Family gatherins--gotta loath 'em.

Well, maybe not all of 'em. Sometimes tha informal ones can be pretty cool, when everyone's relaxed, an' not inta that 'I'm a God, gotta keep up tha dignity' bullshit.

Um, I'm not talkin about tha orgies, ya understand. Different thing entirely. I mean full family bashes--godlings an' all. Kids add a whole new dimension ta things, ya know? F'rinstance, people are a lot more likely ta keep a few clothes on. Um, that don't always go fah tha kids, though.

We was at a little bash Zeus was throwin, sort of in honor of tha most recent crop of godlings. That was Accord, Impetua an' Bliss, wunna Poseidon's tadpoles, an' Ace's first kid by wunna tha Muses. Tha last two hadn't even had a godhood designated yet--Zeus had been too distracted when they were born. There was speculation that he was gonna make tha announcement--that was one reason why tha get tagetha was so well attended, an' everyone was in such a good mood. Babies do that ta people. Well, they do when ya aren't on Poopy Patrol. A particulahly spectaculah (if I do say so myself) blowjob had earned me some time off from that--Cupe was takin his turn at keepin The Universe's Cutest Baby Bottom sweet an' clean.

We was ovah in a cornah where someone had laid a nice quilt ovah a bench for a changin table. It had been doin a fairly brisk business so fah, an' Imp was takin her turn at it. Someone (I'm pretty sure it was Hera, 'cause I seriously doubt Zeus woulda been that practical or thoughtful) had set up a little basin that had continually renewin warm watah in it.

Imp was kickin her legs an' blowin spit bubbles (a talent of which I am foolishly proud) while Cupie carefully made one last pass with tha cloth. I was relaxin on the end of tha bench, poppin tha spit bubbles when they got big enough, an' earin Imp scolds fah my troubles. I dunno why I bothah ta try ta censor my speech at all around her. She's gonna swear like a sailah when she's oldah.

Cupie was grumblin as he tried ta fold tha fresh diapah (Hera doesn't believe in pre-folded--she thinks that that some things should be work, an' it makes things too easy fah parents. *giggle* It's gonna be sooo much fun when disposables hit tha market). I took pity on 'im. "Cupe? Leave her bare an' plop her in tha kiddy pool." I pointed ovah ta tha pool in tha center of tha room.

It was about half as big as an adult bathin pool, but only about mid-shin deep anywhere in it. There were a half-dozen assorted godlings splashin an' playin in it, havin a Tartarus of a time. Grown ups steered way clear ta avoid splashes, but lemme tell ya, some of those kids had distance.

"Are you sure?" Cupid asked doubtfully. "It's awful active in there."

"I'm sure." I pointed as Posiedon's current lady love laid her month old baby face down in tha watah. Tha little booger quickly sprouted gills an' a tail, an' went pootin off through the watah. Uh, I mean that literally. He left a trail of bubbles, an' othah kids scramblin an' squealin outta his way. I decided I needed ta keep a watch on that kid. "Besides, they got a coupla watah nymphs actin as life guards, an' Bliss is in there, so no one's likely ta stomp on her." I leaned ovah. "Howsabout it, toot?" Imp grinned up at me. Two teeth on tha bottom, an' two on tha top. Damn, I was glad breast feedin was a thing of tha past.

Cupid hefted her up an' we walked ovah ta tha pool. "Yo, Bliss." Bliss, also nekkid, splashed ovah. Since he was out on the rim, kinda on public display, he brought his wings way forward, pullin tha tips in till he had kind of a feathahry shield ovah his important bits. Aw, they're so cute when they start gettin modest. "Imp wants ta play a little. Can you watch her?"

He gave me a 'duh' look. "Course I can. Just set her down, Daddy," he instructed Cupid. Cupid started to lower Imp. Her feet touched watah, an' she started doin tha peddlin bit, squawkin. Bliss said firmly, "Imp!"

She paused, looking at him. "Yah?"

"It's not a bath."

"Nuh?"

"No. It's swimming. It's fun."

"Ah. Dow!" She started bouncing, trying to get inta tha watah as hard as she'd been tryin ta get away from it.

