So we hiked. Have I mentioned how much I hate walking? That's one reason why I've never been that much of a shopper, aside from finances. Plus looking at the size labels on clothing tends to make me nauseous. We finally came to Athens. Boy, what a difference a couple of millenia can make.

No skyscrapers, and the only paving was cobblestones on some of the bigger streets. Everything else was hard packed dirt. Boy, I hoped I wasn't here when the rainy season came. I mean, they didn't have showers. With my luck I'd take a face first dive into a puddle and have to wear it for a couple of days.

Athens was a bustlin' sorta place. Aside from the costumes and the haircuts, the population looked pretty much as it had back in my time. Or should that be forward in my time? Boy, time travel will mess up your concept of reality.

I stared, I'll admit it. Especially when a couple of beefy barbarians dressed in what looked like leather handkerchiefs and assorted crude armbands walked by. I gave a wolf whistle. I guess it hadn't changed much down through the centuries, 'cause they looked around and grinned. Unfortunately they also started to walk over, and I got the impression that I was in danger of being a lot more than pinched.

I scooted behind Xena, who'd been looking at me in astonished disbelief. She sighed and put her hand on her sword. The two stopped, considered, then left, but not before muttering something in a strange language. I don't know what they said, but Joxer blushed.

Xena rounded on me. "What were you thinking of?"

"I was thinking that if there was a good breeze I'd get a free show." Gabrielle made a gargling sound that I assume signified disapproval. "Heck, I was just expressing a little almost innocent admiration. I didn't think they'd take it seriously. That's the difference between guys and girls. Guys assume you mean it and accept."

"Well, restrain yourself!" Xena snapped. "I don't want to have to be hauling your butt out of trouble every time I turn around. Try to be less conspicuous."

"This from a woman wearing a leather bustierre and carrying a sword."

We kept walking, and Joxer said, "I would have defended you, Goddess Scribe."

I patted his arm. "I know you would, sweetie. Do we have to go much farther? We've passed a dozen places that look like inns."

"We're going to Meg's place. She always give us a good rate. Of course, if it's really busy, we might end up having to sleep in the tavern section, so the girls can do business."

I cocked my head at him. "What do they do--sell Amway?"

He looked puzzled (a natural expression for Joxer, as I was learning). "I don't think she has a girl named Amway. There was an Amy the last time I was there." Another blush. "She was... um... popular."

*So it's the world's oldest profession, and I don't mean baking.*

We came to a large, well kept looking building. "So, what's its name?"

"The Drunken Barbarian," Joxer replied.

"You know, a place with that name would be a great success in my time." We went in. The inside wasn't in quite as good a shape as the outside. I mean it wasn't dirty, but talk about jumbled. Tables and chairs any which way but the way they were designed to be used. Broken crockery on the floor. A snoring barbarian on the floor. I looked at Joxer. "Looks like the aftermath of a few conventions I've attended."

A middle aged woman was cleaning up, straightening furniture. Xena went to her and said, "We need to speak to Meg."

"She's sleepin'," the woman grunted.

Xena raised her voice. Boy, could she project. "Meg!"

There was a thump from upstairs. A woman who looked like a very slightly softer version of Xena (low cut dress instead of leather) appeared at the top of the stairs. A naked man (an *ahem* agitated naked man) was right behind her. "Hey, I'm not through yet!"

"Yeah, you are," Meg's voice was husky. "You used up your time a couple of hours ago. I just didn't kick ya out because you're cute, but you're not cute enough to interrfer with business." He grumbled and stomped back upstairs.

Meg trotted over, grinning. "Hi, guys!" She went straight to Joxer and gave him a hug that involved the full body. "Joxie!" She shook him lightly. "Great to see you again. When are you gonna leave these two and come to work for me?" She elbowed him. "I can set you up with all the patrician ladies you can handle." She snickered. "Or all the patrician men!"

Joxer turned beet red. "Hi, Meg. We're just here for a stop over."

