Enjoy the Silence

Silverblade Shi-fox

*song by Depeche Mode

 

[words like violence
break the silence]

"Heero! Hee~eero~ooo!!!!!!!" The shrill sound of Relena Peacecraft’s voice grated on his nerves.

Duo smirked at him and Heero almost growled at the other pilot, but Relena caught up to them just then. The Japanese boy gave her a look that bordered on the incredulous as she latched onto his arm like a squid. The blonde raised her eyes to his with a look of blind obsession - er, adoration.

"I found you!" she cooed, trying to cuddle.

Duo’s eyes were sparkling with mischievous glee and he was snickering. Heero fought off the almost overpowering urge to flick him off. It would not be behavior appropriate to the Perfect Soldier. But it was tempting...

Relena finding him at /any/ time was annoying, but it was particularly infuriating at this one. He and Duo had been sitting on the seashore, watching the sunset. The American had actually been quiet for once, spellbound by the natural spectacle in front of him. So Heero had been indulging in his favorite hobby - Duo-watching.

It was something that he could do only when the violet-eyed boy was oblivious due to being otherwise occupied. Heero had a special place in his memory banks just for memories of Duo. Not that he would ever tell the braided maniac that he liked to watch him...

And this had been a wonderful session of his almost obsessive past-time. Duo had been sitting there with his knees drawn up to his chest wearing a loose linen shirt that was partially unbuttoned and the most skin-tight pair of cutoffs that Heero had ever seen. As delicious as this sight was, what Heero treasured most was the expression on Shinigami’s face.

Duo had been staring out to sea at the postcard worthy sunset with a wonderment much like that of a small child. The light from the setting sun painted his face with a rosy glow and his eyes had been wide and bright, clearly mesmerized. The illusion of child-like innocence was broken, however, by the moistly parted lips that just seemed to beg to be kissed. It had taken much of Heero’s vaunted self-control not to take them up on their offer.

[come crashing in
into my little world]

Heero would have been more than content to just sit there and watch Duo for hours on end, but Relena had pretty much shot down /that/ plan... The sound he made sounded much more like a sigh of long suffering than the snort of exasperation he meant it to be. This did not go by unnoticed by Duo.

"Ne...Heero... The beach is sooooo romantic...." Relena fluttered her eyelashes at him.

‘I know...why do think I brought Duo here...’ Heero sighed again for the lost quality time with his partner. Duo looked to be fighting off the urge to gag at the sugary dreamy tone of her voice.

[painful to me
hits right through me]

He felt the loss of his quiet time with Duo almost as a physical pain. It was the closest he would ever get to the beautiful boy that haunted his dreams.

He enjoyed these special times when he could just watch the other pilot without worrying about what anyone thought or the war or anything at all except how much he loved him.

Not that Duo knew that either.

[can’t you understand
oh my little girl]

He rubbed his hand across his forehead tiredly, just wishing that Relena would shut up. It wouldn’t be so bad if her voice was at least pleasant to listen to, like Duo’s... He sighed again and shrugged her off his arm, stopping her mid-sentence as she realized that he hadn’t been listening to a thing she’d said.

"Look, Relena, I - we - have important business to take care of. Go home." He said this while looking her straight in the eyes with the best ‘get-lost’ glare that he could muster at the moment.

He hoped that she took the clue. However, this was Relena so he didn’t exactly have high hopes. He was very surprised when she sighed and slumped her shoulders.

"Alright...sayonara, Heero....until I see you again!" And with that she ran off.

Heero looked at Duo, who was looking at him with the same confusion that he felt. He shrugged and the other boy grinned, sitting back down so as not to miss the last vestiges of the sunset. Heero smiled and settled down next to him, fully looking forward to another hour or so of Duo-watching. Duo would also want to watch moonrise and the emergence of the first stars of the evening.

[all I ever wanted
all I ever needed
is here in my arms]

Heero noticed that Duo had started to shiver slightly, the night was growing chill and neither had brought a jacket. He wasn’t bothered by the cold, but he knew that Duo tended to feel it more than most and tried to figure out a way to keep the American warm. His mind hit upon the simplest and most daring solution, which was to move closer to Duo and keep him warm with his own body heat.

As he moved slowly over to the other boy, Heero also noticed that Duo’s body gravitated towards the heat source nearing it. Once he was next to the braided pilot, Duo unconsciously leaned against him, the shivering lessening by a significant amount. The Perfect Soldier gnawed his lip a little while deciding what to do next, then put his arm around the pilot of Shinigami. Duo didn’t push him away, in fact, he almost seemed to cuddle up closer.

The look on Heero’s face could definitely be likened to a cat that not only had gotten the canary and several bowls of cream, but had also managed to decimate a catnip field in the meantime.

[words are very
unnecessary
they can only do harm]

Heero felt the urge to tell Duo how he felt, but repressed it. Words could only shatter this precious bubble that he was living in at the moment. Duo’s eyes were falling half shut and Heero had the feeling that he would probably have to carry the boy back to their current hideaway. Not necessarily an unpleasant prospect. He grinned and held Duo a little more tightly.

