Set Me Free
by Ricci

Email: barw2a01@uni-trier.de

Author's notes: This is a 1x2, with some 'guest appearances' of 4.

Archive: of course, if you like to!

C&C craved!

*~*~*Part 5:


The door closed behind him with a resounding sharp 'click'. The fraction of a second it took his fingers to let go of the handle stretched to an eternity for Duo, somehow it seemed all the more final now.

"What did I do?" he whispered to himself and found his vision blurring with hot tears. He lowered his head and let them fall. It was just a door separating him from Heero, only the simple action of taking the handle and stepping back into that room, taking back his words. But he couldn't do it. It was a mixture of pride, stubbornness and the strange feeling that somehow he had the right to be angry that held him back.

Duo took a deep breath. He needed time to sort things out. Maybe all Heero needed was time on his own, too, to come to terms with his predicament.

Heero lay wrapped in the cold sheets and stared at the closed door, still trembling with rage and despair. He knew something was not right from the way his head hurt, but he didn't care. A small part of him clung to the desperate belief that Duo would be back, that the last ten minutes hadn't happened and were just some strange dream.

And while he was at it - perhaps this whole ordeal was just a bad dream he would wake up from any minute. But the pain was real.

Heero lifted one shaking hand to the bandages covering most of his hand. It came away wet and sticky with blood.

'I don't want this!' his mind screamed in impotent fury.

He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as the pain became nearly unbearable. This was not his body. It was weak and thin and simply different, it didn't serve its purpose and he couldn't depend on it. And this was not his life either. He didn't knowthe people in this world, even Duo was different - and now Duo was gone. And with him the last crutch he had allowed himself to lean on was gone, too.

Wasn't it his right to wish for his own death? What should he do in this world where ideals such as his own were certainly old-fashioned and frowned upon?

Heero stared at the white ceiling and lifted his weak and slender fingers. Useless. He started to claw at the bandages, tried to tear them away with sheer determination and couldn't help but let out a muffled scream as immediate pain ripped through him.

His vision took on a dark red haze and he teetered on the edge of unconsciousness just from the pain, but he didn't stop.

Outside Duo's head shot up when he heard the strange sound barely recognizable as Heero's voice.

'What's he doing??'

His eyes widened and he threw pride and determination out of the window as he turned and slammed the door open. He froze for a second as he was greeted with the view of a bloodcovered and convulsing Heero, then he screamed at the top of his lungs for a nurse, a doctor, just someone.

The next few minutes were a blur in his memory. He remembered the white and still face of Heero all too clearly, blood running down his temples, then suddenly he sat in Kitamura's office, wrapped in a blanket, Kitamura and Toyama in front of him.

"Duo?" Kitamura asked softly and looked worriedly into his eyes.

Duo swallowed once before he gripped the blanket tighter with cold fingers. "Where's - how's - Heero?"

Kitamura exchanged a short look with Toyama before he answered. "He is placed in the ICU of the psychological unit now. And he will stay there, until we know what is going on between the two of you. That was a suicide attempt, as I am sure you know."

There was no accusation in Kitamura's voice, just worry and compassion, and still it hit Duo like a hammer. He felt the tears well up again and blinked them away angrily.

"He wanted me to kill him. And I refused. So he tried to do it himself, I guess." He heard Kitamura's sharp intake of breath, and this time Kitamura's voice held an accusatory tone.

"You knew he was suicidal and you didn't tell anyone?"

Duo bowed his head and buried his face in the blanket between his fists. His tense shoulders shook, the only hint at his inner turmoil. Toyama lay a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"It would have been better to tell us," he stated calmly, "but the damage is done - now we have to find a way to cope with the situation. Tell us why Heero-san wants to die so desperately."

Duo nodded impercebtibly and wrapped the blanket tighter around himself before he raised his head again. Kitamura silently offered him some tissues, but Duo shook his head.

"Thank you, Kitamura-sensei."

For a moment his eyes were unfocused as he tried to recall Heero's exact words, but he could only remember the Japanese boy's cold plea for death. "He-he asked... no, he commanded me to kill him. Or he would do it himself. I said no."

"That was the right thing to do." assured him Toyama gently when Duo didn't continue for a while.

