“Alone. Yes, that’s the key
word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn’t hold a candle
to it, and hell is only a poor synonym.”
–Steven King
He sat at his window, staring at the rain that pored
down with a fury, when they came home. Usually minimum days were cool. They
meant getting out early and not having to do work. But today was dark and
gloomy. And there were Parent Teacher Conferences. He listened as they walked
up behind him. He pretended that he hadn’t heard them coming up the street,
parking in the driveway, getting out of their car, and coming in the house.
“Chang,” his mother started sweetly, “are you all right?”
“Hmph. Fine.”
“Really?”
“Yes. What did my teachers say?”
His father snorted. “He said that you were almost
the perfect student, really. ‘A’s in everything, sticks up for people who need
it, and always listens. We couldn’t be prouder.”
“Hmph. Good.”
“However,” his mother continued, “he also said that
there were a few issues socially. He said that you don’t have any friends.
Chang, is that true?” He shrugged in response.
“You just moved me to this school a month ago. How
can you expect me to have friends?” What he really wanted to ask was why they
felt like he needed friends at all, but he knew that wouldn’t go over too well.
“He also said that you need to work on controlling
your temper. You slammed your fist into a locker and threw a book last week?
Honey, you know that pacifism is…” Chang rolled his eyes and tuned his mother
out. Pacifism my ass, he thought.
“Yeah, I’ll work on that, mom.” He pushed himself
away from the windowsill and walked down the hall to his room.
Chang hated his name- Chang Wufei Maroku. He
preferred to simply go by his middle name. Wufei… he liked that a lot more. He
just felt more comfortable with it. He asked everyone at school to call him
that, but he couldn’t do anything about teachers and parents. He sat done at his
desk and rolled a small, green marble back and forth. His grandmother had given
him the marble but, for some reason, he never thought of his grandmother when
he saw the sphere. He thought of jade dragons and Chinese temples and… and…
Wufei shook his head. He hated it when this
happened. Every once in awhile, a thought would get fuzzy and his head would
hurt. He told his parents this once and they had said that it was too much
stress. Wufei wasn’t sure. He sighed and lit a stick of lavender inscents. Oh well…
no time to worry about that now. He had too much homework to do.
S * S * S * S * S
He hated Catholic schools. Well, he hated schools in
general, but why did his sister make him attend a Catholic one? It’s not like
their family had been religious. He rolled his eyes as the teacher drolled on.
He actually had nothing against the religion. It was just that, at this school,
everything could be related to pacifism. Everything! Even his math teacher
could relate an algebra problem to Relena Peacecraft’s brilliance or peace. He
hated it. He didn’t say much, though. He watched the ones that did get sent to
the school therapist. They had “anger management issues” or “rebellious
tendencies”. The teacher was writing a prayer on the board now. He sighed and
pulled out his binder to write it down. He wondered if everyone really believed
in all the crap the teacher was saying, or if they thought the same way he did.
He doubted it. It seemed like he had been different ever since he came to this
school a month ago. Before then…
He shook his head. He had a headache suddenly. He
hated when that happened. “Trowa?” he teacher called.
“Yes ma’am?”
“Do you have any thoughts on the prayer and how it
relates to Relena Peacecraft’s stance on world peace?” He sighed and quickly
read over the prayer on the board.
‘Dear Lord, help me to maintain a non-violent attitude
When I meet vengeful, menacing, even dangerous persons
Help me to surprise them beyond there expectations.
In Jesus’s name. Amen.’
“I think it’s stupid.” He admitted honestly. The
teacher looked surprised.
“Oh? Could you elaborate?”
“Well, if you’re in physical danger, you’re not
going to just stand there. You’re going to beat the crap out of them so that
you can get away. Disarm and disable, to put it simply. Only a fool would be
non-violent all the time.”
“Trowa, I respect your opinion,” Trowa tried not to
roll his eyes. Teachers were always saying that right before they told you that
you were wrong, “but what would Relena Peacecraft say about this prayer?”
“How do you know she’s even Catholic?”
