I HATE it when missions go bad.

Couldn’t stand it during the war, and I can’t stand it now that I’m one of the Preventers.  If you think the others get moody/violent/quiet/suicidal when they fail to complete one of their missions, you ain’t seen SHIT yet.  I’m just a hell of lot better at hiding my feelings than they are – and that includes Mr. Self-Destructing-Is-Fun Yuy.  I’ll admit, though, that I’m not as bad as him when I’m pissed or depressed.  I don’t try and commit suicide and go down in a blaze of mindless glory like he did during the war, even though I KNOW that glory was the last thing running through that twisted mind of his as he punched the self-destruct button.  Just work with me here, alright?  I need to vent somewhere or soon you’ll be WISHING that I would follow Heero’s example and blow myself to kingdom come.

It didn’t matter what had happened on my mission or whose fault it was.  The point was that someone had died.  I can’t tell you who, because I don’t even know their name.  Besides, it’s not like names matter with Death.  He’s an equal opportunity employer; he kills indiscriminately.

I won’t stand for innocent people dying during one of my missions.  If I have ANY say in the matter (and trust me, I can say a whole fucking lot), the only ones dying during one of my missions are the bad guys and myself.  End of story.

Of course, this is reality and reality’s a bitch and everything can’t always go your way, young man.  Shit happens.  Shit hits the fan.  Shit does all sorts of cool stuff, and someone else is always the one that gets shot.  You know I’ve never been shot in my entire life?  I’m fucking serious here.  I’ve shot plenty of people, but a bullet has never touched this here skin of mine.  Lucky me, right?

Right.

So anyways, I came home that night totally PO’ed.  I made a point of slamming the door to Heero’s and my apartment, just to, you know, let him know that his roommate was ready to fucking explode and it would be in his best interests to stay out of my way.  Not that he would be AFRAID of me or anything stupid like that.  In case you don’t already know, Heero’s a lot stronger than little old me, and I know that if I provoke him, he won’t hesitate to knock me top over teakettle.

But I really didn’t care about that shit at the moment.  Hell, I almost WANTED to pick a fight with him.  At least I would be able to release some of my frustration that way.  At the expense of getting my ass kicked, of course.  But as long as it’s Heero, I couldn’t care less.  He can do whatever he wants with my ass.

I mean that quite literally, too.

He was clicking away on that blasted, ever-present laptop of his when I stormed through the living room on my way to our bedroom. 

“Bad mission?” he asked without even looking up.

“Shut the hell up, Heero,” I snapped viciously, my voice dripping with so much malice that he graced me with a surprised glare as I stomped past him and disappeared into the hallway beyond.

Okay, I know I shouldn’t have been so mean to him like that, but hey, the guy was fucking asking for it, alright?  He KNOWS how I get when I’m pissed, and if he truly valued peace in the household, he should know when to shut his face!  Imagine that.  Heero actually getting on my nerves for talking!  Poor guy.  I realized then that I had probably discouraged him from saying a word to me for the next few days.

But that was the least of my concerns as I stormed into our bedroom, giving myself the satisfaction of slamming yet another door.  Our room was like it always was.  My half looked like a hurricane had blown through it, and Heero’s was neat and orderly.  Heero and I share a room, but not a bed.  Unfortunately.

I made an even bigger mess as I started to get ready to take a bath.  I practically ripped the Preventers jacket off of my shoulders and chucked it onto my bed with such angry force that one of sleeves slapped me in the eye on its way down.  Letting out a stream of colorful words that I had picked up off the streets during my blissful childhood, I sent my shoes flying into the wall and practically tore my shirt trying to get free from it.  Good thing I was wearing a normal T-shirt underneath my jacket.  I was in no condition to handle something as irritatingly complex as buttons at the moment.  My shirt joined my jacket in the middle of my bed.  I managed to get free of my pants on the way to our bathroom, briefly thanking a God I no longer believed in that I hadn’t gotten a certain valuable item caught in the zipper.

Yeah, that would have been bad.

I didn’t even bother to unbraid my hair as I stalked into the bathroom wearing only my birthday suit.  If you have long hair, you know how I feel.  There are just some days you feel like dealing with it and some days you wish you could just chop all of it off and say to hell with it!  I quickly started filling the bathtub with hot water.  My and Heero’s bathroom is out of proportion with the rest of our apartment, if you ask me.  I mean, the thing has a sink, a bathtub, and a shower stall and still has room for two people to walk around without bumping into each other.  It’s as nearly as big as our entire fucking bedroom!