"I can only guess why he wants to die." Duo stared brokenly at his hands. "I think he didn't want to survive the war. And now he's not only survived it, there are no more missions for him, too. He has no task. And he doesn't know anyone."

Kitamura frowned. Slowly Toyama shook his head. "I don't know him that well, Duo-san... but I think it may have to do with the fact that he has to face his feelings, his guilt now that the war is over. For you, for your fellow pilots, it was a relatively slow process. You witnessed the peace negotiations, you followed the reports in the media - you *lived* the war to its end. Heero-san is unprepared. He's thrown into this new and strange environment, and he may think he has to cope with it all on his own. It's our task now to help him face the situation and the problems that might arise out of it."

Duo felt warmth wash over him when he heard himself being included. He had half-feared that they would blame him for Heero's suicide attempt and exclude him from the therapy, maybe even from Heero's life. He took a deep breath.

"I know I made a mistake. It won't happen again."

"Yes, it will." contradicted Toyama. "It is bound to happen again. But this time we will talk about anything that comes up before it causes a situation like this. As psychologist I want to keep Heero in the psychological wing as long as he shows any inclination to inflict harm on himself. He will be restricted to his room for the time being, if his condition improves he may be allowed to move freely in the boundaries of the hospital grounds."

Toyama looked at Kitamura expectantly. Kitamura nodded and cleared his throat. "I agree to that. We have yet to see what harm his attack did to his nervous system... he tore the operation wounds open again, so physical therapy is out of the question at the moment. I only ask that he may be restrained until his suicidal tendencies have abated. And Duo." He looked at the young man sternly. "I want to you to make a decision, right here, right now. Do you want to stay Heero's guardian and help him recover, keeping the therapy appointments and helping with the PT sessions once they start, or do you think you can't or don't want to handle this any longer? I won't judge you, whatever your answer may be, but I need to know I can count on your help - no, even more, Heero needs to know he can count on you, even if he doesn't know it yet himself."

Duo gulped nervously.

Kitamura offered him a way out of this. He could leave now, as he had told Heero he would... he was finally free to find his own way, like he had wanted to do. But it would mean leaving Heero behind. Leaving his love, his dear duty, his way of life behind. Countless little memories sprang up before his inner eye, the many times he had held Heero close, the innocent touch of a childlike Heero who seemed to recognize him on some level... and the former Heero, the seemingly cold and heartless, ruthless soldier who followed his orders stubbornly and yet still maintained honour and pride which kept him human, made him vulnerable. The Heero Duo had fallen in love with in the first place. Maybe it was time to discover him anew.

"I want to stay." Duo stated quietly. "I want to help. In any way I can and you allow me to."

Kitamura smiled at him, a hint of pride in his eyes. "I knew you would, Duo-san. Heero will be grateful - some time."

Though Duo found that hard to believe he nodded and let go of his tight grip on the blanket. He felt warm again.

The slow passage from sleep to wakefulness was accompanied by searing pain, as Heero had come to expect. Only this time he hadn't expected to wake up at all.

He tried to open his eyes and found that he couldn't. A moment later he discovered that he couldn't move his hands, either.

Panic seized him with a steely grip. Had he only succeeded in making his situation worse? A strangled sound escaped his throat, strangely clear in his ears, before a beeping noise shot daggers of pain at his head. Heero heard the sound of a door opening, then the rustle of cloth as someone entered.

"Check the vitals, okay? I'll see if he's awake. Yuy-san? Can you hear me?"

He didn't recognize the voice, it had to be a nurse or a female doctor, he didn't know. He cleared his throat and tried to say something, but he only succeeded in uttering a groan.

"Yuy-san, can you clench your hands for me? Please clench your hands."

He wanted to snort at the command but obeyed nonetheless.

"Good." said the dry voice. "Now, if you're in severe pain, please clench your hand."

He didn't move his fingers. The pain was bearable. It reminded him that he could at least feel some parts of his body.

"Okay... get a new drip, okay? Thanks. We have to inform Kitamura-sensei."

The other person in the room didn't say anything, but Heero felt the cool touch of air when he or she left the room again.

"Kitamura-sensei will talk to you in a short while. If you feel like sleeping, then do so, that's just a side-effect of the painkillers. Don't worry."