"Contrary female," Cupid grumbled fondly, lowerin her gently inta tha watah. She stiffened her legs an' grabbed Bliss's hand. We watched as he led her, staggerin along, out inta tha play group. She was bendin ovah now an' then ta paddle at tha watah, cooin an' squealin.

I started ta steer Cupid away, an' he said, "You're right, Strife. What was I worried about?"

"Got me, Feathahs. I wouldn'ta worried about her gettin squashed. Personally, I'd worry about her drinkin tha watah. They pee in it, ya know." He started ta turn around, but I gripped his arm an' kept him movin in tha othah direction. "We useta share baths, remembah? It ain't like eithah of us nevah did." He looked a little green at that, but he kept goin with me. *chuckle* I love screwin with his mind like that.

We wandered around, schmoozin with whoevah we happened ta bump inta. That actually happened once or twice. Dionysius had laid in some killah stuff, an' ya know how it is--every family has one or two who don't seem ta be able ta make it through any family gatherin without gettin a snootful. I usedta be sorta in that class myself, before me an' Cupe made tha connection. It... uh... if ya don't feel like a part of it, it can be kinda painful ta watch the warm an' fuzzies, ya know? But that's behind me now that I have Cupid an' Bliss an' Imp, an' that's part of what made me see such a violent shade of red latah.

Huh? I'm comin ta it.

Impatient.

A little latah there was a flappin ovah head. I looked up quick. Yah, we'd been prunin Imp's feathahs just enough ta keep her from liftin off, but I was still a little paranoid about it. It wasn't her, though. I had ta duck my head again real quick ta keep it from goin straight up Bliss's kilt as he settled on my shouldahs. I bounced him. "Sneak attack!" He laughed, grabbin my hair. "Gonna turn ya ovah ta Unc ta set up aerial attacks wunna these days," I threatened, makin him laugh harder. "Where's yer sistah?"

"With Gran'ma 'Ris. She took her away from Gran'ma 'Dite."

I got a giggle outta that. Imp is turnin inta a bone of contention between Mom an' Dite. She comes back from 'Dite swathed in pink stuff so fluffy that it doesn't stop floatin till ten seconds aftah her butt hits tha floor. Mom turns kinda green when she sees that, an' brings her back home in scarlet or... Um, I gotta admit that tha black is a little strange on a baby Imp's age. Tha lil soft leathah baby armor she gave her for tha Autumn festival was cute, though.

Bliss leaned ovah an' smacked a kiss on my forehead. "Imp wants to walk. I gotta go steer." He flapped hard an' lifted off. I watched him swoop ovah tha crowd's heads toward a little cleared space. There was a lot of duckin. He still didn't have full control of his flyin yet, an' sometimes he lost track of where a foot was goin.

Eris pushed up beside me, an' reached past me to tha table for a cup of wine. "She's a genius--you know that, don't you?"

"Yah, Ma, I'm aware of that fact."

"She managed to unlace my boots, then tangle the laces together when I wasn't looking. I almost ended up with a pug nose, courtesy of the floor." She took a deep drink.

"That's my girl. Uh, speakin of which..." I looked around. "Where is she?" Ma gave me a dark look, an' I said quickly, "Somewhere totally safe an' secure, I'm sure, but I'm just curious."

"Apollo is watching her while I grab a drink. I don't think even he can do anything disasterous in a few seconds. After all, he does have a little experience with Ace, and..."

"You take that back!" It was Bliss, but I'm tellin ya, tha kid got bass in his voice!

There was a flutter, more of a clashin of wings, then a thud, an' a yell. "Ow! Hey!"

"You take it back, you snot!"

I could see Bliss ovah tha head of the now millin crowd, so that meant that someone was wearin him around their shouldahs. An' whoevah it was was receivin a pretty fair beatin about tha ears, lemme tell ya. Bliss had his lil hands doubled up inta fists an' was whalin away, pausin only ta grab hair an' pull.

Hm--blonde hair. I knew it wasn't 'Dite--Bliss is too much of a gentleman ta get that physical with a woman. Then I heard someone yell, "Dude! Not the hair, not the hair!" That clinched it--Apollo.

"What tha Tartarus has Shinypants done now?" Imp's voice was risin ovah tha general hub-bub. "Bah mahn! Baaaa! Hurma feen!" She howled, an' me an' Cupe took off, knockin gods an' goddesses outta tha way.

