Unexpected, 6/?
By Scribe
Part Six
Timous, Iolaus, and Sherrue all stood, looking down at the recumbent Hercules. Timous said, "I'm not trying to move him."
"I don't think that will be necessary. Ma'am, could you get me some water?" asked Iolaus.
"Sure. I think there's still an intact jug in there." She went back into the laundry room and returned in a moment with a small jug of water. Iolaus reached for it, but instead of handing it over, she upended it, pouring the contents right in Hercules' face. The hero jerked, spluttering as he opened his eyes, and Iolaus gave her an accusatory look. "What? You were going to do something different with it?"
Iolaus sighed. "I suppose not. Herc, are you all right?"
Hercules sat up. "I'm confused. I thought we'd rented a room for the night."
"We did."
"Then why am I wet if we didn't sleep outside in the rain?"
"Well, you passed out, and we had to wake you up somehow."
"What do you mean I passed out? I never just pass out. Someone hit me, right?"
"Uh, no."
"I remember hearing things crashing. SomeTHING hit me?"
"No, nothing physical."
"Then I was drugged."
"Don't think so. We both ate and drank the same things." He hesitated, then said slowly, "I think that you just heard something that took you by surprise."
"Don't be ridiculous. You know the sort of news I've received before--war, death, mayhem, tragedy, impending disaster--and I've NEVER fainted. I can't think of anything that would have that effect on me." He looked at Timous. "What were we discussing before I... before?"
"I hardly thing that's..." began Iolaus.
Timous, though not the most intelligent man on earth, knew enough to avoid this conversation. His wife, though, was in no mood to be careful of other people's sensibilities. "I was in the process of ripping him apart for fixing me a bath with water from the fertility spring. Now I'm going to have another baby," she ran her hands sadly over her hips. "Just when I managed to lose some of the weight. Oh, well. There's no reason now why I shouldn't go eat the last of the honey puffs." She glared at her husband. "You know where you're sleeping tonight?"
"Not exactly, dear," he said meekly. "I'll have to see which stall is free." She nodded, and stalked off down the hall. Timous smiled at the two men, then whispered, "Actually, I like it when she's a little heavier. Sooo nice to cuddle. Well, excuse me, but I've got to go evict a few chickens if I want to get any rest." He left.
Iolaus stepped into the laundry room and came out with a towel, handing it to Hercules. "We'd better get into our room. This hall is drafty." He stepped back into their room. When Hercules didn't immediately follow, he leaned back out the door. "Well?" Hercules said nothing, simply looking back at him as he dried his hair and face. "Look, it's either in here, or you share a pile of straw with our host." Still no response. "Herc, you should know by now that I'm not going to push anything on you if you're not interested, so stop acting like..." *oof!*
He didn't quite lose his breath when Hercules shoved him back into the room, and he stumbled and fell flat on the bed. He DID lose his breath when Hercules landed on top of him, though. And when he gasped, he got a mouthful of tongue, so that sort of distracted him.
By the time his mind started to work in a straight line again, most of their clothes were decorating the floor. Hercules pulled back and began working on the lacings of Iolaus' breeches. Iolaus was about to tell him the trick of pulling on one thong for easy access, then he suddenly realized what was happening. "Herc, wait!" Hercules had figured out the trick. Iolaus felt cool air on his decidedly interested private parts, but it was followed quickly by the warmth of a large, firm hand. "Oh, DAMN, that feels good!" he gasped.
"It's going to feel even better." Hercules was unlacing his own breeches now.
Iolaus made what for him was a great sacrifice, and fought off the urge to just lie back and enjoy being molested. "Listen to me..."
"Happy to--I love your voice. But talk dirty, huh?"
"Oh, Zeus, why can't you be like this without being doused by hexed water? She splashed you with water from the spring. I guess that the reaction was delayed because it wasn't a full immersion, or you might have jumped Timous in the hall."
