miscellany n 1: a collection containing a variety of sorts of things.

"Oh, wow, it's a good thing we got here early." Willow stood on tiptoe, trying to peer over the heads of the people in front of her, and not having too much success.

Buffy sighed. "Tell me again why we're here instead of doing something more interesting, like vegging out in front of the tube with a Diet Coke."

"Because you decided to take Social Anthropology. I have to agree that it might come in handy in your line, since it would give you insight into cultural mythologies that would be useful to a Slayer. But that D you're pulling down is not going to help your GPA, and your teacher is going to give you extra credit for attending these lectures.

" "As much as I dislike dishonesty, wouldn't it be easier if I just said I came?"

"Yes, it would be easier--up to the point that you have to write the essay he's going to require."

Buffy made a face. "Teachers are so unreasonable." She suddenly looked a little less bored. "Hey, Xander. Xander!" She waved her hand over her head. "Over here, Xand!"

Xander started to weave his way through the packed bodies in front of the lecture hall, toward the girls. When someone muttered about breaking in line, Xander said, "No line here, dude, and I don't think there is such a thing as breaking in mob." When he reached the girls he offered Willow a grin. "Greetings. Where's Scarlett's Home?"

Buffy frowned. "I don't know anyone named Scarlett, much less where she lives."

"He means 'where's Tara?'," Willow informed him. "She promised to babysit for one of our friends."

"What are you doing here, Xander?" Buffy asked. "Lectures aren't usually your thing."

"There's a couple of jocks earning a little pocket money working part time with the crew. The buzz reached me about this little shindig, so I thought I'd drop by."

Buffy pointed at a bulge in Xander's jacket pocket. "Are you glad to see me, or what?"

Willow blinked. "Buffy, that really only works if the lump in in their pant's pocket."

Xander pulled out an apple and polished it on his shirt. "For the professor."

Buffy smirked. "Kissing up, Xander?"

Xander gave her a mysterious smile. "Kissing up to this teacher can be a whole lot of fun."

"Scuse me, pardon me."

Xander looked up at the voice, smiling. He called, "It's not gonna be that easy, Sandburg. People don't shift around here, once they settle."

"Well, crap!" The voice rose. "Look, if I can't get in there, I can't open the doors, I can't do the lecture." There was a ragged cheer.

Willow could barely make out the top of Blair's head over the crowd. "Blair, you have to give the lecture. I've got a friend who really needs the credit."

There was a tall, handsome man with dark, receding hair next to Blair, and he laughed. "Looks like it's time for the Rangers." He started bulling a way throught the crowd, easily shouldering people aside, with Blair following in the cleared path. "C'mon, hot lecturer, comin' through."

"Yeah," Xander murmured. "Real hot lecturer."

The pair passed near the trio, and Xander called, "Hey, Ellison! Hi!"

Jim located Xander. "Xander, good to see you." He veered slightly, coming over to them.

"Well." The single word was soft, and Willow and Xander looked at Buffy curiously. Their friend was giving her hair a quick finger comb, moistening her lips, and tugging her blouse down in front so that a hint of cleavage showed. Puzzled, Willow looked at Xander.

"Wills, we already know with Riley that Buff can go for the big, macho, para-military sort, so..." Xander pointed at the big, buff man who'd just come alongside them.

Willow pictured Jim Ellison in olive drab. "Oh."

Jim smiled at the young people. "Fall in behind Blair and we'll get you seats near the front." He pushed on by.

Blair, looking a little frazzled, was following close behind, his arms loaded down with thick volumes, and muttering, "I hate crowds, I hate crowds." He paused when a round, red apple thumped down on his top book. Looking up, he saw Xander ginning at me. Blair couldn't resist waggling his eyebrows. "Don't tempt me, Good Neighbor Xand."

"Sandburg, hurry up before the Red Sea fills back in," called Jim.

As the three young people followed Blair up to the doors, Buffy was saying, "Good neighbor Xand? The Red Sea?"

"Buffy, have you ever actually watched a movie that was made before your date of birth?" Xander asked.

"Sure. I've seen The Lost Boys, but of course that was before I moved here and totally lost the need to look at cool dressing vampires. No, wait. That was released in 1987--I was born in, um..." She pushed Willow and Xander on the shoulder. "Hurry up, or we'll lose our seats."

It was one of the larger lecture halls, but it filled up quickly. Willow, Xander, and Buffy got seats right down in front, thanks to polite words and long stares from Blair's companion.

Blair and Jim busied themselves setting up an overhead projector and arranging materials as the room filled up. The majority of the female attendees (and some of the male) followed their activities with a great deal of appreciation. Xander leaned over to Buffy and said, "Buff? Drool is not a good look for you."