We reached tha bench where Ma had left Apollo babysittin Imp. There was a small space cleared around it, cause no one was willin ta get too close, what with tha way Apollo was staggerin around, an' Bliss was kickin an' swingin wings and fists.

Imp had crawled undah tha bench, an' was cryin her pretty green eyes out. I swooped ovah an' grabbed her up, huggin an' pattin her. "What is it, baby? What's wrong?" Cupid was tryin ta calm Bliss down. Bliss was currently usin language he coulda only picked up when Unc took him ta visit wunna tha war camps an' let him hang around with tha soldiers, unsupervised. Imp threw her arms around my neck an repeated herself. "Bah mahn, hurma feen!"

"What?" I whirled. "Cupe! Bliss! Hold 'im!" Cupid gave me an astonished look, but Bliss (tha kid is gonna be a champion at team work) grabbed 'pol's hair so hard that Sunboy froze. That gave me tha perfect target, an' I bipped him right on tha chin. He dropped, but Bliss flapped hard an' hovahed, insteada followin him down. Then he landed on 'pol's stomach. It woulda been his crotch, if he hadn'ta moved fast. I love that kid.

Cupid was staring. "Strife, why did you do that?"

"Dintya hear her? She said tha bad man hurt her feelins." Cupid goggled at me. I shrugged. "Bliss has been givin me lessons."

Bliss landed nexta me, reachin up ta pet Imp's wings, smoothin down her ruffled feathahs. "He talked mean to her, and he talked mean about Daddy Strife."

Cupid's eyes narrowed, goin as green as our daughtah's. "He did, did he?"

Apollo had sat up, an' now he scooted back. "Did not! I mean, Cerberus, I didn't really say anything!" Bliss shook a fist at him. "Gah, your whole family is so touchy!"

He turned pale when Ma pushed up beside me. "We'll see what we touch. What did you say that got my grandbabies so upset?"

It got real quiet. Apollo looked up an' suddenly realized that tha entire Pantheon, plus, was gathered around, watchin him expectantly. "Nuh-nothing much."

"He said Imp and Daddy Strife was stupid!" Bliss accused.

There was a collective gasp. "I did not!" Apollo protested. "It... it was taken out of context. Totally harmless." There was a singular lack of unforgivness bein expressed by everyone. "Look, he's just a kid, how is he going to understand the subtle nuances of adult speech?" "Hermes?" Cupid called. There was a brief flash, and Hermes appeared before Cupid. "You're recording this for posterity, right?"

Hermes nodded. "And I just so happened to be recording Impetua when this mess got started."

"Oh, just so happened, huh?" growled Apollo.

Hermes shrugged. "I follow all the kids. You'd know that if you ever bothered to look at the family scrying mirrors for anything but the orgies or your own performances." Hermes materialized a small mirror. "This is the one I was using here."

Hera stepped forward, holding out her hand, and Hermes handed it ovah. It wasn't like he was about ta refuse her. Apollo swallowed hard. "Uh, I think I'll just flash on over to Ace's place and see if he has something for a headache..." He winced. Ares had grabbed one arm, an' a really grim lookin Hephastus had grabbed the othah. Dite was currently tryin ta cajole Imp inta a better mood, her pretty face screwed up in concern fah her littlest grandchild. Heph wasn't pleased with anythin that upset Dite.

Hera passed a hand ovah tha mirror and stared at it while whatevah it had recorded played out. She glared at Apollo, who seemed ta shrink a little. Then she looked at Cupid, an' me an' Ma, then tha whole crowd. "No direct physical action--is that clear?" There were mutterings, an' she raised her voice sharply. "I'm serious about this! It needs to be dealt with, but I don't want any of our resident hot-heads flying off the handle and doing something that might be regretted later by a lot of us. Am I clear?" There were muttered, reluctant agreements, then she handed tha mirror ovah ta Cupid. He held it so I could see it, with Ma leanin in close fah a peek.

Tha mirror shimmered, resettin itself, then tha scene started playin out. Ma was just settin Imp down on tha floor. Imp fussed, an' Ma pulled off wunna her leathah gauntlets an' passed it down ta Imp, who promptly started tryin ta punch holes in it with her new teeth. "'pol, I'm dryer than a historian's lecture. Watch Imp and I'll go grab us both some wine."

