By Starling

Arys stood in the kitchen, looking around in confusion. Why was everything so blurry? She slowly made her way to the coffeemaker on the counter, but before she could get there, someone wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"Need help finding the coffee, Arys?" Heero’s breath tickled her ear.

Arys shook her head as she leaned back into his arms. He had just gotten back that morning from a one-day mission on another colony, which meant that she had had to spend the night alone. Without Heero’s comforting presence, she had gotten little sleep.

She sighed contentedly. "No, this’ll do just fine."

"I ran into an old friend during this mission," Heero said.

Arys, a little more awake now, turned around in his arms. She smiled up at him. "Really? Who?"

"Quatre." Heero normally would have sounded happy about seeing the blond-haired neo-Arabian pilot, but this time, there was a gravity in his voice she hadn’t heard for a long time. "He… he found something that will probably mean a lot to you."

Heero stuttering? Now, this was highly unusual. "What is it?" She reached up to brush a wayward lock of dark hair from his forehead, then promptly realized that it was impossible to keep it from brushing his eyes.

"I think he should be the one to tell you, Arys." Heero stepped back and Arys saw that there was grief in his eyes. He was grieving? For her? "Quatre and I came back together on the shuttle. He’ll be here for lunch today."

"Is he coming with Nari?" Arys asked.

Heero shook his head. "No, he’s coming alone."

With that, her husband walked to their bedroom, leaving Arys standing in the kitchen.

Arys carefully prepared their small dinette table for lunch. Ever since Heero had told her about Quatre’s pending visit, she had felt like she was walking on eggshells. Whatever Quatre had to say had affected Heero deeply. She wondered how she would handle it. She was disappointed that Nari, Quatre’s wife, was not coming with him.

Arys turned around to watch as her husband tore up lettuce leaves for the salad. Everything he did was so deliberate, no wasted movement. She supposed that his "perfect soldier" training had leaked into everything he did. He suddenly stopped tearing up the lettuce leaves and picked up the salad bowl. He walked toward her and handed the bowl to her. His deep blue eyes were darker than usual, and Arys found herself staring up at him, clutching the bowl to her chest. She searched his eyes, wondering why he seemed so far away. He must have seen the confusion in her eyes because he took the bowl from her, placed it on the table, and then came back to her.

"I’m sorry, Arys." Heero pulled her into a tight embrace, rubbing his chin against her hair.

"Why are you sorry?" For some reason, Arys suddenly wanted to cry. "Why are you acting like this?"

"I can’t tell you, Arys. You have to wait." Heero loosened his hold on her enough so that he could look down at her. "But I will tell you this much. I’m here, Arys. And I will help you as much as I can."

Then, he kissed her gently, and Arys felt the worry and fear drain away a little. They stood by the table, holding each other, until she felt Heero pull away slightly. His head lifted from her shoulder and he looked down at her.

"He’s here."

Heero was the one who opened the door for Quatre. He came in almost shyly, a file folder in one hand. Arys nodded a greeting to him. She eyed him up and down, noticing the tight set of his shoulders, the grim line of his mouth, and the nervousness in his eyes. What was wrong?

"Hello, Arys." Quatre gave her a shaky smile.

"It’s good to see you, Quatre. How’s Nari?"

The nervousness in his eyes faded a bit at the thought of his wife. He nodded. "She’s fine. Just fine. I’m sorry that she couldn’t come with me today." He scanned the apartment once, seeing the food set out on the table. "I… I’m sorry. But I don’t think I can eat lunch right now." Now there was regret in his eyes. Regret that they had gone to all this work for him. He grimaced slightly. "Actually, the thought of food right now makes me feel a bit sick."

Arys tried to reassure him with a sympathetic smile. "Well, we can sit down and talk. Maybe afterwards you’ll be in the mood to eat lunch."

Quatre shook his head as he sat down in one of the faded recliners in the living room. "Arys, after hearing what I have to say, I wouldn’t be surprised if you threw me out."

Arys gave Heero a quizzical look, but her husband only motioned for her to sit down on the couch. She walked over and slowly sat down, as Heero followed and sat down next to her. She saw Quatre glance at Heero as if asking for permission to continue, and Heero nodded slightly.

"Arys, Relena and I have been collaborating on a war memorial to be set up on MO-II. She’s taking care of the politics and my corporation is funding it. The hallways and rooms of MO-II are to be engraved with the names of all the soldiers who died, whether they were OZ, Alliance, White Fang, or any other group. She came across one name that she thought might be of interest to you and sent it to me." Here, Quatre opened up his file folder and pulled out an official document. He handed it to Arys. She looked down at it uncomprehendingly until her eyes fell on the name penned across the top. Just as she noticed it, Quatre said the name out loud. "The name is Jace Walker. This is his death certificate."

Arys stared down at the piece of paper. "I don’t understand." But she did understand, and her stunned mind refused to believe. She’d had a brother?

