The Most Bittersweet Gift - Chapter 2	Home - Review - Previous - Next
Duo lifted the coffee cup to his lips, breathing in the strong, savory smell of fresh brewed coffee beans, feeling the heat of it warm his always-cold hands. Breathing out slowly his breath broke the still surface and it rippled, and then settled as he tipped the cup up. A small sip and Duo lowered it, eyes closed, letting the warmth envelope him in a way forgotten so long ago it seemed, only to feel the cup taken from his hands. His eyes flew open to see Heero, dressed in jeans and a dark red shirt holding the cup. “I called Wufei last night and he said that the doctor advised against coffee, teas, and cutting down on sodas,” Heero stated, drawing the cup close to him. “So thank you for the coffee.” Heero went to lift the cup to his lips and Duo gave a protesting mewl. “What?” Heero asked, lowering the cup. “Can I not drink after you? Is it contagious?” Duo shook his head with a frown. “No, I’m not contagious in the least. You couldn’t catch what I have even if you tried. It’s just, that’s my coffee.” “And you shouldn’t have it, it’s bad for you, Wufei said so. He’s glad that you’re staying here, I might add, since someone can watch and make sure you take proper care of yourself. Don’t argue with me, did you sleep, you look tired? And did you even look at your hair in the mirror this morning?” With a sigh Duo shook his head again and ran his hands back along his braid. “I slept, and I didn’t feel like rebraiding it again, so I left it the way it was when I woke up. Its not like I’m going out anywhere am I?” Heero shook his head and lifted the cup to his mouth, drinking the cooled liquid. Duo sighed and took a cup from the cabinet, pulled the orange juice from the refrigerator and poured himself a glass. Heero nodded in approval. “Don’t you work?” Duo asked curiously. It was not a comforting smile that graced Heero’s lips. “I would, but since I have others in the business, I can afford to take several weeks off for vacation time. Don’t look so upset, will my presence really be so much of a bother?” Placing his hands on the counter behind him and making a move as if to hoist himself onto the counter top Duo shook his head, only to feel Heero’s hands on his waist and lifting him, steadying him. “I’m not invalid.” “I know,” Heero stated, taking another drink of the coffee. “By the way, Quatre wants to come visit. The message came from Trowa, since Quatre went into a packing frenzy the moment he heard where you were. Rather interesting to hear in the background as I spoke with Trowa. I told them to give you at least a week’s time to adjust, and Trowa didn’t seem to happy about that, probably because it was upsetting to Quatre, but agreed.” “What will we be doing then?” Duo asked. “I don’t know. Do you want to go somewhere, or have you been coming to this city long enough to have seen everything of interest?” Duo shook his head again. “I come to this city to see my doctor, I leave, I don’t linger. What’s in this city to see?” “Museums, parks, zoos…” Duo cut in, “Are there any nightclubs, malls, movies, sport events…” “…Plays, restaurants, there’s a beach about two hours west…” “…Amusement parks…” “…Art exhibits…” Laughter cut off their running commentary and Heero watched as Duo calmed down from his outburst. Wiping his eyes he gave a little shake of his head and shrugged. “We have quite the list there. I don’t really care where we go, if we go anywhere at all.” “Then let me rebraid your hair and then we’ll go somewhere.” * * * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Journal Entry 2 I guess I was wrong, I am writing in this damned thing again, but that’s what I get for saying I wouldn’t write anymore, it must be a subconscious thing. It’s just…I don’t know…I certainly didn’t expect this when I came back to say goodbye to Heero. He won’t let me go, and he seems interested in who I am, or at least he seems to want to spend some time with me before I go. Maybe it’s because I can make him smile, maybe it’s because he feels guilty somehow, who knows what it is. The question is why am I staying? Again with the damn maybes –maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe it’s because Heero’s laughter is like the ringing of thousands of heavenly bells or because when I smile his eyes light up or maybe I just crave the attention I never had been given directly after the conclusion of the war. I don’t know what it is, I don’t think