Customer Translation Guide

Hello all. Ever wonder what is meant by several common Sears phrases? No? Well, play along anyway. I put hard work into this so at least pretend to appreciate it.

Sales Associate says-
May I put this on your Sears card?

Translation-
21.9% intrest sound good to you? Yea, and don't miss a payment either. Then it goes up to like 35%...

Sales Associate says-
Would you like to purchase a replacement agreement?

Translation-
Yea, do like to throw away money?

Sales Associate says-
This is a great phone. I highly reccomend that you purchase it.

Translation-
This phone pays really good commission...buy it.

Sales Associate says-
Welcome to Sears.

Translation-
Welcome to My Hell.

Sales Associate says-
This is a low quality phone. I don't reccomend that you buy it.

Translation-
This phone pays shitty commission. Don't buy it.

As for customers...

Customer says-
Eye mame iz SAM.

Translation-
I am smarting than all of your manager combined.

Customer says-
I'd like to buy the service agreement also, and heres my Sears card.

Translation-
I AM STUPID!

Customer says-
I'm just looking.

Translation-
I want you to die.

Customer says-
Hi, I'd like to buy this HDTV.

Translation-
Hi, I'm here to fuck with your mind.

And last, and certaintly least, the management...

A manager says-
This is how you should do your job.

Translation-
I eat cock.

A manager says-
Advocate the Sears card.

Translation-
Sell this so I can make more money...*greed*

A manager says-
I'm your manager now.

Translation-
Hi, I'll be hanging around for the next four days or so.

A manager says-
Can you give me a hand with this?

Translation-
Would you like to perform slave labor?



Back to the Anals(snicker)

Have a nice day.

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