"Sure, 'Ris, just don't be too long, 'kay? Cherub wrangling is so not my style."

Ma moved outta tha picture. Imp started seein what kinda slappin noises she could make on tha marble floor with tha gauntlet. Apollo laughed. "Trying to get some rhythm going, kid? Maybe if you show a little talent, I'll let your daddies send you to me for drum lessons." Imp smacked, with more erratic enthusiasm than anythin else. Apollo made a face. "Ew. Your rhythm is as bad as your dads' must be." He gave a not nice at all snicker. "Guess that's how they got you, huh? Can't imagine ol' Strife would want to get knocked up so soon. Even he couldn't be stupid enough want to risk losing Cupid's interest when he got whale sized."

I gaped. Okay, it's not like I wouldn'ta expected somethin like that from him, but it still stung, because I had suffahed from a few of those doubts along tha way. Still, bad as this was, I didn't see how it woulda upset Imp so much (though I could feel Cupid starting ta sorta vibrate nexta me). She didn't really seemed clued in.

Then 'pol said, "Eh, why am I even thinking about it? You're going to be another empty headed ditz, like most of the members of the House of Love" He snickered again. "Good thing you're cute, kid, because you sure aren't going to make it on your brains."

That was when tha Imp-in-tha-glass started howlin, an' a blur of white feathahs, blonde curls, an' flyin feet an' fists clobbered Apollo. Tha mirror went blank.

Cupid silently plucked Imp from my arms and handed her ovah ta Hestia, who was looking as grim as it's possible for her to look. "Bliss, you and Imp go with Auntie Hestia. Hess--somewhere soundproof, okay?"

"Cupid!" Hera snapped.

"Okay, but they still need to leave the room. ALL the little ones need to leave, I think. This isn't anything they need to deal with right now." Bliss didn't like it, but he was still bein Big Brother, an' he wanted ta be wherever Imp was, so he went.

When they were gone, Unc said quietly, "Well, 'pol, for someone who's supposed to be one of the more intelligent members of the Pantheon, that was a particularly boneheaded stunt."

"I was drunk?" He had enough sense ta look sheepish, an' not put too much conviction in tha poor-ass excuse.

"That is pitiful," said Zeus coldly. "Even I quit trying to use that one decades ago."

Apollo gave Zeus an ingratiatin grin, an' I thought, *Oh, no! Everyone knows he's wunna ol' Thunderbritches' favorites. If Zeus sets up tha punishment...*

But Zeus was shakin his head. "I hereby disqualify myself as judge in this instance. Hera?"

Hera had her arms crossed, and was drummin perfectly manicured fingahtips on her elbows. "I think it would be appropriate for everyone who feels personally offended by this to take a hand in the punishment phase."

"Oh, man!" Apollo moaned. "Mom, please. There won't be anything left of me when the House of War gets through with me."

Dite had her eyes narrowed. "Maybe you ought to be worrying about the 'ditzes', 'pol."

"Rules," said Hera calmly. "Nothing permanent. No direct physical action. No mutilation. I know you are all mad, but let's keep this in perspective people. And Cupid--Strife... I'm disqualifying you two." I started ta protest. "No, I'm firm on this. You two are too closely involved in this. You aren't thinking clearly right now, and I won't have you doing anything now that you might find excessive later." She looked around the collection of grim faces. "Believe me--I think you'll be satisfied with the results."

Apollo sighed. "Okay, I guess I have to suck it up. What's your punishment, Mom?"

Hera smiled. "I've already done my bit, dear. I'll just sit back and supervise."

"Me first!" said Dite. She stepped forward, "For the next century..."

"Dite!" said Hera.

She scowled. "Well, it isn't permanent.." Hera looked stern. "For the next decade..."

"Dite."

Dite stamped her foot. "Pooh! I suppose a year is out of the question?" Hera nodded. "Fine! Great! Okay, one month." She pointed at Apollo. "But for the next month, not even your hand is going to love you, if you know what I mean!"