I didn’t even wait for the bathtub to fill up completely.  Sitting on the edge of a bathtub butt naked, freezing your ass off, tends to make you a little bit impatient at times.  I hopped into the tub as soon as it was halfway filled, nearly slipping and killing myself in the process.  What a pity that would be, right?  I can’t help it if I’m a little on the clumsy side.  I don’t usually take baths, anyways.  I just walk around stinky.  Just kidding!  I take showers most of the time because…you know, I’m not going to tell you why.  Because I KNOW some of you out there will go, “Ew!  Duo, that is SO revolting!  We SO did not need to know that!”  But, hey, it’s the truth and you should know by now that I never tell a lie.  And hey, when you live with someone as drop-dead sexy as Heero Yuy, you got to find some way to relieve any “tension” you might be feeling.

I also wash my hair in the shower, but that’s boring.  Everyone and their mother does that.

Also, funny things happen to me when I take a bath.  Now, I know this may sound weird, but it’s like, I don’t know, I feel something is trickling out of my soul and into the water.  I feel all relaxed and sleepy, laying there with my feet crammed up against one end of the bathtub and my head against the other end.  Sort of like I’m melting into a big puddle of goo or something.  But it’s a good feeling, honest.  I guess this is what they mean when they say “wash all your worries away.”

It was during this “Duo is a big puddle of goo” state that I started to feel like a major shithead for snapping at Heero.  I mean, the guy barely talks and then when he does, I bite his head off.  And the thing with Heero is that he’s a hell of a lot more vulnerable than other people like to think.  He never had to worry about the emotion thing before, and now that he does, I swear it’s like watching a baby taking their first steps.  The other day the neighbor came to the door asking for sugar (why she would ask US for sugar, I DO NOT know) and as luck would have it, I was trying to make dinner and Heero had to answer the door.  And as I listened, he just said to the neighbor in this really weird voice, “Hello.  How are you?”  Perfectly average phrase, right?  But the way he said it was just…awkward.  I mean, if you had passed by and heard him telling someone that, you would think he didn’t speak English and those were the only four words he knew.  It was kinda sad.  To tell you the truth, I felt like crying when I heard him say it.

But he tries.  He really does.

It’s hard to feel sorry for him, though.  There’s like this vibe he gives off that sort of screams, “feel sorry for me and I’m not going to be your friend.”  The guy’s tough as nails, don’t get me wrong, but he’s only strong at some things.  I mean, he’s got the balls enough to save the Earth from mass destruction, but, I swear, do something nice for him and he’ll stare at you like you’re some kind of freak.  He’s so irksome (I learned a new word today) sometimes!  I don’t even know why I bother with him.

Okay, that was a big fucking lie.  Sorry, okay?

I DO know why I bother.  Because he’s my best friend.  Because I like him.  Because I like as in “like” him.  Because he’s a really nice guy when he wants to be.  Because he’s infuriating when he doesn’t talk and mean as hell when he does.  Because he has pretty blue eyes, soft hair, and a nice ass.  Because he eats what I cook without complaining.  Because he yanks on my braid to get me to shut up.  Because I would mind screwing him silly one night.  Because he watches cartoons with me.  Because I don’t want him living with someone who can’t take care of him.  Because he’s Heero.  Because there’s just something about him.

Hell…what am I saying?  I’m in love with the guy.  There’s really no other way to put it.

See?  Look what happens when I go into my “puddle of goo” state!  I turn all mushy – inside and out.  Grumbling to myself, I pulled my knees up to my chest and let my body slide down into the bathtub water, pinching my nose closed as the water slid over my head.  Too late I realized that I was getting my hair and braid all waterlogged and I would probably have to wash it after all to avoid going around smelling like a wet dog.  Just great.

I just floated there in the water for a little while, my eyes closed.  I like dunking my entire body underwater.  I get a kick out of it.  I don’t know – maybe I’m just weird.  I find it relaxing, and relaxing was definitely something I needed to do after the shitty day I had just gone through. 

Unfortunately, there is such as thing as being TOO relaxed.  If I had been paying attention, I would have heard the door to the bathroom opening as Heero crept in.  But nope, there I was, playing in the tub like any other little kid.  Seriously, the only thing missing was the goddamn Rubber Duckie.  One minute, I have my eyes closed thinking “Hey, maybe I should take a breath before I suffocate” and the next minute, my eyes are open and peering down at me is this fucking HUGE version of Heero’s face with gelatinous eyes and a big ol’ distorted pair of lips that looked like they could swallow the world.      

“Heero, what the hell are you doing?!” I tried to say, but of course, I conveniently forgot that, yeah, I was still underwater.  I accidentally splashed Heero as I resurfaced, coughing and spitting water out of my nose and mouth.  I know that on account of my training, I’m not supposed to surprise easily, but hey, it’s not everyday that you find someone staring down at you while you’re taking a bath! 

