Scars -- Part One: Forgotten Peace

Relena breathed in the hot air from her open window, and sighed. It was a hot day, damnably hot. Eyeing the stack of papers that wavered and shivered, threatening to fall over at any moment, she wrinkled her nose, and felt the oncoming of another headache. Holding her forehead in the palms of her hands, she tried the relaxation exercises her masseuse had taught her. Breathing slightly in, and then exhaling a lungful of air. She then breathed in deeply, letting out only a breath; repeating the cycle, she tried to relax.

They didn't work.

Groaning, Relena leaned back in her leather chair, and closed her eyes. Inhaling a lung full of tepid air, idle thoughts started floating through her mind. Images of her late father, her mother, her brother, and her past household drifted in and out of her vision. She saw herself enjoying the seaside with her adoptive parents; fleeting memories of her real parents danced in and out.

Then, the certain image of five Gundam pilots rammed their way in, and all chances of relaxation escaped. Relena's eyes popped open, and she gave a scowl. She stood up and walked to the window, watching the Sank Kingdom bustle busily below her.

If I wasn't the princess, perhaps I could be one of them, without the burden of having to worry about peace or war.

Relena stopped suddenly at that thought. She mentally gave herself a slap.

/Relena Darlian, you idiot! Don't be so negative! The world depends on you. If you don't work for the pacifist world, who will? Heero?!/

Heero.

"Damn." Relena gave a frustrated sigh. "I just HAD to think about him at this moment," she muttered below her breath. Scowling, she gave the stack her best-patented death-glare, glanced at the city, bit her lip, and then walked briskly out of the stateroom. The security guards started at the door, and hastily bowed. There were always at least two, posted pompously by her side. She heard from Noins, that they fought over who would stand guard every morning.

She gave a curt order for them to find Lieutenant Noins. One of them scurried to find her, and the other asked, "Where do you wish to go, Ms. Relena?" He bowed even lower, practically scraping the ground in his eagerness to please his princess. Relena looked at the backside of his head, and nearly gave an unladylike snort.

Another flatterer.

"I'm going out with Noins," was all the said, and continued toward the Inner Gardens. Her footsteps echoed in the large hallway, each step seemingly cracking a stone brick. At each corner, a page or another soldier would see her, and give a bow, ask her where she was going, and then hurry on to what they were doing.

Relena was at the edge of exploding before finally making it to the peace and solitude of the gardens. She sat on her favorite stone bench, and finally gave her first breath of relief of the day. Leaning back, her face toward the bright sunshine, she felt a bit of contentment float over her.

/Why do I try so hard? I feel so useless sometimes. What am I? Why do I try for a peace that no one, not even my "friends" will admit too? Noins and Milliardo try their best, but they're so protective of me it almost seems like two extra guards. Pagan has no idea how the political world works, and even if he did, he's too old now to jump into this sort of battle. Dorothy has enough to do with all the "special assignments" Milliardo gives her; I can't burden her with anymore. Of the pilots, only Quatre has the qualifications, and he's too busy romping around with Trowa! Oh, what am I saying? I shouldn't begrudge them. It's not their job after all. It's mine, and it'll always be mine.

/Or it will be until a successful assassination. I am so morbid./

"I am such an idiot."

"Who's an idiot?"

"Noins!" Relena turned around in her seat, and smiled at one of the few people who accepted her as Relena, and not as Peacecraft. She was about to pour out all her troubles, when she noticed the dark circles under the older woman's eyes. Relena immediately swallowed her words. She berated herself silently for almost dumping her problems on Noins, when she already had enough to do, with the Preventers, and her still-unnoticeable pregnancy.

"Relena?"

Relena hastily looked back into Noin's dark eyes. She quickly made up an excuse, pulling up her practiced smile. "No, nothing! I just thought of the ball, and I felt a bit annoyed I have to spend the evening with all those politicians! I would rather be with you, Brother and the baby!"

Noins smiled, before ruffling Relena's golden hair. She did not mention she knew Relena was lying, and her dark eyes grew troubled. She knew of the immense burden placed upon Relena's shoulders, a burden which anyone, even the strongest man would have caved under. Sighing, she changed the subject.

"The Centennial Ball is tonight. Everything is ready as planned; I got all the world's and colonies leaders to come. Tonight will be a chance for ironing out many old feuds." There was a light that shone in Relena's eyes. Noins smiled. Peace was still an enthusiastic subject for her sister-in-law, and anything regarding it would be a sure thing to bring a smile to her usually serious face.

However, the smile did not last long. A shadow blackened her features. Relena bit her lip, looking absently at the fountain. There was uncertainty in her eyes, as the worry-creases on her face became more pronounced. Coming to a decision, she asked in a faltering voice, "Will.... will... 'They' be there."

Noins frowned, then nodded brusquely.

Relena's face screwed up ever so slightly, and she licked her suddenly dry lips. "All of them?" She whispered in a soft voice.

Noins nodded again.

"As... couples?"

A look of regret shadowed Noins face, and she closed her eyes, before moving her head up and down.

There was a moment of silence.

Relena started laughing.

Noins turned in amazement. There was no cheer in her voice; in fact, bitterness seemed to have more of a share then delight. She looked at the still giggling girl, and she felt her heart shudder slightly. There was almost a psychotic quality to the high-pitched, shrill laughter. Noins felt disoriented for a moment, and resisted the urge to back away.

Stopping, Relena wiped her eyes, finishing her laugh with a sigh of release. Brushing away imaginary lint off her silk dress, she gazed absently at the yellow roses, which had been planted the year before in honor of her father. The strong scent wafted over her senses, and slowly, very slowly, she breathed in the delicate smell of roses in. The sun shone on the garden all the more softly, and seemed to warm up her bones.

Just not her soul.

"Well, lets get started dressing, shall we? It's a costume ball after all."