Sing Me To Life

By Ceres Sky

Author’s Note: I know that Meryl probably would not have done this given her personality, but it just seemed wrong for her to leave Vash all by himself at the beginning of episode 25. So I guess this details what Meryl SHOULD have done… Sigh… I don’t think I did a very good job, but I don’t think the real turning point of their relationship comes until she finds him on the cliff, singing to the stars.

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"I…"

Meryl watched him carefully, fear, guilt, and grief roiling within her as she waited for him to continue. The sudden urge to flee from the room assaulted her, but she steeled her will against it. Seeing Vash in such pain hurt her deeply, and for the hundredth time, she wished she had never followed him. She was an indirect cause of his sin and the thought sent waves of guilt coursing through her.

"I remember, I…"

Meryl clenched her fists, wanting to leave, but she made herself stay, made herself interrupt him.

"You saved me. You saved Millie. You saved the town."

Vash looked up at her, the expression in his eyes so lost, that Meryl almost wished she could take the words back. "No one has the right to take the life of another," he murmured, fist knotting into the blankets.

Meryl sat down on the side of the bed, gingerly reaching for his hand. At first, he looked startled at the gesture, but he just looked at her blankly and then back down at the blanket, his hand limp in hers.

"Vash," she whispered. "I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you."

He did not smile but there was the ghostly presence of forgiveness in his eyes. "It’s not your fault. It’s mine, it has always been mine."

His hand tightened around hers involuntarily as a choked sob escaped him. He tilted his head to shout at the ceiling. "Why, Rem? I’ve taken the life of another. I tried so hard, but…" He stared at Meryl. "Can you tell me why?"

Meryl shook her head, feeling the hard ball form in her throat when she saw the raw emotion in his eyes.

Tears fell from his eyes, into the soup bowl in his lap. Meryl gently took the soup from him and set it on the nightstand. As the need to let his ravaged emotions loose overwhelmed him, he reached for her. Meryl sat stiffly in surprise for a few seconds as his arms tightened around her, but she gradually relaxed as his head leaned into her shoulder. She put one of her arms around his shoulders and with her other hand, she gently touched the back of his head. His whole body shook in her arms, his breath coming in violent bursts, his sobs sounding more like tortured screams than grief-stricken cries. Meryl leaned her head against his, her own tears dropping onto his hair.

"Oh, Vash…" she said, eyes closing to try and stop the flood of tears coming from them.

She was so small in his arms. If he tightened his arms around her anymore, she would break, but there she was, stroking his hair as if he were a little boy. He could feel her tears soaking his blond hair, could hear the whisper of his name over and over. He wanted to die, felt he was already dead. His spirit had broken and died along with Legato. The memories continued to attack him. He had failed Rem. He had taken a life of his own free will. Why wasn’t Meryl afraid of him? Everyone else had the right idea. Leave town when Vash the Stampede shows up. But not the Insurance Girls. They followed him everywhere he went, sometimes just being a nuisance, other times being exactly where he needed them, like right now.

He raised his head slightly, wanting to look her in the eyes. She leaned back, trailing a finger along her lashes to wipe away the tears.

"Why?"

She stared at him, the sadness in her gray eyes replaced by confusion. "Why?"

"Why do you follow me when it’s so dangerous to be with me?"

It was her turn to look down at the blanket, obviously stalling. She was blushing slightly; he could see the flush deepening in her cheeks.

He tipped her chin up with one finger. "Look at me."

The command stilled her and she shrugged to downplay what she was about to say. "I suppose, Mr. Vash, that it’s because we’re worried about you." She seemed a little shocked that she had sounded just like Millie. She tried to smile, but she succeeded only in a tremulous half-grin.

"I didn’t say you, as in Millie and you, Meryl. I meant, you." He cupped her cheek in his large hand, and she turned her face into his palm, covering the top of his hand with hers. "No, don’t try to hide from me." She faced him again, her gray eyes watery. "Why do you follow me?"

"Because… because… I…" An expression of fear entered those eyes and she shook her head, as if denying her own thoughts. "Because… it’s my job." Now, she looked dejected and even a little angry. Her hand dropped into her lap and her face clouded over.

He knew that wasn’t the right answer, but he let her go, lowering his hand. She looked at him as if asking for permission to leave, but he said nothing. They stared at each other in uncomfortable silence before finally, she gave herself her own excuse.

"Your soup is getting cold!" She leaped up, reaching for the soup on the nightstand, but Vash stopped her with a hand around her wrist.

"It’s okay, Meryl. I’m not hungry."

She glanced down at the floor, then back at him, obviously in control of her emotions now. Vash could still see the telltale tear streaks on her face though. She smiled, a fake happy one, and said, cheerily, "Be sure to tell me when you are hungry, Mr. Vash. I’ll come back to check on you." She frowned, squeezing his hand slightly to emphasize her point. "You really should eat, you know."

Vash just nodded as she slipped her hand from his. Meryl left, the door swinging softly closed behind her. Vash lay back in the bed, seeing the ceiling with his eyes, but seeing Rem in his mind’s eye. He closed his eyes so that he could concentrate better on the woman who had taught him everything about life and how to live it. In spite of his sin, she was still there.

"Sing me to life, Rem. Please, sing me to life."