BACK TO MAIN FICS PAGE
BACK TO YAOI/YURI/SHOUNEN/SHOUJO AI FICS
JAMIE'S NOTE: This is one of Robyn's funniest. You WILL enjoy this.... Just remember, Bishounen are NOT funny, they're HOT! Also, this is long, so get a cup of coffee and a snack and read on!
Still not mine. Includes crossovers with Sorcerer Hunters, Sailor
Moon, Oh
My Goddess and it's a parody of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Major
OOCness and Relena bashing. Enjoy! Duo no Hime King Treize, ruler of the entire world, sat in his royal chambers
and
sulked. Technically he didn't rule the world, and he wasn't even a
king, but
that was his problem. "I have the ego of a king," he mused, doodling
on the
white walls of his padded cell with a red crayon, "I just need the
country
to rule." His drawing became an image of a stick man with a crown
standing
on a castle wall holding a rose. Treize smiled arrogantly, "If I could
just
find a way to get Queen Relena off her throne, the world would be mine.
Hmmm....." His face lit up and he jammed a finger into the air,
"That's it!
If I could find the Holy Gundam, I could use it to kick out the stupid
ditz
and steal her throne!" Laughing merrily to himself, he set about
digging an
escape tunnel with a plastic spoon.
Two years later he managed to free himself from his cell in the
institution and within a month he had a small band of followers to help
him
on his quest. The five knights he had rallied to his cause were very
beautiful young men. The knights were, Sir Heero the suicidal, Sir Duo
the
hyperactive, Sir Trowa the silent, Sir Quatre the flaming and Treize's
favorite, Sir Wufei the just. Together they formed a band whose names
and
deeds would be retold through history and denied by any sane historian.
This
is the tale of their quest for the most Holy Gundam.
"Hey! Look guys! A swallow carrying a coconut!" Sir Duo
exclaimed,
pointing.
"Shut up!" the other knights chorused, except for Sir Trowa. He
remained
silent, as usual.
King Treize wasn't paying attention at the moment. They had come
upon a
giant castle and Treize's mind was filled with living in his very own
castle
with a lovely rose motif....
"Hello? Who is it?" a voice called from the parapets.
Treize snapped out of his daze and called back, "I am the
soon-to-be King
Treize and these are my knights of the bishonen club. We are on a
quest for
the Holy Gundam so I can take my rightful place as King of the World.
Do you
know where we could find the Holy Gundam?"
A flash of platinum blond shone from the top of the castle wall as
the
guard flipped his long hair, "Bishonen, huh? Could I join you on your
quest?"
Treize became thoughtful, "How old are you?"
"Nineteen," came the reply.
"I'm terribly sorry, but you are too old to be one of my knights.
It's a
sixteen and under age limit. I don't have enough money to afford older
knights," Treize explained.
"Fine, then you can't see the Holy Gundam, which is in this castle
you
know," the guard said petulantly. "See if they turn down the help of
Zechs
and get away with it," he muttered angrily. "Send in the gophers!"
Soon Treize and his band found themselves almost buried alive under
a
barrage of squeaking, squirming gophers. "Run away!" Treize shouted.
"Self destruct!" Sir Heero the suicidal cried, whipping a hand held
detonator out of his spandex.
Sir Duo grabbed his arm and pulled him along, "Not yet Sir Heero!
The
mission hasn't been failed yet."
"Aww.." Sir Heero pouted, allowing himself to be pulled. Only Sir
Duo
could get away with stopping Sir Heero in the middle of a suicide
attempt.
Hiding behind a hill, Treize turned to his followers, "We need to
get in
there and steal that Holy Gundam. How do we get in?"
"We could offer the guards tea and cookies and maybe they'll let us
in,
cause we were so nice," Sir Quatre the flaming offered.
"......," Sir Trowa the silent suggested.
"Blow it up," Sir Heero muttered darkly.
"Scale the walls!" Sir Duo the hyperactive added, jumping up and
down on
his massive and perpetual sugar buzz.
"Point out the injustice of firing gophers at fellow warriors," Sir
Wufei
the just grumbled, pulling one of the rodents out of his pants.
"We could build a large wooden rabbit and climb inside. When it's
dark,
we could jump out and catch them not only by surprise, but completely
unarmed!" a funny looking man with a silly mustache and a tin can on
his head
suggested.