"Gee, babe, I'm kinda crowded right now. Lemme think." She squinted. "Okay, I can clear two rooms for you tonight."

Gabrielle spoke up. "We'll need three."

Meg shook her head. "Three? I have overhead to cover, toots. I can't afford to have that much space out of action. Now, granted that some of the customers don't mind the occasional orgy downstairs, but..."

Xena pointed at me. "We have an extra member of the party."

"Oh, woo! I'm a party member! Don't tell my grandpa--he always votes Democrat," I offered.

Meg peered at me as if just seeing me. "Oh, so you do!" She eyed me up and down. "Cross dressing? Say, if you're interested I could set you up with a good number of curious patrician ladies." She looked at the pants. "Or short sighted men who like boys but aren't quite ready to make the leap yet."

"Meg!" Joxer scolded. "This is the Goddess Scribe!"

"A goddess, huh? Boy, wouldn't that pull in the customers?" she chortled. "I'll give you a sixty/forty split, sixty on your side."

Joxer blinked and looked at me. "Wow, she must really think you have potential. The best she ever offered me was fifty/fifty, and I'd have had to pay for linens."

"The one time in my life someone wants to recruit me, and it's a madam. No, thanks, Meg," I answered.

She shrugged. "Well, it's a standing offer. Anyway, two rooms--that's it."

Joxer said, "Scribe, maybe you could sleep with Gabby and Xena."

Gabby and Xena exchanged glances, and Meg said, "Three in a bed? Kinky! If you're willing I could set up show times and..."

"Meg," Gabby scolded. "Don't you ever think about anything but sex?"

"Sure. I think about money a lot, too." She turned to Joxer. "So why can't you two share a room?"

Joxer rubbed the toe of his boot on the floor. "Um..."

Gabby jumped in. "She can sleep down here."

Meg looked doubtful. "Well, she could, but she already said she wasn't interested in working, and with the number of drunk soldiers we get in here..."

"Oh, stop it," I sighed. "I can share a room with Joxer. It's not like the League of Decency is outside with their ears pressed to the door." I smiled at him. "Joxer? Do you know what the word 'no' means?"

He blinked. "Yes?"

"Yes, you know that no means no, or yes, no means yes?"

He blinked twice. "I don't know."

"It shouldn't be a problem."

Xena counted out the money to Meg, who tucked it in her bosom. I was impressed, especially since it was coins and not folding money. I thought that you had to wear a bra to be able to use your bust for a piggy bank.

Xena and Gabrielle decided to head over to a bath house. I declined, because I've done the communal shower thing (summer camp), and I don't care for it. Meg assured me that I could have a good sized tub to stand up in later that evening. She offered to arrange for a paying customer to watch. I declined. And I used to think that only guys had a one track mind when it came to sex.

"How about you, Joxer?" I asked.

"I usually head to a temple first thing. There's a temple to Ares up the block, if you'd like to come."

"Joxer, it was Ares who hauled my butt into this dimension. He was also more interested in my butt than I am comfortable with. You were at one of his temples just last night. Isn't there some other nice, safe deity you could go worship?"

He thought. "I haven't prayed to Aphrodite for a while." He sighed. "I gave up on Gabby a long time ago."

I frowned. "Then why do you moon after her?"

"It's good for her ego."

I smiled at him. "You have hidden depths, Joxer. She's a silly bitch for not liking you." He glowed. "Yeah, I wouldn't mind a trip to Aphrodite's temple."

"Good!" He started digging in his pack. "I have something in here for an offering for her. Ah!" He came up with what looked like a rock.

I examined it as we left the inn. "Cool. I used to have a rock collection when I was a kid. It wasn't, like, labeled or anything. It was just some smooth rocks I liked, and kept in a box."

"This is special! Look," he pointed to a shallow groove that ran entirely around the rock. I cocked an eyebrow at him. "It took me a long time to rasp this out, but I think I finally got it deep enough. I need a metal smith's shop."