“That’s not the point, Trowa. What do you think
she’d say about the message?”
Trowa sighed and thought for a brief moment. “She’d
probably say that all challenges can be met with pacifism and we all have to
work together to create peace.”
“Very good, Trowa! Now class…”
“However,”
Trowa continued, “that still doesn’t solve anything when someone is threatening
to blow you away.”
“Yes it does, Trowa.” The teacher rubbed her glasses
on her dress. Trowa was usually completely silent. She hadn’t realized that the
boy felt so strongly on this subject. Now Trowa just couldn’t let it go. “Miss
Peacecraft was able to maintain her passive stance all through the war, leading
us to a time of peace and…”
“But she didn’t end the war!” Trowa snapped. The
whole class was staring at him now, with rather confused and angry glares.
Trowa never felt so alone in his life. They truly did believe.
The teacher, however, seemed slightly more
excepting. “What do you mean, Trowa?”
Trowa opened his mouth to explain and found himself
at a loss for words. What did he mean? Why had he said that? Of course Relena
Peacecraft ended the war. That’s what they were taught. That’s what they knew.
He had a headache now, but somewhere in there a new thought squeezed out. “Well…
what about the Gundam pilots?”
Even the teacher looked angry now. “Trowa, I think
you need to take that part up with your history teacher. In theology we discuss
ideas and meaning of scripture. We all know that the Gundams did play a huge
part in that war, but it was a bloody stance that solved nothing.”
Trowa nodded and tried to sink into his chair a bit
more. He hated school. Especially Catholic school.
S * S * S * S * S
He bit his lip as his parents looked over the sheet
of paper. Shit, he thought, am in for it this time. Roger took off his glasses
and rubbed his eyes wearily. “Duo, what are we going to do with you? These
grades are just horrid! You need to be more motivated!”
“I know, I’m sorry. But come on! Math I got an ‘A’
in and I did good in PE. It’s just my English grade… um, and science… and, um,
French. Um, yeah, and I guess I didn’t do so well in History. But that was
because the teacher hates me. He thinks I’m some sort of violent capitalist
since I disagree with everything that he says. I swear, he makes it to seem
like Relena Peacecraft is some saint or something.”
“She is the reason there is no war, Duo.” Alice
sighed. “You need to stop making excuses and start focusing more. There is no
reason for this!”
Duo nodded, pretending to be sorry and glum. In
reality, he knew that Alice and Roger would have a long talk, once again
decided that it was their lack of involvement that was o blame, have a “family
day”, and everything would go back to normal. It was always this way. Every
time he got a bad grade at this school, which he had been at for about a month,
his parents pulled something like that.
“So, is Duo in trouble?” Sarai, his ten-year-old
sister, asked. Duo found it amusing that his parents had the most normal names,
Alice and Roger, and they named their kids the strange names of Sarai and Duo.
“Well, your father and I will have to have a talk…”
Alice said. The phone rang, interrupting her thoughts. Both Sarai and Duo
lunged for the phone. Sarai got to it first.
“Hello?” she chirped. Her nose wrinkled immediately.
“Duo, it’s for you.” He face lit up suddenly, “It’s a girrrrrrrrrrl!” Duo
snatched the phone away and stuck his tongue out childishly.
“H’lo?”
“Hi Duo. It’s Cara.”
“Hey Cara! What’s up?”
“Well, I was wondering if you were free tonight.
See, Court is going on a first date with this guy that she says is about as
easy to talk to as a brick wall. Mark and I were supposed to come along, but he
is home sick with the flu so…”
“Um, hold on. Let me check.” Duo held the phone to
his shoulder. “Hey Alice? Roger? Do you think I could go out dancing tonight?”
Alice frowned and thought for a moment. “Well, it’s
not a school night…”
“Oh come on!” Sarai giggled. “You’re going to let
him go out after that report card?!”
“Shut up, brat!” Duo sneered.
