Disclaimer: YYH, GW, and Home Depot are owned by other people. If I owned them, do you really think I would be spending time writing this stuff?
------->I know that YYH and GW are two totally seperate shows, and two totally seperate timelines, but let's just throw that out the window for a sec and imagine that they just might meet in, say, real life, in, say, a Home Depot store. Make sense? No? Don't worry, doesn't make much sense to me either.
Part 1: Beginning of the Beginning...Or Something Like That
As the silver doors slid open to welcome another customer to the hallowed halls of the hardware chain store, Yusuke Urameshi shoved his hands into his pockets grumpily. It didn't matter to Keiko, now his fiance`, that he had won the Dark World Tournament, killed Suzaku, the leader of the Saint Beasts, reformed two demon thieves, gotten killed twice, and was the descendant of a powerful Dark World prince named Raizen. No, none of that mattered. It didn't matter that Yusuke could very well have been the strongest guy on the planet, in terms of spirit energy, either.
What mattered was Yusuke's sandwich shop, and the bit of remodeling it needed before he could officially open it. Up until now, all of his customers had been his family and friends, and the occasional visitation from his former high school principal, Takanaka. Although Yusuke was rather excited at the prospect of making money and having a normal life, in comparison to what his life had been for almost five years, at the exact moment that his sneakers touched the drab floor of Home Depot, he really wanted to be somewhere else.
Keiko was wearing a plain turquoise shirt and jeans, with her brown hair cut to fall to the small of her back. Yusuke paused at the entrance and watched her walk towards an ailse of wood products. Sometimes, when she wasn't looking, he'd take the time and just watch her move, and talk, and work. Everything she did was smooth, and graceful, and--
There was a smacking sound against Yusuke's back, and it snapped him out of his reverie. Kuwabara, his former high school rival and best friend, was standing beside him. He took another slap on Yusuke's infamous red jacket and grinned sheepishly.
"Spying on Keiko, are we?" he asked like a conspirator.
"Enjoying the view," Yusuke said frankly.
"You'd better not be staring at my little Yukina!" Kuwabara thundered, drawing unwanted attention from several bored cashiers.
"Why would I be looking at her? Besides, she's not little anymore." Yusuke pointed to Kuwabara's 'true love,' the ice demon Yukina. Her bright blue hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and she was wearing capri shorts and a seashell blouse. Both of the girls looked rather smashing, but Kuwabara hadn't seemed to notice that Yukina had grown up, just like all of them had.
Kuwabara swallowed hard. "I...guess you're right. Wow."
Yusuke chuckled. "Like I said, enjoying the view."
"Are you two going to stand there and gawk are you going to help us?" Keiko shouted. "Ladies shouldn't have to be doing these things, you know?"
Yusuke and Kuwabara cleared their throats. "Coming, dear!" they said in mock unison.
A few hours later, thanks to Keiko's list, Yusuke was pushing a large and rickety metal cart towards the front of the store. Kuwabara was carrying (unsuccessfully) two bags of insulation, while Yukina was holding a little bag of nails. Keiko, of course, only carried the list. Her role as the commander of the remodeling mission was undisputed. As Kuwabara had once pointed out to Yusuke, "She's the brains, and you're the...the...gimmie a sec."
Yusuke still hadn't received an answer from the dumb schmuck. I probably never will, he thought.
"Um," Yukina started, the group halted between carpets and bathroom decorations. "Why aren't there any other people here?"
Yusuke looked around. The place did sound rather empty.
"Anybody here?" Kuwabara shouted, and his voice rang on the metal ceiling and through the rafters.
No answer.
"Goodness," Keiko mumbled, looking at her watch. "It's past closing time."
"You don't think we got locked in, do you?" Yukina wondered.
"Nah, they check the store before locking up all the time," Yusuke said. "We don't have anything to wor--"
Click.
The four of them were suddenly plunged into nearly complete darkness. Small safety lights, positioned in squares in the ceiling, were the only illumination, and even then it was very poor.
Yusuke let his eyes adjust to the light, and noticed that Yukina was hugging Kuwabara rather tightly. He peered closer, and realized that it was the reverse: Kuwabara was almost smothering Yukina.
"Gosh, that was...that was creepy..." he said quietly.
"Kazuma-san," Yukina gasped. "Can you...please..."
"Oh, sorry Yukina!" Kuwabara jumped up to his full height and flexed his muscles. "I'm here to protect you from this dangerous darkness, because I love you forever!"
Yukina gushed. "Oh, that's very sweet of you, Kazuma-san."
"Please, spare me," Keiko said, rolling her eyes.
Yusuke walked over to her and leaned on the opposite end of the cart. "Well, you have any ideas?"
