Hermione was the first one to get up the courage to approach her. She sidled over, then said, "You're the most popular girl in school."

Scribe sat down on the side of her bed, putting her head in her hands. "No, no, no, no. I refuse to be blonde, lead cheers, or change my name to Brittany, Tiffany, or Nicole."

"What are you talking about?"

"Or Heather. Though I have to admit that Christian Slater made a most appealing sociopath." Hermione stared at her. "Oh, come on. I can understand the others not getting it, but you were raised in the Muggle world..." She stared at the girl, then sighed. "You were raised in a Muggle world--not mine. Crap. Being the oldest person in any of the classes would be bad enough, but this is like being the oldest, plus an exchange student--from Mars."

"Anyway, you're the most popular girl in school. All the boys are wondering if you wear knickers or Y-fronts, and you're engaged to both a teacher and a prince. All you have to do now is snag Harry, and that shouldn't be too difficult."

"I don't want Harry. I think he's much cuter with Ron or Draco."

The surrounding girls gaped, and Hermione squeaked, "Excuse me?"

*Oops.* "I said if I don't get a computer soon I'm going to run amuck. Look, will you cherubs please back off? I've had respiration troubles before in my life, and this is getting a bit close."

One of the girls frowned. "What are these computers, and why do you want them so much?"

Scribe glanced heavenward. "Another test, right? See if I can keep from corrupting an entire race of children with net-addiction." She made shooing motions. "Go. Sleep. Let a heartily confused woman have a bit of peace."

The girls dispersed, getting into bed, and the lights were put out. Scribe settled in, hoping for sleep.

A voice drifted out of the darkness. "Scribe? That Strife guy was kinda cute. Does he like younger women?"

*sigh* "Oh, lord, where to begin? First off--Cupid would be pissed..."

"Miss Granger, please remain after class for a few moments."

Hermione stifled a groan as she finished scrubbing up her work station (who knew that iguana intestines had explosive qualities?). She went over the class period in her mind, trying to figure out what she'd done to cause Snape to keep her after class. Nothing jumped out at her.

Ron and Harry gave her sympathetic looks as they left. Finally she trudged up to the front desk to meet her fate. Snape regarded her, then said, "As I'm sure you are aware, we have a free period this afternoon. Have you any plans?"

Hermione blinked. *One, he wouldn't date a student. Except Scribe, but I guess that's two--he's besotted with her. As besotted as Snape can get, I suppose.* "I'd thought about going into Hogsmeade..."

"Some other time. I have an errand to run, and the assistance of someone familiar with the Muggle world will be invaluable."

"Muggle world? You mean--off campus?" Hermione's voice was rising toward a squeak. "Away from Hogwarts?"

"Well, since this is a wizarding community--yes." Snape's voice was acerbic. "We'll need to visit Diagon Alley first, but I believe that the other establishments I'll need to visit will probably be located nearby. It IS in the middle of one of the larger Muggle cities, I believe."

"London? Uh... yes. It is. But I hardly think I ought to go. I mean, do you have Dumbledore's permission? I wouldn't want to do anything that might get me suspended, or expelled."

Snape stared at her levelly. "But you have no problems with not doing something, and most assuredly earning a failing grade for yourself and most of your classmates in Potions?"

"When do we leave?"

"After lunch. Before we go--is a computer considered to be a major purchase?"

"It is unless you're getting a cracker box for nothing but sending email and playing kiddie games."

"How much does one cost?"

"It all depends on what you want with it. It's sort of like... Well, they're kind of like cars. You can get anything from a used Yugo to deluxe BMW, with all the extras... And I'm using car analogies on a wizard, whose main form of transportation is broom. Um... From a Bob's Bargain Brush to a Lightening Strike SG 4000?"

Snape blinked. "My. That would cost..." His eyes narrowed. "What the hell. What's the use of saving it for my old age when there either might not BE an old age, with 'him' around, or I won't be able to do what I really want to do physically."

"Like white water rafting?"

Snape stared at her. "You may do fantastic on studying, Granger, but you're still thick as a brick in some sections of real life. Hasn't dating Viktor Krumm taught you anything?"

Hermione blushed. "Oh. Right."

"How does one usually make a significant purchase in the Muggle world?"

Hermione frowned. "Well, even if you could open a checking account, most places need all sorts of ID before they'll take a cheque these days. I don't suppose you have a credit card, do you?"

"No. But now that you mention it, I did once receive something telling me that I'd been pre-approved for something called a VISA."

"They're everywhere these days. Your best bet will be hard cash--Muggle money, not wizarding."

"That makes sense. I'll have to make a withdrawal at Gringot's, then get it changed to Muggle money."

