Scribe's POV

It was decided. I was going to be Lois Lane's roommate for the duration. Lois fixed me a sandwich while she and Superman debated the possible positions I could handle at the Daily Planet. There seemed to be no doubt in their mind that I'd be hired.

Sounded right to me. After all, the only unemployed in this universe were the comic or sinister hobos (who actually rode freight cars), or the noble, down on their luck families who were about to rise back to respectable middle class status by some act of heroism or strike of good fortune. Probably couldn't even find an Unemployment Office here or in Gotham. And I figured Gotham had to be around here somewhere, along with Smallville.

I scarfed the food eagerly, wondering how many calories interdemensional food had, and deciding that I didn't give a flying frig at a rolling donut. Lois watched me, amused. "It's nice to see another woman with an appetite, for once."

I burped as discretely as possible. "Don't tell me they've gone into tofu and rabbit food and mineral water over here, too? Damn, is no universe safe from the Diet Nazis?"

Superman scowled. "Is this a new group? They'll have to be put down at once! Fascism is dangerous, and..."

"Relax, oh Spandex Coated One. It's metaphorical, like the fashion police." He looked blank. Lois was giggling, and I looked at her helplessly. "You know, 'Halt! Those shoes don't go with that belt! Up against the wall and spread 'em, you magnificent brute, you'"

Total bafflement, but Lois was holding her sides, turning pink. I do love a good audience. "As Emily Littella said, 'Never mind.' It was a joke, right?" I smiled at Lois. "Ya know, there aren't too many people in my own universe who can keep up with me. I'm considered a bit odd."

She smiled, stifling the giggles. "A little exotic, maybe. Superman, you ought to go now, and let me get her to bed. I'll take a personal day tomorrow to help her get situated."

"Okay, Lois. Good night, Miss."

"Flights of angels sing thee, and all that good garbage."

"Uh, yes. Lois, say good night on the balcony?"

They stepped out onto the balcony, half shutting the glass door behind them. I discovered something, then. This universe had some of the Comic Laws of Physics in operation. In other words, even though the balcony was dark, and the room was lighted, I somehow could see their silhouettes cast on the curtains. He awkwardly grasped her arms, and gave her a kiss.

Not the same type of lip lock he'd laid on me, I noticed. A hell of a lot more restrained. Perhaps, I mused, Miss Lane was aware of certain, more effective defense tactics than I was. If I remembered my old comics correctly, I certainly had the impression that she knew the value of a properly placed knee. After the kiss, she patted him on the head. Then she pinched his butt. I had to make a physical effort to bite back a comment about 'Buns of Steel'. I was beginning to think that I might escape this situation physically intact, but be reduced to a state of tittering non-lucidity by the sheer oddball nature of what was going on. I've always loved camp, but I never expected to live it.

She came back in and dropped down on the sofa beside me. "So..."

"Yup. Uh, thanks for the invite."

"No problem, I'm happy to do it. In fact, you're doing me a favor. I can afford the rent on this place by myself, but just barely, and, well... Look, I don't want to speak ill of those who aren't here to defend themselves, but my last roommate was a whiny little bitch, and I was glad to see her go, but I don't like living alone. You seem like you'll be fun."

I rubbed my toe on the carpet in my best Hoss Cartwrite manner. "Aw, shucks, ma'am."

"Okay. You go take a bath, and I'll get your room ready."

I was relieved, very relieved, to find that there was a toilet in the bathroom. I'd been wondering. I mean, they sure as hell hadn't appeared in any of the older comic books, and I'd been half afraid that the bathrooms on this physical plane were used only for the brushing of teeth. The bathtub was almost the size of a boat. Lois believed in treating herself right. There was an upscale bed 'n bath section worth of oils, beads, salts, and foams, plus loofas, cloths, and about a dozen bars of scented soap, and soaps pressed into dainty shapes.

I admit to being a bit of a bath slut. I have been known to spend a couple of hours, draining away cooling water and replacing it with hot, soaking and dozing. I intended to really enjoy myself. If I used up anything special, I'd replace it.

I ran water that I could scarcely stand to touch. Sniffing and experimenting, I finally had a tub of milky water that smelled richly of vanilla and rose petals. I stripped and eased myself into the water, hissing like a pissed off Siamese as I adjusted to the heat. Then I was completely in, and I heaved a huge sigh of satisfaction and sank into the water till my knees broke surface and my chin touched. Oooo, that felt good.

I began to feel the knots and tension easing out. *God bless hydrotherapy,* I thought muzzily, starting to doze.

