This is what happens when you stare at a can of Mt. Dew waaaaaaay too long.... Any warnings? Hmm, just the usual, it's yaoi, enjoy.
Duo Maxwell, self named Shinigami, gundam pilot, and Keeper of The Braid, was on a mission. Not an ordinary mission, with destruction of OZ property and what not, no this was s special mission that required the utmost cunning. Thankfully his stealth and persistence had paid off; the object lay within his grasp.
"So this is where Heero hid the box of Ramen Noodles!" Duo exclaimed, quietly though. He didn't want anyone else to know he was onto the newest secret hiding place. Duo absolutely loved Ramen Noodles and could go through a box in no time, unfortunately the others knew that.
He carefully extracted a packet of noodles from the box then crept out of the attic of their current safe house. He sped to the kitchen, tearing into the plastic wrapper, and dumping the contents into a bowl for microwaving, fishing out the packet of seasoning of course. Then he wadded up the wrapper and went over to throw it away. As he tossed the clear crumpled plastic into the trashcan he caught a glimpse of green, yellow and red. The kind of green yellow and red you might find on a soft drink container. But not just any soft drink container… Silently praying to any god or spirit that might be listening that he had been mistaken, Duo took a closer look. Luck was NOT with him today, he could only stare in horror at the very large, very empty bottle of Mt. Dew. That could only mean one thing, and he was too scared to even think about it. However, he wasn't too scared to finish cooking and consuming his bowl of Ramen Noodles. Things have their priorities.
Only after each little noodle had been slurped (using a fork of course in the traditional American Barbarian way) then the juice drained did he venture forth to warn the others about the danger they were about to face. He quickly found Trowa and Quatre, snuggled together on the couch, snickering over the latest Sailor Moon Stars tape. Duo quickly headed off the usual "Hi Sailor Star Maker! When did you get bangs" joke from Quatre and fixed them with his patented Duo God of Death Look ™
"Serious trouble, guys. And I mean serious. We might not make it through this one."
"A mission?" Trowa raised one eyebrow, but other than that was completely expressionless. Apparently he only relaxed enough to giggle when it was just he, Quatre, and the Sailor Moon fansubs.
"Worse. But first, who the hell went to the store and bough Mt. Dew?" Duo glared.
Quatre blanched. "Who would? We all remember…. Wait! Trowa, did you forget what happened last time Mt. Dew was brought into a safe house?"
"I don't seem to recall…" Trowa looked thoughtful.
"Nevermind, has the damage been done or is there still time?" Quatre was glancing around, his eyes taking on a Zero Look, not out of anger or grief, but out of extreme fear.
"It's far too late I'm afraid" Duo had given up the glare and slumped slightly, looking defeated. "The bottle is empty."
"What are you two talking about?" Trowa looked quite disturbed to be left out of the conversation, which for him translated into he had switched the bang over to the other side and was now raising the opposite eyebrow.
"You'll see…" Duo said glumly, as laughter that would put Naga, Kodachi, and every other evil/annoying/female anime character laughter to shame was heard from upstairs.
There was a quick patter of feet on the steps and suddenly a form was framed in the doorway, and Wufei's voice boomed out, as much as a male's voice can boom while still having the occasional soprano giggle in there.
"Beware doers of injustice! I, Mt. Dew Man, have returned!"
There was a lot of green, green and gold really, with a little red that really stood out. Like the tiny red Speedos he wore, those stood out. Well maybe more for the fact that they were the only real clothing he had on than for the color. See through tissue paper didn't count. And there was a fair amount of that, see through tissue paper that is. Strips of it were fastened around his trim waist, in a see through skirt of sorts. Other strips made up bracelets and anklets. Other than that he wore nothing but bodypaint. Green and gold bodypaint, with a field of gold on the chest so that the green and red letters would stand out much better. Yes, he had painted a huge "MDM" on his chest. The effect was mildly disturbing, to say the least.
The three gundam pilots could only stare at the still posing "superhero."
"Umm, Wufei, how, uh, nice to see you." Quatre leaned over and hissed quietly at Duo. "I thought you burned that LAST time!"
"He must have had a spare!" Duo hissed back as Wufei glared at Quatre.