He would have laughed at her if he could. Don't worry. What careless words.

Though he hadn't meant to fall asleep he must have drifted off at some point, since the sound of the door opening startled him, quiet as it was. He swallowed heavily, the pain a steady companion, and mentally prepared for a barrage of questions.

Instead he felt the mattress shift as someone sat down beside him and took his hand.

His heart leapt to his throat.

Suddenly there was a flood, a rapidly building pressure of emotion like he had never experienced before, it rushed through his mind and left him battered and bruised. He whimpered softly.

"Heero." Duo was there. Duo was with him.

"There you go and pull a stunt again. I'm starting to grow grey hair because of you." Duo's tone only held mild amusement, a faint hint at a sad smile. Heero swallowed again. He longed to be able to see Duo, he felt so helpless like this. Involuntarily his fingers curled around Duo's. Why did he feel like crying? He had to clear his throat several times, before he was able to
talk.

"Why can't I see?" he croaked.

"There's a bandage over your eyes." replied Duo soothingly, stroking the back of his hand with a thumb almost absently. "They don't know what damage you did to your nerves, so they didn't want to risk anything. The light could be too bright for your eyes right now."

Heero digested this. "And my hands...?"

He more felt than heard Duo's sigh. "You have to ask? You tried to kill yourself. So they had you restrained."

"I want the restraints off." whispered Heero breathlessly.

Duo chuckled quietly, the sligtest traces of bitterness and sad humour in his voice. "I bet. But they won't allow it unless you change your mind." There was no need to ask what Duo was talking about.

They both knew.

Heero found that his hand tingled where Duo touched him. The touch made him want to recoil in anger and lash out at Duo, but at the same time he couldn't deny the warmth, the FEEL of Duo's skin against his own. He was suddenly afraid Duo would go if he didn't talk to him.

"You're still here." He choked out the question that was othering him the most. "Why are you still here...?"

Duo suppressed a sad sigh. He prayed for a time when Heero wouldn't ask that question ever again. "Because your my best buddy. And because I have nothing better to do."

Heero wanted to smirk at that. The old Maxwell tactic - stressful situation, lighten with humour. He felt Duo sit back on the mattress, his back level with Heero's hip, barely touching it. And suddenly his heart felt lighter than before, an invisible weight gone now that Duo was there. Heero wanted to tell Duo that he was glad Duo wasn't gone. Oh, how he wanted to tell him he was sorry and thankful. But as usual he couldn't find words to express his feelings and so let the moment pass without saying anything at all.

Duo watched Heero's face, at least the small part of it he could see. His eyes and most of his head were covered with white bandages, only a small part of his forehead and the lower half of his face were visible. Duo's eyes fell on those soft lips he had dared to steal kisses from when Heero was still comatose. He nearly let out a frustrated sigh, but he caught himself in time. It was already amazing that Heero was allowing him to hold his hand. Hell, it was amazing Heero was THERE, the real Heero, not that strange child that had taken his place when he had woken up from the coma.

"Does it hurt?" Duo asked and shifted on the bed, taking Heero's cold fingers into his other hand. Heero obviously tried to shake his head, wincing when that hurt.

"Sorry." Duo apologized.

"It's okay." Heero rasped and tightened his fingers around Duo's. "It... hurts. But it's okay."

Duo let out an exasperated sigh. "It doesn't HAVE to hurt. I can get you something against the pain."

Helpless Heero felt Duo move, his fingers sliding out of his grip. He swallowed. "No. The... the pain is good."

Duo hesitated. "How can the pain be good? It hurts, doesn't it?"

Heero felt torn between answering and silence. He didn't want Duo to leave - above all, ignoring his problems, ignoringhis own needs, he didn't want Duo to leave. This time he would make him stay. But he didn't know how. Talking seemed to be the only means to keep Duo interested in him - 'he stayed by your side all this time even without you talking'reminded him a small voice - and if it meant that Duo would stay he would struggle with the words until he got them right. So he answered. "It-it makes me feel my... body."