The band of brave questers didn't even question his appearance, or his
disappearance several seconds later. When you follow a loony like
Treize,
strange occurrences don't faze you anymore. "What a good idea," Treize
murmured, stroking his chin.
In the castle Zechs heard banging and sawing sounds outside,
punctuated
by loud explosions. Minutes later a rather charred looking wooden
Gundam was
wheeled up outside. Tentatively, several guards opened the door and
looked
up at it. "What should we do with it?" Zechs asked.
A fellow guard tossed down his copy of The Iliad that he had been
reading
and walked to the door. "Bring it in I guess."
The bishonen watched from behind a bush as their creation was
wheeled
into the castle. "Hee hee, this is great," Sir Duo chortled.
"What happens now?" Sir Quatre asked.
The funny looking man in the tin can reappeared, "Now we wait till
nightfall and then Heero, Duo and Trowa leap out of the Gundam...."
"Aww..." a collective groan went up from the group as they hit
their
foreheads.
"All those explosives used for nothing...." Sir Heero groaned.
"Perhaps if we built this large wooden space colony...." the funny
man
continued as he slowly faded from sight.
"I think we need to stop sniffing King Treize's roses," Sir Duo
muttered,
"Whatever's on them is causing massive hallucinations..."
"See if I trust a strange guy who just appears out of nowhere
again," Sir
Quatre pouted cutely.
".......," Sir Trowa agreed.
"Oh well," Treize shrugged, "Let's get on with our quest, shall we?
The
sooner we find the Holy Gundam, the sooner I become king!" Whistling
a
jaunty tune, he pranced off down a path. With shrugs, the boys
followed as
well.
Suddenly clouds covered the sun and a massive image appeared in
them.
"Treize..." a loud voice boomed.
"Who're you?" Sir Duo shouted.
The figure came into focus. It was a huge white robot, "I am Wing
Zero."
"My lord!" Sir Heero threw himself to the ground.
"What a nut," Sir Duo muttered, nudging the prone form with a toe.
"And what do you want with us?" Treize shouted.
"End your foolish quest now. The world does not need a crazy,
arrogant
pansy ruling it," Wing Zero informed them.
"Excuse me, but I'm a crazy, arrogant rose. Now, step aside
peasant,"
Treize brushed past the massive foot without a second thought. The
boys
followed a little more hesitantly, Sir Duo dragging Sir Heero who kept
groveling until they were well past the place where they met Wing Zero.
"We should split up," Treize suddenly announced. "Sir Duo, you go
west. Sir
Heero, you go east. Sir Trowa, you head north and Sir Quatre, you go
south.
Sir Wufei and I will stay in this area. If you find the Holy Gundam,
bring
it back here with you."
"Um, why can't I go?" Sir Wufei asked worriedly.
"I need you to keep me company Dragon," Treize purred, stroking his
leg
affectionately. Sir Wufei's screams could be heard for quite some time
as
the other bishonen went on their assigned paths.
Sir Duo skipped down his path singing at the top of his lungs.
Being
hyperactive had those nasty side effects. Suddenly he skipped into a
misty
clearing of woods in which many tall men with antlers on their heads
were
assembled. "Ni!" one of the tall figures shouted.
This being rather intriguing, Sir Duo stopped and cocked his head
at the
man, "Say what?"
"We are the knights who say Ni! If you wish to pass through this
forest
alive, you must bring us a shrubbery, otherwise we will say Ni at you
again."
the man announced.
"How would you kill me? By saying Ni to me?" Sir Duo asked.
"Yes. Ni! Ni! Ni!" the man began, and soon all the antlered men in
the
clearing were chanting with him.
"Why does that word kill people? Will other words work?"
By now the knights were getting very irritated with the short
nuisance
who asked too many questions. "Any of the sacred words would suffice,"
the
leader groaned.
"What are the sacred words?" Sir Duo questioned, wide eyed.
"We are the keepers of the secret words, we cannot tell you. Now
go
ahead and leave already!" the knights who say Ni were tired of the boy,
and
obviously weren't going to frighten him into getting them a shrubbery.
"Oh! Oh!" Sir Duo jumped up and down in excitement, "Can I guess?
Can I
guess?"
"No!" the leader of the knights shouted, but there was no stopping
Sir
Duo the hyperactive once he had an idea.
