During the gender switch, the name before the / is the original character, the one after it is the gender assumed.

This time tha floor of tha tavern was barbarian an’ bard free. Tha place was empty except for one wench who was busy tryin ta scrub up tha previous night’s upchuck. I was so focussed on gettin ta Anieli’s room that I almost missed a perfect opportunity. I had ta turn back so I could kick ovah tha scrub bucket. giggle I tell ya, when it comes ta swearin, these tavern wenches can give sailors a run for their money.

I just walked right in again, though I didn’t kick tha door open this time. Anieli was sittin on tha edge of tha bed. I grinned at him, and he quickly covahed his crotch. Anothah little curlycue in tha rep. “Hiya, Hotstuff. Ya been good while I was gone?”

“Uh... yes.”

“Crap. Ya gotta do better’n that.” I sat by him. When he started ta slide away, I grabbed him casually by tha back of tha neck. “Chill. Ya’d think I made ya uncomfortable.”

“Oh, no. Nothing like that!” He was sweatin.

“That’s good, ‘cause I’m tha one who has yer future happiness in his hot lil’ hands. I got good news for ya, Anieli--I got a plan.”

He wilted. “Well, thank Zeus for that! It... uh... it doesn’t involve... like, blood sacrifices, or anything, does it?”

“Nah. Why, d'ya have an idea that would? Cause I’m always interested in new techniques.” He shook his head vigorously. “Too bad. I like ta bring Mom a tidbit now an’ then. No, this won’t involve blood. Unless...” I thought, “Damara wasn’t on her monthlies on yer formah weddin day, was she?”

“Shit, I hope not. That would have kicked holy hell out of the wedding night, wouldn’t it?”

“I dunno. It can add an interestin facet to tha procedings.” He gaped at me. “Some of my worshippers are a wee bit kinky, ‘kay? This should just involve some time, maybe a little bit of embarrassment, an’ ahem, a little alteration of appearance. Think ya can handle that?”

“For Damara? Sure.”

I slapped his back. “My man!”

FLASH

“Excuse me??”

“Uh... good guy?” Cupid scowled. I smacked Anieli on tha head. “Idiot!”

Cupid looked mollified. “Are you ready to get on with this, Strife?” He cast another hard look at poor Anieli. “I’d just as soon you got your involvement with this mortal over and done with.”

I stood up. “Yah. We need ta take Dummy here ta Hera’s temple.”

They both winced. Cupe said, “Strife, are you sure about that? You aren’t exactly Hera’s favorite person right now.”

“Aw, hell, Cupe, let’s be honest. I’ve nevah been, an’ am nevah likely ta be her favorite person. But I wanna get her permission on my little project. I think it’ll be much, much safer.”

“Oh, all right.”

Anielie jumped up an’ started ta edge toward the door. “Hera? Uh... look, maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all. Being a bachelor isn’t all that bad. I can...”

Cupid took hold of my arm, then grabbed Anieli’s collar with tha othah, an'...

FLASH

Anieli staggahed a coupla feet away an’ lost his last meal on tha white-an'-gold marble floor. It was kinda comfortin ta know that I wasn’t tha only one who had problems with tha transportin bit.

“Oh, Tartarus! Now you’re importing mortals to befoul my home.” There was a crackle of energy buildin up, an’ I started lookin for somewhere ta hide.

“Grandma, stop it!” Tha crackle died, an’ Cupid cleaned up Anieli’s mess with a wave. “Honestly. You’d think you had to do the cleaning by hand, the way you fuss.”

Hera frowned, but she didn’t work up anothah powahbolt. She pointed at Anieli. “What is that?”

I dared ta pipe up. “Dontcha recogize him? That’s wunna tha mortals who got me in so much trouble.”

Hera squinted at him. “Oh, yes--Anieli, the cheat.” Damn, do ya know Anieli managed ta turn paler than me? "Why is he here? Come to that, why are you here?"

"Well, tha plan I've figured out ta clear this mess up involves Damara, too, an' I thought ya might be miffed if I just sorta snatched her away."

Hera's eyes narrowed into slits. "How very astute of you. I assume this means that you wish me to bring her here?"

I nodded. "This won't take too very long, but I gotta have botha them in tha same room at tha same time, an' compared ta that feat, Jerkulese cleanin out tha Aegean stables was a walk inna grove."