“Duo, that’s no way to talk to your sister.” Roger
sighed. “But I don’t see a reason why you can’t go. You need to focus more on
school during the week, but that’s no reason to take away your fun on the
weekend. And today is Friday…” he looked to Alice to double-check. She nodded
with a smile.
“But remember that we’re going to be at the opening
of the new Art Gallery from eight until around eleven, just in case you get
home around then. And Sarai’s sleeping over at a friends.”
“Okay, great! Thanks, guys! You’re the best!” Duo
put the phone back to his ear. “Yep, it’s cool. What time?”
“Oh great! Um, how about six? Is that okay?”
“Yeah! Great! See you then!” Duo hung up the phone
and bolted up the stairs to find something to wear.
S * S * S * S * S
He was jolted awake by a knocking on his door. “Uh,
come in!” he stuttered.
“Hi sweetie.” His older sister, Iria, stood in the
doorway, still dressed in her business suit. “I just wanted to let you know
that dinner is going to be later tonight since Shanna just called and she’s
going to be a bit late, and Athena needs to have time to change after work too
and…” she trailed off and frowned. “And why is there a book imprint on your
cheek?”
“I… uh... dozed off while reading.”
“When did you go to bed?” He shrugged. He knew as
soon as he answered, a lecture would follow.
“Um, around two.”
“What!” he flinched at the harsh tone. “Quatre
Raberba Winner, why on earth did you stay up that late when you had school this
morning. I could understand tonight since it’s a weekend, but…”
“I had nightmares again.”
Iria stopped on that note. “Quatre, you’re a little
old to be having trouble sleeping because you’re scared of the dark.”
“I’m not scared of the dark!” Quatre snapped. “I’m…
I’m scared of sleep.”
Iria sighed and sat down on Quatre’s bed. It was
baby blue, just like his eyes. “Why is that?”
“It’s just that I have this aching feeling that
whenever I go to sleep, something important will be missing when I wake up. Not
like an object or anything material, but part of my life. I can’t tell what it
is, but I always am afraid. Like when I wake up I won’t be able to feel some
emotion, or someone will be gone, or…”
“Quatre, no one is going anywhere and no one ever
lost an emotion from sleeping. You look like you’re exhausted. Take a nap and
I’ll come get you at dinner.” Quatre nodded and stood up.
“Um… thanks, Iria. I guess I am being stupid.”
Iria had a sad look in her eyes. She shook her head
and hugged her little brother. “No, you’re not. Now sleep. I’ll call you down when the rest of our sisters get here.”
Quatre nodded and lay down on his bed. Almost as soon as he hit the pillow, his
eyes drooped and he fell asleep. Right before he did, though, his heart
clenched and a small tear trickled out of his eye, just like it did every single
night.
S * S * S * S * S
“I hate school!” he yelled, slamming his fist into
the trailer wall.
“Trowa, stop that!” Catherine snapped. “We’ve been
through this a thousand times. What are you going to do if you don’t at least
have a high school education?”
“Work in the circus like I do every weekend. I don’t
see what the big deal is!”
Catherine sighed. “Trowa, look, I didn’t get an
education and…”
“And I swear I’m going to throw up if you give me
the guilt-trip speech again. I get enough of the guilt at school. I swear it’s
the root of that religion. Why do I have to go t…”
“Because it’s a good school, that’s why. Now shut
up, eat your food and get on your costume. If you tempt me too much, my aim
might be off today.” Trowa laughed and nodded. That was what he liked about his
sister Catherine. At least she was blunt with him. She was real. Everything
else about his life just seemed, well, fake. He couldn’t put his finger on it,
but even the way people said his name sounded fake. Trowa Edward Bloom. What a
dumb name. He sighed and scooped the macaroni into his mouth. He licked his
lips, grabbed his yellow, blue, and green clown costume from the floor and put
it on. Then, the final touch. Trowa smiled and picked up his mask carefully
from the floor. The mask had a smile on it with an almost dangerous looking
cross as an eye. He liked the mask tremendously. He slipped it over the left
side of his face and looked in the mirror. “Hello,” he said to his reflection.
