DISCLAIMER: I do not own GW, and I am using these characters without permission for no profit, for that is the definition of Fanfiction. Comments appreciated.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                circusfan@I’m*your*friend.net

Subject: Very sorry.      

Dear Duo,

I’m so unbelievably sorry about this. I didn’t mean to break your leg. I feel terrible. I hope the nurses are treating you nicely and that you’ll recover soon. Hopefully Rashid will be able to smuggle your laptop in to you so you’ll have something to occupy yourself while you wait for your leg to heal. In the meantime, if there’s anything I can do for you, you just have to ask.

Your extremely apologetic friend,

Quatre Winner.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                practically_perfect@armed&dangerous.org

Subject: Re: So not fair!!!!!

Duo,

Stop whining. It’s your own fault. If you hadn’t sent that fake e-mail to Quatre from Trowa’s account your leg would not be broken in three places and you wouldn’t be stuck in hospital. The nurses can’t be as bad as you say they are, after all, if they mistreated patients, the hospital would get shut down.

And no, I’m not going to waste time smuggling you junk food. Your nurses should be well able to supply wholesome food that will more than see to your body’s needs as it recovers. Stop acting like a little kid.

By the way, Quatre still goes red any time anyone mentions that e-mail. What on earth did you put in it?

Heero.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                notweak@extremely_manly_dragons.org

Subject:             Re: Help!!!

Maxwell,

You have my sympathy. The pain and discomfort of having to spend a week in hospital surrounded by onnas with needles can only be surpassed by the dishonour of having to stay at a place named ‘Rosyfields.’ Did Dr Po train there, by any chance?

However, I will not be able to remove you from hospital. Master O has ordered a refit of Shenlong and I will be busy the rest of the week. Quatre and Heero are likewise occupied, and Trowa is still on his mission. It’s only a week. You’ll be fine.

Chang.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                Gepetto@industrial_strength_hairspray.com

Subject: Re: Any missions? Please!!!

Dear Duo,

Actually when J informed me of your broken leg (a triple fracture – that is impressive. Do you remember how Quatre did it? It’s the sort of thing that might come in handy. Like knowing how to set your own leg. Did you ever get round to asking Heero to instruct you in that?) I thought this sounded like the perfect opportunity for me to add another week to my holiday. So I guess we’ll both be taking a break for a while! Just think of it as an involuntary vacation.

G.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                practically_perfect@armed&dangerous.org

Subject: Re: I’m so glad you asked!

I’m sorry I asked. That was way too much more than I wanted to know. I’m no longer surprised Quatre reacted the way he did – I’m surprised only your leg got broken.

Furthermore, is what you suggested humanly possible?

Heero (and stop calling me Hee-chan dammit!)

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                practically_perfect@armed&dangerous.org

Subject: Re: Re: I’m so glad you asked!

No, I do not want to try it and find out. Don’t you have anything better to do with your time?

I think I’ll have to take cold showers for the rest of my life. Thanks a lot.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                practically_perfect@armed&dangerous.org

Subject: Re: Re: I’m so glad you asked!

NO, you can NOT shower with me.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                CallMeOnna&Die@Have_scalpel**Will_use_it.com

Subject: A complaint.

Pilot 02,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve broken your leg and will be in hospital a week, I’m sure it’s very trying for you. However, some of my colleagues have asked me to raise a few points of hospital protocol to you which they seem to be having trouble getting across.

Firstly, when you wish to hail a nurse you use the bell provided beside your bed. You do not yell ‘Oi! Fascist bitch!’ Even if Nurse Jenkins considers it a compliment. It disturbs the other patients and is not in keeping with the image Rosyfields wishes to project.

Secondly, although visiting hours are from 10-8, patients usually wait in their wards for people to visit them. They do not go looking for visitors, they especially do not go visiting people outside the hospital, particularly not if they have a broken leg. Although the Head Nurse seems to have accepted your explanation of what you were doing buying a bus ticket to Richmond, I must warn you the hospital does not look kindly on escape attempts. Furthermore, apparently the wheelchair used in your attempt to ‘visit’ was occupied by another patient at the time. The hospital staff are wondering at how it was you were able to mislay both the wheelchair and old Mr Riley. If you remember would you inform the nurse on duty in Ward 6?

Thanks. Bear in mind, a week in hospital is not the end of the world. The war will still be going when you get out, and there will be plenty of things left for you to blow up.

Stay out of trouble,

Sally Po.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                notweak@extremely_manly_dragons.org

Subject: Re: You hate me!