Blair stepped to the front of the teaching dias, rubbing his hands together. "Hi! I'm Blair Sandburg, a cultural anthropologist, and I'm here to provide a chance for you fine folk to nudge your GPAs a little higher. Hopefully you will also learn a little something, and you might even enjoy it." There were snorts. Blair didn't seem dismayed. He continued, "The subject of this lecture course will be Sex: Facts and Myths Through the Ages." Now there was whistling and clapping. "And before you ask, no, there will not be a 'show and tell' section." There was laughter, and the atmosphere in the room relaxed significantly.

"Yeah, yeah. Now, it's not all gonna be fun. There will be a five page essay due at the end of the semester." Groans. "It gets worse. You'll have to do it like a regular test--no writing it, then handing it in." Moans. "Shut up, you babies," he said cheerfully. "I'll give you a choice of topics, and you'll have an hour. Grammer, spelling, and legibility will count. Quit acting like I just gave you all three months to live. I'm not going to be taking attendance, so if you can find someone you trust to share notes or tape the lectures, that's fine by me. If you can speak English and have an attention span greater than the average two year old you should do all right."

"Let's start with historical facts. There have always been male and female, since the first fish decided to try using those stiffened fins to crawl from one muddy pool to another. We won't worry about before that. I understand some creatures managed asexual reproduction, but I'm betting they didn't have much fun at it."

"Now, one of the earliest representations we have of a woman, indeed, of a human is the so-called Venus of Willendorf. I'm sure you're all familiar with the most widely known image of Venus, the Venus di Milo?"

A voice called from the back of the room, "Yeah, the babe who can't hug back." There were catcalls and whistles.

Buffy muttered, "I remember her. She could lose a few pounds."

"Well, this figurine, less than five inches high, was carved some time in the Paleolithic era of pre-history, and shows that there was a great difference in the two society's interpretation of a female form. Could someone in back get the lights?" Someone did. Blair laid a book face down on the projector, and Jim hit the switch. An image of an ovoid figure, consisting mostly of bulbous belly, breast, and buttocks, with head, arms, and legs that were almost afterthoughts, was projected on the screen. Someone made a gagging sound, and Blair said calmly, "There speaks ignorance." A very plump girl in the second row giggled, then sighed dreamily.

The lecture went well. There was often laughter. When the lights came up at the end several of the young men could be seen furtively adjusting lumps in their jeans, but nothing had been presented that couldn't be found in a dozen textbooks, worldwide. Xander had the feeling that this little lecture had given some of the jocks a whole new perspective on the learning experience.

Most of the crowd filed out right away, but a group came down and clustered around the lecturer. While Jim quietly restacked the materials, Blair dealt with a half dozen admiring, twittering girls. He charmed them, right and left, and gently turned aside a couple of invitations, both spoken and hinted.

When they finally drifted off, Xander introduced Willow to Jim, and Buffy to both of them. Xander watched Buffy's reaction to Jim, forcing himself to refrain from shaking his head. *Look at that. One shoulder lift, chin dip, gazing up through the lashes, slow smile. Did she...? Oh, no. No, no, no. She just wet her lips--and she's playing with her hair! Oh, Riley, m'man, you better not slack off or your Slayer will be slippin' around.*

Blair, while making conversation with Willow and Xander, watched in amusement as Buffy tried to put the moves on Jim. *Not a chance, babe. The last blonde Jim went for was Stanley, and he let Jim screw his ass, then shave his pubes, right before jumping into an orgy. Somehow I doubt you'd be up for that.*

Buffy was telling Jim how fascinated she was by modern crime fighting techniques. Willow and Xander blinked at each other. Generally speaking, the height of Slayer weaponry technology consisted of crossbows, unless you wanted to count the SuperSoakers loaded with holy water (though Giles said that there were studies being conducted on the possibility of using portable UV ray lights as an effective sorce of portable, round-the-clock sunshine).

Xander finally had enough and said loudly, "Say, Buff, you really need to introduce Riley to Jim! Ex-ranger, paramilitary macho olive drab adddict--they could have some things in common."

"Shut up!" Buffy hissed, then smiled again at Jim. "Riley and I... uh... belong to a social club."

Xander tried not to choke. Willow just widened her eyes and said, "C'mon, Buffy. I promised Tara I'd write up notes for her on this lecture." They said their good-byes and walked up the aisle, Buffy putting just the tiniest bit of sway in her hips, and peeking back at the door for another wave.

