| The Most Bittersweet Gift - Chapter 6 | Home - Review - Previous - Next |
Duo slid the brush through his hair one last time, watching it float back down, and then settled the brush back down on the dresser with a frown. It seemed to him that the brush, which had been clean only moments before as Duo started brushing the hair, was clogged with the loose strands that built up, but that wasn’t right, he had a lot of hair, admittedly, but the brush never looked like that afterward. Leaning forward he squinted into the mirror and wondered if his hair looked less thick. The doctor had warned there was a 45% chance he would start to loose his hair as the weeks came closer and closer due to the medicine. Shaking his hair out Duo watched as several more loose strands floated down to the tile floor around his feet, gathering with the others. Biting his lower lip Duo picked up the brush and picked several more hairs from Heero’s dark blue button-up shirt from the night before. He had pulled it on with a pair of shorts, and the shirt was larger on him then on Heero, so the only part of the jean shorts that could be seen was several inches. Moving toward the kitchen on the silent feet that had been his trademark as both a street rat on L2 and the gundam pilot he could hear the clatter of dishes and then Relena’s soft laugh, the clink of a glass settling on the tabletop. The scent that greeted him was heavy, some sort of chicken and perhaps pasta, yes; Duo definitely could smell the sauce. His stomach reminded him he had not eaten lunch. Pushing the door open a bit Duo slid in, brush held to his side, somewhat nervously, head tilted to one side slightly. Relena stood with her back to him, talking to Heero, who was stirring a sauce. Her hand rested lightly on Heero’s arm, but Duo could see the possessiveness of the touch, the tenderness and caring. The words were unimportant, trivial political matters. She took a breath and Duo cut in. “Heero,” he began softly, causing Relena to turn puzzled, and the expression didn’t waver as she tried to figure out why the person in front of her, wearing Heero’s shirt, looked so familiar. Heero turned with a half smile. “Yes?” Duo held out the brush a bit, not really telling him to take it, just to notice it. “This is going to sound silly, but, um, does it look like to you there’s an extraordinary amount of loose hair collected in this brush.” Frowning Heero realized there was more behind the question then a simple inquiry and came forward, took the brush from Duo’s weak hand. He chose his words carefully when he answered, “No, it doesn’t look like there’s an extraordinary amount, Duo, maybe a bit more than usual, but nothing extraordinary.” Duo sighed softly under his breath, relieved, then lifted his eyes to look at Relena, whose mouth had dropped in surprise in a most undignified way. “Duo?” “Yes Relena.” “What…what are you doing here?” she stuttered. “Visiting, probably the same thing you’re doing.” “Oh…oh, then you won’t be here for…for a long time, just passing through?” “You could say that, or just passing on.” “Then I imagine you were kicked out of the guest bedroom for me to stay here. Heero, you should have told me, I would have been more than glad to find myself a hotel room. Where are you staying now, on the couch? You boys shouldn’t be so cramped together if not.” “No, I won’t be on the couch,” Duo said coolly, “Heero’s room is more than adequate. I won’t give up my bed just because you’re here. By the way, did I mention how lovely you’re looking these days, much more grown-up, more mature. I would say it’s a pleasure seeing you again, but it’s just not, and I don’t lie.” Heero sighed and rubbed his forehead a bit, the hair concern completely set aside. He resisted telling Duo to behave, giving him a firm smack along the backside for emphasis, but he also resisted chuckling. Relena found no words and Duo continued on as if she wasn’t there. “I borrowed your shirt, I hope you don’t mind,” Duo stated, looking at Heero, wrinkling his nose slightly. Heero shook his head, caught up in the vision that Duo presented; leaned forward a bit to lift the edge of the shirt, and then let it drop. “You’re swimming in it.” “It’s comfortable. Relena, you should close your mouth,” Duo stated, lifting her chin up a bit for her. He picked up the glass that he assumed to be Heero’s, for Relena’s she held in her hand, and moved back to lean against the wall, holding it in his hands after taking a small sip. Heero didn’t protest as he turned back around to whatever he had been stirring. “Well, I…I hadn’t quite expected to see you so suddenly. You look…good, if not just a bit pale and tired, but it doesn’t make you look too haggard,” Relena said, recovering awkwardly, hand smoothing along the length of her skirt. She picked at some invisible lint and forced a smile at the American, whom she had to admit was very enticing with the hair down, sleek muscled body, but something was not right, something was off. He did look haggard, she had been telling the truth, and he looked weary, the kind of weary that extended far from the body and permeated the very soul and mind. “Thank you for the compliment Relena,” Duo said, moving over to the chair that had been partially pulled