"That might not be so easy."

"I generally find that most people are willing to over look a few tiny restrictions when confronted with pure precious metal. You'd best go on to your next class. And Miss Granger? Nothing to anyone else about this, if you please. Or if you don't please."

Hermione waited nervously under the suspicious eyes of a horde of goblins in Gringot's, while Snape was taken down to his vault. When he returned they went to a back room at the Leaky Cauldron, and Snape emptied a small bag onto a table. There was a pretty substantial pile of galleons, and Hermione tried not to gulp. It was more money than she'd ever seen in one place at one time, including the time she'd seen her Dad buying traveler's cheques for their vacation in Cypress. When she was sure she could speak without squeaking she said, "Professor, they won't take galleons. I mean, a lot of the bigger places will take American dollars, but if you present them with a galleon..."

"Don't be dense, Granger. I have no intention of handing over these coins in their present state. It wouldn't do to give a Muggle evidence of our existence, would it?" He pulled out his wand, tapped the pile, and murmured, "Fundo." The sharp stamped designs on the coins blurred, the edges rounded--they generally seemed to soften. Gradually they lost their individuality. Soon there was a shimmering yellow puddle on the tabletop. Snape flicked the wand again and said, "Laterculus." The liquid shivered, then pulled up, gathering itself till it was once again solid--this time in the shape of a small ingot. Snape picked it up, weighed it in his palm, then dropped it into Hermione's hand. "Do you suppose this will be sufficient?"

Hermione had almost dropped the bar. Now she rubbed her wrist. 'I think you could buy stock in Microsoft with this." One of Snape's eyebrows went up. "Never mind. If we can find someone who'll cash this in for us at anything remotely like a legal rate, it should be plenty."

"I've strolled the area, and there are numerous shops with signs declaring that they buy gold, silver, and gems."

Hermione made a face. "Pawn shops. Yes, you're likely to find one that will be happy to buy the gold, but since they figure you probably stole it, they won't want to give you much for it."

Snape stroked his wand, his eyes hooded. "I believe I can persuade them to be fair."

The two clerks in the Cyber Solutions store were doing what they'd been doing for the best part of the shift--staring (either blankly at each other, or blankly into space). Bert, the male, heaved a deep sigh. Alice, the female (and this is significant. Remember we're in England, where you can occasionally run into men named Vivyian, Beverly, Shirley, and Evelyn--I'm not making this up), said, "Stop sucking all the bloody oxygen out of the air."

Bert flipped her the bird. They shared, shall we say, a competitive working relationship. "Like you need it, you anorexic cow. I haven't seen your chest rise for a month, but then again that might be because your chest is flatter than my six year old sister's."

"Just like you--noticing your little sister's chest."

*brrring*

Both clerks looked up with the alertness of a couple of starved Rotweillers who have just seen and scented a pizza delivery boy laden with a SuperMonster Meaty--and they can't decide to go for the animate or inanimate protein first. They zeroed in on the two figures who had come through the entrance--a short girl with frizzy hair, and a tall man--in teacher's robes? Light bulbs figuratively popped into existence over both heads as their thoughts ran *School computer. Ka-ching! Commission!*

Snape looked down in surprise to find Hermione clinging to his robes. He followed her wide-eyed stare to see the two clerks bearing down on them. "Steady on, Granger. You've faced down ogres, three-headed giant dogs..."

"But these are sales clerks on commission." She was a little pale. "I wish I'd had another semester of Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Can I help you, sir?" It was a duet. The clerks glared at each other. "Sod off--he's mine." Stereo.

Snape blinked, then looked down at Hermione. "Has someone hit them with a Synchro spell?"

Hermione sighed. "No. It's just that most of these sort have minds that work exactly the same in a given situation."

"Telepathy?"

"Not quite. Just predictability. One of them is about to try to pull rank, or indicate that the other should be doing some chore that's vitally important for job security."

Alice said, "Bert, the boss wants an accurate count of all the splitters and cables before end of shift."

Bert put a hand to his cheek, eyebrows going up as if in surprise. "You're right! And since I have two weeks seniority on you, you'd better jump to it while I take care of this customer."

The glare Alice gave Bert made Snape think that she might have made a decent Death Eater if she hadn't been a Muggle, but instead of strangling her rival she stomped back toward the storeroom, muttering under her breath. Snape observed, "She seems a bit irate."

Bert shrugged. "I'll have to lock up my lunch and not turn my back on my sodas for a couple of months, but she'll get over it." He rubbed his hands together. "Now, then--how may I help you?"

"I need something called a computer."

*silence*

"Uhh-huh. Well, I can help you with that." *pause* "Do you have any idea of what you'd like?"