"We could call somebody," she said. "The phones still work."
The four left their items between the ailses and trooped forward to the entrance of the store. In the semi-darkness, Keiko reached for Yusuke's arm, and she slipped in against him. He smiled at her, and she returned it.
"You guys, watch out--" Kuwabara started, bu it was too late. Both Keiko and Yusuke tripped over a display and send a long rack of clamps scattering to the floor. In the process, Yusuke caught Keiko in his arms before they both went sliding out the ailse and toward the darkened registers.
"Keiko-chan, are you all right?" Yukina said, running up to them.
"I think so," Keiko said. She grinned. "That'll teach me to gaze at Yusuke in the dark."
"Very funny," Yusuke grumbled, but he couldn't help but smile about it. After he dusted himself off, he jumped over to one of the registers and snagged the phone.
"Hold on," he said, pausing.
"What's wrong?" Keiko asked. "Is the phone dead?"
"No, it's fine. I just remembered that sometimes you have to dial an extension before dialing a normal number."
Keiko's head dropped. "Right, I forgot."
"No big deal," Kuwabara assured. "I'll just cut open the door with my..."
Yusuke took a few steps away from his pal and pulled Keiko with him. Kuwabara was building up a ball of spirit energy in his palm, and for some reason a background of blue shooting beams had appeared behind him.
"SPIRIT SWORD!" The orange-haired tough guy finished, and a glowing blade of spirit energy flashed into existence. The background soon faded away, as well.
"Good for you," Yusuke jokingly congratulated. "You forgot one thing though, doofus."
Kuwabara stiffened. "Who's calling who a doofus, you moron?"
"Security cameras, doofus. You really want them to see you using your sword to slice open their precious store?"
Kuwabara cancelled his sword out. "Crap."
"Right."
"So we're still stuck here," Keiko said.
"Looks that way. Can't use my Spirit Gun on the doors either."
"Turning the doors into ice won't do us any good either, will it?" Yukina asked innocently.
"'Fraid not, Yukina," Keiko answered. "I still can't figure out how we got stuck in here."
She blinked at her watch, and Yusuke peered over her shoulder. "What's the matter?"
"My watch stopped. No wonder we're stuck, Yusuke; I had no idea what time it was!"
"Why did stupidity have to strike you today of all days?"
There was a resounding slap, and then Yusuke was falling backward, a round and very red mark on his face.
"I heard that, Yusuke Urameshi," Keiko shouted. "You should know better."
"Idiots."
Yusuke shot up. It wasn't Kuwabara's voice, it wasn't Yukina's, and it definetely wasn't Keiko's. His mind went into fighting mode, and it didn't take him long before he discovered the owner of the statement.
"Hiei?"
The short and grumpy fire demon, dressed in his usual garb of black, dropped from a high rack of power tools and landed perfectly behind Yusuke. Hands in his pockets and eyes set on the four of them, Hiei might have been a dangerous assassin, would it not have been for the presence of Yukina.
"Hiei-san!" she cried, and ran right into Hiei, crushing him with a big affectionate hug. Hiei hugged her back after much deliberation with himself.
"But, I thought that Yukina liked Kuwabara," Keiko murmured. "Why is she--"
Yusuke put a finger to his lips. "Watch."
Hiei pried Yukina off of him slowly and took a glance at her. "You are grown up," he said plainly.
"Yes. Kazuma-san takes good care of me." At that, Kuwabara made his dramatic entrance, weaving an arm around Yukina's waist and pulled her to him.
"Oh, it's you," Hiei said. "The idiot."
"Same to you, short stuff," Kuwabara grumbled. "What are you doing here?"
"Have you found my brother yet?" Yukina asked excitedly.
Hiei blinked. "Ah, no, but I'm very close to it."
Yukina brighted. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Hiei smiled slightly. "No problem. Like I said, I'm real close to finding him."
"If Yukina would just open her eyes, she'd see that her brother is right there in front of her!" Keiko whispered to Yusuke.
"Like he said," Yusuke shrugged. "He's real close."
"You got locked in as well, Hiei-san?" Yukina asked.
"I followed the idiot in here to make sure he didn't cause any damage," Hiei said pointedly.
"Your words don't hurt me, or my Yukina," Kuwabara replied with a flourish of his hands.
"Whatever."
"You're usually more alert than that, Hiei," Yusuke pointed out. "How'd you get locked in if you were watching us?"
Hiei seemed to be embarrassed. "I fell asleep in the rafters."
"And you didn't fall off?" Kuwabara wondered. "Man, that takes some concentration."