I care, I think I’m losing my mind. Today Heero took me to the park where there was this lake and we sat in the grass beneath a tree, lounging in the shade, and just sitting there quiet, peaceful. After that he got me ice-cream, and he even got some, which if my memory serves me is a very rare thing for him to do. Then something possessed me and I leaned in and licked ice cream from his cheek. The look on his face was worth the curious stares, in my opinion, and Heero didn’t seem to care, but then again, it seems I may be losing my knack to read him as he shows more emotion than I remember. It was painful though, to be so close to him again and yet not be close to him. He’s broken me apart once, mind, body, spirit, and I’m not fancying a second round any time soon. I’ll only stay a couple days, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself, and I intend to stick to that thought even if I never keep it. The truth is, I miss companionship. I miss being around another human being that shares something with me; I miss being connected with a person, knowing that we share something, even if it’s just a pain-filled and war-ridden past. I’m tired, but it’s a good tired, one that comes from a day filled with activity, not the tired that comes with being sick. Tomorrow I’ll take it easy though, just so I don’t get sick prematurely. The others don’t think that I take good enough care of myself, but I don’t think they realize how attuned to my body’s needs I am. If they did they would know they didn’t need to bug me. Well, I’m sure I’ll get back to you later, its kind of refreshing putting down these sorts of thoughts. Better then them running around in my mind creating havoc and bringing chaos. Duo Maxwell ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Journal Entry 3 I’ve realized that I’m not dating these things just as I was looking back through them, and I’ve decided it doesn’t matter to me if they’re dated. Besides, if in a hundred years from now someone finds this and wonders about the date, it’s three years after the war that took place between the colonies and earth, approximately. And if by the time I’m dust and ash and back to earth there’s been more than one war, well, it’s the first. That’s all you need to know. Several days have passed since I last jotted down my thoughts, and I guess I’ve needed that long to sort through all that’s happened. The second day I did take it easy. A movie, and then we came back here and did whatever. Heero still has that damnable laptop, but I don’t care anymore, he hasn’t touched it once that I know since I’ve been here. Quatre has finally convinced Trowa that they should come visit, will probably be here in a couple days. The two already have the rooms booked, Quatre told me. The third day is why I’m having trouble with things. It was a pleasant day in all respects, just lounged about the apartment, and then it happened. No, not that IT, the other it. The ‘it’ of us sitting on the couch watching some made for TV movie and Heero leaning in and kissing me. I couldn’t react, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t do anything. Then it was over, the commercial had ended, and I didn’t say anything, he didn’t say anything. Not one word. I’m definitely losing my mind on this one. Well, anyway, Heero’s waiting for me to get ready. He promised to take me out tonight to a nice restaurant and that’s where we’re headed. Duo Maxwell ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * “Hey Heero, did Quatre and Trowa happen to mention when they’d be coming in?” Duo called from the kitchen where he had escaped to get something cool to drink, which didn’t explain why he was pouring himself a cup of coffee. “They said they would stop by before seven and they have the address. You’re not allowed to have coffee, put it back,” Heero answered from the living room, where he was reading a newspaper. “Damn,” Duo muttered, glancing over his shoulder at the closed door. There was no way Heero could have known. Just a lucky guess. Duo lifted the pot again to fill the cup at least halfway. “No coffee,” Heero called out, “Put it back.” Putting the pot back on the machine Duo scowled, opened the refrigerator and took out a fruit juice bottle that Heero had picked up the day before. “Uncanny.” Duo popped the top off of his drink and settled a small little blue pill on his tongue and took a drink before coming back in the living room where Heero was patiently reading