"If yer buckin ta add God of Sarcasm ta yer roster, Unc, I gotta warn ya that I have it sewed up."

"I'll be right back with Accord--if I can pry him out of Joxer's arms."

Cupe frowned. "Pops, if he isn't ready..."

"He's ready. He's already agreed. I'm just anticipating a little first time seperation anxiety. If all else fails I'll have to resort to the secret weapon."

"Ya mean...?"

"Yes." He materialized a peacock feather. "Tickling."

FLASH!

I looked at Cupid. "Damn, he's serious about this."

"Let's go see what Bliss is up to. I have a sneaking suspicion that a good bit of that ink is going to end up on Bliss instead of the paper."

"You g'wan. I'll be right there." I watched him leave, then reached undah tha mattress. I came up with a handful of crumbs. "Crap. Ya'd think that fruitcake would hold up bett'rn that." That tore it. I decided that from now on, if someone had a fruitcake durin a seige they'd have a hard time decidin between eatin it an' usin it in tha catapults ta crack enemy skulls.

I ate it anyway. I'd been goin nuts, thinkin about that slab undah Unc's butt. Well, technically undah tha mattress undah his butt, but as bad as I wanted that cake, it wouldn'ta made much difference. Unc had showed up unexpectedly (well, duh. Was there any othah way?), an' I didn't have enough ta share, so I had ta hide it, quick. Then Unc sat on it.

I hadda wait till Cupe was outta tha room because he'd been gettin downright unreasonable about my diet lately. I love him, but I was about ta scream from all tha healthy crap. I'd already put a curse on spinach--every kid from now on is gonna hate it.

I was lickin tha last of tha crumbs offa my fingahs when Cupid came back in. "I was right--he looked like one of those savages from that land Ceasar conquered awhile back--Britain, is it? His face was half blue." He eyed me suspiciously. "Why do you look so guilty?"

"Do I need a particulah reason, with all tha crap I pull in my line of work?"

"Mm." He came over an' gave me a big, deep kiss. "Ah-ha! Citron."

"You sneak!" I yelled. "No fair kissin just ta bust me. Besides, it was fruitcake, okay? Yer always aftah me ta eat fruit."

"Not when it's held together by a pound each of sugar and butter, and..." He grabbed me an' did tha kiss thing again. I was breathless when he lifted his head, but he kinda spoiled tha moment by sayin, "and spirits!"

"Aw, geez, don't start! I gave up wine, didn't I?"

"You can have a little ale."

"Bleh!"

He blinked. "Excuse me, did you just say 'bleh' to ale?"

"Yah. Nasty stuff."

He felt my forehead. "Sweetheart, are you sure you feel all right?"

"I'm fine, except for this freakin diet. You have turned inta such a Nazi about it."

"Nazi?"

"Ya won't udahstand for a coupla thousand years, but trust me--it fits."

"Well, I had to do something. Honestly, your food choices had gotten so bizarre."

"Whattaya mean?"

"There was the banana phase."

"Bananas are good for yah."

"Not for every meal and in-between meal snacks for three days, they're not."

"That wasn't all I ate."

"That's right--you did slice them and pour milk over them once. Then there was the fish. What was up with that?"

"Anothah healthy choice."

"Sure--when they're cooked."

"I learned it from wunna those Niponese spirit foxes. He was consultin me in a professional capacity."

"If I knew he was inciting you to eat raw fish I would have tied his bushy tail in a knot. Bliss tried to swallow one of the goldfish out of Joxer's pond after he saw that. What about the snails?"

"Got tha recipe from wunna Unc's mercenaries from Gual, an' I cooked 'em."

"I don't care. If it squishes when you step on it, it shouldn't be considered protien."

I crossed my arms, tuckin my chin. "I can't help it.

" Cupid sat next to me an' hugged me. "I know, babe. It's the pregnanacy. Dad had to keep a full pickle barrel in the temple while Joxer was carrying. He also developed an addiction to deep-fried pig skin. Boy, did it smell strong around there."

I perked up. "Deep-fried pig skins? They'd get real crunchy, wouldn't they?"

