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(Afthermath)
I watched him out the rim of my cup. He poured more tea into his own and sat across from me in the small kitchen. His house was so bare.
But the plastic forks were cute.
His face was pale, his lips were swollen, his eyes were glazed. I tapped my teacup with my finger repeatedly. Soundlessly.
The ticking of a clock nearby faded.
I took a sip. How long have we've sat here? My tea is cold. There was no sugar. The bitter tea made me scrunch my nose.
I only have one sock on.
Old twenties jazz can be heard from the aparment above us. Who listens to Eleen Cudaol at seven in the morning?
I liked it.
Heero's hands I noticed, weren't callaused like I thought they would be. They were tender, soft, smooth. Like it was a clue to the real man inside.
Silence.
My tea was gone. So was Heeros. We didn't have much to say to each other. I took his cup and rinsed them out of the sink. That's when I felt it. It was a deep pain. A deep joy. It was a deep sense of loss. Like I was falling. I clutched the sink. I could feel it. It was a empty void of white.
I turned around and faced him. He had moved around the table while I had my back turn. We were only feet apart.
"Well?" his voice seemed trouble. But the monotone even pitch (which I'm sure somewhere there is a commandment for Heero Yuy stateing 'shall not waver'...and he was damn good at following it) was still there.
"I've met Heero Yuy." His eyes didn't change, his reaction was just a simple nod. "And I'm in love with him."
"You did it." He noted. No excitment. I nodded. Neither of us smiled. Funny, I always thought when I fell in love with someone I would be in a romantic place, wearing a long white dress, with a handsome man giving tender kisses all over my head. Where were the lazy promises of love and cherisment betweens lip locks?
Funny, how I didn't want that now.
I wanted the distraught. I wanted the pain. I wanted the rawness. I wanted it because Heero was all those things. I hadn't lied. I met him, him empty void of white. I met him, and I was in love with him.
"I did." I spoke out the silence. To drag a conversation. I leaned against the sink behind me. Cold, it was so cold against my back. "Heero?"
He jolted. "Hn."
I pushed myself off of the sink. "Did you mean it last night?"
"About what?"
"Lust. You don't want it." I spoke slowly, making sure my assumptions were right. He nodded.
"Relena...before we can go on, promise me this. You won't be afraid of the coldness?" He took a step closer. "You want be afraid of the emptiness." His voice faltered and he shut his eyes. "You won't be afraid of me?"
The last sentence came out as a despreate whisper. I heard the fear behind it. It's the first time I've ever really heard his voice take this tone. When he opened his eyes again I saw the single tear that broke me. It hurt. I had to remind myself to breath. I felt my breathing go rugged as I smoothed out invisable lines in my lazy grey skirt made of sweat material. The inside though was not smooth, it was old, turned into those hard round balls after the sweat material is used. It agitated my skin.
Even though my body was getting frantic, I couldn't help but be somewhat amused in the back of mind at my attempts of focusing on the feel of my skirt.
I relized Heero was still waiting for an answer. True, I've been known to get afraid at times, but when I looked into his eyes, I felt such a need. Such a wanting, longing, desire.
"No." I said the word as much despreate as his own. I suppose this was suppose to be the climax moment. I suppose this is where I crush him to me and kiss him. Promise him things of love and happiness. Then we make our way to the bedroom to make hazy love all day.
There was neither of that. Just us standing. Breathing. Just the rain. Just the cold tile floor beneath us numbing my one foot without the sock.
~~~
A Remedy Prayer
We spent the day in the living room, he worked silently on his lap top and I curled up on his couch watching him. He was beautiful. His face wasn't young, his eyes were clear, and the relizationg that made me smile the most was, his hair rebelled against my declarements of peace itself. I'm sure he could kill someone with those chocolate spikes of his.
For dinner, I dugged around his kitchen until I found a half used bag of rice. I fournd a red apple to cut and made a smiley face with the slices on top of his rice bowl.
Since I served up his dinner he insisted on doing mine. My bowl the apples were in the formation of a heart. We didn't speak, just glanced at each other and laughed after our first bite. The rice was still not fully cooked. I never noticed, all I knew was that I was eating rice, Heero's rice, with a heart made of apples on top.
I was, in depth, in love.
~~~
"Heero?" I asked shyly from her regained position on the couch. He glanced up from his lap top and waited for me to contiune. "I want to stay here."
I didn't dare look at him. No, instead I squeezed my knuckles and counted to ten. A favorite pass time of mine.
"Tomarrow will pick up some of your things."
Huh, I hadn't even relized I was holding my breath. I smiled. A true smile that played off my real emotions inside. I felt a new courage rise within me.
Nearly pulling myself out of my slumber state, I stood, wavered for a moment, and took Heero's hands into my own. He stood at the gently command of my tug and only then did I see how much taller he was than me. I raised on my toes and kissed the end of his nose.
The elder couple above us once again was playing their old time band music from the twenties and before I knew it we were slured into a soft sway.
Heero was dancing with me once again. He kissed my forehead, and made his way down to my neck and kept his face in the crest of my neck. His breath sent shivers down my spine and I was once again that school girl so long ago.
"If your moving in, does that mean what I think it does?" I pulled back so our faces were nearly touching.
"Only if I get to sleep on the right side. It's a habit of mine."
Okay, so I'll admit that our compermise for marriage was not normal. But neither were we. And all couples have their disagreements.
This was ours.
"Oh no, Relena. The right has always been my side."
"No problem." I beamed. "I'll sleep on top of you."
His eyes clouded for a moment before he continued to dance with me again.
I think now, but I'm not sure, that he mumbled under his breath, "I'd doubt we'd sleep."
But I couldn't be for certin. After all, I'd just stepped on his toes and we fell into fits of laughter.
Later that night in bed, Heero asleep next to me, his fingers still on my bare chest, I relized that feild of white inside Heero wasn't a void of white emptiness. Oh no. It was a feild of white daisies. Pretty daises with dew drops that smelled so sweet. When I closed my eyes I could see the feild, and when he had entered me that evening while we made love I could see a little boy spinning in circles in the middle.
In bed that night, I could smell the daises. I could hear the child laughing. There were no levels to Heero, only an even rawness.
I met Heero Yuy. He was a feild of dasies. He was a boy. He was a man. He was white. And his toes probably hurted a little bit.
And I was in love with him.
~~~
Yes, it seemed so long ago I came to him that night. I smile now when I think of the oblivion state I was in. Being unaware is what makes us afraid. I was afraid what Heero was asking me. To meet him. Good Lord Almighty.
Heero was afraid of falling off that cliff. The aftermath.. I was remdey. I'm sure he could spot those words written on my eyes. That first night was only the first step to redemption. But the morning afterwards, the cold, bitter tea we drank, that was when I fell into that feild I lived the rest of my life in.
That was the remedy we both needed.
Heero found his redemption, oh yes, he found it through the rain I brought him, but I too, found my redemtion in that white feild dasies I so adore.
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Authors Notes:: I've had this finish for a long time but I never got around to sending it. I hope you liked it, please, oh for the love of sleep, write me and tell me what you think.
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