I pointed. "Well, THAT place has a metal pot hanging over the door, and there are a lot of banging sounds coming from it."

We went inside, and sure enough, a man was banging dents out of a copper tub. Joxer said, "Excuse me? Could I borrow a chisel and hammer for just a minute?"

The owner scowled. "Those are my tools. I don't let them out of my sight."

"Oh, I only want to use them for a minute. If you let me, I'll give you something unique."

The man came over and handed Joxer a heavy mallet and a chisel with a wicked edge. "Go on. If you damage either of them, I'll take it out of your hide."

Joxer nodded agreeably. The rock wasn't entirely spherical, because when he set it on the table it didn't roll. He put the chisel carefully into the groove, and poised the mallet over it. "I've never done this before, but I've seen it done. I wonder which god I pray to for sure hands?"

"Cupid?" The both looked at me. "Hey, I figured the Love God would be a logical choice for talented hands. If not him, how about Hephastus. Doesn't he more or less have a lock on things that require tools?"

"Good suggestion." Joxer cleared his throat. "Oh mighty Hephastus, God of the Forge, I beg your guidance and assistance in this task." His voice dropped to normal. "Please don't let me screw it up. It's a present for 'Dite." He raised the mallet and brought it down on the chisel, hard. There was a crunch, and the stone split neatly in two.

It was hollow, and the interior was lined with sparkling pinkish crystals. "Oo, Joxer, a geode! It's beautiful."

"A geode? Is that what it's called?" He laid down the tools, picked up half of the geode, and handed it to the gaping metal smith. "There you go. Those are rare." He picked up the other half and we left.

He looked pleased. "It's even tinted pink. Aphrodite should like this."

"I'll give you this-it's original. I bet no one else has brought her a geode."

You know, I didn't realize they had pink marble temples. This one must not have survived to my time, or I'm sure I would have found it in the tourist guide. The pink theme was carried over in the interior decoration, with red and white accents.

A priestess came out to greet us, but when she saw it was Joxer she smiled and waved us on in. "They know you here?" I asked as we approached an altar.

"I've prayed to Aphrodite so many times about Gabrielle that we've gotten to be kinda friends."

"Whoa, friends with a love goddess. Nice if you can get it. So if she listened to you, why didn't she fix you up with Barbie?"

"Who?"

"Damn cultural references. Gabrielle."

"Oh. She said we weren't right for each other, and she'd only break my heart, and besides she was already in love with Xena."

"Three excellent arguments, particularly the last. I don't think I'd want Xena to think I was interested in her main squeeze."

"Now she says she's trying to work on finding my perfect match, but something seems to be blocking her." He shrugged. "If it's fated, it'll happen."

He went to the altar, placed the geode on it, and knelt down. He motioned to me, but I shook my head. "No disrespect to her, Joxer, but I have a hard time dealing with the concepts of gods, plural. And our church didn't kneel, anyway."

"Well, as long as you're respectful it should be all right."

I smiled at him. "You haven't known me for very long."

He folded his hands, peered upward, and said, "Oh beautiful Aphrodite, it's me again-Joxer. I was in Athens and I just wanted to drop by and say hello, and ask if you'd been having any luck with…"

There was a flash of light, a crackle of energy, and I found myself spitting rose petals. There was a squeal of, "Joxie!" A very buxom blonde in a semi-see through dress had appeared before the alter. I blinked. Sure, I'd seen Ares leave in a shower of red sparks, but I'd half put that down to stress. Looks like there was more to this god thing than I'd thought.

She gave him a little push on the shoulder. "Get up, silly!" He got to his feet, smiling. "Where have you been, you bad boy? I haven't heard from you in ages."

"I've been traveling, and the temples were few and far between."

"Well, don't go all formal on me! You know you can pray to me anytime." She giggled. "I have prayer waiting now, so I'll hear you even if it's busy."

