My Dark Side	Home - Previous - Next
Moonlight slides like liquid through the half curtained windows and falls over pale hollows and curves of my lover’s body. I run my hand along the soft flesh of a leg, over the thigh, the hip, to settle on the waist. A soft sigh whispers past half parted lips. The others don’t know, but they suspect that there is someone in my life, someone who I find very near to my heart. I can’t even begin to imagine how each would react if they were to know who and what exactly. Ken. I believe that out of all of them Ken will be the one who will struggle to understand my motives and desires first. He may not accept first, may never accept, but he will find a peace of mind as far as the subject is concerned, he will try to understand. That is all I can ask. Yohji. Yohji is the one I can’t formulate any opinion on concerning a form of response. He’s such a loose cannon. Not that it’s a bad thing, he is serious and controlled where it matters, but he has very little control where his personal life and emotions are concerned. He’s the playboy. If I have to be honest I think that it’s the other way around, he’s being played. By what? Life, fate, everything, nothing… I don’t know. I don’t know what he’ll do either, when he does find out, because he’s bound to find out. He’s too curious for his own good. Aya. Aya, Aya, Aya, I’ve almost choreographed Aya’s reaction. From the initial flash of betrayal in his hard violet eyes that will be quickly hidden away by anger, then simply anger, bordering on contained rage. With rage will come the icy silence, the cold dead eyes, and when he looks at me, he’ll see a stranger at best, an enemy at worst. There is one thing I can be certain of though, and that is this knowledge, this secret I hold so dearly to my heart, once revealed, will be an shock. Why? Because, somehow in someway, despite the fact the same blood stains my hands, my heart, my soul, my conscience, and binds me just as tightly as the others, I am their innocent. The thought makes me smile against my lovers shoulder, in an almost wistful way. I am not innocent. I never have been. Innocence is not in my blood. I am Takatori after all. But I am different from the others. That difference they see as innocence, I think it is just youth. Youth that allows me to smile and laugh and mean it. It keeps me, holds me near, is my advantage and my strength, my weapon. Youth allows me to be happy. And yes, I am happy, I enjoy life. I don’t drown myself in guilt or remorse, I don’t self punish or withdraw. But I do not fool myself either. Schwarz, Weiss, they are one in the same, different sides to a single coin, one facing up, the other down. I am not blind that I do not see this. I am not weak that it drives me to madness. We are darkness and we are light because we are human. I have darkness in my soul, just as my lover has light. Together, ying and yang, we are complete. So yes, proudly I love the enemy, because who’s enemy is he really? Not mine. He is only my dark side.
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