"Well it's not like I was trying for a medal!" Hiei shot back. "Now I'm trapped in here with the idiot of all idiots and his goofy friends."
He then turned around, and spied the door. "Is there a reason why no one has tried to cut down the doors yet?"
"Well, there's--" Keiko started, but Yusuke covered her mouth.
"Actually, we're pretty tired and can't gather the energy," Yusuke lied. "Why don't you give it a try, Hiei?"
Hiei nodded, and began to unwrap the bandages on his right arm. Yusuke had visions of Hiei's Black Dragon Fist, the attack that had completely decimated half of the Dark World stadium during their tournament there several years ago. Then, visions of a crumbled Home Depot filled his mind, and then himself behind bars.
"That might not be the best idea..." he mumbled.
Hiei paused. "You're right." He removed his sword from behind his back and pointed it at the doors. As he did so, the sword ignited into a glowing dance of green and black flames the licked and frolicked in the darkness.
"Pretty," Yukina said.
"Hey, the Flaming Sword of Killing," Yusuke said. "Nice."
"Actually, it's the Flaming Sword of Purgatory," Hiei corrected.
"I though it was the Flaming Sward of Decapitation," Keiko said.
"I heard Flaming Sword of Eternal Darnation," Yukina offered.
"I thought it was Sword of Black Flaming Dismemberment," Kuwabara said proudly.
"I've heard that one too," Keiko said.
"I've also heard Flaming Sword of Black Powers, and Flaming Sword of Eternal Disentary," Yusuke said.
"That eternal disentary stuff sounds bad," Kuwabara said in his usual clueless tone.
"Imagine having to do a number two every five minutes," Yusuke said.
"That IS bad," Keiko commented.
"Would you all please shut up!" Hiei roared, turning his weapon towards them. The four of them leaped into each other's arms, seeing the fire demon's third eye glowing brighty in their direction. "You must all be the victims of badly subtitled Hong Kong DVDs. It's the Flaming Sword of Purgatory, and that's final!"
"Sure thing, Hiei," Kuwabara said. "Please don't hurt me!" he added with a whine.
"You gotta admit one thing, though," Yusuke said. "Buying the Yu Yu Hakusho TV series collection for seventy dollars is a lot better than buying eighty-some discs from Funimation which might easily cost you, overall, a thousand dollars or more."
Hiei considered that. "Good point, but I recall your Spirit Gun getting translated as Magic Balls."
Yusuke could feel his cheeks turning red, along with his ears. Keiko was spying at him from the corner of her eye. "Well, uhm, gee, those guys just didn't ask me what the proper name was, so they made one up!"
"Magic balls, huh?" Keiko asked slyly.
"Uh, yeah."
"Too bad you don't have any of the plain variety," she said with a frown.
Yusuke took a deep breath. Hey, at least she didn't slap me...wait a second, she just busted on me. Ah, forget it, I walked right into it.
"I'm going to slice the door now, if you don't mind," Hiei said gratingly.
"Fair enough."
Hiei let out a battle cry, and charged towards the doors, his weapon igniting to an even higher level of dangerousness, until--
"Hiei, you mustn't!"
A firm but gentle hand was on Hiei's shoulder, and it pushed the fire demon back ever so slightly, halting his charge at the door.
"Kurama?"
The scarlet haired desire of all fangirls stepped from the shadows, wearing a stylish blue and yellow polo shirt with impeccable white slacks. "Hiei, I don't think you want to end up in the tabloids as another alien sighting."
Hiei grumpliy replaced his now-normal sword in its sheath, and put his hands back into his pockets. "You have some better ideas?"
"I just might," Kurama said.
"So, why is it that we keep running into everyone?" Keiko asked.
"We're trapped in a fanfic with apparently no point," Hiei said. "We're stuck doing whatever the author wants us to do."
Yusuke suddenly felt his joints move beyond his control, and he was posing like a bad copy of John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever.
"What the..." he muttered.
"See what I mean?" Hiei said.
"Despite that, I feel that our circumstances in encoutering each other is not accidental," Kurama continued. "I think something more sinister is afoot."
"Hey, you beautiful redhead! Where'd you run off to?" a rowdy voice called from the back of the store.
Kurama sweat-dropped. "Oh boy," he mumbled.
"Who's that?" Hiei wanted to know. "His voice is like a cat being squeezed in the head."
"That is a boy named Duo Maxwell. He insists that I am a female, and has already tried to hit on me several times."
"Did you explain to him all the love letters you get from the college girls?"
"He didn't believe me, Hiei."
"Idiot."
"I'm afraid that I must agree with you."
Yusuke turned his head to the side, as did Keiko. Yukina and Kuwabara followed.