"Aardvark! Armadillo! Snoot! Barracuda! Godzilla!" Sir Duo
suggested.
The knights groaned. It was going to be a very long day.
"In the name of justice, I will punish you!" a blond girl with
strange
ponytails announced to the slimy monster.
"Justice? Sir Wufei would love that," Sir Trowa the silent mused
to
himself. He had come upon a meadow and found a group of girls fighting
a
slimy muck creature. For lack of anything better to do, he had settled
down
to watch, apparently forgetting the rule of chivalry that decreed that
knights should always rescue a damsel in distress.
"World Shaking!" a deeper voice cried and the land around the
monster
began shaking violently.
"Deep Submerge!" a girl with aqua hair shouted as water rushed at
the
monster.
Neither attack had any affect. "Let me try," the girl with the
strange
hair called to her companions, whipping out a wand that looked like it
was
bought at a toy store. She then began a series of pointless, but
impressive
twists and swirls. "Moon Spiral Heart Attack!" she yelled and pointed
the
wand at the monster. Swirls of sparkles and hearts flooded out the end
of
the wand. This attack also had no affect on the monster. "Ack! Why
didn't
it work?" the blond girl shrieked in dismay and then began bawling.
As if suddenly remembering he was supposed to protect girls, Sir
Trowa
stood up and drew his sword. He flipped into battle with the monster,
jumping and twirling almost as impressively as the girl had.
Eventually the
monster's head landed on the ground and the creature turned into a pile
of
dust.
When he turned to look at the girls he had saved, he found them
watching
him with shimmery eyes. "He's so dreamy," one girl, with a big red bow
sighed.
"Just like my old boyfriend," another chimed in.
"Maybe we should ask him who he is and why he helped us," a tall
woman
with short blond hair suggested.
"Oh, yeah!" the blond with the silly hair agreed, shaking her head
to
clear her eyes of the hearts in them. "I'm Sailor Moon, and these are
my
sailor scouts, Mars, Jupiter, Venus, Mercury, Neptune and Uranus."
"..........," Sir Trowa introduced himself, and then proceeded to
explain his
mission to the girls, most of whom sat swooning over him, with the
exceptions
of Neptune and Uranus who seemed to have other interests.
"Maybe I can help," Mars suggested, "Let's start a fire."
Several minutes later the girls and bishonen sat around a blazing
fire as
Mars chanted quietly. An image of a group of five people appeared in
the
fire. "You need to find these people. They will direct you in how you
can
finish your quest." The image vanished, "You can repay me for my help
by
going out on a date with me," she added, smiling at him.
"I saw him first!" Jupiter interrupted.
Soon a major cat fight between Mars, Venus and Jupiter broke out.
The
other four scouts sported huge sweatdrops. "Go, now," Uranus
suggested. Sir
Trowa nodded and made a break for the woods before they could notice he
was
gone.
"None shall pass," the bulky man in black armor growled as he stood
blocking passage across his bridge.
"Move, now," Sir Heero warned, pulling a threatening gun out of his
spandex.
"None shall pass," the black knight repeated.
"Fine. Then we fight," Sir Heero replaced his gun in his spandex
and
pulled out a sharp broad sword. If the knight wondered where he hid
the
sword in the spandex, he didn't ask.
The Black Knight pulled his sword and advanced on the small
bishonen.
Swords clashed and metal hit steel. Eventually Sir Heero managed to
hack off
the man's arm. "I have defeated you," Sir Heero said, "Now stand
aside."
"'Tis but a scratch," the Black Knight replied.
Sir Heero looked at the arm lying on the ground. "You're right.
Let's
keep fighting," he agreed. Seconds later the second arm landed on the
ground.
"It's just a flesh wound. I've had worse," the Black Knight told
Sir
Heero.
"So have I," Sir Heero informed him, continuing to hack at the
armless
knight. A leg hit the ground and the Black Knight bounced about on
one.
"Okay, that's enough," the Black Knight laughed nervously, not
liking the
insane gleam in his opponents eyes.
"I have wounded you?" Sir Heero sounded truly surprised.
"Actually, the Black Knight is invincible, but that's enough
fighting.
You can pass."
"Really?"
"Sure, go ahead. You're worthy," the Black Knight gestured with
his
head, telling Sir Heero to move on.