Hercules made a face. "Please! Now, I might have jumped YOU in the hall, if we didn't have this bed available, but we DO. I say we give it a work out. I'm interested to see what it's like in a bed."
"Not all that different from being with a girl in a bed. Herc, get a grip... *moan* No, not like that."
"Why not? You seem to like it." *squeeze*
"Son of a-- LISTEN! This is the curse, Herc. You got hit by water from the spring."
Hercules, who was kneeling astraddle Iolaus' thighs, paused in caressing his friend. Iolaus nobly resisted the desire to beg him to continue. Hercules stared down at Iolaus with heat in his eyes, then said, "It doesn't feel like a curse to me."
"Last time we didn't know what was happening--this time we do. You can fight it, Herc."
Hercules' hands fell away from Iolaus' body... Then returned. "It must have been enchanted by a God. Who am I do fight divine will?"
That galvanized Iolaus. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" He squirmed violently. It took Hercules by surprise, and Iolaus managed to get out from under him. He tumbled to the floor in the process, but he got away.
"Iolaus, you're going to hurt yourself." Hercules reached down toward him, but Iolaus scooted away. He couldn't go far in the tiny room--his back quickly came up against the wall--but he was just out of Hercules' reach.
"Herc, will you LISTEN to yourself for a minute? 'Who am I to fight divine will?' You're the original buck the system guy. You're the major stone-in-the-sandal for half the gods and goddesses on Olympus. With Ares alone you've generated enough frustration to keep Strife on a rush for a century. You--bending to the will of a divinity? It's not NATURAL. THINK!"
Hercules sat back on his heels, looking irritated and perplexed. Then his eyebrows suddenly shot up. "I said WHAT?"
"Exactly."
Hercules moved to sit on the edge of the bed, and rubbed his face. "Hold on. There was a fight next door. We went out into the hall. The landlady was beating up her husband. I passed out. I woke up wet..." He gave Iolaus a horrified look. "And I attacked you."
"Attacked might not be exactly the right word, but you sure were enthusiastic. Are you over it now? I'd like to get up off the floor--it's cold."
Hercules looked down at his lap. He blushed, and quickly started to tighten the laces on his breeches. "I'm not PHYSICALLY over it, but you don't have to worry about me grabbing you again."
Iolaus pulled his knees up, and sat forward, hugging his legs and resting his chin on his knees. "You think that worries me? You had your hand in my pants, Herc--did it seem that I wasn't enjoying it?"
"Then why did you--? Iolaus, I haven't known you to willingly stop sex unless an enraged man was coming through the door. I mean, if it's an enraged WOMAN, you try to talk her into joining in."
"Why did I stop it? Look, I'll admit to occasionally using wine or ale as a mood enhancer, but if the other party gets to the 'don't know what the Tartarus is going on' state--I stop. Also I've never used an aphrodisiac, and I've never used one of Dite's potions. The fact of the matter is that I'm not interested in taking advantage of any situation that isn't brought about by my own natural charm. Before, I thought it was just us getting caught up in the moment, but this time I knew you were under the influence, my friend."
"So you didn't want to take advantage of me?" Iolaus nodded. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think YOU were the one flat on his back."
"Look, it's late, we're both tired, and this debate can wait. You think I could get back on the bed?"
Hercules flushed, but this time it was with irritation. "I said I wasn't going to attack you."
"That's not what's worrying me. I just want to be sure that it isn't going to make you too uncomfortable. I could go sleep in the front room--it's a lot better than what we've had to make do with before."
"Yeah. The, uh, situation has, uh, abated."
"Good." Iolaus got up. "But I think it might be a good idea for both of us to keep the pants on tonight. You go ahead and get in bed, and I'll put out the lamp."