Jim looked at Xander. "Is her name really Buffy?"

"Could it be anything else? You guys going right back to the apartment?"

Blair patted the projector. "I want to take this back to the library first. Giles said we can keep it in his office between lectures, so we don't have to haul it back and forth from the Magic Box."

"Can I bum a ride with you guys?"

"Sure." Jim shoved most of the stack of books into Xander's arms. "You just have to earn your way as a pack animal."

Blair took the rest of the stack, and Jim hefted the projector with little visible strain. Blair said, "Okay, yee-ha! Move 'em out, mule train." He led the way out of the lecture hall, then out of the Anthropology Building and across the small green to the campus library.

Inside Blair spotted Giles at one of the front work stations, patiently trying to explain the intricacies of using the computer instead of a card catalogue. "Hey, Giles!"

Giles looked up wearinly, and immediately felt energized when he saw Blair coming toward him. Blair seemed to either perk you up, or drain you--no real inbetweens. "Good evening, Blair. Xander. And...?"

"My partner--Jim Ellison," Blair introduced.

"Hi. I'd shake hands, but..." Jim lifted the projector minutely.

"Oh, yes, of course. Mm, I'll need to be here a bit longer. Why don't I give you the key to my office, and you can leave it there?"

While Giles fished out the key, Blair said, "Xander, why don't you take Jim down and show him where it is? I want to talk to Giles about the lecture series."

"Mm-hm," said Jim, and he and Xander walked toward the elevator. "He wants a chance to stand behind him and look at his butt."

"Do you blame him?" Xander punched the button, and the elevator doors slid closed.

"Nope. Actually, that was one of his better excuses." Xander slipped his hands in his pockets.

Jim raised an eyebrow. "Cold?"

"Nope--horny. I can't risk grabbing your ass because if you drop that projector and break it, Giles will have mine."

"I can think of worse things than Giles having your ass."

"Giles?" Xander looked surprised, then considering. "Yeah, Giles."

"You mean to tell me you know him, and you HAVEN'T thought about him like that?"

"Give me a break, Ellison. It wasn't so long ago I admitted to myself that I look at guy's asses more than girls' asses. And Giles... He was librarian when I was in school. I had a hard time seeing him as the same species, much less a lust object." *Crap, Harris, you've gotten it on with Oz, what the fuck are you moaning about species for?*

The door slid open and they stepped out into the basement. Xander started leading Jim back to the cubbyhole of Giles's office. Jim waited patiently as Xander unlocked the door and stood aside. Jim carried the projector in and Xander followed him.

It took them a few moments to figure out where to park the projector so that Giles would be able to get around his desk and sit down. Finally Jim bent down and sort of wedged it into a corner. Before he could stand back up, hands grabbed his hips, and he felt a firm teenage crotch pressed against his ass. He chuckled. "We don't have time, Xander."

"Hey, I can be fast when I need to."

"We don't have condoms, either."

"Damn." Xander let go and stepped back far enough for Jim to stand back up and turn around.

Jim was thinking about laying a kiss on Xander, but he froze. There was someone standing in the office doorway, and he hadn't heard them come up. *Never mind heartbeat, I didn't hear footsteps. Are my senses going haywire in the opposite direction this time?*

He was a tall, pale young man with carefully coiffed dark hair. He was dressed in head to toe black, and Jim looked at him carefully. That style choice sometimes heralded trouble. "Can we help you?"

"Oops," Xander whispered. Then he heard the newcomer's voice.

"I was looking for Ruper Giles." Jim watched as Xander flinched, his expression tightening. He turned slowly. There was a pause as Xander and the stranger studied each other. Finally the stranger said, "Harris."

Xander's voice was cool. "Deadboy." A pause. "That is you, isn't it?"

*Peculiar. I'd have sworn Xander recognized him right off,* Jim thought.

But the other young man nodded, and Xander visibly relaxed. "Jim, this is Angel. Angel, Jim Ellison. Giles is upstairs."

"Thanks."

As he started to turn Xander said quickly, "Buffy was here, but she left a little while ago."

Angel stopped and turned back. There was an unreadable expression in his eyes, but his voice was cool. "Thanks for telling me, Harris. By the way, Cordelia sends her regards." He left, disappearing into the clutter and shadows.

*There's some sort of history here,* Jim thought. Aloud he said, "Long lost friend?"

"Not exactly." *Shit, I forgot how hot he was. Thank God it wasn't Angelus. But what the hell is he doing back in Sunnydale?* "C'mon, Big Guy. Blair will be waiting."

Jim thought about how silently Angel moved, and decided that he it might be a good idea to hurry.