“Who are you?”
S * S * S * S * S
Bright lights flashed and throbbed in the dance club
as Cara and Duo looked around for the other couple. “She said that they would
be sitting at a table by the floor!” she shouted over the music. “Oh! There
they are!”
Duo looked at where she was pointing and saw
Courtney, dressed in a simple blue dress, sitting across from a boy in blue
jeans, a white tee shirt, and a dark jean jacket. He had his eyes closed, as if
he weren’t even listening to anything Court was saying. Jerk, Duo thought. No
wonder she wanted us to come along.
“Hey!” Cara waived at her friend. Courtney looked
relieved to see the two friendly faces. The boy across from her looked up, his
ice-cold blue eyes meeting theirs. Duo’s breath caught in his throat. The boy
was gorgeous.
Down boy, he thought, let’s not go there now. “Hi!” he chirped
to the boy, “I’m Duo!”
The boy had a half-suspicious look on his face but he sighed and offered his hand. “Hi. I’m Heero Yuy.”
“Oh, cool name!”
“Not really.”
“Huh?” Duo frowned, hoping Heero would elaborate.
Heero shrugged.
“I must have heard every quote from President Heero
Yuy’s entire life back from A.C. 187. It’s annoying as hell.”
“Wow,” Court smirked, “that’s the most you’ve said
all night. Duo, you’re magic! You need to come on all my dates.” Duo laughed
and tried not to blush.
“Hey!” Cara laughed, “let’s dance! I love this
song!” She grabbed Duo’s hand and practically dragged him to the dance floor.
Courtney and Heero danced next to them, the music pounding in their ears,
through their bodies, through their souls.
Three songs pat before the girls excused themselves
to go to the bathroom. When they were gone, Heero muttered. “Why is it that
girls always have to go to the bathroom together?”
“They’re a bird-like species.” Duo jokes. “They move
in flocks.” Heero chuckled. Duo felt a shiver run up his spine. Heero had an
amazing smile; it touched his eyes and practically made them glow.
Another song started up. Edwin McCain’s song “I’ll
Be” hummed through the room. Heero sighed, wrapping his arms partially around
himself. “I like this.” He sighed.
“Hmm? What, the song?”
“Yeah. Hell, I like this artist. No one has ever
heard of him though. It really bites and..”
“Edwin McCain! No way! I love him! I listen to this
one song of his every night before I go to sleep. I swear, if I don’t hear it,
I will toss and turn all night.”
“You have the wave-disc!” Heero gasped. “I looked at
seven different music stores. Where did you find it?”
“I had to order it off of the net, actually. Cost me
twenty-seven credits too.”
“Damn.” Heero opened his mouth to say something
else, but the girls interrupted as they came back.
“Hey guys,” Court sighed, “I’m not feeling too well.
Is it alright if we head out?”
“Um, yeah,” Duo said, “Sure.”
The ride home was a silent one. They all rode in
Duo’s car, since Courtney’s car was an antique and only she knew how to drive
the ancient stick shift. Heero walked Courtney to her door and said goodnight
formally without a kiss or even a hug. Duo’s stomach was in butterflies when
the other boy got back in the car, but he tried not to think about it. Next
they dropped Cara off. Cara didn’t wait for Duo to walk her up. “Bye! See you
on Monday!” she called as she dashed out of the car.
“Yeah! See you!” Only he and Heero left now. Duo
checked the clock. It was nine-fifteen. It was now or never. “Hey, Heero, what
time do you need to be home?”
“Hmm? Oh, um, it doesn’t matter. Ten-thirty or so.
Why?”
“Well, you want to come over to my house for a
moment? I can burn you a copy of the Edwin McCain disc.”
“Really? Oh great!” Duo thought he saw a slight
blush erupt on Heero’s cheeks, but he immediately dismissed it as the glow from
the red streetlight.
After all, Heero never
blushes.
Duo paused. Where had that thought come from? How
would he know whether Heero blushed or not? He didn’t even know Heero! Duo
shook his head as he pulled in the driveway. Maybe, I’m just losing it, he thought.