So, after I was done purging my nasal cavity of all unwanted fluids (and then some), I turned to Heero, not sure whether to laugh at the absurdity of the situation or to get mad at him…again.

“Heero,” I sputtered, shoving my soaking bangs away from my eyes.  “Um, hi.”

Just a note: I can usually come up with more interesting things to say than just, “um, hi”.  See how Heero affects my thinking processes? 

Of course, he didn’t answer me.  What was he supposed to say in such a situation?  He was crouched next to the bathtub, hands wrapped around the edge of it and his chin resting on his fingers.  He would have looked like a curious little kid if I hadn’t been able to see his broad shoulders, which would definitely have looked out of place on a five-year-old.  But still, the way he was staring at me was fucking unnerving!

“So,” I said uncomfortably, trying VERY hard to pretend that I wasn’t sitting butt naked in a bathtub.  “Did you finish what you were working on?”

“Hn,” he grunted noncommittally and suddenly turned around so that his strong back was pressed against the side of the tub, and I was left staring at the back of his head.  He folded his bare arms across his chest and extended his long legs out in front of him, crossing them at the ankles, just casual as you please.  Even though there was NOTHING whatsoever that was casual about this situation.  I mean, Heero doesn’t make a habit out of coming and spending quality time with me when I’m taking a bath.  I swear this guy totally floors me sometimes!  And there he was, pretending like this was the normal swing of things. 

So even though I liked staring at his long, graceful neck and how his hair almost curled at the ends, I had to say something.  If there’s anything I can’t stand, it’s dead silence in the middle of an awkward situation.

“What are you doing in there?” I asked him, trying to arrange my legs so I wasn’t exposing so much of my…hidden assets. 

“Sorry, I’ll leave,” he said flatly.

“No!” I cried, grabbing his arm with my soaking wet hand just as he was starting to get up.  “You, um, don’t have to leave.”

He looked at me funny (probably because I had just succeeded in getting his entire arm drenched) but he reseated himself on the floor.  However, as I released his arm, I started feeling awkward again.  I’m fucking weird, I tell you.  My mouth tends to take off without me at times.  Okay, more like most of the time…

So basically, I had made him stay for nothing and now I didn’t know what to do with him.  The fact that he was seeing me naked didn’t bother me; I was born without shame.  I’m always walking around naked when he’s typing on his laptop or whatever, and he never seems to give a hoot. 

What was bothering me was that I was at a loss for words.  Duo Maxwell is never at a loss for words.  It JUST DON’T HAPPEN, PEOPLE!!  Needless to say, it bugged me a little.

So, after some minor debate within the recesses of my twisted mind and a lot of staring at the back of Heero’s head, I decided to start babbling.

“Hey, Heero?  Dude, I’m really sorry for snapping at you earlier.  Really, I am.  It’s just, I mean, I’m not in a very good mood right now.  And to answer your earlier question, my…mission…did go kinda…bad…”

More like really fucking bad.

“Someone died,” Heero said, and for once, I didn’t hear any trace of that monotone in his voice.  He turned around to face me in this slow, agonizing fashion, but when I looked into his eyes, I could have sworn on my poor Gundam’s grave that I saw sympathy in those ocean blue depths.

My chest suddenly started to hurt, and I decided that I would rather admire the soap scum on the side of the tub rather than Heero’s face.  “Y-Yeah,” I stammered – something ELSE that I never do. 

Heero was still staring at me, one arm draped over the side of the tub.  “Who were they?”

I suddenly heard myself laugh, just the most bitter, fucking ugly sound you ever heard.  “That’s the thing.  I don’t even know who he was!  Just one stupid little boy.  Damn bratty…kid…standing…in…the goddamn…way…”

By then I was ready to start bawling.  I don’t know what happened to me.  I’m usually not this much of a pussy, I swear it.  Maybe it was the fact that I was still in a semi “puddle of goo” state.  Maybe it was Heero’s sympathetic eyes on me.  Maybe it was the dumb idea that hey, I’m sitting in a bathtub filled with water already, why not add a few of my own tears to the mixture?

But whatever was wrong with me was seriously fucking with my head.  I felt all those goddamn tears stinging my eyes, and for some reason, instead of looking away, I turned to stare right at Heero.  And what I saw in those Prussian blue eyes shocked the hell out of me.  I realized what I had been seeing in those depths hadn’t been sympathy, but understanding.

I guess I sort of lost it then.  Before I knew what I was doing, I was reaching out and flinging my arms around Heero’s neck, suddenly desperately needing to feel him close to me.  I didn’t even care if he got disgusted and pushed me away.  I just wanted to hold him.  I wanted him to hold me.  I don’t really know what I fucking wanted.  I just…wanted so much and so little at the same time. 

