"How's the cheek, Mulder?" They were climbing the steps of the J. Edgar Hoover building, on their way to work.

Fox touched the fading blue mark gingerly. "S'okay."

Dana looked ashamed. "Look, I'm sorry I ran off and left you like that. I mean, I'm a doctor, I should have..."

"Don't worry about it, really. A... um... good Samaritan... *heavy sigh* oh boy, was he good, helped me out. Say, what's going on over at the hotel next door?"

Dana peered over at the hotel. The lot was full, people were busily bustling in and out, and there was a large WELCOME banner strung over the entrance. "Looks like a convention of some sort."

"What kind?"

They read the marquee. "Huh. Federal Express? UPS?"

"The Postal Service? Couriers?"

They started back up the steps. "Freight companies? Trucking lines? Air lines?"

Dana shrugged. "The sign didn't specify. Could be any or all. None of our business, unless they get out of line."

"Well, conventions can be kinda wild, Scully. I remember one in Cincinnati. We never did figure out how that wombat got in the jello mould, and of course after he swallowed all that fruit cocktail..."

"This is more than I'd ever need or want to know, Mulder."

"Yoohoo!"

They paused, and turned to see a plump middle aged lady trotting over from the hotel. "Hold on, just a minute!" She panted up to them, and just stood for a moment, beaming.

Dana, eyeing her for potential psychosis, said cautiously, "Yes?"

"I just had to tell you what a cute couple you two are. And I'll always say so, no matter how politically fashionable those other pairings are."

"Uh... thank you?" Mulder muttered, and Dana urged him up the stairs. "What was that all about?"

"I have no idea. Unless you've been blabbing. I told you, I was so drunk at that Christmas party I didn't know who I dragged into the supply closet."

Blink. "That was you?"

"Yeah. Who did you think it was?"

Clears throat. "Never mind."

When they got to their office, there was a tall, slender young man waiting outside, holding a bunch of flowers. Dana looked pleased. The look faltered a bit when the man pushed the posies into Mulder's hands and burbled. "Hi! Just wanted to tell you that you and Walter are just absolutely perfect for each other! Don't let anyone tell you any differently, and don't be afraid to express your feelings."

Fox blushed furiously. "Did that damn plot bunny talk?!"

Dana started into the office. "I'm calling security." The young man blew Fox a kiss and hurried off. In the office, Dana asked, "What was that all about?"

Fox arranged the flowers tastefully in a vase. "You got me." He cocked his head thoughtfully. "Though, come to think of it, both of them were wearing buttons from that convention next door."

"Well, they don't need to be wandering around the building. I don't know why they're here. And why would he give you flowers?"

"You're just jealous."

"Am not."

"Are, too."

The door opened. A young woman with spikey blue streaked hair and piercings in nose, ears, tongue, and eyebrow, and wearing a T-shirt that said, 'I have a secret piercing. Guess correctly and win a private viewing' poked her head in. She pointed at Mulder. "Yo. You and Krycek, all the way, babe."

Fox turned pale, slumping into his chair. "Fuck! Can't anyone keep their mouths shut?!"

The girl snickered. "Not Ratboy, judging from what I read about you two."

Dana started to draw her gun, and the girl left hastily. "This is very confusing. Mulder, what was that about Krycek?"

"Never mind, but I think I may have an idea of what this is all about."

"Well, for heaven's sake, don't keep it to yourself. What is it?"

"I think I can tell for sure with a little experiment."

They stepped out into the hallway. Usually the basement corridors were pretty deserted. Now, though, there was a small crowd of people scattered along the hall. They were all shapes, ages, and sizes, and they were all wearing buttons from that convention at the hotel. When Mulder stepped out into the hall, they fell silent, and watched him with bright, intent, and (Dana thought in alarm) possessive eyes.

Mulder cleared his throat, then said clearly. "I think I'll go out, find some hunky total stranger, and have messy, meaningless, but intense hot monkey sex."

A protesting, dismayed babble arose immediately. "NONONONONO! Think about Dana/Walter/Alex..."

Fox ducked back inside as they advanced on the office, banging the door shut and locking it. "Okay, now you can call security!"

Someone started banging on the door. "Don't do it, Fox! You'll ruin such a beautiful, powerful love..."

Dana started dialing. "What is it, Mulder? Tell me!"

Fox was spread out against the door, which now shook with the force of the blows raining upon it from the other side. "Scully, you remember the bunny incident?"

"Yeah?"

"And after the truck rally... No, wait, I didn't tell you about that... But it fits!"

"Mulder..."

"It's the slash fan fiction, Scully! It strikes again!"

"What do you mean?"

The door was rattling on it's hinges.

"That convention next door... We were wrong, Scully! So wrong."

"Mulder! You don't mean..."

"Yes!"

Mulder's eyes were wild as the door started to tear loose in it's frame. "Scully... they weren't talking about those kind of 'shippers'..."