Things I Wished I'd Thought To Say Theater:

Phone rings, I answer it.

Long, long pause, then "Miss [J's last name]?"

"Sorry, that's 4 fails in two words. Goodbye."

My local spinning guild has a Roc Day celebration every year, and this year in the middle of demonstrating stuff and talking to folks, I bought a blend of superwash wool, bamboo, and nylon to make socks with. Usually one 4-ounce ball is enough for a pair, but I wanted knee socks, so I bought two so that I'd have plenty.

I started spinning up the first ball that same day--4 ounces, 300 yards, *just* fit onto a single bobbin. I don't usually end up with such nice round numbers or such cooperative fiber, but I just smiled to myself about the nice combo and started working on my sock.

I finished knitting the first sock and while I cast on for the second with the remainder of the first ball of yarn, I got to work spinning the remainder of the fiber.

And what do you think I ended up with? 4 ounces, 300 yards, *just* fit onto a single bobbin.

Apparently I am a robot.



Pretty, yes? For a robot, at least.

Because of our pending trip to Japan, I've been trying to pick up a little traveler's Japanese, so I can hopefully not offend every single person I meet with my gangly Western-ness (only most of them). I've been listening to Pimsleur language lessons on tape. They're very useful for this sort of thing, overall--I know "please", "thank you", "how much does that cost?", "do you speak English?" and "where is [name of place]?", which was about 85% of what I needed on my one other overseas trip. I'm going to be almost completely illiterate (I know the characters for "man" and "woman" so I don't walk into the wrong bathroom), but hopefully my constant embarrassment will get me through. I'm enjoying listening to the tapes, and liking the way it's helping me pick up bits and pieces from anime.

The thing about these tapes, though, is that they give me a somewhat odd sense of what the average traveler is doing over there in the land of the rising sun. Along with "What time is it?" and "I want to eat sushi" I have also learned to say "Is your husband here? No? Then, would you like to have drinks at my place?"

Is this really a common enough situation that I should be learning it before the word for "bathroom"?

We gave the cat a prophylactic de-wormer last night--it's this goo that you put on between the shoulder blades so they can't lick it off (ha! says the cat. I will stretch and stretch until I can get that awful tasting fur on my tongue, and then I will RUN AWAY FROM THE AWFUL FLAVOR).

My sense is that it's a dose of Drain-o for their systems--not especially nice, but nicer than worms burrowing into your eyeballs. Punky was obviously feeling off all evening, because she was hardly being obnoxious at all. Reminds me a bit of how she was when we first got her, which brought home just how sick a kitty we had at the beginning, though we didn't realize it at the time.

There's a bus I regularly catch that is regularly empty save the bus driver, a few stragglers like me, and two young female Mormon missionaries. (They must be on the clock, because they're wearing their nametags). The usual bus driver is either Mormon or a very nice man, because he chats with them familiarly each evening.

"I think what you girls are doing is just fantastic," he says, as he opens the doors at the top of the hill.

It twisted my brain up for a few minutes, trying to imagine a worldview where telling people they're going to hell is *right*. I decided that there's something to be said for wanting to share something you feel strongly about and love, even if it's not my thing at all. And I've heard some stuff from religious friends about how religions with a witnessing component have seen some huge jumps in participation in the last 10-20 years, particularly in developing nations.

So maybe going door to door and being a pleasant face that represents a particular worldview is a useful thing. Maybe all those little pamphlets that show up in the laundry room at my house are actually doing something, on a worldwide scale.

I guess my real question is, why am I NOT proselytizing for the thing that is central to my life?

*noknoknok*

Hi, my name is TJ, and I'd like to tell you about Science.

*Briefest waiting-for-doorslam pause*

Living in what seems to be a chaotic world can be very distressing. But there are constants in the world which you can rely on. 300 million meters per second. 1.6x10^-19 Coulombs. 8.3 Joules per Kelvin per mol.

The goal of science is to help you make meaning of your world, with the information you already have. Joining the world of science makes the world seem both more organized and richer--since devoting my life to it, I find that I can see the commonalities between things so much more clearly. When looking at the natural world, I can imagine the common ancestors of all living things, and appreciate the evolutionary symphony taking place in my very own back yard. I understand that my ability to see that natural world is due to nuclear fusion happening 150 million kilometers from my eyes, to atomic-scale interactions between photons and the molecules on the surfaces I'm looking at, to those photons interacting with specialized molecules within my own body, to the release and interpretation of electrical signals. Again, a beautiful, coordinated symphony on every scale.

And Science has a place for you to make meaningful, long-term contributions to our community. Scientists are not just rehashing old facts, but always seeking more information about our world and sharing that information with fellow Scientists. Perhaps you'd like to come to one of our weekly seminars. You don't need to participate if you're not comfortable--just enjoy a cookie and some coffee or tea, and listen to what we have to say.

I'll just leave this copy of Nature for you to look at on your own time. Hawking be with you!