"If you insist," Sir Heero shrugged, chopped off the Black Knights
other
leg for good measure, and crossed the bridge.
"What a loony," the torso of the Black Knight muttered, and was
then
ripped apart by the explosives Sir Heero the suicidal had set on him
while
they had been fighting. Sir Heero heard the explosion and laughed
maniacally
as he walked away, tossing the used detonation switch over his
shoulder.
Sir Quatre staggered through the rain and managed to reach the door
of
the little castle. "Please, let me in!" he wailed, pounding on the
door,
"I'm wet, I'm cold and I missed tea time! For the love of Gundams,
please
let me in!"
The door creaked open and Sir Quatre rushed in, to find himself
face to
face with a pretty young woman with long brown hair and interesting
markings
on her face, one of which was a line in the middle of her forehead.
"Welcome
to the Castle Urd. My name is Belldandy. What's yours?"
Sir Quatre smiled politely, "I'm Sir Quatre the flaming, knight of
the
bishonen club and follower of the soon-to-be King Treize."
"How nice!" Belldandy clapped her hands together and smiled at him.
"You
look like you could use a rest. Follow me. I'll show you to a room
where
you can relax and recuperate." Sir Quatre followed as Belldandy talked
in
her sweet, musical voice, "It's a very interesting life. I live here
with my
sisters, Urd and Skuld, as well as my dear Keiichi."
"Urd?" Sir Quatre interrupted, "Like the name of the castle?"
Belldandy smiled, "My sister wanted to name the castle after
herself, so
we let her. It's easier than arguing with her. We spend our time
fending
off demons, racing cars and just doing goddessly things. Sometimes
Keiichi's
sister, Megumi, visits. That's always nice. We do so love company.
Here's
your room. I can bring some tea to you if you like."
Sir Quatre brightened at the mention of tea, "You are very kind."
"We try. Wait here. It won't be long. Make yourself at home."
Belldandy turned and left Sir Quatre alone in the big, airy room.
"I am very tired," Sir Quatre mused. The big bed was very
tempting. He
gave in and climbed onto it to take a short nap while he waited for his
tea.
"Hey there big boy. What's your name?"
Sir Quatre screeched and bolted out of the bed which had sprouted a
tall
woman with white hair and a triangle on her forehead. Always polite,
he
managed to stutter out his name, "Sir Quatre the flaming," he squeaked.
"I'm the cupid of love, and I want to share a little with you," the
woman
purred.
"Um, I'm sorry but, but ....."
The woman climbed out of the bed and approached him, stroking his
face
gently, "Aren't you cute. Not a man yet, but I could make you one..."
"Eeep..." Sir Quatre turned very pale.
"Urd! Leave him alone!"
The woman, now revealed to be Urd, drew away from a shaking Sir
Quatre,
"Why should I? Do you want him?" Urd looked back at Sir Quatre, "I
guess he
is a little closer to your age. You can have him sis." With a poof,
Urd was
gone.
Sir Quatre turned to his rescuer, a cute young girl with dark hair
and a
circle on her forehead, "Skuld?" he guessed.
She nodded, "That's me. Don't mind Urd. She does that to guys all
the
time."
"I see," Sir Quatre mumbled.
"I'm an inventor. Wanna see some of my creations?" Skuld asked
hopefully.
"Um, sure," Sir Quatre shrugged and followed her, looking around
warily
for any sign of Urd.
"Sir Quatre," Belldandy approached them.
Sir Quatre had been planning to leave as soon as he could, Urd had
terrified him, but Belldandy's next statement made him reconsider, "I
forgot
to ask you, what type of tea do you like? We have a whole room full of
different kinds. Would you like to come and choose what type you
want?"
"He's coming to see my inventions!" Skuld protested, grabbing his
arm.
"He can do that while I'm making the tea. It won't take long."
"All right," Skuld grumbled.
Sir Quatre was led into a huge room piled to the ceiling with tea.
"Wow..." he breathed.
His tea admiring was interrupted by Sir Trowa bursting into the room.
He
grabbed Sir Quatre's sleeve and tugged him out the door, explaining,
"..........."
"I'm fine here! Can't I at least have tea?" Sir Quatre begged the
object of
his affection.
