How do you get a dead baby into a jar?
With a meat grinder
How do you get a dead baby out of a jar?
With nachos
What’s the difference between a white dead baby and a black dead baby?
About 10 minutes in the oven
What’s the difference between a Chinese dead baby and a white dead baby?
Chinese dead babies taste better with rice
--Peter Wang
What’s the difference between a dead baby and Mrs. Freeman?
Not a damn thing
--Jonathan Allen
What’s the difference between a flower and a dead baby?
I try to avoid stepping on flowers
--Peter Wang
What’s the best way to demolish a house?
Throw dead babies at it.
How do you unload a truck full of dead babies?
With a pitchfork
What’s the difference between a truck full of marbles and a truck full of dead babies?
You can’t unload a truck full of marbles with a pitchfork
What’s the difference between a bowling ball and a dead baby?
You can’t pick up a bowling ball with a pitchfork
What’s the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
I don’t jizz on an apple before eating it
--Tait Watson
What’s the best thing about having sex with a dead baby?
They don’t complain
--Peter Wang
What’s the best kind of baby?
A dead baby
What’s better than a dead baby?
A dead baby with ketchup
What’s the difference between a pile of shit and a pile of dead babies?
A pile of dead babies tastes better
--Jonathan Allen
What’s the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don’t have a Corvette in my garage
What’s the difference between a baby and a baby seal?
There are laws against clubbing baby seals
--James LaRocque
What’s orange and blue and at the bottom of the pool?
A dead baby with slit floaties
What’s orange and red and floats on the top of the pool?
Floaties with a slit baby
What’s the difference between you and me?
A lot of dead babies
--Jonathan Allen
What’s the difference between a dead baby and a football?
Not much, they both get handled by big strong guys
--Jonathan Allen
What’s the difference between a dead baby and a football field?
Not much, they both get trampled every Friday night
--Jonathan Allen
What’s the difference between a dead baby and a smoothie?
Dead babies are chunkier
--Peter Wang
What’s red and crawling up your leg?
A Homesick Abortion
Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead
Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the Koala
Why did the tree fall down?
Because the Koala never let go
Why did the Kangaroo die?
Because the Koala fell on it!
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the Chicken
Why did the farmer cross the road?
To catch his chicken
Why did the farmer bring a pitchfork?
To catch the baby!
--Jonathan Allen
What’s red and white and in all four corners of the room?
A dead baby playing with a chainsaw
What’s red and white and gurgling in the corner?
A baby eating razor blades
What do you call 1,000 babies at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start
--Libby Galik
What's red and white and screams all over?
A peeled baby in salt
What's the best way to make salsa?
Put a baby in a blender
--Tamara Beil
What's the best way to kill a baby?
Put it in a blender
--Josh Berry