Snookums,

I swear I’m not glad that you’re in hospital, or having loads of fun without you. Master O is not happy with my recent behaviour and has prescribed an intensive training course in order to maximize my strength and ensure that nothing as dishonourable as a disease brings me down in future.

I have assembled a parcel of what Quatre assures me are sufficiently sucrose rich foodstuffs. If they can be called foodstuffs. None of them were on the list Master O compiled for me of suitable victuals. We’ve given them to one of the Manguanacs to deliver – we cannot risk leaving the safe house ourselves at the moment, especially with the pink menace going after Trowa.

It’s actually too bad you’re out of action. You could have cut her tyres or something.

Anyway, Shinny-chan, I miss you heaps, and I can’t wait until you get back. By the way, should I restock the chocolate sauce?

Hugs,

Fluffy-wuffy Dragon-chan.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                PinkPower!@trowa_fanciers_anonymous.org

Subject: Trowa?

Dear Duo,

You don’t happen to know Trowa’s e-mail address do you? Or even his location? Have you heard from him lately? Has he mentioned me?

Relena.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                circusfan@I’m*your*friend.com

Subject: Food parcel on the way!

Hi Duo!

Good news at last! Wufei and I were able to track down all that junk food you ordered. I tell you, it was hard finding a place that still sells triple chocolate chunk ice-cream with chocolate chips and extra chocolate sauce. Apparently it was taken off the market when it was found that your heart rate could be increased just by looking at it. I hope you enjoy! The bottles of Coke we’re keeping for um, medicinal purposes. We didn’t manage to find an iguana either but Heero says you wouldn’t be able to take one inside a hospital anyway.

We’ve also included three bottles of Johnson’s conditioner. Wufei said you prefer the tangle-free kind, so we got that. I have to wonder though how on earth he knows what conditioner you use. Do you two trade hair styling tips or something? I wonder how Trowa gets his hair to stay like that.

Speaking of Trowa, I hear he’s having troubles carrying out his mission. Relena has been spamming OZ bases in the hopes of getting an e-mail to him and now they know they have a spy in their midst it’s getting harder for him to do anything. And of course, Lady Une escaped last week. If the situation doesn’t improve soon, he may have to abandon his mission. Fingers crossed! It would be nice to have Trowa back. I mean, I never thought I’d say it but this place is quiet without you. And okay, so Trowa wouldn’t make that much difference, but still.

Hope you enjoy your food!

Your friend,

Quatre.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                practically_perfect@armed&dangerous.com

Subject: Re: Killer psycho bitch!

Duo,

I’m sorry you’re still having problems with the nurses but that’s your problem. I have a lot of work to do refitting Wing. I got an e-mail from Relena today asking if I knew what Trowa’s address was. Should I reply? Do you think it’s a trick? Wufei says we’re giving the pink-obsessed one too much credit but she did manage to find us when we hid out at the Bob Dylan Centre for retired hippies and pacifists. Although that could have been a lucky guess.

Speaking of the princess, I think you should tell her what you did. For the sake of Trowa’s mission if nothing else.

Heero.

BTW, you’re sure this is a suitable e-mail address? It’s just that Quatre read this over my shoulder and giggled.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                circusfan@I’m*your*friend.com

Subject:

Hi Duo,

I’m beginning to see why the rest of you are so irritated by Relena. Although I see some merit in her call for pacifism and the strength of her leadership, I wish she’d leave poor Trowa alone. It must be very stressful for him, having to undertake a mission and worry about avoiding her. I’m willing to bet she hasn’t given one thought for what he might want.

By the way, a rather strange thing happened this morning. A woman who said she was your cousin came by. She had long brown hair and was very nice, and was quite sorry to hear you were in hospital. It was only after she left that I remembered you’re an orphan. Something you want to tell us?

Yours truly,

Quatre.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                perfectsoldier@DEATH2DISNEY.net

Subject: Omae o korosu

Wing and I want to have a little chat with you once you get out of hospital. Sending prank e-mails is one thing, but giving me an e-mail address with a reference to Mary Poppins in it is just low.

Are you sure Quatre didn’t accidentally hit your head as well? That might explain how you came to such an absurd conclusion – me, jealous of Trowa because of Relena? Hah! I’m practically smirking at the very thought.

Heero.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                PinkPower!@trowa_fanciers_anonymous.org

Subject: Something you want to tell me?

Dear Duo,

Heero said you owed me an explanation. Do you know where Trowa is?

Relena.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                PinkPower!@trowa_fanciers_anonymous.org

Subject: Re: Well, I hate to be the one to say this but since you asked . . .