An edge crept into Snape's voice. "I already told you--a computer."

"I see. What do you want to do with it? That'll give me some idea of what you need."

Snape thought. *I don't suppose I can very well tell him I want to give it to a woman in hopes that she'll drop her knickers for me. Although I don't know why I shouldn't--plenty of men buy expensive presents for exactly that reason.* "Granger, stay here a moment." He moved to the side, motioning for the clerk to follow him. When Snape judged them to be out of his student's earshot he whispered, "It's going to be a gift for a lady."

The clerk nodded. "Your wife?"

"No." Snape thought for a moment. He wanted to get the idea across, but being crude went against his grain. "If you can grasp this, it's in the hope that she won't be quite so much of a lady."

Bert's expression lit up. "Ah! You're courting a girl geek."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Don't worry. The situation isn't as rare as some people seem to think, though in truth most girl geeks are courted by boy geeks, who are much more likely to spend electronics cash on themselves. But the possibility of getting horizontal time is a BIG incentive, so the sales do happen. But if you're trying to have this end with an interface, you probably need to buy an impressive layout." He snorted. "I mean--you won't get far if the best you're willing to go is a standard package. You'll want a primo sound card, and video card, maybe with 3D acceleration..."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I'll just have to trust you on this. And you might as well take that gleam out of your eyes. If I find out I've been diddled, I will come back, and believe me--your Alice will be as much of a threat as the one who fell down the blasted rabbit hole compared to what I will do to you."

Bert got a good look at Snape's eyes. "Okay, okay. Are you going to use dial up or DSL?"

"What?"

"You know--are you connecting to the Internet by phone, or by cable? You do intend to get on the net, right?"

"Most definitely. I distinctly recall her talking about that. But we don't have a phone--nor cables, I believe."

Bert swallowed, then said cautiously. "Well, there is a satellite dish hook up available, but you'd have to buy the system, have it installed, and subscribe to a service, and that could be sort of expensive on top of the computer system."

Snape pulled out a pad of cash roughly the size of a house brick and dropped it on the counter. "Will this be sufficient?"

Bert had to take a minute to regain his breath. He was glad that he was past adolescence, because he knew damn well that when he was fourteen, something this good would have given him a spontaneous orgasm.

Albert stepped out of his shop, and almost ran into a tall man. "Good afternoon," the man intoned. "I understand that you install satellite systems."

"I do," Albert replied. "But I'm about to get off work. Call tomorrow and I can give you an appointment for sometime in the next month."

"That won't do. It most particularly won't do to have you coming out all on your to the place the dish will be set up. Even if you could find it, something might eat you."

"Tough neighborhood, eh?"

"You might say that. If you come with me immediately, I will be willing to pay double the installation price."

"Oh, now, look. I'm contracted to the company, and if I charge more than what they allow, they'll..."

"In cash."

Albert squinted at the sky. "I'll get my tools. Is it nearby? I hate trying to work after dark."

"It isn't nearby, but believe me, the trip will be quick. I feel I must warn you, though, that once I've brought you back to this place, you will forget everything from the moment you stepped out of that door."

"You're paying me cash? You bet you're life I'm forgetting it. As far as Inland Revenue and my old lady are concerned, it isn't going to happen at all."

A few hours later Snape ushered a disheveled and confused Albert out of the Leaky Cauldron and down the street toward his shop. Albert was babbling. "I'm telling you, I saw it when I was on the roof setting the dish. If that wasn't a mermaid in the lake..." He shook himself. "Look, we need to let the Olympics committee know about her! We could bloody well sweep the golds in all the swimming events. And you lot need to contact Guinness, because I'm pretty damn sure that place qualifies as the Most Haunted House in Britain easily. And..."

"You're sure the system will work?"

"Oh, yes. You saw--I checked it over right before that floating imp appeared and attempted to give me a wedgie."

"Peaves has been warned about leaving the equipment alone. I've threatened to turn him into a house elf if he does anything to it. Now..." Snape pulled out his wand and flicked it. "Oblivio."

Albert blinked at him for a moment, then said, "I'm sorry, sir, but I haven't time for another customer today. It's almost..." He consulted his watch, then shook his head. "Blimey! I'm going to have to lay off visiting the pub on my lunch breaks. Time is just running away from me." He patted his pocket, and pulled out a thick wad of cash. He gaped at it a moment, then carefully tucked it away again. "Or perhaps not. If you'd like to make an appointment..."

"No, thank you. I don't believe that will be necessary. There's no hurry now."

"Suit yourself. I just hope you get what you want."

Snape's eyes glinted. "I fully intend to."