Duo cocked his head and stared at the unseeing Heero. He hadn't really expected an answer. "Okay. But if it gets worse, you tell me." Once again Heero's fingers tightened around his, and he continued to softly stroke Heero's hand, keeping it between his own. Heero just let it happen, occasionally brushing his thumb over Duo's, but otherwise keeping silent and unmoving. Feeling somehow satisfied with the moment Duo watched him, a small smile curving his lips. The words he had so carelessly flung at Heero seemed very far away, as far as the Heero who had demanded he be killed.

With the sunlight falling in through the slits of the blinds, playing over Heero's features, it nearly felt like in their apartment, timeless, peaceful. Duo knew they both had a lot to talk about, which in itself was already a challenge when it came to Heero. But he could sense that it was not yet time to break the companionable silence that reigned between them. So he settled on watching him instead, committing every small detail of Heero's features to memory, as he had done countless times before in the small realm of their apartment.

It had been quite a long time since Heero had felt this at ease with a situation. Robbed of his vision he concentrated on the small sounds of the hospital around them, on the smell of Duo's hair that hadn't changed over the years.

He wished he could stop time at that very moment. He couldn't help it - the future sounded both alluring and frightening. What Duo wanted from him... he wasn't sure he could give it. He wasn't even sure he wanted to, though he had to admit that Duo's touch sparked something inside of him, something unknown and mysterious. But not entirely unpleasant. And suddenly there was it again, that feeling that his heart would burst any moment, the panic that Duo would leave. Heero tried to get a grip and told himself to *stop*, but he felt helpless and weak. He hated himself for feeling weak.

The moment shattered when the door opened and Kitamura stepped in. "Yuy-san."

Heero recognized his voice and tried to turn his head into the direction of the sound, but he gasped in pain when the movement tore at his sensitive wounds. Duo's hand held his in a tight grip. "Heero! You okay?"

Heero groaned and felt cool finger pads touching his wrist on the same hand Duo was holding.

"I'm fine." he ground out between clenched teeth and tried to relax despite the pain.

"Can't you give him anything against the pain?" Duo's voice pleaded with the doctor. Anger rose inside of Heero. He thought he had made it pretty clear he wouldn't give in to the feverish peace of painkillers. To his relief he heard Kitamura recline.

"Sorry, Duo-san, we already have him on a pretty strong dosage. Yuy-san, how is your hearing? Everything clear?"

"Hai." Heero answered shortly.

"Can you feel this?" Something sharp pricked the skin at his thumb.

"Hai."

"Do you feel sleepy? Nauseous?"

"No." came the equally short reply.

Kitamura nodded, content with Heero's answers. "It's not as bad as I feared. You were lucky, Yuy-san. Toyama-sensei will talk to you later, he will explain to you what treatment we have in mind. Now I'd like to take off the bandage over your eyes. Duo-san, please close the blinds completely."

Duo went and did as he was told, turning around anxiously when Kitamura carefully peeled off the bandages.

Heero kept his eyes closed, but Duo could see them move under his eyelids. "Okay, open your eyes. And take it slowly."

Duo held his breath as Heero complied and opened his eyes, he watched as small slits of midnight blue appeared and widened, until Heero was looking at Kitamura with his eyes fully open.

"Can you see me clearly? Is it too bright?" asked Kitamura and extracted a penlight from his pocket.

"It's not too bright. But it's blurry." answered Heero and tensed visibly, expecting the worst. Duo was at his side in a flash.

"Don't worry." assured them Kitamura calmly, "That's only normal. The blur will gradually disappear. Please follow the light with your eyes." After he had tested Heero's reactions he smiled. "Nothing to worry about. As I said, you were really lucky."

Duo grinned at Heero. "Yatta." he whispered happily.

Kitamura left them alone, a knowing smile playing around his lips.

Heero watched Duo, his gaze unwavering. For the longest time they held eye contact, until Duo blushed and looked away. "Don't look at me like that."

Heero immediately turned his gaze down, guilt rising and awakening the panic again. "I'm sorry." The unfamiliar words stumbled from his lips, and since he was looking down, he missed Duo's broad smile.

"Don't be. It just gives me the shivers if you do, is all."

This time Heero looked up again. He tried hard not to frown. Everything inside... was so confusing. Everytime he tried to piece it together he failed, he couldn't explain what was going on inside of him. He was getting tired all of a sudden and felt strangely dizzy. "Duo..."

"Mh?" Duo looked down at him expectantly, with a faint blush staining his cheeks.