"Hey." My eyes snapped open as Lois breezed in, carrying a bundle of striped material.

"Uh, hi." I considered what would go on display if I sat up enough to immerse my knees, and stayed where I was.

She dropped the bundle on the sink cabinet. "I was going to give this nightshirt to Clark Kent as a joke present this Christmas. It should fit you. These..." She picked up my soiled clothing, small uptilted nose wrinkling. "Should be burned."

"Not a good idea. I'd never fit into any of your outfits, and I can't very well walk around naked."

One perfect dark brow arched again in an 'Oh, really?' look. I felt my face turning red, and it wasn't from the steam rising off the water. "I can give these a quick swish in the sink, then hang them on the balcony to dry, I suppose. They'll do till we can get you some more."

"Won't they be pretty ripe by the time I get my first paycheck?"

She tweezed the offending garments up between thumb and forefinger. "Don't worry about that. You can pay me back later." She carried them away at arm's length.

I washed my hair, submersing myself in the bath water to wet and rinse. Don't be grossed out, I ran fresh water to clean off. My hair felt grubby, and there was no point in turning on the shower. Plus the last time I tried to wash my hair in a sink I made it rain in the kitchen downstairs.

I finished scrubbing, got out, dried off, and got into the nightshirt. It would have been loose on Refrigerator Perry. If I ever got lost in the woods, it would have doubled as a tent. I kinda liked it. Made me feel dainty.

I wandered barefooted out into the apartment, feeling much more human now. I went to what I supposed was the spare bedroom. Sure enough, Lois was smoothing a blanket over a very comfortable looking bed. She looked at me, reached for a pillow, then did a double take. I was finger combing my hair, trying to fluff it out so it would dry more quickly. I was pretty sure they didn't have blow dryers, and I hate those demonic inspired devices, anyway. "What?"

"Nothing."

"I know." I spread the excess material out to either side. "Room enough for two, huh? Or three, if one of them was Kate Moss."

She smiled. "Not that. Your hair. I didn't realize it was so long."

"Yeah." I stretched one of the longer strands out. "Past the bosom in front, middle of the back in back, but only when it's wet." I let go, and the strand curled up a couple of inches. "See? Already returning to it's natural state. Sometimes I think I have two minds: mine, and my hair's. I have got to get this mop cut. Mom likes it long, but she doesn't have to fight with it."

"Oh, you have a mama?"

I looked at her blankly. Didn't everyone, at one time or another? "Yep. One who thinks that the entire world is fixated on me, and that I have all the survival skills of a slow seven year old."

Lois was fluffing a pillow studiously. "Will this be very hard on you? Not being with her, I mean."

"Well, kinda. I don't want her to be upset or worried, and she will be, what with me dropping off the face of the earth--literally. But maybe this will do me some good. I've been letting her control my life for so long. It's just been easier, but heck, I'm a grown woman, right?"

Lois sat on the edge of the bed. "You've been with her a long time, haven't you?"

What an odd way to put it. "Most of my life," I said flippantly. "Look, my feet are cold. All right if I just get into bed?"

"Sure." Lois flipped down the corners of the cover invitingly. She didn't get up, but I managed to slide under the sheets without bumping her off. Technically it was her bed, so she had a right to sit there if she wanted. The damn nightshirt kept trying to swallow me, and I ended by rucking up what felt like several yards of cloth around my hips to free my legs before I finally got in and got the covers straight.

Lois folded the top section neatly, making the sheet edge even with the blanket edge. She smoothed it over my chest. "Does your mama tuck you in at night?"

"Not since about third grade."

"Third grade?" She looked shocked. "Do you mean to say that she started..." She broke off, her eyes widening. "Do you mean your mother, or your mother?"

I scratched my nose. "Well, we only get one, don't we? I know I did. No step moms, or anything."

"Oh, I see." She narrowed her eyes at me. "I guess I was mistaken. Dammit."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Go to sleep." She got up and went to the door, turning off the light.

I was half asleep already. "G'night. And thanks, Lois. You're a real sweetie."

She was just a silhouette against the hall light. I couldn't see her face, but her voice was odd: quiet and strained at the same time. "I'm glad you think so, and I hope you keep thinking so."

"Sure."

"Scribe?"

I was more than half asleep now. My exhaustion and the hot bath, along with the feeling of having found somewhere safe to land, was like a drug. All I could manage was an inquiring murmur. "Hmmmmmnn?"

"I think you need a mama. Even if you don't know it."