"No, Strife."

I put tha whine in my voice. "Hon-eyyy..."

"One batch. I'll have Dad ask Joxer to whip some up for you when he can walk straight again."

Ares appeared with Accord cradled in his arms an' two bulgin bags at his feet. I went ta him an' took tha baby, glancin down. "I thought ya were stayin home, so why are ya packed?"

"What packed? This is what Joxer figures you'll need to take care of Accord for about fourteen hours." He started tickingoff on his fingahs. "Diapers, shirts, blankets, salve, powder, nursing flasks, special formula, teething ring..."

Cupid looked surprised. "He isn't teething yet, is he?"

"Not yet, but Joxer believes in being prepared. Scrolls in case he wants to be read to, a rattle in case he needs to be amused, booties in case his feet get cold, miniature portraits of Joxer and I incase he gets lonely for us... a-n-d aproximately sixty or so other things I couldn't identify. Look, I have to go, or Joxer is going to start without me."

Flash!  I chucked Accord undah tha chin an' cooed, "Yer Daddy's gonna get some, kiddo--both of 'em."

"Strife..."

"Hey, it's important for a kid ta know that his parents have a lovin relationship. Isn't it, boogah?" I made a face at tha baby. He smiled. "Cupe, look! He likes me!"

Cupid sat by me an' put his chin on my shouldah, watchin tha baby. "Of course he does. He's no fool--he knows 'lovable' when he sees it."

"He does?" I looked at Accord. "Don't worry, sweetcheeks. Hephastus does these things called 'spectacles' that should help."

FLASH!

Ares, very naked an' pretty damn ticked off, was standin there. "Uh, Unc, didya forget somethin?"

"Yes, I did." He dropped Mjau on tha bed, an' rubbed his ass. "I forgot that Joxer's cat can't resist a moving target."

FLASH!

"Oh, shit! Take tha baby, take tha baby!" I handed Accord off ta Cupid an' spent tha next coupla minutes rollin on tha floor, bein hysterical.

"Strife, that isn't funny!"

"Yah, it is, trust me! Tha balls--maybe that woulda deserved just a wince, but tha butt? Laugh-city!"

Cupid rolled his eyes, but I could see that he was fightin a smile. "Come on, Accord." He stood up, cradlin Accord in one arm, an' scooped Mjau up with the other. "We'll take Mjau in to see Bliss while your Uncle Strife gets himself under control."

I called aftah him, "But I'm no fun when I'm controled." As soon as he disappeahed I materialized a big chunk of mint flavahed rock candy an' started slurpin it. It was good, but it wasn't quite what I wanted, so I set it aside an' tried some herbed goat cheese. That wasn't right, eithah, so I tried some almond-stuffed candied figs, an' that wasn't quite right, so I thought about those pickles Joxer had liked, an' then I tried smearin that goat cheese on tha pickle, then rollin it in that crushed rock candy.

"Strife, what are you eating?"

"Nuffin."

"'Nuffin'?'" Cupid, Accord cradled in one arm, strode ovah ta me, grabbed my jaw an' squeezed. My mouth popped open. Cupid leaned back real quick. "Zeus!! What are you trying to do to yourself?"

"It sounded like a good idea at tha time."

"Baby..."

"Look, Cupe I know it's bad for me, but I can't help it! Ya been lettin me have nothin but heathy stuff for, like, two months now. I'm goin crazy. I gotta have some junk food. I mean, I half lived on it mosta my life, I can't just stop."

"But this uncontroled scarfing can't continue. Even if you weren't pregnant, I'd be worried."

"If I could just find tha one thing that would satisfy me, an' I could have a little every day, I could handle it."

"You think that there's one thing that will satisfy you?"

"I think so. Every time I try somethin I think 'That ain't it.'"

"We'll ask around. One of the gods or goddesses is bound to be able to help us figure this out."

"Ya think? I haven't exactly noticed a trend toward infallability around Olympus, no mattah what tha mortals think." I crawled up ta sit nexta Cupid. "So, where's tha Spawn of War an' Peace gonna sleep tanight?"