"Hm. Well, I really want to get this straightened out, so I suppose..."

Damara appeared before us. She squealed and dropped tha handful of candied figs she was nibblin. I shook my head. "Sweetie, ya really need ta hold up on tha sweets an' starches, or that wedding toga really will be too tight."

She glared at Anieli, and her nose went up in tha air. "That's of no concern to me, since I don't ever intend to use it!"

Anieli frowned. Uh-oh. I could see that Damara's attitude was gettin his attitude up. "That's fine, because I wouldn't marry you if..."

I stomped on his foot. I got a dirty look from Anieli, but he shut up. Hera an' Damara looked pleased.

I cleared my throat. "I suppose yer wonderin why I called ya all here t'day. I have discovahed tha identity of tha murderah, an'... No, wait. Wrong plotline. Um, as ya are all aware, things went pretty screwy at Damara an' Anieli's weddin. Yeah, my fault. All my fault." Damara started ta open her mouth, an' I said, "Yah, I know, I know. That doesn't mattah ta ya." Anieli started ta say somethin an' I said, "An' ya just keep yer yap shut. Sure, yer not entirely responsible for what happened, but ya ain't pure as tha driven snow, eithah."

I paced. "I spoke ta both of ya, an' ya both made comments about how tha othah one just didn't understand how ya felt about tha mattah. How they couldn't undahstand. Well, maybe ya had a point. It's damn hard for a woman ta undahstand things from a male perspective, an' vice-versa. So, I decided that tha only possible chance of you two evah havin a chance of reconcilin was for ya ta walk a mile in each othah's sandals."

Anieli's forehead puckered. "But I'll never be able to get into her sandals, and mine will just fall off her."

I looked at Hera. "Are ya sure ya want her ta marry him?" She shrugged. "We're talkin figurative here, ya literal bozo. You two have ta look at things from tha other one's point of view."

Damara was shaking her head. "Actually, I've tried that, and I still don't have any sympathy whatsoever for..."

I was shakin my head, smilin. "Uh, uh, uh. In this case, ya ain't thinkin literally enough. There ain't gonna be any pretendin." I materialized two cups of wine on wunna Hera's tables, then pulled out tha bottle of potion Aphrodite had given me an poured half of it in each one. I waved at them, "Drink up, you two."

Damara looked at Hera, who nodded. Reluctantly, she drank tha wine. Anieli was shakin his head. "There's no way I'm drinking that. There's no telling what..."

I materialized a funnel and looked at Cupid. "Grab him." Anieli drank tha wine.

I pulled out tha Chaos Stone an' whispered ta it. "Look, I know I've been a stupid shit with ya in tha past, but this is important, an' it's for a good cause. I need tha gender switch ta be specific, if ya can do it. Damara for Anieli, Anieli for Damara. 'Kay?"

I heard a falsatto shriek mingle with a bass yell. Damara was lookin in horror as her bazooms shrank. Anieli was lookin in considerably greater horror as said boobs grew on his formerly flat chest. Body hair sprouted an' receeded, tha same with hair. Bones got more delicate, and heavier. In about a minute we had what looked like Anieli in a fetchingly feminine toga, an' what looked like Damara in leathah breeches an' shirt.

Niethah of 'em fainted--I give 'em credit for that. Damara/Anieli looked at Hera beseechingly. "What have I done to deserve this?" Anieli/Damara was starin down at his new breasts in astonishment. He started ta touch them, but I slapped his hands down before tha real Damara could see that an' get even more pissed.

"Don't spaz out, you two. This is temporary--it'll only last an hour or so. I'm gonna send you two through what happened on that day, an' ya ain't gonna be able ta change anythin. This is just so ya can see what it was tha othah one was feelin on that day. Hopefully you two will be able ta forgive each othah, and make up."

"Fat chance," Damara/Anieli said.

"Let's get this over with," said Anieli/Damara.

"All right." I held up tha Chaos Stone. "C'mon, baby. Help me pull my butt outta this crack."

I was stratled when Cupe laid his hand on tha stone and added, "Yes, please. I've gotten awful fond of that butt."