Hercules slipped between the sheets. Iolaus licked his fingertips, then used them to quickly pinch out the wick in the lamp. The room went pitch dark. Hercules tried not to tense up as he felt Iolaus climb onto the bed, but the sheet slid across his bare torso, scraping over his still hard nipples. He quickly turned on his side, away from his friend. He started contemplating Pythagorus' new mathematic theory in an effort to distract himself from the slight warmth and heaviness in his groin.
Eventually, Hercules fell asleep. He didn't know that Iolaus lay awake for a long time after he'd dropped off, staring at the ceiling, wondering if he'd just made the noblest sacrifice of his life--or the stupidest.
~*~
The next morning, things were very quiet at the tavern. It wasn't difficult to sense Sherrue's bad mood--Iolaus had seen thunderstorms present less obvious signals. The customers were undemanding and profusely grateful for her every action. Her family was solicitous and sympathetic. Well, the daughters were--Timous wisely found things to do elsewhere. As she was serving breakfast, one of the daughters confided that if he was wise, he'd find reasons to stay away from home most of the time for the next couple of months.
Both of the men had regained their appetites, and put a serious dent in the tavern's food supplies. But they had the money to pay for it, and Sherrue muttered that perhaps it was a good thing, since they'd soon have another mouth to feed. Despite her irritated stance, though, Iolaus once or twice saw her passing a hand over her belly, a thoughtful look on her face.
After they'd finished eating, they discussed whether they should stay a while longer, or continue their journey. "We've almost finished checking the area," said Hercules. "We might as well go ahead and get the last of it done."
"Since there's so little left to do, there's no reason why we can't take a couple of days to rest," argued Iolaus. "Sure, trekking around is our chosen way of life, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate a short holiday now and then. And it's not like we'll be wasting time. So far we've only got the differences we've found listed on a scroll. You know it would be much more efficient if we took the time to annotate the actual map."
Hercules nodded. "That spring needs to be marked in red--and if we can find a way to make it GLOW, I think it would be appropriate." Elladil, the eldest daughter, was passing, and he flagged her down. "Miss, we've decided to stay over for at least another couple of days." Sherrue was nearby, and her eyes narrowed. "We'll pay in advance, of course," he said hastily.
The girl glanced at her mother, who nodded. "That will be fine. And we'll be able to give you a nicer room at the same price, since some of the guests have moved on."
Hercules had pulled his money pouch off his belt. "How much for two rooms?"
The girl looked puzzled. "But we have one with a good, big bed--and two rooms will be more expensive."
"I know, and I don't mind."
Melamin, the younger daughter, had been listening, then said curiously, "Did you and your friend have a quarrel?"
"Melamin, that cow is going to bellow herself into a fit if you don't go milk her now," said her mother. The girl left. Sherrue eyed the two men with something akin to sympathy, then said, "I know what it's like to want a little space sometimes. You'll have your two rooms, and at a fair price. Pay for just one day in advance." She turned away. "You might make up."
On Olympus
"Okay," said Strife, "I gotta clue as ta what that energy burst mighta come from."
Cupid was nibbling his neck, and paused to ask, "Do tell?"
"Yah. At about tha same time I went hyper, Hestia got a burst, too."
Cupid was trying to decide the next part of Strife's anatomy he was going to nip. "Someone screw up a house warming? That doesn't sound too bad."
Strife pushed him away. "Stop that for a second. I want ya ta concentrate. What's Hestia in charge of, besides households?"
"The hearth, fire, childbirth..." he started to slow down, "newborns..."
"Fertility, an' conception. I always thought that was big time ironic, considerin that she's a virgin, an' all. So I made a trip ta tha Cave of The Fates, an' guess what I found out?"
Cupid finally sat back a little, his interest sufficiently piqued. "Clotho has spun a significant new thread?"
"Got it in one! I knew ya was a clever boy. They wouldn't let me take a close look at tha tapestry, an' of course they wouldn't say anythin 'bout who tha mama an' daddy are." He snickered. "I don't believe they're sure themselves. Ya know how confused they were when Joxer got knocked up. If it's too off tha wall, they kinda discount it till it's so obvious they can't ignore it. But from what I gleaned, tha kid-ta-be is definitely gonna have at least one divine ancestor. We're gonna get anothah semi or demigod."