"What's this? Two available guys?" a voice drifted into the room as
Sir
Trowa tugged Sir Quatre towards the door.
Sir Quatre screamed, "Urd!"
Then they were out the door. As soon as they were a safe distance
from
the Castle Urd, they stopped running, "I could have taken care of
myself you
know. I wasn't in any danger." Sir Quatre pouted.
Sir Trowa brushed his cheek affectionately, "........"
"I bet you don't even like tea!" Sir Quatre sulked, stomping off in
the
direction of King Treize and Sir Wufei.
Sir Trowa watched him go for a moment, knowing he would be forgiven
soon
anyway. Sir Quatre was always like that, but in the meantime, he was
so cute
when he pouted!
Inside the castle Belldandy stared at the open door. Keiichi
walked into
the room, "What was all that about?"
Belldandy shrugged, "We had a visitor, but he left. Oh well!
Maybe
he'll come and visit again someday."
Keiichi chuckled, Belldandy was so sweet!
"King Treize! Sir Trowa found a lead!" Sir Duo shouted, running
down the
hill into the campsite their leader was staying in.
Sir Heero followed at a slower pace, along with the others. Sir
Duo had
heard the explosion of the Black Knight and correctly assumed it had
something to do with his lover. They had met up with a sulking Sir
Quatre
and a quietly amused Sir Trowa at a crossroads not long after.
Treize poked his head out of his tent, "A lead? Very good. Did
you hear
that Dragon?" Muffled grumbling came out of the tent. "Come out here
and
listen to it with me." Treize reached in and withdrew a bound, gagged
and
very unhappy Sir Wufei.
Sir Trowa explained what he had learned from the magic fire. "Do
you
know where we can find them?" Treize asked excitedly. Sir Trowa added
that
bit of information. "Then to the mountains!" Treize announced,
pointing
majestically at the sky, and then began walking.
Sir Trowa untied Sir Wufei, who began muttering about justice. Sir
Duo
pulled himself off of Sir Heero and followed, starting a round of 'This
is
the song that never ends'. Sir Heero bopped him on the head, and then
dragged the unconscious, but silent, boy after him. Sir Quatre
continued
mourning the loss of the chance at tea time.
Days later, they arrived at the mountain range Sir Trowa had been
told
about. "......," Sir Trowa further explained.
"And on the other side of this bridge is the castle with the Holy
Gundam?" Treize asked. Sir Trowa the silent nodded. "Very well. Now
all we
have to do is find this group of people, what are they called again?"
".........."
"Oh yes, Sorcerer Hunters. Well, as soon as we find these Sorcerer
Hunters, we will almost have the Holy Gundam."
A loud crash followed by screams interrupted them. A young man
burst
into the valley they were standing in, but when he saw them he froze.
"Oh
pretty girl! Would you like a date with me?" he called, running at
them.
The adventurers looked around for the pretty girl he was calling
for.
None showed up. The man skidded to a halt in front of Sir Duo. "I'm
nice,
and funny, and I smell good. Would you like a date?" he begged.
Sir Duo blinked at him a few times, then grew annoyed, "I'm a boy!"
"Eh?" the strange young man blinked, then blushed, "Oops." He then
began
screaming as he saw two young women and two more young men enter the
valley.
"Carrot!" the girl with pink hair and glasses scolded, "We're
supposed to
be working! Leave them alone!"
"Darling," the other girl whined, "Why do you insist on chasing
other
girls when you have me?"
The young man named Carrot ducked behind Sir Duo, clutching
frantically
at his black pants. Sir Heero seriously thought about killing him for
touching his Sir Duo. "Tira! Chocolate!" Carrot whimpered in fear.
A whip lashed out and yanked him away from the relative safety of
Sir Duo
and the girls proceeded to bash him on the head. When he was
effectively
stilled, the girl with glasses turned to them, "We're really sorry
about
that. Carrot is so hard to control."
"........," Sir Trowa whispered to Treize.
"Really? These are the people we needed to seek?"
"You were seeking us?" a young man with long black hair and flowing
white
robes asked. The bishonen boys as well as Treize stopped to stare at
him.
"What did you want with us?" he continued, getting unnerved by the
stares
that he could feel were just undressing him.
Treize walked up to him and took his hand, bowing low over it and
placing
a kiss on the pale skin, "I am the soon to be King of the World,
Treize. And
you are?"
