"Hidden Love"
By Demeter
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I am a prostitute by situation.
I never even wanted to come near one during my days as a Lady.
But, now I am one, and there's no escaping. I wish the pain that
pierces my heart every now and then would just up and disappear, and maybe I
could still have a semblance of a normal life.
Unfortunately, that's not possible anymore.
He's here again.
The dark-haired man with intense Prussian blue eyes.
I turn to him, and give a formal welcome, but as usual, he never
acknowledges them; he snorts and then pulls out a wad of bills, peeling a
few off, and tossing them onto my vanity table. I stare at the green
paper, and as usual, the thought of refusing passes through my head,
wanting desperately to say no, to not give my pride away again.
And once again, I sigh, and sweep the bills into my purse.
I close my eyes and then walk to the bed, lying on the soft comforter,
hoping that he will finish and leave soon. I feel the bed creak as he
settles onto it. I tense, as is usual, before forcing myself to relax.
He undresses me, and I emotionlessly take off his clothes. We go through
the motions of lovers, and he climbs over me.
And always, at this point, as he shuts his eyes, and plunges into me,
he utters a name over and over, a mantra that seems to me to be a wall
of protection for him. His hoarse voice calls for this person who is
constantly on his mind, a third ghost who always seems to be present as
he finds release. I always pray for him to climax as quickly as
possible, as those words seem to drive me mad.
He thrusts in me one last time, and he shudders, before collapsing
over me, his breathing labored.
I shut my eyes, and wait for him to get off, as he usually does.
Only, this time, he doesn't.
I open my eyes slowly, and I seem him shudder with suppressed tears. I
feel numbness, a shock, as I see a man cry for the first time in my
"second" life. I watch him, and then, slowly, my arms, wraps around him.
He clutches me like a lifeline, and for some unexplainable reason, I
comfort him, soothing him softly, as he sobs into my arms.
He is not as emotionless, as he tries to pretend he is.
As his tears subside, I feel him grow stiff with repulsion. Not for
me, but for himself. He pushes away from me, and gets up quickly. I watch
the taut muscles on his back, and then give a silent sigh. I pull on a
robe and tie it shut, never taking my eyes off him. He dresses silently
and quickly, and is about to leave, walking once more out of my life,
when a strange ache comes alive within me.
I look reflexively at my chest, and I numbly wonder how feelings could
still live in a black hole. I hear a voice inside of me speak softly,
"Stop him" I squeeze my eyes tightly, and called out in a tightly
controlled voice, bordering on hysteria.
"Heero!"
He stopped, surprised that I said his name. He turns slightly in
question, and I pause with sudden fear. I panic, not knowing what to say,
even though I knew if I didn't say anything now, I would regret it for
the rest of my life. I swallowed convulsively.
"Tell her."
I see his shoulders grow rigid.
Desperate, I continue.
"Tell her today."
He does not turn, and I wonder if he even heard me.
Silence is always the weapon of a "perfect soldier".
"Never."
I freeze, hearing words that sting me to the core. And he left, taking
what little hope in the world I had left. I cried, as I never had,
since my parents died. I knew that he would never come back here again. He
would find another prostitute to fill his own hole where his heart used
to be.
I would just be another hazy memory in a sea of regret.
And tears flowed not for me, but for the young woman named Relena who
would never know the love, which Heero Yuy held for her.
~*~Finis~*~
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Demeter
All comments, complaints, advice, and flames are welcome.
Story Copyrighted © by Demeter, 2000. Page copyright © by Jamie Carlson, 2000.
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