"I think... I'm going to... sleep..." And even while speaking those words Heero drifted off, his eyes falling closed.

Duo sat down beside Heero once more. "I love you." he said quietly to the sleeping figure. It felt easier to pronounce it to an unconscious Heero. He raised his hand and traced Heero's cheek with trembling fingers.

"And I'm so glad you didn't die. I..." He leaned down and brushed a butterfly kiss on the small spot of bare skin on Heero's forehead. "...love you."

It was hard to leave Heero - Duo would have been content to just watch him sleep, but there were things he needed to take care of.

He made his way to the cafeteria of the hospital and called Junako from one of the public phones. She wasn't there, only her answering machine picked up his call, and he felt the courage leave him bit by bit. "Man, I really screwed up this time."

Duo shook his head. He felt sorry for Junako, having to put up with his irresponsibility and doing it even willingly. He wasn't even sure it was wise to call her, after all, she had made it pretty clear that she wanted to be more than friends, and he didn't know if they could ever get back to the comfortable level of being just friends.

Would she welcome Heero in his life?

Maybe he should call Quatre instead. But he didn't feel like going through the whole ordeal again, and that was what he would have to do if he told Quatre.

His exhausted body reminded him that he was in desperate need of some sleep, and that his shift started in a few hours,so Duo decided to go home and catch at least some hours of sleep before going to The Blue Moon.

He all but crept to Toyama's office, suddenly overcome by his fatigue, and knocked on the glas door.

"Come in. Duo-san?"

Duo stuck his head into the cramped office. "I'll be back tomorrow." He yawned tiredly.

Toyama looked up from his desk and nodded. "Okay. I think it's better if I talk to him alone for today - if he is up to it, that is. Um, I thought about... maybe two o'clock for tomorrow? Is that alright with you?"

"Yeah, that's perfect. Maybe I'll be here already."

Toyama smiled at that.

"But anyway, I gotta go." And with a last swing of his braid, Duo was gone.

Heero woke up some time during the night, as pale moonlight floated into the room through the tiny slits in the blinds. The pain wasn't that bad this time, it had receded to a dull headache that was pounding away in his head. He felt thirsty, but he didn't want to call the nurse. So he just swallowed and stared at the barely visible ceiling.

His thoughts were sluggish at first and consisted merely of pictures and half remembered memories, voices, places, everything connected losely by darkblue eyes and a soft smile.

Heero clung to the memories of Duo, since Duo was real and no dream. There were soft hands touching him, lifting him up and telling him to trust, they were untangling his hair and warming his cold skin. They fluttered, like butterflies, over his body and lightened the dull unfeelingness that seemed to have settled in every limb. Sometimes they brought coldness, then they provided living warmth... and then there was Duo's voice, so familiar and yet so strange, with a deeper timbre, telling him a hundred things and more, transmitting emotions in each and every one of their subtle undertones. Humor, summerlight happiness, silent content, joyous delight, but also depression, dark and heavy, soulweighing sadness, tearful anger, growing despair.

Heero remembered.

And not so long ago, that voice had been accompanied by blue eyes, always worried and always tender, with the ability to capture and hold his focus. There had been knowledge in those eyes, and wonder at the same time. And those eyes had given him shelter even when he hadn't realized his need for just that, they had given him purpose and meaning that he had seemed unable to find or even comprehend.

For no particular reason at all Heero succumbed to slow and silent tears, washing away some of the pain and making it easier to see. Without Duo he wouldn't have survived.Without Duo he would have been another number among the casualties of war, lost and given up and not even remembered. Duo had given up his own personal freedom to care for him. He had sacrificed a life without mental baggage for a life full of ungrateful responsibilities on a planet that had only served as a battleground for the longest time.

Heero felt ashamed suddenly, ashamed and guilty. How could he just give up like this, without respecting Duo's choices and showing thanks? If Duo had been able to carry that burden, then it was Heero's duty to try and carry it for himself. It was just another mission, after all. It wasn't disputable.

Tears drying in the silvery moonlight, Heero fell asleep.

Duo stared a himself in the mirror with bleary eyes. The ups and downs of the last week were taking their toll on him; his dreams had been filled with nightmarish pictures of Heero dying over and over again, and he felt as if he hadn't slept at all. It was hard to believe that Heero would be safe now. Would he be?