The young man pulled his hand back, more than a little disturbed,
but
hiding it well, "My name is Marron Glace. This is my brother, Carrot.
The
girls are Tira and Chocolate and this is Gateau." he introduced his
companions.
"How old are you Marron?" Treize asked, offering him a rose.
"Sixteen," Marron replied, taking the rose tentatively.
"Sixteen. That's young enough to be a bishonen, and you certainly
are
pretty enough. Would you like to join us on our quest for the Holy
Gundam?"
Treize gently touched Marron's cheek.
"Um," Marron looked decidedly uncomfortable.
"So you don't like girls, huh Marron?" Gateau whispered quietly,
but not
quietly enough.
"He doesn't like girls? Whoo who!" Sir Duo the hyperactive
cheered,
rushing up to him. "You'd fit right in with us! We're all a bunch of
really
nice looking pansies!"
"I'm already with a group," Marron said weakly, backing away from
Treize
who was looking like he was about to pounce.
Carrot stepped between his brother and Treize, "What did you want
with
us?"
".........," Sir Trowa explained.
"I know of that cave," Marron spoke up, glad to have the attention
off of
his looks. "We can take you there, but I must warn you, a horrible
monster
guards the entrance and no one has ever met with it and lived."
"It's even worse than Carrot," Tira chimed in.
"I'm sure Sir Heero can handle it!" Sir Duo gushed, glomping his
love.
"Very well. Follow us," Marron started walking into the woods with
the
rest of his teammates. The boys and their leader followed, admiring
the way
Marron's hair moved as he walked. At least the boys were admiring the
movement of the hair. Treize was admiring more interesting motion.
Not more than ten minutes later they arrived at a hill, overlooking
the
mouth of a cave. "Here's the cave," Marron announced.
"Where's the monster?" Sir Duo asked, craning his neck for a
glimpse.
"There it is! Oh, darling, it's horrible!" Chocolate cried,
latching
onto Carrot.
As Carrot tried to pry her off, the bishonen stared at the
"monster".
"It's a guinea pig," Sir Wufei observed.
"Just look at the bones around it's lair," Gateau said, pointing.
Sure
enough, the lair was surrounded by piles of bones and rusting armor.
"Dragon, go down there and kill it for me, will you?" Treize asked,
waving a hand regally as he continued to freak out poor Marron.
"Where's the justice?" Sir Wufei muttered under his breath as he
stepped
into the crater around the cave. Squealing evilly, the guinea pig
jumped and
latched onto his ankle, gnawing hungrily. "This is ridiculous," Wufei
prepared to jamb his sword into the tiny rodent.
"Stop!" Sir Quatre cried, running down into the pit, followed by
Sir Duo.
"Don't kill it! It hasn't done anything wrong!"
"It's chewing on my ankle," Sir Wufei growled through gritted
teeth.
"It's so cute!" Sir Duo cried, scooping it up and cradling it
against his
chest. He just laughed as it tried to bite into his throat.
"I give up. I quit," Sir Wufei stomped out of the crater, leaving
Sir
Quatre and Sir Duo to coo over the wretched beast.
"He would have made a wonderful addition to our team," Treize
murmured,
staring off in the direction the Sorcerer Hunters had gone.
"Treize, I quit," Sir Wufei announced.
"You can't quit Dragon! We're so close!" Treize protested.
".......," Sir Trowa added quietly.
Sir Wufei sighed, "I suppose I could stay around till the end, then
I'm
leaving!"
"Very well Dragon. Let's go through that cave, shall we?"
Sir Heero, Sir Trowa, and Sir Wufei followed Treize down to where
Sir Duo
and Sir Quatre were still playing with the evil guinea pig. Sir Duo
turned
big eyes on Sir Heero, "Can I keep it?"
Sir Heero pulled a cage out of his spandex and handed it to Sir
Duo, who
put the guinea pig in it and glomped his lover. "What else does he
have in
that spandex?" Sir Quatre mused.
Sir Duo leered, "I know, but I'm not telling!"
"Thank you. It's probably best that you don't tell," Sir Quatre
shuddered.
Once in the cave they got horribly lost. "Where are we?" Sir
Quatre
moaned.