I wanted Heero.  Only Heero.

So you can only imagine the emotions that washed over me when I felt him rise to his knees so that he could better wrap his arms around my body.  I was getting his tank top all wet, but he didn’t seem to care.  He hugged me deliciously hard, fingers digging into my back as he pressed his cheek against mine, murmuring intelligible words into my ear.  I just buried my fingers in his hair and pressed my face into his strong shoulder, letting his scent surround me completely.  And for the first time in a long time, I felt a true, genuine sense of peace.  Not the peace Relena gives her speeches on.  No, what I felt was a peace in my – corny as it sounds –soul.  In the arms of a man whose hands were just as fucking bloody as my own. 

Fancy that.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that, just holding each other tight.  Time didn’t exist for me then.  I might have cried a little, but I don’t think so.  I’m a tough little asshole.  Even if you beat me down to the ground, I’ll come back for more.  Even the Great Almighty God of Justice Fei-babe says that I have an “annoying persistent ‘bounce-back’ factor.”  It isn’t very long before I can take a serious situation and laugh my ass off about it.  And after hugging Heero like that, I was feeling all warm and mushy and good inside.

I was just opening my mouth to tell him something deep and meaningful when the doorbell rang.  I now find doorbells very annoying because of this instance.

“Oh good GOD!!” I exclaimed, trying not to feel brutally disappointed as Heero drew back from me.  “Who the FUCK is that and can I SHOOT them?!”

“I think it’s the pizza man,” Heero muttered, looking at the open bathroom door but making no move to go towards it.

I blinked dumbly at him, nearly choking on the angry words I had been ready to say.  “Pizza?  You ordered pizza?”

Heero can’t stand pizza.

“Yes, I ordered pizza,” he said evenly, directing his words towards the tiled floor rather than at me.

“But…you don’t like pizza, Heero.”

“I ordered it for you,” he said quietly.  “Because you…like it and you were…having a bad day and all…”

My heart melted right then and there.  Into a big fucking pile of lovely goo.  It was the most wonderful feeling I’ve ever experienced in my entire miserable life.  Better than a long, hot shower.  Better than a mind-blowing orgasm.  Better than that first gulp of Coca Cola.  Man, I was on cloud nine!

Damn.  Sometimes Heero can be so…sweet.

“I’ll go get it,” he suddenly said, starting to get to his feet.

Come on, people.  Like I was really going to let him get away?

“Hey you,” I told him, grabbing a fistful of the front of his tank top and tugging him back towards me.

“What?” he demanded, trying to sound grumpy but failing.  He was looking at me in this innocent sort of fashion, like he was afraid I was going to get mad at him or something.

I smiled at him and gave him a big, sloppy kiss right smack on his lips, sliding my tongue into his mouth when he gasped in surprise.  It wasn’t at all like I imagined our first real kiss being, actually.  What I had been envisioning was a long, passionate, thorough kiss as we slowly undressed each other, getting ready for a night in the heavens.   But this was nice; this was very nice.  More tongue than lip action, but Heero didn’t seem to mind at all.  He had his fingers buried in my damp hair as he kissed me back furiously, his lips crushing mine and his tongue sparring with my own.  I was starting to think that he was going to hop into the bathtub with me (please do!) when the damn doorbell suddenly rang again.

Startled, Heero pulled back, his breath coming in hard, fast pants.  He stared at me guiltily, looking the proverbial kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. 

Fucking adorable, I tell you.  Especially with those big blue eyes and his lips all puffy and half-open as he breathed. 

God, I loved him so much it hurt.

But, of course, instead of saying all the mushy things that were running amok in my pea-sized brain, I just laughed and tweaked Heero’s nose, making him blink in surprise. 

“Better go get that pizza before the guy breaks down the door,” I teased.

Heero stunned me by giving me a quick, wet kiss on the mouth before he rose to his feet, my hand sliding from where it still had been balled up in his tank top. 

“Hurry up and finish in there,” he said lightly, eyes shining mysteriously.  And he smiled – actually SMILED – at me before striding quickly out of the bathroom.

Hurry up and finish?  Damn…he didn’t need to tell me twice!  It was then that I noticed how hungry I was.  I could taste that pizza already.

But I didn’t really care about the damn pizza at the moment.  More important as I started sudsing up furiously was the clean, sweet taste of Heero lingering on my lips.  I just wanted to see Heero again, even though he had been gone for – what? – two seconds or so?  I’m just the biggest sap you’ve ever come across, right?  But, hey, I can’t help myself.

There’s just something about that guy…and I love him for it, whatever it is.