Snapshot:

Never to Have Loved

By Starling

Cold. Arys stared at the wall that was as frigid as the air around her. She traced the random crevices of the blank grayness in front of her. Her quarters seemed more a prison cell than a bedroom. Everything at the Antarctic Outpost strove for functionality, from the ceiling lights to the cafeteria food. She could almost feel the air condensing to ice crystals. The heat generator had hiccuped and died a few hours ago. Commander Gabrin had offered her a heat lamp, but she had refused it.

Arys glanced down at her watch, struggling to read the glowing numbers. It was onlly late afternoon; a walk would help her warm up.

A few minutes later, Arys was strolling through the Antarctic Outpost aimlessly. She knew the buildings so well she could switch her brain to automatic when she went anywhere in the facility. It had taken her less than a week to familiarize herself with her surroundings. Once in a while though, she found herself missing the base where she had lived before.

But that base existed only in your dreams.

Arys shook her head as she passed the mess hall for the third time. It had taken her considerably longer than a week to sort out her feelings about being released from the simulation. Dr. Lansing had insisted that she not launch her mission until she could function properly in the real world. At first, she had balked at the restriction, but after a few days, she had realized that there was wisdom in it. It didn’t mean that she had to like it, however.

Arys sidestepped slightly to avoid a couple standing close to the wall. Their voices were pitched in argument mode.

"Don’t you love me?" The woman asked. Arys increased her pace, not wanting to hear the man’s answer, not wanting to think about that word.

But it forced its way in.

Cold. Love. Cold. Love. The two words alternated in her mind, combining in a tempest of thought that forced her to slow her pace.

Love. Arys had always thought of love as a problem, an obstacle, a needless interference with her duty. She never encouraged love from anyone. And with a start that stopped her in her tracks, she realized that she had forgotten how to love. All caring, kindness, …love seemed to have drained from her heart, leaving it a cold, empty shell.

With a resonating hum, the heat generator came to life. She heard cheering from the mess hall, the lights seemed to brighten, and the air around her slowly began to warm. Arys began walking again, her pace even, head bowed.

By the time she reached her quarters, the outpost’s air temperature had returned to normal. Arys pressed the identification pad to her room. The door whooshed open, revealing the cell-like room beyond.

How sad that the warmth she felt around her had failed to reach her heart.

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