"Look! A map of the cave is carved into the stone wall!" Sir Duo
pointed
out, bouncing up and down, excited at his discovery. The guinea pig
whimpered as it was banged against the top of it's cage as Sir Duo
jumped.
"Excellent work Sir Duo the hyperactive," Treize smiled and turned
to
study the map. "Apparently we are here," he jammed his finger down on
a
spot, "If we go this way and then turn left, hmm...."
Suddenly Sir Quatre squealed in horror, "The legendary cockroach
beast of
Romefeller!"
The group spun around to face the new threat. It put it's hands on
it's
hips and glared at them, "I'm not a cockroach! I'm a human named
Dorothy."
"Then why do you look like a cockroach?" Sir Duo asked, peeking
around
from behind Sir Heero.
Steam began coming out of her ears, "I do not look like a
cockroach! For
that you will all die!"
Sir Heero's eyes brimmed with hope, "Really?"
Sir Duo bopped him on the head, "You don't want to die anymore,
baka!
Remember?"
"Oh yeah. In that case, Omae o korosu," Sir Heero whipped a gun
out of
his spandex and blew the legendary cockroach beast away.
"Good job my brave knights, now follow me," Treize stepped over the
smoking remains and walked off down a tunnel. The boys followed.
Eventually
they managed to find their way out.
"..........," Sir Trowa informed them.
"Three questions? How hard can that be? I'll go first!" Sir Duo
the
hyperactive bounced over to the bridge.
"Does he know that if he gets one wrong, he gets sent into the
pit?" Sir
Quatre asked worriedly.
"Would it stop him?" Sir Heero pointed out.
"You have a point," Sir Quatre sighed.
Meanwhile Sir Duo had approached the bridgekeeper. "Stop! What is
your
name?"
"Sir Duo the hyperactive."
"What is your quest?"
"To find the Holy Gundam so my crazy leader can overthrow Queen
Relena
and become King of the World. I really don't know why I'm helping him
at
all, but Sir Heero is so I am and mph!"
The bridgekeeper kept his hand firmly over Sir Duo's mouth, "What
is your
favorite color?"
The boy's eyes shone and the bridgekeeper reluctantly uncovered his
mouth, "Black!" he beamed.
"Go on," the gnarled old man gestured towards the bridge.
"Thanks!" Duo smiled and skipped merrily across the bridge,
swinging the
poor guinea pig in it's cage.
"Stop!" the old man said to the rest of the group. "What is your
name?"
"Sir Heero the suicidal."
"What is your quest?"
"To seek the Holy Gundam."
"How do you feel about Sir Duo?"
Sir Heero grew pale and began sweating, "I-I- Um, I can't say it!"
He
was flung into the air and into the gorge of Eternal Peril.
"What is your name?"
"Sir Quatre the flaming."
"What is your quest?"
"To seek the Holy Gundam."
"What is your favorite tea?"
"Green."
The bridgekeeper stepped aside. "Go ahead."
"Thank you!" Sir Quatre said warmly and stepped onto the bridge.
"What is your name?"
".........."
"What is your quest?"
"........."
"What is the air speed velocity of a flying Gundam?"
".....," Sir Trowa lied, even though he knew the real answer. He
was
thrown into the air, but flipped and landed on the other side of the
chasm.
"Yay! Sir Trowa!" Sir Quatre could be heard faintly, gushing as usual.
"What is your name?"
"Sir Wufei the just."
"What is your quest?"
"To seek the Holy Gundam so I can get away from this hentai here,"
he
pointed to Treize who looked shocked, but elegantly so.
"What is the meaning of life?"
"Justice."
The man thought about it for a moment, then shrugged, "Good enough.
You
can pass." Sir Wufei passed the old man and crossed the bridge,
leaving only
their 'esteemed' leader.
"What is your name?"
"Soon-to-be King Treize."
"What is your quest?"
"To seek the Holy Gundam so I can become King of the World."
"What is your greatest fault?"
"I have no faults as far as I can see. What do you think my faults
are?"
"I don't know that! Ahhhh!" the old man was catapulted into the
gorge.
Treize shrugged and crossed the bridge. On the other side, Sir
Heero had
just climbed up the side of the gorge to rejoin his companions. There
wasn't
a scratch on him. "Look loyal followers! It is the castle containing
the
Holy Gundam!"
".........," Sir Trowa whispered to Sir Quatre.