"I brought you something." He pointed at the geode.

Aphrodite looked at it and squealed. I was beginning to see a resemblance between her and certain girls who used to frequent the mall I worked at. "Oh, it's beautiful!" She picked it up and turned it this way and that so that the light sparked off the crystals. "And it's pink! Oh, you sweet thing!" She gave him a kiss on the cheek, brushing his chest with hers. I could be wrong, but I think I saw a slight stir in his pants. Considering who it was doing the kissing, I was probably right. "It will fit in just perfect with my décor. I'll keep it on my bedside table. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I was wondering if I could ask you a favor?"

"Ask away."

She was still turning the geode this way and that. *She likes shiny things. What a surprised.*

"Well, you see, I have a new friend," he waved at me. "and she…"

Aphrodite squealed excitedly. "Joxie! You found someone instead of that blonde harpy!" She kissed him again, on the mouth this time. He almost hyperventilated. "Of course I'll fix it up for you!" She held out her hand, palm up, and pink sparkles started to gather on it.

"Uh-oh<" I said.  "Look, lady, this is not what you obviously think."

"Don't worry about it, sweetie," she assured me. "Joxie is a peach. He'll take care of you and be good to you, and believe me…" she smirked. "the clumsiness does not extend to bed."

"Dite!" Joxer gasped.

The sparkles had gathered into a ball. It didn't look as threatening as the one Ares had conjured up, but I had no doubt that it would be just as effective, in its own way. I started to back away. "Don't do it! I'm planning on going home, and long distance relationships never work, and this would be real long distance."

She squinted at me, aiming, her tongue peeking out of the corner of her mouth. "Hold still. I'm kinda rusty on moving targets."

"That does it!" I scampered. I heard a *woosh* and knew I was about to get hit in the back with a heaping helping of Joxer fixation. I liked him, and all that, but I want any infatuation to be MY idea. As it whistled toward me, I dodged. It swerved. Damn, a homing love spell!

I would have made it out of the temple except for the wall I ran into. Actually, it wasn't a wall, it just felt like one. It was actually a very large men. He grabbed me before I could fall down, which wasn't what I wanted. I figured if I was on the ground the ball might sail over my head.

"Are you all right?" The shorter blonde man who was with the big guy said.

I yelled, "Duck!" and went limp. Big Guy didn't drop me, but I got low enough to do the trick. I heard something whistle over my head, and I squinched my eyes shut.

There was silence for a moment, then Aphrodite said, "Oh, poop!"

The blonde guy said, "Hercules?"

*Hercules?* I peeked up. Sure enough, Hercules. He had kind of a slack look on his face at the moment.

"I'm fine." His voice was dreamy.

*Uh-oh. A very large man has just been hit with a love spell. I think I should remove myself from the immediate vicinity.* I pried myself loose.

I heard Joxer call anxiously, "Goddess Scribe, are you all right?"

I held up my thumb and forefinger an inch apart. "Missed me by that much."

"What just happened?" asked Blondie.

"Introduce yourself," I ordered. "I tend to get in trouble, talking to strangers."

"Iolaus. Herk, are you sure nothing is wrong?"

"No, I feel terrific." He was staring over my shoulder, and smiling. He walked past me to where Joxer and Aphrodite were standing side by side. He raked his eyes over Joxer with a look I've only ever seen on the faces of men perusing the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. "Joxer," he purred.

He looked at Hercules, a little confused by his tone, but willing to be friendly. "Hercules."

Hercules sort of lunged, looped an arm around Joxer's waist, and jerked him tight against his body. Joxer squeaked. Hercules sighed, "I love it when you say my name." Then he kissed him, and we're not talking a peck here, we're talking tonsil exploration time.

There was a clatter as Iolaus dropped the staff he'd been carrying, gaping at the lip-locked pair. "Why, you cheating dog!"

I glared at Aphrodite.

She giggled, lifting her hands in an 'oh well' gesture. "Oops?"