the paper. He took only a second away to make sure Duo was drinking something appropriate, then went back to his reading. “How do you do that?” “I know how you’re mind works, baka. Use a coaster if you’re going to set that on my table.” Duo lifted the drink and placed it on a coaster. Heero was doing it again. “You’re having nightmares,” Heero commented casually, flipping the page of the newspaper amongst the rustling. Duo looked up from his crossword surprised, then over at Heero. “How…how did you know that?” “I often go to bed a bit after you, so I’ve heard you tossing and turning at night. I know what the signs of a nightmare are. You don’t have to talk about them; I would never make you tell me. Just…just know that if you need something you know where to find me. Alright?” “Okay.” It was silent, then Duo glanced over again, “Hee-chan…” “Yes Duo.” “91 across. Sodium, there’s a blank, then in parenthesis the words ‘Truth serum’.” Heero’s thought a moment then went back to his newspaper. “Sodium Pentothal.” * * * * * There was a slight knock on the door and before Heero could stand Duo was up in a flurry of limbs and hair, throwing open the door. He launched himself at the small blonde and to the blonde’s credit he only took one stumbling step back. Quatre gave a small laugh and patted Duo on the back. “Hey, Q-man, it’s great to see you again. Tro…” Duo transferred himself from Quatre’s arms to Trowa’s, who was forced to support the bubbling body of energy. Trowa smiled at both Duo’s burst of warmth and at Quatre’s giggles. When Trowa’s eyes settled on Heero they darkened and the smile faltered. “Trowa,” Heero greeted smoothly, knowing instantly that the pair knew what had happened between him and Duo some odd three years ago. He stood the rest of the way and took a step away from the couch, arms folded loosely against his chest, not defensive, just…casual. “Quatre.” Duo pulled back and leaned against the wall, grinning. “It’s great to see you, but you didn’t have to come all the way out here.” “That’s all right, I had business here anyway,” Quatre assured, then looked at Heero. Heero gave a brief nod. Duo clapped his hands together, “Okay, well, I’ll just put my stuff up and be right back.” Duo moved over to the couch and picked up the crossword, started off down the hall. “Duo.” The American looked back at Heero who was holding out his pen. Duo took it, eyes twinkling, disappearing down the hall. “We’re at a tentative peace,” Heero stated, picking up one of the pillows on the couch and rearranging it, patting, smoothing, fluffing. “Please close the door.” Trowa pushed shut the door behind him as Duo barreled down the hallway. “Calm down Duo,” Quatre said, shaking his head in defeat. “I feel great, Q, don’t nit-pick. So, how long are you going to be here for, what’cha going to do?” “Just a couple days, but I wanted to make sure you were alright. It’s been months since I’ve heard from you and I worry.” “Sorry about that,” Duo apologized sincerely, sinking down in a chair and gesturing to the couch, off of which Heero had moved to answer the phone in his usual silent fashion. They placed themselves near the chair that Duo had appropriated. “That’s alright. You look healthy, not as thin or pale, which is a wonderfully reassuring sight, but are you eating right?” Duo nodded enthusiastically as Heero returned to the room. Quatre fixed Heero with a stern, reproving expression, who had come to a halt next to duo’s chair. “And you’re making sure he doesn’t overdo anything. You know he can’t have coffee…” Heero interrupted, counting things off on his fingers as he said them, eyes never wavering from Quatre’s face. “No coffee, limit sodas and tea. Cut back on sugar, decrease greasy food intake, decrease salt intake, sunscreen for long amounts of time exposed to the sun, and make sure he gets a decent amount of vitamin C. Sleep regular hours; eat nutritious meals at least twice a day. No alcohol or cigarettes, not that I recall the last one being a problem.” Quatre nodded mutely surprised, but on reflection it made sense that Heero would make sure to have all the facts and make sure that things were how they were supposed to be. That didn’t mean anything. Duo leaned back, crossing blue jean clad legs, arms pressed flat to the armrests. “I called Wufei,” Heero explained after a moment. “Enough of that,” Duo said with a wave of his hand. “Let’s talk, catch up, grab some dinner.” Quatre nodded. “Right now?” Duo