Apollo groaned, casting an apologetic look at the Muses. Calliope drew herself up, glancing at her sisters, all of whom nodded. "You don't have to bother to extend that to us, Dite. He's not getting so much as a tickle from us for a long, long time. And you can write your own poetry and dirty stories for awhile. C'mon, girls. Let's go see about putting locks on our doors." They swirled out.

Eris stepped forward, and Apollo cringed. "Mom said no physical action!"

"Quit peeing your toga," Eris snarled. "Sure, I major in death, mutilation, and maiming, but I don't have to be that direct." She slid me a look. "I produced Mischief, didn't I?" She grinned at me, and I found myself grinnin back. "I've been paying attention, son, and I'm sure that if I run out of ideas, you'll be willing to help out with suggestions."

"Oh, yah!"

"One month, like Dite."

The others stepped up. Poseidon, goaded by his current sweety in tha name of his littlest, promised Apollo that any shellfish or seafood he tried for was gonna give him the whoopsies and tha trots. Artemis promised him that tha same would happen ta any game he tried ta eat. Demeter promissed him that any fruit or vegetable he came up with was gonna be old and stringy, green, hard, and sour, or fulla bugs or worms. I was gigglin by now.

Persephony was whispering fiercely Hades, an' I was kinda curious about what they'd come up with. Hades tended ta stay out of such things, since he was tha final judge of souls at tha end of life. But Pep could talk him inta just about anythin, an' he was shruggin. He looked down at tha ground, concentratin.

A cold breeze moved through tha crowd, an' I shivahed, feelin like someone had trailed damp fingahs across tha back of my neck. There was an unearthly moan, followed by a barely heard wail, then a rattle an' chink. I know chains when I hear 'em. Apollo jumped, grabbin at tha back of his neck. "What was that?"

"One of your resident lost souls," said Hades. "I have quite a few at loose ends. They'll be haunting you and your temple for the next month."

"Oh, crap," Apollo moaned. He sat back on tha bench, then suddenly jumped up with a yell. "What squished?"

I looked, wrinklin my nose. "A particulahly fragrant diapah." I looked around, puzzled. "But tha changin bench is ovah there. How did it get...?" Ma grinned at me. I giggled. "Ooh, Hermes? I'm gonna want a detailed account of what 'pol goes through. This," I chuckled, "is gonna be classic."

An it was, it was. *snicker* By tha end of tha month 'pol had lost about ten pounds from tha sparce diet. He was pretty much livin offa sandy greens an' beans, an' he was kinda hard ta be around, if ya know what I mean.

He had circles undah his eyes, 'cause tha spirits didn't give him more'n an hour or two of uninterrupted sleep each night. His tan was turnin kinda yellah, 'cause he didn't dare sunbathe. Pigeons had a tendency ta divebomb, an' ants flocked ta him if he laid down anywhere but in his own bed. When he did that he was likely ta find mouse droppins or sand or any othah hundreds of different lil surprises Ma left fah him. He got real careful about lookin before he used tha chambah pot aftah tha gerbil incident.

Poseidon had monkeyed with tha watah supply ta 'pol's temple, an' 'pol's shiny blonde locks got kinda dingy. *snicker* In fact, it took on almost as much of a green tint as Imp's hair.

He was so miserable lookin that before tha month was out I had pretty much worked through my issues with him. Even Cupe didn't scowl when he saw 'pol anymore, but Bliss wasn't tha forgivin sort, not in this case, an' ya really don't want tha God of Joy an' Happiness pissed with ya.

Tha month ended, tha various curses were lifted, an' 'pol started ta get back ta normal a little. I think tha Muses even started givin him nookie again, since they'd been kinda grumpy fah awhile, an' they mellowed out a little, too. But Apollo hadn't gotten back ta his usual carefree, easy way. He always had a distracted look in his eyes.

We were spendin a quiet day at home about two weeks aftah 'pol's 'sentence' had ended. Dite an Ma were there, makin plans fah Imp's upcomin first birthday. Cupid an' me were tryin ta get Imp ta walk on her own. Oh, she was doin real good as long as she held onta someone or somethin, but if we tried ta get her to walk even a couple of steps alone she'd just drop on her butt, then crawl.