"You're right. It does look familiar. I wonder why? It's too big
to be
Castle Urd...." Sir Quatre began sulking about tea again.
Treize approached the castle and bellowed, "Let us in so we may get
the
Holy Gundam so I can become King of the World!"
"Why should we? You wouldn't let me join you, so I'm not going to
let
you in!" Zechs called back.
"You again? Look, you can join us, just hand over the Holy
Gundam,"
Treize shouted, willing to do anything to get his way. He was so close
to
accomplishing his goal, he would stop at nothing to succeed.
"Too late," Zechs shouted, "Now, prepare to die!"
Suddenly the wooden gundam that they had constructed earlier landed
in
front of them, "Beat me if you can! I have a gundam, even if it is
made of
wood!" Zechs laughed.
"I have a gundam too," Sir Heero said smugly, producing Gundam Wing
from
his spandex, along with Gundam Deathscythe for his lover to pilot.
Sir Duo grinned at Sir Quatre as he clambered into Deathscythe's
cockpit,
"Told ya I knew what he had in that spandex!"
Sir Quatre sweatdropped as the two Gundams took on the wooden
model. In
no time Zech's gundam was a pile of splinters. Sir Heero then blew up
the
castle so the only thing left standing was the Holy Gundam itself.
"The Holy Gundam is Wing Zero!" Sir Wufei noted.
"That would explain why it didn't want us to accomplish our
mission," Sir
Quatre realized.
Treize began laughing hysterically, "At last! The Holy Gundam is
all
mine! BWAHAHAHAHA!" He climbed into the cockpit and shouted to his
faithful
knights, "Come with me! It's time to get rid of the Queen of the
World!" He
blasted off in Wing Zero. Deathscythe picked up the other knights and
followed, Wing trailing after.
Chaos broke out when three Gundams landed in the middle of the Queen's
city.
Everyone ran screaming away from the giant mechas. Everyone except the
Queen, who also ran screaming, but she was running towards the suits.
"Heeeeerrrrooooooo!" she wailed.
In his cockpit, Sir Heero shuddered violently. Treize's voice blared
out
over the plaza, "I have the Holy Gundam! I am rightful King of the
World!"
Queen Relena looked up at Wing Zero, "Are you a pacifist?"
"No, I'm a nut house escapee," he confessed. "But if you resign
without
a fight, you can marry my good knight, Sir Heero."
Relena threw down her crown, "Done. Heeeerrrrrroooooooo!"
Later that evening after a huge victory feast, Treize leaned back
on his
throne. "I would like to thank all of you bishonen for helping me
accomplish
my goal. You are all welcome to stay here with me and live in luxury
for the
rest of your lives."
"We're going back to space," Sir Duo announced, latching onto Sir
Heero's
arm.
"But Heeeeerrrrooooooo!" Relena whined.
"Sir Heero, please, take her out," Treize frowned in distaste. Sir
Heero
complied, putting a round of bullets into her brain. "I meant take her
out
of the room, but that works too," King Treize shrugged elegantly and
sniffed
at a rose.
"Sir Trowa and I are going to visit Castle Urd again, right Trowa?"
Sir
Quatre asked his love.
"Sure," Sir Trowa replied. "What?" he asked, when he noticed
everyone
starring at him, mouths agape.
"Um, what about you Dragon?" Treize asked, turning to his favorite,
only
to see he wasn't there. "Oh, he left. Nevermind, I'll find him. Now,
I
feel it is time to retire for the night. Goodnight boys, I'll see you
all
off tomorrow." With that he stood to go to his royal chamber.
Sir Heero exchanged glances with the others, and as one, they stood
and
fled. Sir Heero produced two more Gundams for Sir Quatre and Sir
Wufei, who
they had found cowering in a corner. Sir Trowa took Wing and Sir Heero
took
Wing Zero. As they headed off and away from the castle, a huge
explosion
nearly deafened them.
"Heero!" Sir Duo reprimanded from Deathscythe.
Sir Heero looked sheepish, "Sorry. I couldn't help myself. It was
a
palace. I've always wanted to blow one up."
The other boys laughed as they moved off into the night, ready for
their
next mission.
Bishonen Boys and the Holy Gundam
Story Copyright(c) Lady Robyn, 2000. Page Copyright(c) Jamie Carlson, 2000.