Excuse me? Me, obsessive? Whatever gave you that idea? I’m a very well balanced if determined young woman, all my psychiatrists say so. And I don’t know what possessed you to give me fashion tips! Pink is a wonderful colour, I find it off sets my rosy complexion and vibrant nature. Of course no one could expect a black fixated terrorist to be able to recognize a fashion statement when he sees one. And for your information, braids on guys went out in the 6th century. Furthermore, although it has been my policy to refrain from making personal comments, you may want to reconsider your diet. All those donuts are doing nothing for your figure.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                one-eyed@OZ_RULZ.com

Subject: Re: Blow the bitch to pieces!

I’m afraid that with the current situation in OZ I will not be able to borrow a missile launcher, even for a couple of minutes. As tempting as solving the Relena problem permanently would be, I simply cannot risk it. Also Doktor S has expressly forbidden me from blowing her up.

Ask Heero.

Trowa.

BTW, I don’t want to alarm you, but you haven’t noticed anything unusual, have you? Before Une escaped she was rumoured to be ranting about restoring Treize’s paperclips and catching the braided thief – she doesn’t know it was my mission.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                circusfan@I’m*your*friend.com

Subject: Re: Woohoo! When’s the wedding?

Duo,

I’m sure I don’t have any idea of what you’re talking about. My concern for Trowa is that for a very special friend, nothing more. That said, Relena is being particularly obnoxious. Did you know she has been spamming the doctors and the Manguanacs trying to get Trowa’s e-mail address?

Actually now you mention it, your cousin did look a little like Lady Une. Funny that.

By the way, do you really think Trowa’s a whipped cream type of person?

Yours truly,

Quatre.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                fascist_bitch@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

Subject: Escape attempt #2.

Mr Maxwell,

While we at Rosyfields do like to provide our patients with a permissive environment, we have limits on the freedom of patients. For example, that freedom does not extend to being found in the cafeteria well after midnight, surrounded by empty dishes. Although well acquainted with the practice of sleepwalking, we have never heard of a case of sleepeating and are inclined to take a rather stern view of the incident.

Furthermore, a hospital usually works like this: Sick people come in. Healthy people go out. Sick people do not try and scale the hospital walls using the emergency cardiac unit.

Don’t tempt us any further, Mr Maxwell. We have lots of sedatives. We know how to use them.

Nurse Jenkins.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                fascist_bitch@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

Subject: Re: Bite me, sadistic, twisted, neo-Nazi witch!

Mr Maxwell,

Flattery will get you nowhere. Until we see some improvement in your behaviour, we’re halving your food intake.

Nurse Jenkins.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                Shinigami_rocks@SDDI.com

Subject: You poor thing!

Dear Duo,

I’m sorry to hear you’re in hospital being starved and mistreated by the entire hospital staff. I had no idea that Quatre was so vindictive or that the other pilots could be so callous so as not to come and rescue you. I’ll send a food parcel as soon as I can. Unfortunately I can’t come in person as I’ve been drafted into helping pilot some Leos around L4. I’m thinking of you heaps though! Take care!

Love Hilde.

To:                   All patients;

From:                fascist_bitch@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurse.org

Subject: Missing items.

Dear patients,

Hospital staff have recently become aware of a large number of misplaced equipment. Several scalpels, a couple of needles (not to mention neither Old Mr Riley nor his wheelchair have yet been found), among others. If you find any of these missing items, please notify a member of staff. Thank-you.

Nurse Jenkins.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                retired_beachboy@Not_broke?We’ll_fix_itNEway.com

Subject: Wiped out.

Duo,

Quatre broke your leg? You’re kidding, right? You must have done something incredibly stupid for that to happen. You can tell me about it when I come and visit.

So far I’ve managed to find the engine parts you requested but I’m drawing a blank on the pukekos. I’m afraid you’ll have to do without them. However I thought I’d bring in a toolbox so you can do a re-overhaul of Deathscythe while in bed.

Catch you later,

Howard.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurse.org

From:                notweak@extremely_manly_dragons.org

Subject: Re: Where’s my chocolate?

Dearest Snooky,

I am very sorry. I was certain that I included chocolate biscuits in the last food parcel I sent you. I shall go and see if Quatre knows what happened to them, he helped me wrap the parcel.

Wuffie.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From :               Treize’s#1fangirl@homicidal_psycho_monsters.com

Subject: DIE!!!!!!!!!11111

@*#($&)$*) @#*%()#$ )#(*)(&*(&*(&$@*(&#(*&(*@#@$@&% PAPERCLIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                perfectsoldier@DEATH2DISNEY.net

Subject: Do you know the story of the Gundam pilot who cried wolf?

