Chapter 7: Eyes of the Enemy

The visions of her enemy became clear as Angel charged from the sky, she could feel it fully now, the fear. It over whelmed her, the sense of the enemies' fear, a cold sweat covered her forehead. The enemy froze and she saw the look of horror through his eyes as she killed him. No! Ahhh! Please No! She heard herself scream in her mind as she watched the beam saber come down before her. "What is this?! This can't be real! What are these images?!" She was seeing through the eyes of the enemy, she was now seeing what they saw as she killed them. She now not only felt the fear shoot through her, but now something she never experienced, it was so cold, and in the back of her mind she knew what it was, death. She was now feeling the death of her enemies with every stroke every, every thrust of one of her beam sabers, it drove the warmth from her body. Her body began to tremble more violently, she tried to pry he hands from the gyro controls but couldn't, as if they were sealed to them permanently. She began to cry.

Sunny watched the massacre in pure horror, it was incredible. There is no stopping that Angel, no it isn't angel, it was an Angel of Death. She thought his as she looked on. Maybe the enemy was evil…maybe they were mistaken, and they certainly deserved to die, but there was no honor in this, it was pure domination. The enemy wasn't even fighting back now, they were all fleeing into the forest, that same forest that still raged from the fire she had started. She held back tears as she watched the smoldering blaze, she still could her the crackling of leaves and bark in the back of her mind. Did I have a choice? Was my decision the correct one? And was it really the only one I could make? Was I just to caught up to find another answer? These questions all flowed through her mind, as she watched the endless destruction. What was left of her troops and the counter malitia stood behind watching the on going slaughter not sure what they should be doing, if anything.

"Why is this happening to me? What? What have I done?" Angel cried, should couldn't stop, she wanted all too desperately for this to end with all her heart and soul, she couldn't bare another moment. Aside from the terrible images and feelings all she couldn't think about is how eager she was for this moment until now, and thought about how she wished she had never constructed this Gundam. How could I have been so foolish, not even peace is worth all this, I realize…I realize now that peace at the cost of lives really can't be considered peace. The only good to come from using this evil device is that I can see that now. The tears in her eyes didn't blur the images she saw, nor did they ease the pain that filled her very soul, her eyes seemed to ache, as did her heart. Her gaze kept on the self-detonation switch to her left, she tried with every fiber of her being to reach for it. Her hands refused to obey her mind, as if some other mind were controlling it. Could this Gundam have a mind? Some evil, sick, violent, twisted mind controlling my body? Giving me these visions and feelings? She could almost could hear a voice in the back of her head answer back. No more sick, and evil than humanity itself. She gasped, "Oh…my…God!"

"No, its impossible" Angel told herself, This thing is not talking to me! It can't be, it's just not possible…there's no way." She was now hysterical, but still crying, and still killing. Continue to tell yourself that, didn't you used to believe nothing was impossible Angel? There it was again taunting her, her body seemed to scream out, she could only imagine slamming her fist on the self-detonation switch ending this nightmare. Why can't I push the damn button?! Her mind screamed, she was becoming just as enraged as she was sorrowful and desperate, she had reached her limit, she couldn't bare anymore, she wanted to die, she ached for it, anything to end this nightmare. Even while arguing with herself and the voice she was now hearing she continued to see though the eyes of her victims feeling their pain, and death; finally she felt it one last time and everything stopped, and something snapped in her mind. Her mind became completely quiet, and her hands dropped from the gyro controls, they trembled violently, cold with sweat, and aching. She gasped for air as if she had held her breath this whole time. She couldn't begin to think, she couldn't speak or move either, she simply passed out.

All of the enemy mobile suits had been completely destroyed, not a single survivor remained. No one could believed their eyes. Sunny, with the help of the other soldiers turned their attention to containing the forest fire, it was much more peaceful than the battle they just fought, then again it was also more sorrowful, knowing that they did this destruction rather than the enemy. They had begun after the Angel Gundam had ended its attack, even now it just stood there not moving, they didn't know what to think. They simply kept their distance, avoiding it completely. "I don't understand how anything could be that powerful…" She was thinking out loud, the gundam had saved them, but that didn't make it their ally just yet. They didn't know who the pilot was or what to think of them, they had destroyed the enemy savagely, and with amazing precision. Sunny had always been taught that in battle a soldier should never consider what they are killing but what they are allowing to live. She reminded herself of that before every battle, and this one was no different. This country was vital the future.p> It provided hope that one day all of earth and even all of space would be a peaceful place for people to live. That was her one true hope from all of this, these endless battles were taking their toll on her, she was having a hard time controlling her temper, and maintaining her optimism. She had only just turned 19, she still very much so considered herself a young girl, and acted accordingly, but war has a way of aging you no matter what. That was as true for soldiers as the past as it was for her today. She felt even worse being she knew what this was about, this battle was fought over Newtypes like her, everyone wanted to believe Newtypes were so important, she didn't feel like she or the other gundam girls were anymore important than any other soldier. But she very well knew better, and she knew that eventually more and more battles like this would increase the prejudice against Newtypes, maybe even lead to their extinction. That thought made her shutter, she closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh, as she put out the last of the fire. "My only hope is that these battles will one day be behind us." She said.