Duo wanted so desperately to show Heero what love could mean, how it can change one's life just like that. He feared that Heero might feel so guilty that he would continue to try and take his own life again and again, until he succeeded one day.

'And even if he doesn't,' Duo thought bitterly, 'they won't be able to reach him. He'll be so far away...'

Duo shook his head as if that could disperse those heavy thoughts. He dropped his boxers and stepped under the shower, sighing as the hot spray loosened his sore muscles and drove away the dust of the day.

For several minutes he just enjoyed the sensations of the relaxing water, before he grabbed the shampoo and fumbledwith the mass of his hair. On days like this he seriously considered ing it; no one really appreciated it, and it stood for a time long past and gone. Sentimental value, but not practical.

He sighed again and continued washing, until his skin started crinkling and he felt so relaxed he might melt into a little puddle.

After drying up Duo went back to the living/sleeping room of the suddenly too spacious apartment. He stared at the unoccupied bed near the window or a long time.

"I miss you." he said to the lingering dustmotes dancing in the sunlight. He wasn't exactly sure what he was missing though.

The unconscious Heero? The cold soldier?

His heart and hands ached for the familiar feel of Heero's warm skin and the sunlight playing over seemingly innocent relaxed features. It felt as if a part of his life was missing, the one thing that added color to his life...

Duo sighed as he realized how pathetic he sounded.

The routine, that was what was missing. Normally he'd prop Heero up against the pillows now, working with his arms and legs, doing the respiratory exercises, feeding him, and making him generally presentable.

"But why do I miss that?" he asked himself aloud. "It's not as if he was here for the last couple of weeks."

Angry at himself suddenly, he drew the comb harshly through his wet hair. Naturally it got stuck as it encountered several tangles at once. With a frustrated snort he threw it against the wall and immediately felt foolish for doing so.

'What's wrong with me? Why is it so hard to think suddenly?'

Duo plopped down on his bed and enjoyed briefly the cool feel of the cotton cover against his overheated skin, before his mind went blank and he just stared at the ceiling without really seeing it.

The sound of cars deep down on the street was very faint, the wind beat against the window and carried some rotten leaves with it, the last victims of the cruel coldness fall had brought.

Duo's hair clung wet and warm to his back, his fingers twitched now and then, as his feet slowly got colder and number.

His thoughts drifted to Heero again. He wondered if Heero was waiting for him or dreading his return, if he chose at that very moment whether he wanted to face the life his awakening had presented him with or rather take the hard and fast ride to hell as soon as he was in any condition to act again.

"I have to make you fall in love with me." Duo said aloud. "You have to get to know me all over again, like I will discover you all over again. And this time there's no war going on, there are no variables in this game anymore except for the barricades around you." Duo's eyes softened. "This battle I won't lose."

He rolled over and drew his knees up to his chest, trying to find some warmth in the sheets. He'd be there if - no, when Heero needed him, he would be there. This time...

Duo opened his eyes wide and stared at the headboard of his bed. 'This time I won't fail.'

Sighing he resigned himself to stand up and got dressed hastily. He couldn't wait to see Heero.

It wasn't even noon yet, and already Heero was bone tired. The morning had been filled with tests upon tests, first Kitamura with needles and wooden blocks and all kinds of weird equipment, then Toyama with questions over questions.

To get a general picture, he'd said.

Heero didn't really care. He went through each test mechanically, answered each question truthfully and shortly and did not even once reflect on his answers. He felt numb. Something inside of him felt dead. A nurse had changed the bandages around his head, making friendly though strained conversation while Heero just stared at the ceiling and let time flow around him.

His mind had registered that Kitamura told him he was scheduled for a CAT scan that afternoon, and he found himself wondering why they bothered him so much when all he wanted to do was lie in bed and look at the branches scraping against his window.

He must have fallen asleep, for he was startled and disoriented when the figure of a nurse suddenly loomed over him.

What was she saying? Yes, the CAT scan.

Heero watched the lamps fly over his head when she rolled him through the corridors. His head lolled to one side, and he could have sworn he saw a hazel braid swing and vanish around a corner.

"Duo." he said, but the corner was already gone, and the doors from the elevator hissed open before him.