"I'll zap him up a nice little cradle next to the bed."

I smiled. "Ya do realize that if ya do that, yer gonna hafta let Bliss sleep with us, like he's been askin?"

He frowned a little. "I don't see why."

"Hello? We don't have a God or Goddess of Jealousy yet, but if we did, that situation would generate a lot of energy for 'em."

He sighed. "I guess you're right. I suppose he can sleep with us tonight. That means..."

I made a kissy face at him. "That means nunna that. Now dya undahstand why yer Dad wanted us ta babysit?"

[[Don't ask me how I know this happened, 'kay? Just be glad I managed ta get it for ya, ya perverts. Zeus, I love yer dirty minds...]]

FLASH!

"Honey, we forgot to send Accord's stuffed Pegasus with him. Maybe you could flash on over and OOF!"

Ares had landed on top of Joxer. "No, I will not make another trip over there. Bliss has several tons of toys he can share, and Accord can't even hold the Pegasus yet."

"But he likes to look at it."

Ares straddled Joxer, who was also naked. He made sure their cocks were lined up, then started humping. "If you still want me to do it in five minutes, I will."

Joxer sighed, beginning to undulate. "Ooo, you don't play fair."

"Not about this. I'm starting to feel like one of Rome's fucking Vestal Virgins."

Joxer bit him lightly on the shoulder. "The whole point about Vestal Virgins are that they are non-fucking, and you, thank Zeus, in no way resemble a virgin. Can I have a beard massage?"

"Perfect start." Ares gave Joxer's neck a quick, sucking kiss, then rubbed his face against it. He moved down to his shoulder, then to his chest, stroking him with his beard. Joxer squirmed and moaned as he brushed it across his nipples. When they had risen to stiff peaks he spent a few moments licking and nibbleing the little buds, then continued down.

Joxer giggled as the hair tickled down his abdomen, especially when his lover paused to dart his tongue into his navel. That got such a good reaction that Ares held his hips down and tongue fucked the little dimple till Joxer was helplessly laughing and tugging at his hair. He didn't stop till he felt a warm, damp nudge under his chin, announcing his husband's thorough arousal.

Ares moved over fractionally and nipped at Joxer's twitching abdomen. Joxer was trying to push his head down, and Ares said, "Babe, don't be in such a hurry."

"I just thought you might not want to... there..."

Ares looked up the length of Joxer's slender body. "Baby, are you still worried about that? I told you--you got your figure back." He stroked the smooth skin of Joxer's belly. "And you don't have stretch marks. That salve Dite gave you worked wonders, and I sure as hell enjoyed rubbing it into your skin every day. We'll have to make sure that Cupid and Strife get some of that. Anyway, you aren't as sexy as you were before you had Accord."

"I'm not?" Joxer's voice was tiny.

"No." Ares grinned. "You're sexier."

"You!" Joxer slapped at him, but he was grinning, and Ares ducked.

"I can't help it. Strife and I are related, you know. Now, where were we? Oh, I remember now. Your dick was bumping me under the chin." Ares scrubbed his way down, then stroked up and down the length of Joxer's rigid prick with his beared cheek.

The giggles were mingled with gasps now. "Ares, please..."

Ares gripped Joxer's cock, let his moustache tickle the slick head for a moment, then took it between his lips and flicked his tongue over it. Joxer groaned and pushed forward. Ares didn't hold him this time, but let Joxer begin to slowly and gently fuck his mouth. Ares relished the taste and feel of his lover for a moment, then pulled off. When Joxer whined in complaint, he said, "Hold on, just a second, darlin'."

He moved up till he was straddling Joxer's chest, then took his hand and pulled it around behind him. Joxer felt his fingers guided up into the narrow crease of Ares's ass, and he felt slickness. "Open me up," Ares whispered. "I want you inside me the first time we make love tonight."

