| I’m not quite sure when my feelings for him began, I mean he was a friend so I did care for him a great deal. I guess, if I had to pick the time I knew that I loved him would be the time when Duo had gotten us all drunk, it hadn’t been the first time and we knew it wouldn’t be the last. Contrary to what most people believe, I do drink, and because Duo was close enough to be my brother, I drank a lot.
Back to what happened. I knew that Duo and Wufei had been ‘seeing’ each other for a long time. They had told me and only me because one: little Quatre loved everybody no matter who they were and two: I was gay too. Duo had found out that I had had a little crush on a certain suicidal pilot since I had first laid eyes on him. Keep in mind that I had never been in love so I had thought it was just a silly school girl crush. So being the ‘great’ guy that he is, Duo decided to help me and had some how dragged Wufei into it. And when we were all nice and drunk, Duo’s plan was put into action. He and Wufei began to make out heavily. Neither Trowa nor Heero had a reaction but I knew that Trowa went both ways. What? He was my best friend; we talked about almost everything. I didn’t know about Heero at all, but I wasn’t really thinking about him until I heard Wufei tell Duo how much he loved him. Suddenly I was fantasizing of me and Heero together and somehow I knew that I was in love. It kinda struck me as odd really, I mean I’m always the first pilot to worry about someone’s feelings and I didn’t even know I was in love. I guess love really is hard to understand. I’ve listened to my sisters talk about someone they were totally in love with and would die if that person didn’t love them back and then have to listen to them bitch and complain about what an asshole he or she is the next day. I always figured, “Well, at least you didn’t die.” The rest of the night was a drunken blur. I drank until I passed out, which was usual for me. I was lonely and at least I knew that I wouldn’t say anything I would regret while in a drunken stupor because unlike Heero and Trowa, who are very loud during and after drinking I’m a very quiet drunk. The first time that Duo had gotten me drunk I had worried the others because of how quiet I got. They were used to it now though. The next morning we were all hung over, though Heero and Trowa didn’t show it. Duo had gotten me alone in the kitchen and had asked if his plan had worked. I told him that I couldn’t remember the night before and that Heero hadn’t spoken a word to me all day. Duo had left with a look on his face. I knew the look, he was planning something, and being too hung over at the time I didn’t care and went on with the usual activities for the day. I had completely forgotten about it until that evening after supper when someone knocked on my door. “Heero?” I contained my excitement as I told him to sit down. He complied and sat right next to me on the /very/ large bed. His leg and hip were touching mine we were so close. “Duo said that I should talk to you.” He replied. So this was what Duo had been planning. I would have to thank him later. Heero looked at the floor as he fiddled with his hands. I could feel his nervousness. “At first I didn’t know what he was talking about. Then I thought of last night.” Heero’s voice was so soft it was hard to hear. “When Wufei and Duo were making out I remembered the secret I’ve been hiding from everyone.” He sighed mournfully. My heart was beating a mile a minute and I was thanking God for this. “What kind of secret Heero? You know we’ll accept anything.” I urged gently. “I know.” He nodded. “I’m gay.” He finally said. “I’m sorry if I disgust you.” “You don’t.” I surprised myself when my voice came out so calm. “I…I’m gay too.” I said quietly. Heero looked at me. “Wow…all five of us.” He sighed, relieved. I had never seen Heero relaxed before. I liked him that way; he looked more human than he ever had before. My thoughts of him were interrupted when he suddenly shook his head. “But, that’s not what I came in here for. I think I need to tell someone or I’ll explode.” A small smile formed on his lips, as if he had a secret. “Oh?” I almost couldn’t contain my eagerness, already thinking of what I was going to say to him. “Yeah.” He turned and looked at me, straight in the eye. His voice was quiet, calm. “I’m in love with Trowa.” My life shattered around me. But I couldn’t let Heero see that. I didn’t want to be humiliated as well as heartbroken. So, instead of crying I smiled brightly. “That’s wonderful!” I nodded and pulled him into a hug. My body cried at the touch, never wanting to let go again, but I reluctantly pulled back. I still had that God-awful smile on my face. “Does Trowa know?” I wondered. He nodded. “We’ve been seeing each other for a few months. I…I’ve never told him that I love him.” He looked away, ashamed. Setting my feelings aside I gently put my hand on Heero’s shoulder. He looked at me questioningly. “You should tell him. Never hold in your feelings. If you do then…” I sighed, “You may lose something very important to you and you won’t be able to get it back.” I finally said. “You sound like you’re talking from experience.” He said, “Was it Trowa?” He asked after a short silence. I looked at him confused. “What was Trowa?” I wondered. “Your love, the important someone you lost.” Heero shrugged. “I saw the look in your eyes when I told you it was Trowa. I’m sorry Quatre.” He looked at me. God, if he only knew. Just sitting in the room with him now was painful, my heart was throbbing under my ribs and I’m sure that my stomach had fallen to me knees. Every word I spoke was pushed from my throat, a battle all it’s own to breathe. A forced smile crossed my face. “No, it’s not Trowa.” I shook my head. “A long time ago I fell in love with a boy I knew.” I blushed as I stared at the floor. I had to tell someone, didn’t I? Why not the one I was in love with? At least he’d know something about me… “I didn’t tell him in fear that he’d reject me or worse, not love me back. When I did finally get the courage to tell him it was too late, he had already found someone that he loved.” I hadn’t noticed the tear falling down my face until Heero wiped it away. I looked at him. “Do you still love that boy?” He asked quietly. I nodded. “I’ll probably love him for the rest of my life.” I whispered. “Why not find someone else?” Heero asked innocently. I laughed quietly, not to be mean of course, but if I hadn’t have laughed, I would have started to cry. “There is nobody else. He was perfect and I’ll never love anyone like I loved him. He was one of a kind.” I smiled to myself, this time I had the secret. “Sorry.” Heero said gently. “Don’t worry about me Heero.” I shook my head and got up. “Now go tell Trowa that you love him! I know he loves you too. Trowa wouldn’t lead you on if he didn’t.” I gently pushed him out of the room. He looked at me. “Thanks Quatre.” And then he was gone. I took a moment to compose myself, or I tried to compose myself. I wiped my tears and straightened my clothes. A few minutes later the door to my room opened and Duo stepped in. He closed the door and came over to me and I could tell that he was worried and I knew that he knew what had happened. He sat next to me on the bed and put an arm around my shoulders. “Heero just told Trowa that he loved him. Trowa loves him back.” He said softly. I couldn’t help but be happy for my friends. They deserved happiness, both of them. I only smiled at Duo. “I know. I told Heero to.” Tomorrow would be another day. I knew I’d see Heero and Trowa and I knew that I’d still love them as friends, just the same as before…perhaps more because they had found something that I could only wish for. I wouldn’t be like my sisters, who after declaring that they’d die without the love from a person, that just because the person didn’t return their love decided that that person was an asshole. My friends were still my friends and I guess I’d have to live with it. Well, at least I didn’t die. ~Owari~ |
