Just Another Myth
By Scribe
Joxer sat on a stump in the woods, gazed fondly at the fuzzy little creature in his lap. "What a cute little pink nose." He stroked sleek fur. "And you're so soft." *meeeer!* There was a flash, and Ares appeared before him. Joxer grinned at his husband. "Hi!"
Ares came closer and bent. Joxer lifted his face and received a kiss. "How much longer are you going to have to do this field work?" asked Ares. "When we got married, I thought you were done traveling with Xena and Gabrielle."
Joxer shrugged. "Even with divine power, sometimes you can get a better sense of how things are by getting out among the people. Just another couple of days, and I'll have a firm handle on the dynamics." *mmerow!*
Ares stared at Mjau. "I don't think I've heard Mjau sound so pissed since Strife put that barrier spell around his catnip mouse."
"Yeah, he's in a bad mood. Maybe I shouldn't have brought him with me on this trip but..." Joxer ducked his head sheepishly. "I like to have him with me. He makes me think of you." *rowr!* "Hush!" *snarl* "Woops! Okay, okay, wiggler. You can get down." He gently set the animal on the forest floor.
Ares stared as the rabbit hopped past him. Mjau, who had been sitting at Joxer's feet, dropped to his belly and began to stalk after it, tail lashing. "Mjau!" said Ares sharply. The cat stopped, tilting his head to look up at him. "I don't think Joxer would like it if you ate that thing." Mjau growled again, but came back to sit in his previous seat beside Joxer's feet.
Joxer reached down and stroked his pet. "I don't know why you're so jealous. You know that I'm not going to make a pet out of that rabbit--I'm just watching it for the Muses."
"You're rabbit-sitting?"
"Well, they all have to attend a literary festival today at Apollo's main temple, and they didn't want to leave him alone on Olympus."
"What are they doing adopting rabbits? I thought they had plenty of cute, fuzzy animals. I mean, Scribe's cats keep popping kittens out."
"He isn't exactly a pet. Apparently he's a completely new species."
"Gaia hasn't felt creative for a long time."
"Oh, Gaia didn't make him."
"Then who?"
"Apollo. Y'see, Apollo has been working with the Muses on a way to get ideas to writers. Right now they're all having to personally whisper the ideas in the writers' ears. They aren't producing as much as they'd like, and they're tired all the time. Lately they've been too tired to..." He blushed. "You know."
Ares smirked. "Yeah, that would shift 'Pol, if nothing else would. How are those little things supposed to help?"
"The way they explained it to me..."
Xena strode into the clearing, slowing as she caught sight of Ares. Their antagonistic relationship had mellowed quite a bit recently. Joxer had saved Ares' life, Ares had saved Joxer, and now Joxer was a God, and they were married, and Joxer was pregnant. Xena knew that Ares had been heartily against having his expectant spouse away from the relative safety of Olympus, but Joxer had showed a stubborn streak to go with his strong sense of duty. He had argued that soon it would be dangerous for him to be on earth, so he wanted to get a firm grip on his responsibilities.
Ares had finally acquiesced when Ace had taken him aside and told him that this conflict was putting unneeded stress on the pregnant god, and Ares should just shut up and let him do what he needed to. Joxer would be anchored to Olympus for a long time after the baby came, and he needed this last bit of freedom. Then Ace had patted a glum Ares and assured him that Joxer would be very careful--he'd never risk their child. And besides... Ace grinned, "He's carrying Xena's nephew. Any idea what she'd do to someone who threatened him?" Ares' feral grin said that he knew very well.
There were still tensions--their history could not just be forgotten--but now there wasn't instant hostility each time they met. Xena came closer, nodding at Ares. "I figured you'd show up, sooner or later. Gabby almost has supper ready. There should be enough, if you'd like to join us."
"Don't mind if I do." Ares gave Joxer a hand, helping him to his feet, and they started toward camp. "Something smells good. What's for supper?"
"It was going to be just fish, but we lucked out. A big, fat rabbit hopped right up to Gabrielle. Never saw anything like it. Little sucker just sat there, twitching his nose at her, till she reached down and... Joxer, what's wrong? You're looking green."
They'd reached the campsite. Gabrielle was preparing a familiar looking rabbit skin. Joxer's eyes widened in horror as Gabrielle reached over and plucked a morsel off the carcass resting on a spit over the fire. She munched it as she looked up, then scowled. "What's Ares doing...?" Suddenly her eyes widened. She scrabbled frantically in her bag, coming up with parchment and ink. "Quills! Where are my quills? This is the most brilliant idea I've ever had, and I have to get it down now!"
There was a golden flash, and Apollo appeared, looking around. "Where is it? I felt..." He spotted the carcass and managed something pretty close to falsetto, "What the fuck happened?"
Ares voice dripped satisfaction. "Gabby."
"That's a prototype! It took me months to get it just right. Ooo..." Apollo shook back the sleeves of his robe, flexing his fingers.
"Hey!" Xena grabbed her chakram.
"Cool it," Apollo hissed. "I'm not going to do anything damaging--not physically damaging, anyway, but there have to be repercussions."
Ares said, "Xena? Sometimes these things have to happen. And he won't really hurt her--she's too good at flattering him." Xena thought, then nodded, and stepped back. Through this all Gabrielle, who had found her quills, continued to scribble.
Apollo growled, "I'm glad that thing worked, but they are not meant to be taken internally. Now I won't be able to give it another assignment. For that..." He threw a ball of gold sparkles at her. They struck, and a shimmer passed over her body.
Gabrielle kept writing for another minute or so. Then she slowed down, brow puckering. She hesitated, seeming to reread something, wrote another line, then stopped again. She stared and made a face like she'd just bitten into a lemon. "It was going so well. Now it's turned into absolute crap." She crumpled up the parchment, tossing it angrily in the fire, and pulled out another sheet, beginning again.
Apollo grinned savagely. You'd never think someone so shiny could look so dark. He looked at the others. "She'll never get it right now, but it will torment her. She'll start it and scrap it, over and over again. It will haunt her. It could very well be the last thing she thinks of on her death bed."
Joxer looked a little dismayed, but Ares gave Apollo the thumbs up. "I'll be sure to tell Strife about this one. He might very well give you a respite from his attention for something this perfect." Apollo bowed and disappeared.
Ares said, "Joxer, how about just spending the night back home? You can come back before they break camp. I don't think you'll be comfortable eating anything you've made friends with."
"You're right about that," Joxer agreed. "Zeen, I'll be back around daybreak. If I miss you, I'll catch up with you on the road, okay?" Xena, watching fascinated as Gabrielle angrily ripped another failed attempt to shreds, simply nodded.
As Ares and Joxer walked a few steps away, preparing to flash out, Ares said, "Lot of fuss over a simple rabbit."
"That wasn't just any rabbit. That was the first and only plot bunny."
"Plot bunny?" Ares shivered slightly, struck by a sudden, unexplainable chill. Ares cast a slightly nervous look over his shoulder. "Why do I have the feeling that we're going to have dealings with those things, somewhere down the line?"