"So, why are we doing this?" Keiko asked. "The blood's rushing to my head."
"I'm trying to picture Kurama as a girl," Yusuke said contemplatively. "Nah, I can't see it."
"Apparently he can," Kurama said. "At least he hasn't made it up front yet."
"But that still doesn't solve our problem. How are we going to get out of here?" Kuwabara asked, annoyed.
Yusuke snapped his fingers. "I've got it!"
"A plan from idiot number two," Hiei chided. "I'd love to hear it."
"Kurama, do you have your cell phone with you?"
Kurama brightened. "Yes, yes I do!"
"Call Botan in Spirit World and have her open the door from the outside!"
"Yusuke, you used your brain!" Keiko pecked him on the cheek. "I love it when you do that."
"Too bad it's a one in a million thing," Kuwabara said.
"If I could see you I'd punch you into another dimension," Yusuke taunted. He stopped then, and realized that Kurama was simply staring at his phone. "What's wrong?"
"You look forlorne," Hiei observed. "It doesn't suit you, Kurama."
"Well, eh..." Kurama held his arms out. "You see, it's rather complicated. It's about...me and Botan."
Yusuke froze. "How do you mean?"
Keiko elbowed him, hard. "Dummy! He means romantically!"
Hiei stood in front of Kurama and removed a large plastic ear on a stick from behind his back. He held it up to his own ear and leaned closer. "Spill the details."
Kurama peered down at his unusual comrade. "What is that, Hiei?"
"Hearing aid."
"...right."
"Oh, wow! I never would have guessed!" Yukina gushed. "Good for you, Kurama-san!"
"Thank you," Kurama said politely. "It's actually only been one date, and that was last week."
"...oh." Yukina sweatdropped. "Sorry."
"Since when did you like Botan?" Kuwabara asked, his face the poster child for befuddelment.
"Since they were making goggley-eyes at each other at the summer picnic," Yusuke joked. "And the Christmas party last year, and also at Thanksgiving..." He stopped. "Come to think of it, Kurama, you've always had a thing for Botan, haven't you?"
Kurama's cheek were getting pink. "It's, well...she acutally asked me out. I don't think I would have had the nerve to ask such an enchanting creature to spend time with me. We're both awfully busy as well, and--"
"Yo, beautiful! I'm still searching for you...in my life, that is!" came Duo's cry of love.
"Maybe we can touch on that another time," Keiko said hurridely. "Quick, dial the number."
"That's the problem," Kurama said. "Botan told me not to call her unless I was madly in love with her."
Hiei smiled slightly. "Good job, fox boy."
"Just confess your feelings for Botan and we can get out of here!" Yusuke shouted. "Hurry up before that guy comes over here, he's freaking me out too."
Hiei stepped back and shoved the plastic ear under his cloak. "Darn, I've been waiting so long for a chance to use this..." He padded back to a stack of toolboxes and sat on them, leaning against the endcap of a register.
"One thing I'll never get," Yusuke confessed to Keiko, "is how he can stay so relaxed at a time like this."
"Better than flipping out and bouncing off the walls," his fiance` answered.
Kurama hesitated at first, but upon hearing Duo's wolf whistles, he began dialing the Spirit World. The harmony of the cell phone buttons was perky, but after what seemed like years of pressing buttons, the tune quickly became annoying.
And still it played....
And still it played...
Until...
Hiei snatched it from Kurama's grasp. "What are you doing?"
"It's long distance!" Kurama explained.
"That must be some long distance," Hiei said.
Kurama snatched the cell phone back. "I'll try it again."
And it played again...
And again...
Until...
"Yes, Botan?" Kurama asked. "Yes, this is Kurama. Hello, my sweet. No, this is Suicchi Kurama, not Yohko Kurama. Yes, the nice Kurama. Yes, the one that doesn't know how to use bloodsucking plants. That's right. How was your day in Spirit World? I'm glad to hear that. It pleases me to know that you had time to write me another love letter. I was very touched."
Hiei made an exaggerated yawn.
"But honestly, dearheart, I have a problem. Yes, I need your help desperately." Kurama wasn't laying it on as thick as possible, but he came pretty close. Yusuke wondered if the approaching footsteps of the Maxwell guy was making Kurama truly desperate. "I've been locked into a Home Depot, and I can't unlock the doors. I can't use my powers because--right, the security cameras. Can you come and rescue me, dearheart? That'd be great. Yes, as soon as possible. Thank you very much. Farewell, my dearest. I hope to see you soon."
He hung up and put the cell phone back into his pocket. "What?"
"You're a schmuck," Hiei said with a chuckle.