nodded as well, stood, “You busy?” “No, that sounds good. Let’s go. You coming?” Quatre asked Heero. Heero shook his head. “I have things to do.” Duo nodded slightly and accepted the jacket Heero handed him, knowing he would probably need it in a restaurant. Duo linked arms with Quatre and left whispering feverishly with the Arabian boy. Heero leaned against the back of the chair, propping his head in his hands, elbows sinking into the plush material. With a sigh Heero picked up the phone and called Relena back. * * * * * With a yawn Duo rolled over, tucking the pillow under his chin. The clock next to the bed screamed the early hour in intrusive glowing red numbers and Duo sighed again. He couldn’t remember the dream, or aptly nightmare, and now he couldn’t fall back asleep. He knew buried deep in his bag there was the orange little bottle of salvation, sleeping pills, but taking them was admitting something was wrong. Just like taking the pain pills for every little ache and pain served as a constant reminder. Duo didn’t consider himself a survivor for nothing. Sitting up Duo pulled his hair away from his face and glanced one more time at the clock. 3:17 a.m. Without aware of coming to the decision Duo stood up and made his way silently out of the room, bare feet sinking into the carpet. Stopping in front of Heero’s door he opened it silently, slipped into the dark room, closed the door. Heero had said if ever… The figure remained sleeping peacefully, seemingly unaware of Duo’s approach. Placing a knee on the bed to move forward and nudge the other’s shoulder the bed gave out under the position. The only thing that kept Duo from sprawling face-first on the waterbed was most of his weight resting on the frame instead of the mattress. Heero’s eyes opened. “I had a nightmare, can I stay in here with you?” Duo whispered, feeling foolish. “How old are you now?” Heero mumbled, nevertheless edging toward the right side of the bed to make room and throwing the covers back. “I cuddle,” Heero warned sleepily. “I remember,” Duo said, crawling slowly and carefully along the waterbed. Heero took in the sight of the American; hair loose and cascading down around his shoulders, dressed only in boxers and a T-shirt, and felt a pang of regret and sadness. Settling next to Heero Duo felt the heat coming from Heero’s body the moment the sheets came down, locking it in with them, and Duo suddenly realized how cold he had been before. Heero slid in next to Duo, closing the space between them, then opened his eyes, “You’re freezing.” “Am I?” Heero in answer pulled Duo against him, savoring the familiar feel of the silken hair that covered him, and breathed in the sweet scent he had found only Duo had. “Go to sleep,” he breathed in Duo’s ear. Duo nodded, wrapping his arm around Heero’s, which was wound about Duo’s waist most naturally. He felt secure; secure enough to sleep a dreamless sleep. * * * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Journal Entry 4 Once again I found the cure for dream-induced insomnia, Heero’s arms. Even during the war being curled up with someone I saw as I saw him, whatever that might have been, my blood-filled, war riddled dreams were eased and I slept, innocent to the pain of the demons of the night. The only difference now is the war is internal and the demons that haunt are my fears, not my guilt. I’m dying, and I can finally admit this to myself, in my heart. Before my mind understood, but that didn’t make it true for me, it was almost a game. It’s true now, because by saying such I have to accept it. The demons that haunt me now are just that. Hellfire and brimstone, demons and devils, death. Am I going to hell? Innocence was lost to me so long ago I fear what will come once my end has truly reached me. I dress like a priest, wear a cross, and whisper my deepest sins to God in hopes of forgiveness, yet I call myself Shinigami. What hope for me, a lost street rat? What hope for me, one who has lived the life I have lived, loved the love I have loved? There is sin, black, deep in my heat, heartache deeper still. My heartache the source of my transgression, that very transgression the reason for my heartache. I need to ask for forgiveness, it’s been so long, and I owe it to Solo, and Sister Helen, and Father Maxwell…But if nothing else, I need it for my own peace of mind. Duo Maxwell ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
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