He's not my daddy. I had a Daddy.

Mama tried to get me to call him that for awhile, not very long, though. She gave up on it, cause even she could see how wrong it was.

You know, when I was little I used to believe my Mama knew everything. I guess all kids are like that, but once I knew how James was, well... She couldn't know everything if he managed to fool her enough to get her to marry him, could she?

I asked Uncle Ron once why she married him. Uncle Jerry was listening, and he said he wondered that himself. Uncle Ron looked at Jerry like maybe he ought to shut up, and said he supposed she was lonely. I said why? She had him and Jerry and Lally and me. He said that I'd understand it when I got older. There's so blame many things I'm s'posed to wait till I'm older to understand. I wish they'd explain them now.

Really, what is it with grownups? I met James when I was only about seven, and I could see what a snot he was. Why couldn't Mama?

He acted all friendly when he met me, patting me on the head. Now, that was a sure way to get on my bad side. He talked to me in that bright, sugary type of voice grownups use when they want you to like them. Like we can't tell.

Oh, he wanted to read me stories, and tell me jokes ('sept Mama got all upset at some of the jokes he told me. I think they was the kind they usually send the kids out of the room before they tell them.) Wanted to give me money, too. What blame good was money to me when I didn't get into town but about twice a year?

Him and Mama got married, and his buddy-buddy nature went out the window real fast. It was always, Can't you be quiet? Can't you keep the hell out of the way? How, small as our cabins are?

I think he hits my Mom. I know he makes her cry. I don't understand some of the stuff he says to her that make her get all quiet and sad eyed. Sometimes he tells her she's not a real woman. If she ain't, I'd like to know what the heck she is. She's done had two babies for him, I guess she must be a real woman, cause I know a fake one couldn't do that.

Jacob and Janelle. Okay, I guess he has been good for something. He did make them possible.

I love them pretty much to bits, even if Janelle don't do anything yet except sleep, eat, yell, and poop. Jakey was the same way when he was born, and he turned out fine. Even if he does play with my Star Wars action figures without asking.

Even Jakey is starting to be able to tell how rotten James is, and I s'pose Janelle will learn someday, if he stays around that long. I keep kinda hoping he'll up and leave. Maybe he's got it too easy up here.

James don't ever want to have anything to do with Jakey. Jakey's quit trying to crawl up on his lap to snuggle. When James jumped on him and threw him in the snow, actually playing with him, it surprised him. And me. That just ain't like James.

He even played with Scribe. Well, I'll tell you something, I think that's what he wanted it to look like. I think he did something bad to her.

I didn't see or hear much. Jakey had tackled me, and we were rolling around in the snow, and he was squealing. I heard James yell "Snow duck!" again, and I heard someone hit the ground and start thrashing around.

Then I couldn't really tell what was happening by the noise. There were some words, and... and grunts, but I heard Scribe say, real clear, "No! Stop it!"

By the time I got away from Jakey, Scribe was walking toward us, brushing snow off. She looked... I don't know. She always has pretty, pale skin, but then she looked like skimmed milk. And her eyes were huge. She looked like she wanted to cry, but she looked mad enough to chew nails and spit rust, too.

James was laughing. I knew that he must have done something to upset her, and was pleased about it. She was shaking all over. We all know she's not s'posed to get too cold, after she was sick. Especially now that she may be having Jerry's baby. Trust James to forget, or not care.

I just know he did something nasty to her. But she didn't say anything. She passed it off like it was a joke. I wasn't so sure. Then I was pretty sure when James asked me what I thought I was looking at.

Okay, I'm ten, but I'm not stupid. I know about sex. Mom don't believe in hiding too much, and we live in a real small cabin. I'd have to try to be ignorant not to know, and I know that James don't mind messin' around. Heck, I was at that barbeque. I knew him and that girl weren't in the van tradin' baseball cards.

But James is really, really being stupid if he's trying to mess with Scribe. For one thing, Jerry would gut him with a dull knife. For another, I think Scribe would make a pretty good try at scratching his eyes out.

But then, James ain't really smart. He's sly. There's a difference, and I know that. I don't think he does, though. I think he believes he's sharper than an axe bit, and we're all slow witted. But surely he ain't crazy enough to mess with his brother-in-law's woman? I ain't half his age, and I know how dangerous that is.

The only thing that would really upset me if James was to, say, get chewed up by a grizzly bear, is that it might kinda hurt Jakey. Janelle's too young to care, and I'm pretty sure Mom would only be upset for the same reason. But Jakey's still too little to realize what a snot his daddy is. Might be kind of a blessing if ol' James was to meet up with that grizzly bear before he did. But then, I wouldn't wish James-poisoning, even on a varmint.

He came back from Jerry's cabin today with a big old slice across his hand, and a piss-poor excuse for how he got it. 'Scuse me for the language, but that's what it was. Said he caught it on a nail. A nail where? Ron and Jerry and my daddy and my grandaddy built these cabins, and I've lived in 'em all my life, and I've never once run across a nail that wasn't hammered in, straight and true.

Jakey might believe that, but that's about all. I watched Lally put a handful of stitches in it, with James whining like Janelle when she has the colic. And Lally didn't look all that convinced by his explanation, either. But all she did was say it was a good thing he'd had a tetanus shot a while back, and tell him how to take care of the cut. Ron just sat at the table, watching him. But he had that look on his face, like someone was telling him a story. A lie story, not a story-story.

James went home, but I stayed to try some of the oatmeal cookies Lally had baked. She puts butterscotch chips and chopped nuts in them, and they're awful good.

I could hear a little bit of her whispering to Ron. "...need to do something, before she gets hurt."

Ron didn't look happy. "...not our place, baby. Jerry has to..."

"...well, why hasn't he...”

"...Justine and the kids." He looked at me, and I pretended to be stealing crumbs off the cookie plate. He nodded toward me, lifting his eyebrows while he looked at Lally.

She sighed, and said. "Something's going to give, Ron. I'm just afraid it's going to be an explosion."

"She should be safe, hon. Now that she's carrying, Jerry's going to be even more protective. He's going to hover over her like a bee over a clover patch in springtime."

"I know. But he can't be with her 24/7, all 52, can he?"

"I think Scribe might have something to say about it if..." He trailed off, looking at me. "If anything happens."

"But she’s never had to deal with that sort of shit before. Face it Ron, she led a sheltered life till Jerry snatched her out of that bank. She's feisty, and tough, I'll give her that. But she isn't used to dealing with things like him. She might hesitate to really use, um, effective force."

"If he messes with her, I think she should kill him." They look at me, all surprised. I continue. "Or Jerry should kill him. But I think Jerry could handle Scribe killing James better than Scribe could handle Jerry doin' it. She's kinda soft hearted."

Ron smiled at me. "You're a shrewd little dude, Mr. Joshua."

I shrugged. "I may have a different last name, after my daddy. But I'm a Bellewood."