"Did you say something?" asked the nurse.

One corner of his lips curled in a pale smirk.

In the elevator sudden vertigo overcame him and forced him to close his eyes and swallow. When he opened his eyes again, a door opened in front of him again, and a young doctor told him something that sounded nice and uninteresting.

He shivered when they took his blanket away and flinched when he felt hands lifting him up carefully. The surface Heero was resting on felt cool and hard, though there was a softer roll under his head. He closed his eyes again. If it weren't so cold it would have been nice to fall asleep. Just nice.

"How's he holding up?" asked Kitamura while he looked at Heero through the observation window. "Any problems in the lift?"

The assistant busied himself with the equipment and Kitamura watched Heero's head vanish in the large tube of the machine.

The nurse shook her head. "No, nothing. Though he was very quiet - but I heard he's usually like that."

Kitamura opened his mouth to answer when suddenly the screaming began. In a flash he was at Heero's side, past the startled faces of the young assistant and the nurse.

Heero was half inside of the large tube, and though he was yelling at the top of his lungs he didn't move at all.

"Help me get him out!" hissed Kitamura frantically to the assistant and struggled with Heero's slender body, moving him as carefully as possible. With the help of the nurse they finally got him out of the tube, and Kitamura held him down, just in case, while the nurse ran for a sedative.

Heero's eyes were wide and unseeing, and there were tear tracks on his cheeks, though Kitamura suspected that his eyes were tearing because he wasn't blinking.

"Heero-san, calm down. Nothing's going to happen to you, everything's alright."

It wasn't working.

Kitamura expected the bandages around Heero's head to turn red again or the boy going into seizures any moment, and still he continued screaming though his voice sounded raw by now.

"Heero-san!" Kitamura frowned worriedly and listened to Heero's screams, when it occured to him suddenly that the young man was actually making sense.

"I killed her!"

Either it was that or it slightly changed to "I killed him!"

Kitamura filed that information away for later, when he would talk this over with Toyama.

When the nurse finally returned with a prepared hypodermic Heero's cries died down to whispers in a matter of seconds, but still he kept repeating those two phrases, over and over again.

Kitamura bowed down and stroked some dark bangs out of the sweaty face. "Heero-san." he addressed him repeatedly until finally Heero's eyes focused again and he was looking at him.

"Everything is alright." said Kitamura firmly. "We will bring you back to your room now, alright?"

Heero's eyes were very opaque - Kitamura couldn't read any emotion in them, and that worried him more than anything.

He pressed Heero's hands shortly and then helped the nurse and the assistant maneuvering Heero into his bed again, covering him with the still warm blanket.

Exhausted as he was Heero's eyes drooped and soon he was sleeping peacefully, without any sign of his previous screaming fit.

Kitamura frowned again. "Please bring him back to his room. We'll postpone the CAT scan for now." he instructed the nurse and left, planning to have a talk with Toyama as soon as possible.

Duo turned around when he heard the sound of a bed being wheeled from the hallway. Expectantly he hurried to open the door and smiled at the nurse, when he saw it was indeed Heero in the bed. He helped her bring the bed in position and sat down beside Heero, when she had left.

Something looked... out of place, he discovered after long moments of looking at his sleeping friend. Something was not quite right with the way his lips were drawn to a tight line.

Duo reached down and brushed his fingertips over Heero's cheek. He frowned in surprise when he encountered the dampness there.

"You cried?" he whispered incredulously. "What on earth could make you cry?"

He felt the need to be protective all of a sudden, but there wasn't much he could do about that, so he settled on tucking the blanket around Heero's shoulders. He'd go and ask Kitamura about all that, he decided and sighed unhappily. He only hoped Heero hadn't gone and tried something stupid again.

Still frowning he looked down at his koibito.

That was how he remembered him. Sleeping. The glare gone from his eyes, the forehead smooth instead of marred by that one stubbornly resistant wrinkle that added a lot of momentum to Heero's usual dark scowl.

Duo couldn't resist and leaned down to brush his lips over the taut line of Heero's mouth. His hand sneaked to Heero's face and rested lightly on his cheek, his fingers playing with a dark strand of hair.

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End - for now! ^_^ C&C?
Ricci



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