Joxer murmured his approval, and slowly sank one finger deep into his lover's anus. Ares bit his lip. He wasn't the passive partner as often as Joxer, and sometimes it took him a little while to relax enough, but he loved it. Joxer, despite his complaint a moment ago, was gentle and patient. While he worked a second finger into Ares's tight back passage, he leaned forward and kissed and licked his lover's weeping cock. Ares moaned happily as Joxer swept his tongue into the tiny slit, gathering the clear pre-come that oozed from it.

When Joxer found and stroked his prostate, Ares quickly gripped his own cock at the base, closing his eyes and gritting his teeth in concentration. "Love?" whispered Joxer.

"Not yet. I want you inside me when I come."

"Then let's not wait any more."

Ares moved off him and got on his hands and knees, spreading his legs wide. "Fuck me, Joxer," he said hoarsely. "I need you so bad."

Joxer moved up to kneel behind him. "Need you, too, 'Res." He spread Ares's taut butt-cheeks, bent, and kissed the slightly loosened pucker. Ares whimpered as he felt his lover's tongue slide into him. Then Joxer straightened, pressed his glans to the slick opening, and slowly slid into the the tight, welcoming flesh.

Ares shuddered, and Joxer rubbed his back, whispering, "Okay, 'Res?"

"So good, lover."

Joxer held his hips and began to fuck him with long, slow strokes. "No one like you, 'Res. No one in the world or on Olympus like you."

Ares thrust back to meet his strokes, relishing the fullness and heat of Joxer's cock plunging into him. As he had many times before, he assured his lover, "Only you, Jox. No one else but you has ever had me like this, no one else ever will." Before they came together, Ares had taken many lovers, both male and female, but he had never allowed another man to mount him--he had never respected and trusted one enough to offer that final intimacy. It had been awhile before he had felt comfortable enough with his love for Joxer to take that step, but when he had, he hadn't regretted it.

Joxer released his grip on one of Ares's hips and reached under their moving bodies to find and grip his lover's lust swollen cock. He began to stroke him--a little roughly, like Ares preferred. With his other hand he pressed down on Ares shoulders so that he dropped to his elbows. As he had anticipated, this tilted his lover's pelvis so that Joxer's cock scored a direct stroke across his prostate with every thrust.

Ares cried out, eyes squeezing shut, and began to buck back against Joxer frantically. Joxer increased the speed and strength of his strokes till he was smacking fiercely against Ares's butt, stabbing into him deeply. Ares's voice rose in a yell as strong as any he'd ever uttered going into battle, and he came, pouring his seed over Joxer's quick moving hand.

Joxer suddenly jerked out of the tight clasp of Ares's body and sprayed his own come across the quivering, pinkened flesh of Ares's ass. They both collapsed, winding into a panting, sweat slick, come sticky tangle of flesh. When he could speak clearly again, Ares said, voice joking, "Why did you pull out? You know I love feeling your come inside me." "Because," Joxer gestured at two goblets sitting on their night stand. "we got so preoccupied that neither one of drank the potion to prevent conception." He reached behind his husband, playfully dipping one finger into his still relaxed asshole. "And a year at a time of changing dirty diapers is all I want, thank you very much."

"Huh."

"One of us has to be practical."

"Mm. Well, let's drink it. We'll have a few minutes of napping, then I'll practically fuck you through the mattress. How does that sound?"

Joxer kissed him and grinned. "Sounds like a plan to me, and I guess Acord can do without the Pegasus for one night."

Bliss bounced inta tha room, carryin a parchment. "I done." He climbed up on tha bed with me, Cupe, an' Accord. Mjau trotted aftah him, then found a chunk of that goat cheese I'd dropped earliah. I blinked up a big littahbox for him on tha far side of tha room. He was gonna need it latah.

"Lemme see tha mastahpiece." He handed it ta me. I was expectin tha usual kid drawin of a temple. You know--a rectangle with a triangle on top, a square for a door, an' sticks in front for columns. Instead it looked like a big rectangle with lots of lines an' squares in it. "What's this, kiddo?"

"That's 'pollo's temple. See?" He started ta point. "That's the front door, an' that's the back door. Here's the alter, an' here's where the priests sleep, an' here's the treasure room, an' here's that funny hidey-hall that goes from there to outside, an'..."