Cupid sighed. "More relatives. Joy!"
"I do believe I detect a hint of sarcasm, there. Yer comin along nicely. Aw, c'mon, Cupe."
"You're just happy because children are in your domain."
"That's part of it, but it'll be good fah Imp, Bliss, an' Accord ta have anothah kid ta play with. Ya know how goo-goo Bliss is ovah Accord."
"I hope it's a little girl. Maybe she'll be a feminizing influence on Impetua." Strife made a face. "You'd rather she learned to be a girl from Mom? How girlie would she be then?"
"Ya right. I can't count on my influence alone ta be enough ta keep her safe from pink-addiction."
"So, who do you think is the most likely candidate?"
Strife thought. "If it was Dite we'da heard 'bout it by now. If it was Joxer, he'da popped Ares one for gettin him preggers so soon aftah Accord. If it was Ares..." he snickered, "I don't guess tha world would come ta an end, but we'd damn sure hear about it. Um... I know Hades an' Persephone are tryin. It'd be kinda nice if it was them..." Cupid groaned. "What?"
"I'm just hoping that Zeus hasn't knocked up another mortal. I don't want to have to tip-toe around Hera for the next few decades." He looked at Strife sharply. "You're not...?"
"Bite yer tongue. On second thought, let me." He kissed Cupid deeply, nipping his tongue. "Nah. I'm still on that concoction I got from Hecate, an' I know it ain't you, cause what we were doin right before I got tha burst wouldn't make a baby. There's a lotta possibilities up here. Apollo knocks one out with wunna tha Muses occasionally. Artemis an' Hestia are both out fah tha same reasons. Lessee... Hermes has been sowin his wild oats pretty freely. I s'pose Demeter MIGHT have found someone ta procreate with, but as involved as she is with Persephone, I dunno if she'd be willin ta divide her obsession."
Cupid cocked his head. "I just thought of something. Maybe we're limiting our speculation. If, like you said, the thread shows an indication of divinity, it doesn't have to mean a full, or even a half of Olympian blood. It could mean that a demigod is expecting."
"Yah," Strife agreed. "Zeus knows there's plenty of 'em out there. But ta cause tha intensity of what I felt, it'd hafta be a pretty significant demigod." He cackled. "Oo, I just thoughta somethin. S'pose Xena's pregnant again?"
"Oo, Ares' daughter... That'd do it, all right. She's the most important demigod on earth right now."
"Yah." Strife paused. "Well, all except one." Cupid looked at him questioningly. "You know." Strife crossed his arms, puffed out his chest, scowled, and boomed, "Not this time, Ares!"
Cupid laughed. "You're right--Hercules DOES sort of outrank Xena, at least on an unofficial scale. Do you suppose he could have gotten someone pregnant?"
"He ain't married right now. I s'pose it's POSSIBLE, but he's tha original boy scout." He was silent, then said, "There IS one more possibility, ya know." He stood up and did his 'Hercules pose' again, then used his hands to describe a big curve over his belly, and assumed the sway-backed stance that he'd used through the last stages of his pregnancy with Impetua.
Cupid blinked. "You're kidding."
"Am I?"
"He's a guy, Strife."
"Uh... duh? An' then there's Joxah."
"But you're both gods."
"He wasn't originally. An' Hercules ain't fully mortal."
"It's never happened before."
"Don't mean it COULDN'T."
"Okay, I'll give you that it isn't impossible, but it's highly unlikely."
Strife flopped back down on the couch they'd been sharing and embraced his husband, giving him a smacking kiss. "Feathahs, when are ya gonna just accept tha fact that our entire existence is highly unlikely?" He giggled. "That's what makes it so much fun."