FLASH

It was tha Day of Tha Big Foul-up. I was standin beside Damara's bed. Layin in that bed, wrapped in a fairly presentable female package, was a guy named Anieli. I made sure I did tha trip invisible, cause... Well, I really didn't want ta try ta explain ta myself what was goin on. I might try ta altah what I had already done, an' things were fucked up enough as it was.

I peeked inta my victim's mind. Anieli was kinda standin back, watchin, big-eyed, as Damara and he... uh, her image of him, did somethin really interestin involvin honey. Mm... I shoulda gone ahead an' peeked at her thoughts that day. I mentally poked him. "So?"

"I had no idea she thought about doing stuff like that with me."

"Flatterin, huh?"

"I guess so."

"Ya guess? Crap, Anieli, this is her fantasy! She coulda fantasized about anyone--Iphicles, Adonis, Narcissus, Hercules... bleh! Forget that. Bad mental image. The thing is, she fantasized about you."

"You're right." Anieli started ta scratch. "Does she have a heat rash, or something?"

"Gotta go."

I zipped ovah ta tha groom's house an' poked inta hi/r mind. Damara was sittin back, watchin Anieli's image of her, an' lookin pretty smug. "I think he's being a little flattering about me. I'm sure that I'm not quite that thin."

I almost said, 'Not aftah those binges ya went on at tha temple', but hey, sometimes I can control my mouth. Tha changes started, an pretty soon she looked like a cross between an ogre an' a hippo.

She turned green. "This is what he thought of me?"

"Nah. This is what I showed him, an' he didn't run. Think about it, he saw ya lookin worse than ya evah possibly will, an' he still wanted ta marry ya. I'd say ya don't have anythin ta worry about when ya get that first grey hair, or if ya keep those saddlebags aftah ya have yer first kid."

I saw tha look she gave me, an' stepped back quickly ta watch myself do my thing. When s/he woke up with a cat ass in hi/r face, then stepped in tha kitty poop I'd put in hi/r sandals, Damara seemed a little more understandin of why Anieli wanted ta strangle Fluffy. Now, gettin a woman ta forgive ya for somethin involvin her cat is a major victory.

Damara shuddahed in sympathy when Anieli got a mouthful of spiked snicker (I still like that one) wine, and Anieli almost puked when he sampled a teeny corner of tha salt laced cake. Both came ta see that there were a lot of outside stresses at work that day.

When Damara confronted Anieli about Fluffy, she listend ta her own shrillness, an' winced. Anieli listened ta his own excuses an' butt kissin an' got a little disgusted with himself.

Anieli was puzzled by her panicked reaction ta tha tight dress. "She could have just worn one of her regular dresses, and I would have been happy. Why is she so upset?" Then he listened ta her thoughts, an' looked at me in astonishment. "She's worried that I won't want to marry her because she gained some weight? I don't care about that. Tartarus, I'd even like it if she had a little more flesh on her to cuddle. My gosh, would she really have postponed the wedding just for that?"

"She really cares about what ya think of her, Anieli. Hopefully she'll realize that she doesn't hafta be perfect ta have ya love her."

Tha crisis point was comin up. I went ta stand near Anieli as his old flame sidled up. Damara, in his mind, bristled. It's a good thing she wasn't in control of Anieli's body, or she'd have torn tha wench's eyes out on tha spot. "He isn't happy to see her," she said doubtfully. "Not at all. He's really uncomfortable. He's... he's worried that I'll be hurt if I see him with her."

"He don't love her, kiddo. He nevah did. She was funsies. Yer keepsies."

"Oh, he dumped her! I always thought it was the other way around."

"Nope. An' you'll notice that she's using guilt ta get him ta have a private talk with her. Remember that--guilt is a terrific lever."

Once in tha back room she started ta hang all ovah him. Damara was fumin, but she was mutterin about 'that hussy', an not Anieli. Good sign. Then my otha self gave him that little crotch massage.

Damara gasped. "Oh--my--gods!"

"Feels pretty good, don't it?"

"Good? GOOD?"

"Heard ya tha first time. Ya see now, don't ya? It kinda shuts down tha brain when tha blood starts running south."

"I... yes... Wow."

"Dammy?"

"Huh?"

"Have ya noticed that ya have yer hands on her boobs?"

"I do?"

"Yah. Ya know, ya bettah get here pretty quick, or ya may develope lesbian tendencies. Uh... or somethin like that. An' have ya noticed that ya have better boobs than she does? Hold that thought."