Time passed quickly. As it turned out, Heero was
better company than anyone he had met at school. They both had the same
thoughts about music and math and school- well, except for the fact that Heero
was an all ‘A’ student. Best of all, though, was that they both agreed that
pacifism was, all in all, a flawed ideal. “There will always be wars.” Heero
sighed, shifting his sitting position on Duo’s bed. “We might be at peace now,
but what no one seems to understand is that someday we will be at war again.
Nothing can change that. It’s inevitable.”
Duo nodded from where he lay on the floor. The song
track changed. “Oh!” Duo laughed. “This is my favorite song. You know, the one
I mentioned at the club.” Duo turned it up. The words flowed out gently and
easily. “My frozen spirit aches. I slip
another day. Start to lose my grip. Find another way…”
Heero
gasped. Something… something about that
song…
Duo noticed that Heero was shivering and clutching
the sides of his head. “Hey, Heero? You okay?!”
“Um… yeah. I just have a really bad headache. Can
you turn the music off?”
“Uh, sure. Okay.” Duo turned off the stereo and sat
down next to Heero again. “So, um, what do you think of Courtney? She’s really
nice, eh?”
“Hn. She’s okay.”
“You gonna’ date her?”
“No.” Duo’s heart leapt in his throat.
“How come?”
“I… She’s not my type.”
Duo laughed. “You didn’t even talk to her! How do
you know if she’s your type or not?”
“I... um… I’m just not attracted to her, I guess.”
Heero looked at his feet nervously. “So, are you and Cara…?”
“No!” Duo laughed. “She’s dating this guy named
Mark. She’s just a friend of mine. Well, one of my only friends.”
Heero looked up on that note. “You don’t have a lot
of friends?”
Duo shrugged. “No, not really. You?”
“No. I don’t make friends easily. Besides, I’m
pretty new at my school.”
“Really? When did you start?”
“I just transferred last month…” Duo gasped loudly,
causing Heero to look up in shock. “What? What is it?”
“Nothing. It’s just that I just transferred to my
school last month too. Alice and Roger thought I needed a new start, a new
chance to make friends and all that.”
“Who?” Heero bore a very confused look on his face.
“Oh, my parents.”
“You call them by their first names?” He looked
shocked at the thought.
“Yeah. Alice, my mom, thinks it’s a sign that I can
relate to her and all that shit.”
“I see…” Heero trailed off with a smile. “This is so
weird. You’re the only person I know who thinks the same way I do about
politics, people, music, and now we even transferred to new schools at the same
time. It’s weird.”
“Like fate.’ Duo smiled. Heero stiffened slightly.
“Y-yeah. I guess.” Heero felt something in his mind,
a fuzzy thought from far away, try to push forward. His head started to hurt
again. “Um… Duo?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you like any girls at your school?”
“Sure. I already told you that Cara and I were good
friends. Court’s nice too.”
“That’s not what I mean. I mean…”
“I get it.” Duo sighed and hung his head a bit. His
long hair was pulled back in a braid that hung past his shoulders. Heero wanted
to touch it, but he knew that it would be taken the wrong way. Well, no, it
would probably be taken the way it was intended, but he knew that Duo didn’t
feel… “I, actually, am not really attracted to girls.” Heero gasped loudly. Duo
winced. “Um, yeah. So, uh, I’m sure that the disc is done burning. I can get…”
Duo didn’t have time to finish as Heero’s arm lashed out and grabbed him. Their
lips met firmly. Duo gasped, causing his mouth to open slightly. Heero took
advantage of the gasp, letting his tongue, cautiously, push past Duo’s lips.
Duo groaned, opening his mouth wider and wrapping his arms around Heero’s
waist. This just felt so… so…
Duo slipped his left hand behind Heero’s neck and
the other beneath his thin, white tee shirt. Heero let out a partial moan and
wrapped his arms around Duo’s waist, pushing under his shirt as well. I know him, Heero thought. This is so strange. I know this mouth. I
know this skin. The way he moves, the way he kisses, the way he laughed at the
dance- I know him!