Quatre pulled out another piece of paper. "This is Jace Walker’s entrance form to the Specials. He listed you as his sister. Arys, Jace Walker was your brother."

She felt Heero’s hand close around hers. He squeezed her hand comfortingly and Arys suddenly felt the shock lift.

Quatre handed her a picture. Arys was surprised to find herself staring down at a picture of her and her brother. She looked about twelve years old and her eyes were blank. Jace had his arm around her and he was making a peace sign at the camera. His brown eyes were sparkling, but if she looked closely, she could see a deep regret in them. His tousled blond hair was obviously being blown about the wind and in the background, Arys could make out the wide legs of a mobile suit. She studied herself critically, noting the stiff posture, the unsmiling mouth, the dark eyes that refused to show emotion. She had never seen a picture of herself at this age.

"Arys, he was the one who informed OZ about your talents. And he was indirectly responsible for your kidnapping."

Arys dropped the picture into her lap, staring at Quatre, unbelieving. Her own brother had done that to her?

"He thought he was doing what was best for the Earth Sphere, Arys." Quatre shook his head sadly. "He didn’t know that they would turn you into an ‘emotionless robot’ as he stated or that OZ would have you kill your parents."

"You have something that he’s written?"

"Yes, he wrote a letter the day before he died. It was opened a long time ago by the researchers, but it is addressed to you."

Arys reached for the creased piece of paper Quatre was holding out to her. She read the letter out loud.

Arys saw the drop of a tear hitting the paper, right beside the name of her brother.

"Oh, Jace. Why?" The letter fluttered to the ground from her lap. She began to sob; Heero’s arm went around her shoulders, and she could hear Quatre trying to hold back his own tears. "He never showed his love for me, because I never showed any love for him."

"That wasn’t your fault, Arys."

"I could have tried, Heero!" Her tears dried as suddenly as they had come. "I could have tried harder!"

She glanced up at Quatre, whose blue eyes were watery with tears. She could see the grave sorrow in them, and asked the question that she knew Quatre had been dreading. Somehow, she already knew what the answer would be.

"Quatre, how…how did he die?"

Quatre bowed his head, fists clenching in his lap. "I… I killed him." Then, he buried his face in his hands, struggling not to cry, not to show his sorrow.

Arys shrugged Heero’s arm from her shoulder, and she glanced back at him. He nodded, his face still stoic, his eyes dry, but the grim locked jaw was enough for her to know that he was sorrowing with them.

Arys sat down on the arm of the recliner and pulled Quatre into her arms. He clutched at her as a child would his mother after experiencing a deep hurt. She gently stroked his hair.

"Quatre, it’s okay. I forgive you. You didn’t know. You were fighting for what you believed in, just as Jace was. I can’t blame you for that." He quieted somewhat. "You will always be my friend. Jace wouldn’t want me to be angry with you. He wasn’t that kind of person."

Quatre nodded against her and pulled away. He smiled up at her; it was an uncertain, watery smile, but a smile. "Thank you."

"Can I make one request?"

Quatre wiped a hand across his eyes and nodded silently.

"When the memorial opens, will you go with me to find Jace’s name?" Arys stood to her feet. Heero came up behind her and took her hand again. She relaxed slightly in his presence.

"Yes, I would be honored." Quatre stood up as well. He glanced at his watch. "I need to go. My transport is scheduled to leave in an hour." He put a hand out to Arys. "Thank you for letting me come."

Arys ignored the hand and stepped forward to hug him again. "Thank you for letting me forgive you," she whispered. She stepped back as Heero shook Quatre’s hand.

"You’re welcome any time, Quatre. You and Nari," Heero said.

"She would love to see you and Arys again. I’ll talk to her." Quatre walked to the door and Heero followed to open it for him.

Quatre handed the file folder to Heero then looked at Arys. "Arys, you can keep these. We have all the originals at the memorial headquarters."

Arys nodded. And Quatre was gone. Heero closed the door behind him. Arys bent over to pick up the fallen letter. Heero came up behind her as she straightened, his arms twining around her waist as he rested his chin on her shoulder. Arys pressed her cheek against his as she skimmed the letter over again.

"I had a family, Heero. A real family. Yes, they’re gone, but it was good to know."

"I would have liked to have gotten to know your family, Arys."

"I would have too." Arys carefully folded the letter.

A breath of air brushed against her cheek as Heero’s lips came close to her ear. "You know, I think I was that boy. They wiped my memory somehow, but for some reason, I remember you now. You were playing solitaire near one of the mobile suit factories I was going to destroy." His arms tightened around her waist. "That was the same day that little girl and her dog died. She asked me if I was lost after I met you. If I could tell her my answer now, I’d tell her ‘not anymore.’ I think I fell in love with you that day, even though I didn’t even remember meeting you."

She turned around, locking her arms behind his neck. She felt her eyes fill with tears again. Heero kissed them away. She smiled. Thank you, Jace, brother, my brother.

"I know. Somehow, I’ve always known."

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