I zipped off ta Anieli... Damara... Crap, ya know what I mean. My otha self was whisperin ta hi/r about tha present location of tha groom. Anieli told me, "I... she feels just awful, and she thinks that if she can just find me and have a hug, I'll make it all better." His eyes were tearing up. "She's going to find me groping another woman."

They converged. Anieli felt Damara's shock an' hurt. Damara felt Anieli's horror an' embarassment, an' grief at causing her pain. Anieli felt Damara's grief flame inta rage. Damara's ears burned, and she felt cut ta tha quick by tha hurtful names Anieli was bein called. S/he felt tha need ta explain, an tha frustration an' anger when s/he wasn't allowed ta.

Anieli felt a funny sorta pride as Damara kicked tha othah woman's butt. "Man, she's tough, and she's fighting for me!"

Damara thought, "How dare she touch my Anieli?"

When it was ovah, they both started in on each othah. Neithah one really wanted ta fight, but both were afflicted with hurt pride, an' things just got hotter 'n hotter till...

FLASH

We were back in Hera's temple. Anieli an' Damara were starin at each othah. Anieli (in Damara's body) burst inta tears. "Baby, I'm sorry! Take me back and I'll never think with my cock again!"

Damara (yeah, in Anieli's body) said, "Oh darling, I'm so sorry!"

They rushed inta each othah's arms. It was real interestin there for a minute when they started ta change back. They kissed, an hugged, an kissed, an...

I poked Anieli. "Hey! Get a room!"

They pulled apart, but not very far apart. Hera, for once not lookin grim, smiled and said, "I take it you two are ready to finalize this?" They nodded. "Well, I think that we have enough witnesses for this to be official." She raised her hand and intoned, "Be it known that Anieli and Damara are joined as man and wife, for so long as they both shall live." She lowered her hand and said in her normal voice. "And if you two decide you want to do a re-committment ceremony so that your family and friends can be present, I think I can guarantee you that it will go off without a hitch." She stared at me. I whistled an' looked at tha ceiling.

She waved her hand, an' they were gone. "I just sent them to a nice little honeymoon cottage. They won't want to deal with the outside world for awhile. Now," she held out her hand, "please give me the Chaos Stone before you blow up Olympus." I handed it ovah. "I'll get this back to Gaia."

"So." I rubbed my toe on tha floor. "Is that it? I mean, I fixed it, right?"

She was silent. Cupid said, "Grandma."

Hera sighed. "Yes, Strife, you fixed it. You're off the hook." I almost fainted when she gave me a tiny, grim smile. "Actually, that was very resourceful. Well done."

I ducked, coverin my head with my arms. Cupid grabbed my shoulder, sayin, "Strife! What's wrong?"

"I'm waitin for tha world ta come to an end."

Hera snorted. "If that's all, I have things to do. There's a woman in Thrace who's expecting triplets, and I'm hoping to avoid a Joxer, Jett, Jace type situation this time." She flashed out.

I wilted down onta a bench. Cupid sat beside me, puttin his arms around me. I rested my head on his shouldah, an he covahed me protectively with his wing. "I nevah wanta go through somethin like that again in my long, long life."

Cupe was runnin a fingah up an' down my arm. "It had its moments."

I tipped my head up at him. "Yah, it did."

He squeezed me. "I'm glad it happened. If it hadn't, I don't know how long it would have been before I got up the nerve to tell you how I feel."

"I nevah would have."

"I wish I could make you see how special you are. I wish you could feel how much I love you."

I wiped my nose an sat up straightah. "Yah, well, as much as I love ya, I'm not doin a body switch. I wouldn't look good as a blonde, no mattah what Deimos thinks." I reached up an ran a hand through his hair. "But I think there is somethin in this 'see what it's like for tha otha person thingy.'"

"Yeah?"

I touched my forehead ta his an' took a breath. "Ya told me it could be beautiful. Would ya show me, Cupe? Would ya make love to me?"

He went very, very quiet. Finally he said, "Strife, are you sure? Please, baby, don't do this because you think you have to, for me."

"Cupe," I whispered, "I hate ta break it ta ya, but I'm a selfish bastard. I want this for me, too. Take me back ta yer temple."

He held me even closah, kissed me softly, an'...

FLASH