Heero’s head pounded so painfully that he let out a
anguish filed cry and pushed away. He rubbed his temples therapeutically until
the headache was bearable. When he looked up, however, Duo was sitting on the
ground, clutching his head as well. “Duo?” he asked. “Are you okay?”
Duo looked up, obviously in pain. “Yeah, I’m fine
except for the fact that it feels like a truck crashed into my brain. You?”
“Um, yeah. Headache.” Heero frowned. There was
something incredible strange about this entire situation. Heero closed his eyes
and tried to capture the feeling that he had while he and Duo were kissing. It
was a warm feeling, but it also had a few sketchy dreams attached. No, not
dreams. Memories. “Duo? Did your hair used to be longer? Like, hip level?”
Duo looked up in surprise. “Yeah. My parents made me
cut it when I changed schools! How did you know that?”
“I don’t know. It just feels…”
“…like we know each other.” Duo finished. “I know.”
He paused for a moment, closing his eyes. “Do you have a scar on the back of
your left knee? I mean, you have a lot of scars, right? But that one’s the
deepest.”
“Yes!” Heero smiled widely, his eyes shimmering.
“And you hardly ever smile.” Duo finished. “But I
love it when you do.” Heero started and sighed.
“Oh, wow. Duo this… this is incredible. I don’t know
what this is, but…but…” he shook his head and slid over to Duo again. They were
kissing again. This time with more passion, more intensity. There was no
hesitation. They knew each other.
“We’re home!” A voice called from downstairs. Duo
gasped and broke away from the kiss.
“Shit! My parents are home!” He looked over at the
clock. Sure enough, it was way past eleven. Duo dashed out of his room. “Um,
hey guys!”
Alice looked up and smiled, then frowned. “Okay,
what did you do?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“You have the most innocent look on your face that I
have ever seen. What did you do?” Duo sighed.
“I invited a friend over. I was going to drive him
back home at ten something, but I lost track of time. Sorry.”
“Duo, what have we said about clearing it with us
before you invite someone to the house?”
“I know. I’m sorry… I’ll be home in just a bit,
okay?”
“Okay. But be quick!”
Duo nodded and ran back to his room. “Okay, you need
to go.”
“So I gathered. My parents are going to be pissed
off anyway.”
“Um… pissed off enough so you can’t go out again
tomorrow?”
Heero raised his eyebrow and looked over at Duo.
“Why? What did you want to do?”
“Well, I was just thinking that we could talk some
more and if we just happened to make out that would be okay too.” Heero laughed
“I’m sure that would be okay.”
The drive home was silent for about half the way
before Heero spoke again. “Duo?”
“Hmmm?”
“Why is it that you and I know each other?”
“Because we met today at the dance…”
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
Duo sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I know. Um… I don’t
know. Think it was a past life or something?”
“I don’t know if I believe in that. Besides, I think
I have a memory of seeing you wearing one of those mercury-chains on your
jeans. Don’t ask me why… but that’s a resent style. It couldn’t have been a
memory more than a year or so old.”
“But that’s impossible!”
“I know that. I was just thinking that, perhaps, we
could go to the library tomorrow. You know… do some research on visions.”
“Yeah. And see if headaches are normal when you’re
seeing ‘em or if we just get an added bonus.” Heero laughed at that and Duo
smiled. He liked making Heero laugh. Duo pulled up to the address that Heero
and given him and stopped a few yards away. “Um, so I guess I’ll see you
tomorrow. I wrote my phone number on the disc case, so call me.”
“Okay.” Heero paused. “Hey, um, Duo?”
“Yeah?”
Heero leaned in and gave him one more, long kiss.
“Goodnight.” Heero slid out of the car and walked up to his house. The song
that he and Duo listened to was stuck in his head, giving him the chills. “For love that might escape. Well, that’s my
biggest fear. It grinds me to a pulp. Grind me in the gears…”