Duo,

I have a lot of missions to prepare for. Please stop sending me e-mails. Neither I nor the other pilots have the time at present to stand guard over your hospital bed even if Une had become a homicidal psychopathic monster and was stalking you with intent to maim. I really think you’re just being paranoid. After all, OZ would not give command to a lunatic. The hospital is just getting on your nerves, that’s all, and the disappearance of all those items is just coincidence. Stop wasting our time and do something useful.

Heero. 

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadisitic_nurses.org

From:                notweak@extremely_manly_dragons.org

Subject: A grave miscarriage of justice.

Shinny-pie,

I owe you an apology. It appears that I was mistaken in accusing you of stealing all the chocolate products from the pantry. It is currently impossible to find anything chocolate, chocolate coated, or even chocolate flavoured in the house. Do not fear, I will right this injustice as soon as possible.

BTW, Une maybe psycho but she is an onna. What are you worried about?

Hugs,

Spanky.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                circusfan@I’m*your*friend.com

Subject: Extremely weird behaviour.

Dear Duo,

We’ve had some unusual happenings here. First off, Heero shot Relena! Although from what the eye-witnesses have said, all she was doing was asking him about Trowa, Heero panicked and forgot his training and shot her twice. She’s not that badly injured, and just needs to spend some time in hospital. While this is a terrible thing to happen to anyone, I won’t say she didn’t deserve it. Pestering Trowa like that! The nerve.

On the other hand since being shot by Heero, she won’t stop talking about him. The last we saw of her she was trying to convince the ambulance driver to take her back to Heero.

Wufei is also acting oddly. He’s become extremely withdrawn. He hardly ever has a normal conversation with anyone anymore. Instead he stares at us for ages then suddenly snaps ‘Where were you on the night of the twenty-fifth? When did you last see the Chocolate Wheatens?’ It’s getting quite unnerving. I’d ask Heero if he can think of an explanation but he’s still kicking himself over the fact that he mucked up a mission. Either that or because he failed to kill Relena. It’s hard to tell. Speaking of Heero, I must remember to remove the self detonator from Wing.

Yours truly,

Quatre Winner.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                HY+RP4eva@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

Subject: Re: I’m not talking to you either, so there.

Mr Maxwell,

Would you be so kind as to lower the volume of your stereo? Other patients might be trying to sleep.

Miss Peacecraft.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                HY+RP4eva@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

Subject: Re: Jump in a lake.

For your information, Mr Maxwell, I’m as unhappy to be in this situation as you are. A person of my rank and delicacy cannot possibly be expected to stay in the same ward as, well, you. I suppose we’ll just have to try to coexist peacefully until Heero comes and rescues me.

Miss Peacecraft.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                HY+RP4eva@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

Subject: Re: Hate to burst your bubble, but . . .

What do you mean deluded? And what do you mean by implying I’m not Heero’s type? How would you know anyway?

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                HY+RP4eva@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

Subject:             Re: I’m so glad you asked . . .

I don’t believe you! You’re making that up!

Besides, I have proof Heero likes me. After all, that’s the second time he hasn’t killed me.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                HY+RP4eva@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

Subject: Re: Wake up and see the bullet holes.

No one should expect a braided idiot like you to understand the workings of a great Romance. Heero and I are like Romeo and Juliet, like Anthony and Cleopatra, like Pyramus and Thisbe, like Siegfried and Odette, Othello and Desdemona, Hero and Lysander . . . sigh. Heero . . . ahem. Anyway, you don’t know anything about True Love so shut up.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

CC:                  HY+RP4eva@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                facist_bitch@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

Subject: Regrettable behavior.

Mr Maxwell & Miss Peacecraft,

It is rare at Rosyfields for staff to have to intervene in an argument between patients. Indeed, I’ve consulted the records and have confirmed that this is the first time in the history of this establishment that no less than three orderlies were required to separate the patients. I don’t think I have to tell you two that Rosyfields does not look fondly on such disruptive behaviour as hair-pulling or scratching.

I was especially surprised to find a renowned pacifist such as you, Miss Peacecraft, using violence to solve a problem. Even if Mr Maxwell did call you a ‘necrophiliac.’ For your part, Mr Maxwell, I should think you should be ashamed of acting like that towards a lady. By the way, I think the word you’re looking for is ‘thanatomania.’

With that in mind we are searching for another ward for Miss Peacecraft as soon as we can. In the meantime we request that the two of you try to put your differences aside and try to endure the situation as best you can.