"Wufei? Who is Wufei? I am Mt. Dew Man! Defender of Truth, Justice and The American Way!" He paused and blinked a few times. "Or is it The L5 Colony way?" Then he struck a few more poses. "It does not matter, for I am Mt. Dew Man!"
"He's worse than Serena." Trowa muttered.
Duo suddenly had a vision of Wufei in a green and gold sailor fuku and started laughing hysterically. He probably should have known better, but in situations as weird as this sometimes the only thing you can do is lay back and laugh until things become much calmer. Of course they're much calmer because you've been locked away in a nice quiet room with soft walls, but that's beside the point.
Quatre tried frantically to get him to hush. With one pilot already quackers, nuts, loony, up the creek without a tuna and only one oar in the jello… well, you get the picture, the little blonde didn't want things to be any crazier than they already were. However, he was too late. Mt. Dew Man had already heard the laughter and the damage was done.
"What!?! Kisama! No one laughs at Mt. Dew Man! I challenge you to a duel! Meet me at the floating castle!" He then threw his arms forward, hopped like he was trying to take off. Then walked from the room making little "woosh" noises.
The three pilots looked at eachother and exchanged identical glances that said "Play along, we might just survive." Well almost identical looks, half of Trowa's look was hidden by his hair.
They quickly scattered to prepare for the duel.
In a short time they all assembled in one room. Wuf.. err Mt. Dew Man was trying to get his feet to stick to the ceiling, but failing utterly. Duo noted that he had changed his hair, putting it up in little buns except for two locks tied with bells. Very odd. Finally he gave up and handed two huge paper flowers to Quatre, who was dressed in a ridiculous looking red dress. Quatre pinned one into Mt. Dew Man's skirt and Speedo, since there wasn't anywhere else to put it. Then he pinned the other to Duo's shirt. Duo's "rose" was black, which suited him nicely. Wu.. er MDM's was green and gold, of course.
Trowa handed Duo a plastic lightsaber rippoff like you can find in Walmart. Then MDM grabbed Quatre and stuck his hand down the front on his dress. Only Duo saw the cold green fire that blazed in Trowa's eyes and the sight of someone doing THAT to HIS Quatre. Duo grabbed his arm.
"He's just getting the Sword of Dewos, the legendary sword with the power to bring the World Revolutionary Caffeine High." Duo muttered, after a moment Trowa relaxed and retreated to take his place as spectator after MDM managed to fish the lightsaber ripoff handle out of Quatre's bodice and extended the blade.
A quick salute and the duel was on! The lightsabers cut through the hair with a fierce hum and a crack as the blades intersected, and the two boys frantically mashed the sound effect buttons. Then a quick charge, with dramatic slow motion just as they met, and the duel was over. Trowa put down the cardboard rose he'd spun in front of them during the slow motion special effects and quickly looked to see who was the winner.
Green and gold scraps of pap… ah, rose petals lay strewn about the room. MDM's eyes began to fill with tears. Trowa absently noted that scraps of red spandex were among the "petals" as well. Apparently Wufei's spandex wasn't gundanium reinforced, unlike Heero's
"I lost…." Then a strange glitter filled his eyes. "Duo beat Wufei in combat, must become Wufei husband. Is Amazon law!" With that he flung himself at Duo, clinging tight. "Wufei love Duo!"
Duo blushed brightly. "Uhhh" Then did some quick thinking and grinned, sweeping his "bride" off his feet.
"Of course I'll marry you, Wufei. Now lets go take a bath, then lets go to bed." His grin got wider as Wufei happily chattered at him, half in bad Japanese, half in Chinese, as they went upstairs.
"Well I think the worse is over." Quatre sighed. "What was Duo so happy about though? I mean haven't he and Wufei been together for a while now?"
"Wufei wants to be the "bride." Do you really think Duo's going to pass up an opportunity like that?" Trowa murmured softly, privately enjoying the site of his little koi in the Rose Bride Dress.
"What…? Ohhh…." Realization dawned and Quatre blushed slightly, looking over at Trowa. "Hmm, I think there's a bottle of Dr. Pepper left, that might work.... Maybe you should go have some?"
Trowa chuckled, very softly. Then decided to do some sweeping a bride off her.. er his feet as well.