back, pulled it the rest of the way and fought a wince as a pain drifted lazily along his side, stealing his breath. Heero noticed; Heero had a sixth sense about that. He was at Duo’s side in a moment, supporting him, easing him down in the chair. Duo pushed Heero away, gently but firmly, then shook his head, “I’m fine, Hee-chan, don’t let the food burn.” Heero frowned and let his fingertips linger on Duo’s shoulder, scratching lightly at the material of the shirt, then moved over to the counter, not nearly as close to Relena as he had been before. “I didn’t exactly mean it as a compliment,” Relena said dryly. Duo shook his head, feeling a wave of nausea come over him, realizing he should have eaten lunch before taking his medicine. Propping his elbows up on the table he leaned his chin on his hands and closed his eyes, hair spilling forward around him. He felt Heero behind him, then a feather light touch against his back, questioning. “Oi, Heero, you wouldn’t happen to have any of those crackers handy, would ya?” Duo asked, hating the helpless feeling that welled up inside. Heero didn’t chastise in front of Relena, of which Duo was grateful, only settled the asked for item on the table and moved back to his sauce. Duo looked up at Relena as he took a bite of the cracker, the snap resounding loudly in his ears as he quirked an eyebrow. Duo hated the way Relena seemed to go perfectly with the small kitchen, hated the way she seemed to ooze into Heero’s life so naturally while Duo had fought so hard for so long to be acknowledged. He wished he could change that. “Yes, well, Relena, considering that I have two weeks left to live that’s a compliment.” Relena dropped her cup and it hit the floor with a loud crack, sending shattered glass in every direction and sticky soda along in rivers across the tile. Heero dropped the spoon onto the counter at the noise and turned, eyes instinctively falling onto Duo, before taking in the rest of the situation. In truth the blunt way Duo had said it had shocked him a bit too, but Heero had learned long ago it was just part of the Maxwell charm. Seemingly oblivious to the shock that he had caused as Heero crouched down to help Relena pick up some of glass Duo continued to talk. “Hey, Hee-chan, I was wondering if we might be able to get some notebooks or something for me in the next couple of days. I’m going bored out of my mind with nothing to do.” “All you have to do is ask,” Heero said, nodding his head as he sorted through a shelf of spices, leaving the spilt drink to be wiped up by Relena. “What did you want that stuff for?” “I discovered that I liked writing in the last few years, and I’ve been doing it off and on. I find peace in writing.” “I didn’t know that about you,” Heero stated, turning to glance at Duo before going back to what he was doing. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know, Heero,” Duo said, pulling out another cracker. A lot of things you’ll never know, he added silently. “You’re teasing me, right?” Relena asked as she recovered, still crouching with a damp cloth in her hand. “No, I’m not teasing you, Relena. Why in god’s name would I say something like that to be funny, after all the death I’ve seen and been responsible for. Even I’m not that hard-hearted,” Duo whispered in a hard voice Relena swallowed nervously and stood, rinsing the cloth out in the sink. “I…I didn’t mean to sound so…I didn’t want it to be taken how you took it. It’s just…I can’t imagine…it’s hard to imagine someone like you dying.” “Why’s that?” Duo asked, narrowing his eyes and looking up at Relena, who stepped back against the counter unconsciously. “It’s just…just hard to imagine, that’s all. It’s hard for me to imagine you so vulnerable that death could touch you, that’s all.” “Perhaps that’s where you went wrong so long ago, not realizing that I was more fragile and more vulnerable than I looked, more so than you. That thought never even crossed your mind, did it, when Heero came to you, running from me? You knew where he came from; you probably didn’t even spare a thought for what condition I was left in, seeing as how you got what you always wanted, and as long as the princess is happy the world can go fuck itself, can’t it? You were a spoiled rotten brat then, I imagine you still are now.” Relena took a shocked step back, looking to Heero for perhaps a kind word in her favor, for him to stick up for her. Duo didn’t even let either say anything. “Don’t follow me,” he hissed, stood, wavering from the rapid movement, then left the kitchen and stalked down the hall toward the bedroom. Relena looked over at Heero again, whose brow was furrowed with his frown. He brought his eyes over to her, and then moved back to the sauce, “I’ll go talk to him once the food’s done, I’ll let him cool off until then, but for now…for now I think we need to talk.” She nodded meekly. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I can’t even look at that perfect face without wanting to reach out and smack her, to see a red mark against her perfect skin, scratch her eyes out, to shake her and make her open her eyes and think of someone else for a change. Where did this bitterness come from? If anything I should be bitter with Heero, for what Heero did to me, not her, she’s guilty of only the same thing that I’m guilty of, loving Heero. But it’s her I want to hurt, it’s her I want to make feel the pain and loneliness and heartache of three goddamn years. Three years worth of fear and disappointment and pain, three years of longing and that pressing scream of worthlessness. But it’s her that knew someone was being hurt when Heero ran to her, she was the one who understood how human emotions worked, she’s the one who didn’t even think what sort of emotional wreck Heero was leaving behind, so why not blame her? I can see it in her eyes now, she still feels for Heero, and she doesn’t want me to be around him because he feels something for me, something she knew he never felt for her. But I got him back, damn-it, I have him back, I’m where I belong, even if it’s only for a little while, and she’s here now. I can’t hate him; I just can’t do it, no matter how badly I have wanted to all these years. I love him too much to think like that towards him, so I guess that’s why it all goes to Relena. I can’t hate him, I don’t have the energy, I don’t have the desire to carry this bitter feeling in me any more, it’s taking up space for all the feeling I do have now. And I don’t have the energy to hate Relena either; it’s almost a redundant feeling, to hate her. No, I’ll try to get along with her, I know she’s human, and I have to be honest with myself. If Heero had come to me, running from her, I would have greeted him with open arms and have never let go. But shit, that’s alright for me, I deserve that sort of happiness, after all I’ve been through in my life, after all I’ve given and what’s never been given back…Oh god, there’s that pain again, ripping up my side and squeezing my lungs, daring me to breathe too deeply. Where’s my…oh, damn-it, my meds are in the kitchen. Oh well, time to face the music…I guess. Just as soon as I can stand… Maxwell… * * * * * Duo smiled weakly and squeezed Heero’s hand. “Could you get me…get me—.” Heero pulled away and moved over to the counter. “Sure thing. I hope you can eat something a little spicy, not too much, but I did add some for flavor. Also, the doctor called, said something about you’re having put a message on his voice mail. Here, take this, you should watch yourself better, make sure you take what you have to take when you have to take it.” Downing the pill Duo tilted his head back slowly to look up at Heero, who was studying him with concerned eyes. Pulling Heero down slowly Duo pressed a light kiss to his lips, then let him go, just a simple reassurance that Heero was still his, even if only for the moment. “What did he have to say?” “He can see you tomorrow around three, if it’s not too late.” Duo shook his head, pulling his hair back slowly away from his face, tying it back. The door behind him opened, then Relena came back in slowly, easing down in the chair across from him without a word. Heero settled down in the chair adjacent to both of them and silently murmured a hope they would behave themselves during dinner. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Amazing. Heero’s sound asleep and I’m writing this on his back, and he hasn’t stirred yet…well, he stirred to see what I was doing but I told him to go back to sleep, I’m just jotting something down, and he did. Now, I know I’m the curious one, but when he wants to know something…well, he’ll know it if it’s the last thing he does. He has such a nice back, the smooth skin, the way it curves, the silky firmness of the flesh, and it makes a wonderful table. All right, I’m done ogling his perfect body. Make’s sense, ne? I’m rambling, well, I’m nervous. I have that doctor appointment tomorrow, to see if the hair…well, no, I’m not going to dwell on that just now. Relena was actually polite at dinner, sweet even; I wonder what Heero said to her. And boy, the look on her face when she came out of the kitchen with her drink to find me on Hee-chan’s lap, kissing. Priceless. I can die a happy man now…well, no, scratch that. That’s like wishing for it to happen, don’t want to call the grim reaper closer than he already is. Shit…I had to remind myself. Not like I had forgotten. It’s kind of hard to forget when I have to remember to take my medicine or I have to grit my teeth through the pain that strikes no matter what I do, or when getting up and walking from the bedroom to the kitchen takes the breath from me, or sitting up for extended periods of time wears me out. I’m a gundam pilot, was a gundam pilot, and look at what I’ve been reduced to. I hate myself sometimes, I hate my life, and I hate everything. And there’s pity in my friends eyes, pity. That’s probably what Heero feels, but he’s just so wonderful at hiding his feelings. Fuck, look at what I’ve done, I’m lying to myself again, and I know I’m lying to myself, I’m just not sure what I’m lying about. I…screw that; I’m too tired to get worked up right now. I’m over the anger thing, way over it, have been for years. I will not let it rule me, I will not let it rule me, and I will not let it rule me. Maybe if I keep telling myself that I might believe it someday, ne? I’m so full of shit. But hey, at least I know it, right? Duo Maxwell |
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