Nurse Jenkins.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                circusfan@I’m*your*friend.com

Subject:             Sorry Duo.

Hi Duo,

No luck with the sniper rifle, I’m afraid. Rashid tried to smuggle it in to you but the nurse on duty wouldn’t let him in the hospital. We’ll try again in a couple of days. By the way, you’re sure that you got a mission to kill Relena? It’s just that Instructor H was under the impression that G was still on holiday.

Oh, here’s Wufei. Excuse me. I have to go . . . count my socks.

Quatre.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                notweak@extremely_manly_dragons.org

Subject: Injustice!

That is an outrage! Having the onna in my room was bad enough; I can only imagine how hard it must be to stay in the same room as her. I suggest you ask a nurse for a mask to guard against the girl-cooties.

The situation at this end is more serious than originally thought. Not only have all things chocolate disappeared, but anything containing anything remotely resembling caffeine has gone too. Furthermore, the thoroughness of the removal suggests that only someone intimately acquainted with the base would have been able to do it. That leaves Heero or Quatre. As I have no wish to be either shot or have my bones broken, I’m going to hide anything chocolate I buy you from now on. I’m also going to have a quiet word with Rashid.

Trowa’s mission seems to be proceeding smoothly. Last night a convoy of glue guns arrived.

By the way, you will be coming home soon? I miss our arguments . . .

Hugs,

Wuffie-kins.

To:                   All patients;

From:                facist_bitch@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

Subject: Found!

Valued patients,

I’m sure you’ll be as delighted as we are to note that the missing items (except for the wheelchair and Old Mr Riley) have all been found. It is still a cause for speculation on how they came to be embedded in the wall over Mr Maxwell’s head, but I’m sure that will be sorted out soon.

In the meantime, you may all sleep well in the knowledge that the scalpels and needles are back where they should be. Ward Nine will be out of use tonight until we can convince Mr Maxwell to unbar the door. Sorry for the inconvenience,

Nurse Jenkins.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                notweak@extremely_manly_dragons.org

Subject: I didn’t mean that.

Of course I’m not just interested in you for your body, pooky. It’s just I miss you. I can’t wait till you get home. I’ll even let you choose where we put the pot plant.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                perfectsoldier@DEATH2DISNEY.net

Subject:             Pot plant?

I was just hacking into Wufei’s sent box to keep in practice while I await my next mission, when I saw the last e-mail he sent you. I asked him what a pot plant had to do with anything and he went ballistic and has gone off to find his katana blades so he can get revenge on me for reading his mail. I’ve barricaded myself in Wing and I’m waiting for him to cool down.

Although I have grave doubts about the wisdom of asking you . . . what were you going to do with the pot plant?

And pooky?

Heero.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                perfectsoldier@DEATH2DISNEY.net

Subject:             Re: Wash your mind out!

Feng shui? Really? I assumed that coming from you, it would have a more well, perverted use. I’m still confused as to why you and Wufei would want to put our room in perfect harmonious order though.

Pooky . . . well, I think you shouldn’t let OZ know about that one.

And that was not an invitation for you to call me Hee-chan!

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                perfectsoldier@DEATH2DISNEY.net

Subject:             TMI.

I think you should have just let it lie at the Feng Shui. I do not think I’ll be able to feel comfortable in our room again. Thanks a lot.

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                perfectsoldier@DEATH2DISNEY.net

Subject: Re: Threesome??

Actually . . . I’ll have to think about that.

BTW, Wufei and Rashid had a little talk to Quatre this afternoon and he has admitted that he has a caffeine problem. He’s decided to seek professional help. We should all be supportive of him. That means no e-mailing him pictures of java or chocolate, got it?

To:                   very*grim*reaper@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

From:                fascist_bitch@rosyfields_home4sadistic_nurses.org

Subject: Pack your bags.

Mr Maxwell,

While Rosyfields values each and every one of our patients, we hope you won’t mind if we ask you to recuperate at home. It’s not that we don’t like you . . . it’s just that the other patients are leaving in droves, the orderlies burst into tears at the sound of a bell and the number of staff on stress leave has doubled. Furthermore the cafeteria staff have gone on strike, saying they have never been so insulted in their lives and will not return until either you leave or they receive a clause in their contracts covering ‘working under unreasonable duress.’ And Miss Peacecraft is threatening to sue.

I shall be sorry to see you depart. It is not often that Rosyfields receives such an interesting patient. You would not be interested in getting lunch sometime?

Nurse Jenkins.