"Hold it." I looked closer. "Hidey-hall?" I showed it to Cupe. "Cuz, tell me that's not a floor plan, an' that's not a secret passage."

Cupid looked close, then said, "Sweetie, this is kind of an unusual picture. What made you decide to draw it?"

"Auto ast me."

Cupe an' me exchanged looks. "He did, huh?"

"Yeah. I told 'im 'bout how I found the hidey-hall the last time I was playin' hide an' seek from 'pollo's priests."

Cupe looked at me. "Don't blame me. I just told tha kid ta amuse himself if he got bored while Shine Boy was watchin him." I grinned at Bliss. "Tell ya what, Sweetpea. Next time ya see Auntie Eris, ya give this ta her an' tell her just what ya told us."

"Will she give it to Auto?"

"Oh, she'll give it to Auto, all right."

FLASH!

"Hello, dear."

"Granma!" Bliss scrambled down an' went ta tug at Dite's scanty toga. "Come see! Cord is spendin the night."

She came ovah. "I know, dear. I was just over to his daddies' temple to visit the baby and he wasn't there. Ares told me where to go." She arched an eyebrow. "Very colorfully, I might add. There he is!" She bent over ta kiss tha baby's head, cooing ta him.

"I'm glad you're here, Mom. We need to ask your advice."

She sat down, a chair materializin undah her butt before she could fall. "Ask away, dear."

"It's Strife's diet, or rather lack of a diet. He's been gorging on the strangest things."

"I don't wanna hurt Lump..."

"Lump?" she asked.

Bliss patted my tummy. "Lump."

"Ah, yes. Of course."

"Anyway," I continued. "I can't help it. It's like I gotta have somethin, but I don't know what it is, an' I can't have any peace till I find it. If I could just figure out what it was an' get a little of it when I needed it, I could handle tha othah *shudder* healthy shit."

She studied me. "Mmm. Well, since you asked me, I may be able to help. I do know of one particular food that is the most soothing, uplifting, satisfying thing I can think of. It's my own invention, and I haven't revealed it to the world yet."

"Why not?" I asked, curious.

"Because this is powerful stuff, Strife. If it fell into the wrong hands..." She shook her head. "It can bring people together, or tear them apart. The first by the gifting and accepting, the second by... Well, let's just say that there are going to be people who will not take kindly to being deprived of it by anyone else."

Cupid looked worried. "Are you sure we should try this?"

"It's harmless, darling, and I think it will do Strife a lot of good, so I'm going to go ahead and supply him. Strife, I'm only going to give you a limited supply of this each day--when you eat it, that's it."

"Okay, I can do that. As long as I have some of somethin that will satisfy these cravins at least for a little while."

"All right." A box, wrapped in gold paper, appeared on her lap, an' she handed it ta me.

I opened tha box. There were a lotta little dark brown lumps nestled in little parchment cups. At first they looked like somethin that woulda been dug out of Mjau's box. Well, not aftah tha goat cheese, but ya know what I mean. I sniffed it suspiciously. They smelled good, anyway. "What are these?"

"Truffles."

I wrinkled my nose. "Ya mean those fungus things pigs dig up?"

"No, dear. I just call them truffles because they look a little like those others. Try one."

I gingahly picked one up an' took a nibble. My eyes got as big as plates. Tha most incredible taste spread through my mouth--sweet an' rich. I took a bite, then anothah. I think my eyes rolled up in my head. I heard Cupe say, "Mom! What are those things?"

"They're made out of chocolate. They trigger feelings that are a great deal like joy and love."

"And sex. He gets that expression on his face when he has an orgasm. Strife?"

"Open yer mouth."

"Strife, I..."

"Open yer mouth, Feathahs." He did. I popped one in his mouth. "Chew." He did. I saw tha look spread ovah his face. "If yer real, real nice ta me, I'll share it with ya sometimes." I picked up anothah one an' started ta eat it--slowly. "Thanks, 'Dite. Ya saved my sanity, if not my life. Would ya like a partner when ya get ready ta release these? I got some suggestions--nuts, cherries..."