Angel screamed loudly at the surprise of waking up in her gundam. The cold feeling of death seemed to float not only all around her, but also inside of her. She held herself tightly, rocking herself back and forth, she hadn't dreamed, and she was glad, she didn't want to sleep ever again, afraid of the dreams that may come, dreams of death from they eyes of her enemies. She couldn't bare to think of what she had just done. It felt so wrong, it was a mistake, that gundam was a mistake. She glanced at the self-detonation device, somewhat afraid of it. But more of afraid of how desperately she wanted to touch it, even now, she caught herself reaching for it and jerked back. "What's the matter with me?! What am thinking?!" She held her hands to her head, she took a deep breath, and typed in the code that would deactivate the cockpit system. Ironic, she thought to herself as she slowly punched it in: P-A-C-I -F- I- S -M. "It's ironic, ironic in that twisted way that I would chose that as the password, and do I just did." She said.

She engaged the engines, as the Angel spread its wings and jolted far into the clouds. She wanted to relax, but she couldn't, she was afraid to, she knew she that the cockpit system was no longer active. This didn't change the fact that she was still all too terrified of it. At the same time, she had achieved absolute victory, and that was the whole point of using the system with this gundam to begin with wasn't it? Her thoughts were no longer just with her actions, and with trauma she now carried. She began to think of what was to come, she was by no means of a weak person. "Angel, you are really going to let this system control you aren't you? You're that weak?" She said this out loud to herself, knowing very well the answer. Of course not! But I am afraid…afraid that it's not really the system controlling me. What if all its doing is…just bringing out who I truly am? What if I'm the one that's evil, and the system is only enhancing it? Her mind grew silent after those thoughts, she didn't know how to answer herself, but she knew who could answer her, this gundam held the answers and her future.

They all watched as the Angel Gundam took off into the horizon, it was heading toward the main city. To quickly for them to do anything about it, but it wasn't in attack pattern, nor did they see it armed with any of its weapons. It seemed to be heading for the Newtype Research Institute, which sat just outside the land surrounding the castle, home of the nation sovereign, Princess Halo. Sunny took a long look at the backside of that suit, she wasn't an expert and sensing emotions like Sandy, it wasn't her power, but that thing sent the distinct impression of pure evil though her somehow, and she needed to know why. A gundam was simply a machine, a weapon of war, to the pilot however it could me more, a teacher, a friend; that gundam, that gundam could never be more than a tormentor, such a thing can only bring pain and suffering. Anyone piloting that, can't possibly be human or even a Newtype. Because of both of them have hearts and souls, nothing using that could have either… "Huh?" Angel, could have sworn she faintly heard those words, she jerked from her seat. "I must be heartless…after all I just did, after everything I have to live with after today…all I can think about is mastering the system." She let out a deep sigh, and almost began to cry. She patched herself through to Jacob, he appeared on her screen, he looked a pale, and like he had recently finished vomiting. "I'm glad to see your alright Angel…I mean Angela, I….watched…I watched the whole thing Angela…" She remained silent and let him continue, "I saw everything, even the visions, we attached transmitters to the system so we could monitor your data, and record it. We also monitored your reactions in the cockpit, everything…. Angela, I begged you not to use that evil machine, it will only destroy you! I beg of you if you care anything about m…if you care about your own life…your humanity, I'm begging you destroy it!" She lowered her eyes. "You know I care about you Jacob…and I do care about my humanity, that's why I have to know why. I have to know why I felt those things, why I saw them, I have to know which is stronger, the system, or my humanity, and there's nothing you can say to change my mind." She could feel his distress, and his fear for her, she wasn't sure how, it was the same as when she felt the emotions of the enemy. She didn't think about it yet.

Jacob had been her best friend growing up in the castle, he was the son of one of her servants but all their servants had been like family to them. He was only a year older than her, when he was twelve he became a servant like his parents, but they remained close, and shared nearly everything. She had always treated him with the highest respect, and always listened to his opinion. He always had her best interest at heart, never his own, he was also very protective of her. She knew he cared for her, she knew it very well, she just wasn't sure till now just how deeply now she knew, and it brought a smile to her face. In spite of everything she smiled. "Jacob…you wouldn't have let me go if you thought I wouldn't come back…" She turned her screen off as she came up on the institute. They used secret passages to transport the gundam back to the castle, they knew the next day the Preventers would be investigating, and would search the institute, but not the castle. She filled out a detailed description of the battle and spent an hour with a psychiatrist before returning home. She would be seeing him regularly now it seemed. When she got to the gates Jacob was waiting for her.

"How could you possibly stand it that long? I would've tried to kill myself." He said as they walked though the garden. She didn't want to tell him how badly she tried, she didn't want to disillusion him, he'd had always seen her as so strong. And he still did even after watching what she went though, because she survived it, at least physically anyway. He walked with her until they reached her room, she turned to him, "Could you come in with me? I don't want to be alone tonight." He nodded, he knew she didn't, and he also knew that this night would be very hard for her, she had been though a lot. He sat beside her on the bed, not sure what he could or should do for her. He tried not to image the screaming and crying he saw her do. She wanted badly to ask him to just hold her, to just lay there with her, and not let her sleep. She couldn't bring herself to it, she kept thinking she was just being selfish, but in the back of both their minds, they both knew its what they really wanted.

Meanwhile, Sunny had her own problems, she had no idea how she was going to explain any of this to her commanding officer's, the level of destruction to the forest, the civilian casualties…recruiting armed guerilla's. She would have to think of some inventive lie, what it was she didn't know yet, but she was confident she could easily lie through it, at least it wouldn't be as hard as the battle she had just fought, or getting any kind of sleep that night.