I stood Imp up, holdin her hands, an' she stood nice an' sturdy. "G'wan an' walk ta Daddy," I told her. Cupid crouched a coupla feet away, holdin out his hands. I let go. Imp grinned, plopped down on her butt, an' crawled quickly ta him, crawlin inta his lap.

"Shoot." He stood her up, pointin her at me. "Walk to Papa." He let go. *plop* *crawl*

I sighed. "Maybe she's gonna be tha first quadrupedal goddess?"

Dite crouched, holding out her hands. "Walk to Dite, honey." Imp blew a spit bubble. "I'll let you play with my make-up next time you come over."

"She'll end up looking like a bacchae," grumbled Ma. "Come to me, sweetie, and I'll get you your very own little breastplate." Imp looked interested, but just kicked.

"It's no use." Bliss shook his head. "She won't even walk to me when I offer her some of Daddy Strife's Twinkies."

"So that's where my stash is goin! Bliss, ya shouldn't do that. She's startin ta get more energy from tha mortals' jealousy, an' we don't need a sugah rush on toppa that."

*Flash*

Apollo appeared. We were all quiet. "Uh, hi." More silence.

Finally Cupid did tha host thing, noddin at him. "Pol. You're looking better."

"Uh, yeah. I talked Hecate into doing up a rinse that took the rest of the green out of my hair." Silence. He sighed.

"Why are ya here?" I asked bluntly. Everyone looked at me, an' I shrugged. "Oh, come on. It ain't like he was always droppin by ta borrow a cuppa sugah or shoot tha shit before that fiasco. Why should he be different now?"

Apollo took a deep breath. "Look, this isn't going to be easy. I don't really have much hope of any of you believing me, but I have to do it. I had a lot of time to think during the last month. A lot of time. Being miserable distracts you at first, but then it helps you get real focussed. At least it did me. I spent the first week or so bitching and whining about how unfair it was. Then one day I looked at the scrying mirror of what happened, and actually listened to what I said."

He winced. "I cannot believe I said that! So that's why I'm here. I came to apologize. Cupid, Bliss, Dite--I am so sorry about the cracks I made about the House of Love." He looked at me. "Strife, I'm abject about what I said about you. Maybe you're not an intellectual, but I know damn good and well that you're nowhere near dumb. And frankly, you looked good when you were preggers." His voice lowered, "Don't tell the Muses this, but you looked a lot better knocked-up than any of them do when they are." I could feel tha resentment meltin a little.

Finally he went ovah an' squatted down in fronta Imp. "And little Miss Impetua." She looked up at him solemnly. "Baby girl, I am so sorry. I'm such a fool. I didn't really mean any of those things I said. Sometimes I get to listening to the sound of my own voice and say something before I realize that I'm doing it. You're smart, and pretty, and talented." He leaned a little closer and said quietly, "And your daddies wanted you, little one. They wanted you with everything they had--and I don't blame them, cause you're one happenin' little female, and you're going to be a Tartarus of a beautiful, smart, sexy big girl some day. I'm so sorry, and I hope maybe you won't hate me too much."

He materialized a sunflower, an' offered it ta her. Imp took it, studyin it. I expect her ta try ta eat it, but Dite musta been havin a bigger influence than I expected. She poked it inta her hair, tryin ta tuck it behind her ear. It sorta dangled there, but it didn't fall out.

Then Imp grunted an' wobbled upright, standin on wide spread, chubby legs. We all got real quiet, an' still. I know that it was a good thing I didn't really need ta breathe, 'cause I think I fahgot how fah awhile.

Imp wavered, then tottered forward a step. Then anothah. Then anothah. Then she lunged an' threw her chubby arms around Apollo's neck, crowin with joy an' triumph as he caught her. Apollo looked stunned as he held Imp against his chest. One big hand came up an' gently stroked her hair, then her wings. His eyes were suspiciously wet.

Bliss was clappin his hands, bouncin up an' down. Dite was boohooin inta a pink (naturally) hankie, an' Ma was scowlin so hard that it had ta be 'cause she was fightin down tha same reaction. Cupid had his hand ovah his mouth, hidin a smile, an' I know that I was grinnin like a fool.

"Well," I said, "I guess it's oh-ficial. Apology accepted." Apollo smiled. "So, I guess that means I should go take tha laxitive outta yer nags' feedbags."