"I think Kurama was very sweet," Keiko pointed out. "You could learn a few things, Yusuke."
"At least Keiko said it this time!" Kuwabara laughed.
"You're real lucky I can't see you in the dark," Yusuke threatened.
Kurama still had a dreamy look in his emerald eyes several minutes later. Hiei walked over and snapped his fingers in front of Kurama's nose, and the former spirit fox awoke from his daydream. "Sorry, did I miss anything?"
"Only five minutes of worthless exposition," Hiei answered, and sat back down.
Musical Selection: Yello-Oh Yeah
"Baby, I can feel your heart closer to mine," Duo was singing, "and I'm thinking about you all the time!"
"He sounded awful close," Kuwabara pointed out.
Suddenly, there was the sound of a cocking pistol. "Shut up, Duo!" a stern and restrained voice echoed in the store.
"Okay, okay, Heero, no need to pull out your gun," Duo said. "Man, I just wanna see her again. She had the best hair I've ever seen!"
"It looks like we're back at the entrance," a third voice could be heard. He was calm and cool.
"I think we've been looking at this map wrong, Trowa," a fouth voice said. This one was a tad high-pitched, and had an air of aristocracy.
"You're looking at the map sideways, baka," a fifth voice cut in. He was annoyed and grouchy. Not too different from Hiei, Yusuke thought with a grin.
"Oh my!" the fourth one said. "Now it makes sense! There are two seperate entrances and exits!"
"That's what I've been trying to tell you idiots ever since we got lost," the fifth one said. "You never listen to anything that I say."
"Most of what you say revolves around women being weak and making fun of the Maganac Corps' pants," the third one said. "It's not worth listening to."
"You'll get yours, clown boy," the fifth one grumbled.
"Please guys, we shouldn't be fighting!" the fouth one pleaded.
"There they go again," a sixth voice, female, said. "It's been non-stop ever since we came in here."
"How did I get dragged into this," the first one, obviously named Heero, whispered.
"Because you need socialization!" Duo exclaimed. "And after all, I'm the most social guy of the group, so leave it to me, Heero. You'll be meeting so many girls you won't need Relena anymore!"
"Excuse me?" the sixth voice asked pointedly.
"Heh, sorry, just slipped out," Duo said sheepishly.
"She gets grouchy every now and then, doesn't she?" he whispered to Heero.
"Every now and then, yeah," Heero whispered back. "But I know someone who's more annoying that her."
"Fill me in," Duo said, leaning closer.
"His name happens to start with a 'd.'"
"Anyone we know?"
"You."
Duo froze. "Ooooh, good one Heero."
"I'll second that," the sixth one, Relena, added.
The footsteps were drawing closer now, closer to the registers that were now the hiding place of the Urameshi team and their companions. Hiei was still sitting on the toolboxes, hands folded behind his back, eyes closed. Yusuke and Keiko were hiding behind a register to the left, with Kurama concealing himself in the shadow of the door. Kuwabara and Yukina were huddled on the register to the right.
Yusuke felt the warmth of his spirit energy build up in his palm. He stripped off his jacket and handed it to Keiko. "Stay here and stay low. I don't know why, but I've got a bad feeling about these guys."
"Be careful, honey," Keiko said.
"More like I'm going to be dangerous," Yusuke corrected, and moved next to Hiei.
"I'm ready," Hiei said without opening his eyes.
The footsteps stopped. Yusuke peered through the darkness, and saw the six lost people standing underneath one of the safety lights. He could barely make out their faces. One of them was looking at a map, while the other held it. Another was standing with hands at his sides, trying to ignore the loudmouthed character with the long braided hair. The girl was standing like the annoyed guy, but was trying very hard to keep her cool; the other guy looked like he was about to loose his. The last character had his arms folded over his chest and had his eyes closed, again like Hiei.
"This should be the place," the fourth one announced. "But there's nobody here."
"That's because the store is closed, baka," the fifth one said.
"It's not my fault that no one brought their watches," the fouth one answered.
"Hey, I can tell time by the moon!" Duo shouted. "It's time for me to find my eternal love! I'm coming for you, honey! Stay put, I know you can't get out of here!"
Can anyone get out of the store? Will anyone be able to escape from the perplexing and backwards world that this fanfic exists in? Will Yusuke have to fight with harmless Gundam pilots, or do they hold more secrets than they have let on? Will Botan arrive in time to save her sweet Kurama, and will Kurama have to beat Duo's face in? And is the former spirit fox correct: is something more sinster afoot? I don't know about you, but I'm betting it's somewhere in the store, not under my shoe. Anyway, be sure to read the thrilling conclusion of Home Depot Horrors, right here at the same time, same channel!