Within another half hour, the braided boy was asleep. Heero sighed happily, feeling like a girl in a shoujo romance, and picked him up to take him home.

[vows are spoken
to be broken]

The trip home had been uneventful, though managing the doors while burdened with a sleeping body in his arms was interesting. Their current hideaway was a small apartment that consisted of one bedroom, a bathroom, and a kitchen. He and Duo were sharing the single small bed, which was both a torture and a paradise to Heero.

He sighed and set the braided boy down on the bed, stripping off the linen shirt. Duo opened his eyes and blinked kittenishly, then, seeing that it was Heero, smiled before falling back into a deep sleep. Heero remembered Quatre confronting him about it once, Duo’s obvious trust in him and his, much to his chagrin at the time, obvious affection for the other pilot.

/"Heero....are you and Duo...um...well..." Here the blonde boy had unaccountably blushed.

Heero blinked. "What? Are Duo and I what?"

Quatre’s blush had deepened slightly. "Are you....involved?" he managed to squeak out around his embarrassment.

Heero blinked again. "Why would you think that?" he asked, trying to keep himself from blushing. ‘No...we’re not involved...I just wish we were...’

"Well....Duo lets you closer than anyone else and you seem to take such good care of him..."

"No, we’re not involved."

Quatre’s eyes widened and he looked slightly surprised, almost shocked. "Why haven’t you told him?"

Heero’s narrowed. "Why haven’t I told him what?"

Quatre gulped a little at the tone of his voice. "Well....it’s obvious that you love him. My uchuu no kokoro tells me and what I see only confirms it."

Heero sat there, stunned. Quatre smiled and got up, walking towards the door. Just before leaving, he paused, one hand on the frame.

"You should tell him."/

Heero looked at his best friend and beloved. He knew why he’d never told Duo how he felt.

Part of it was cowardice, yes. He was afraid to lose Duo’s friendship and he was afraid to enter into something that he had no experience and only theoretical knowledge of. But part of it was also for Duo’s sake. He didn’t want to promise something he wasn’t sure either of them could keep. He couldn’t promise Duo that he would be with him forever or accept a promise of that nature, not with the war going on. It was a promise that would almost certainly be broken due to one of their deaths. Duo always kept promises and regarded them as sacred trusts. He would have been hell itself on Heero should he break a promise, especially one so important as that.

[feelings are intense
words are trivial]

There were other reasons, though. One of them was the fact that he wasn’t sure if he could tell Duo how he felt without sounding like a complete idiot. The feelings were just so intense and immeasurable that it seemed silly to try to explain them in a few words, or even a lot of words. There could never /be/ words to describe the depth of love he felt for the braided pilot.

So it was easier to not try to explain at all, just feel.

[pleasures remain
so does the pain]

But there were little pleasures that he could treasure without telling Duo. One of the most important was the evidence of trust in him. The other was due to the fact that the bed was small and Duo was a snuggler in his sleep. Somehow it wasn’t much of a surprise to the Wing pilot. It had, however, scared the crap out of him the first time it happened.

Late at night, Duo would curl up against him, almost making Heero his human teddy bear. It was pure bliss just to hold him like that and...it was pure torture just to hold him like that... Mixed blessing indeed. On the one hand, he could hold Duo and breathe in his scent, gently stroking the chestnut hair and lines of his back. On the other, it was just so hard not to greet the violet-eyed snuggle bunny with a kiss in the morning when he looked at Heero with that innocent kittenish blink and yawn and that pure, sweet smile.

It was such sweet pain...

[words are meaningless
and forgettable]

He lay down on his back next to his sleeping partner and sighed again as Duo snuggled against his side, curling one hand in Heero’s hair, the arm laying across his chest, and the other hand tucked under Heero’s shoulder. One leg was flung over the Japanese boy’s thighs. Heero wriggled around a little until he could slide one arm under Duo and curl it around his waist, holding him closer. Duo made a sleepy little snuggly sound and tucked his head even closer to him, ending with the American almost nuzzling Heero’s neck.

Heero groaned silently...this was /not/ gonna help his dreams stay G-rated...

He looked down at the slumbering face of his beloved friend and couldn’t stop the words...after all, Duo was asleep, he wouldn’t hear them.

"Ai shiteru..."

"Hmmm....?" Duo stirred in his sleep and Heero held his breath.

Oh well....even if Duo was awake enough to hear the slip, in the morning it would have been forgotten.

[all I ever wanted
all I ever needed
is here in my arms]

Heero lay there, falling asleep, but conscious of a feeling of great contentment. These were moments that he treasured even more than any others. It was so close to what he ultimately wanted...

He knew that if he told Duo and the other boy felt the same, he could have this feeling every night instead of just when they had a hideaway together like this. Those thoughts almost made him wake Duo up to tell him everything...

[words are very
unnecessary
they can only do harm]

But that would spoil the peace and serenity...and if Duo didn’t feel the same, it would spoil any future chances of moments like this ever happening again.

So he let Duo sleep...and slipped into dreams where there was no war, only him and a beautiful violet-eyed boy with a long chestnut braid.

They never had to fight and days were spent in walks through gardens and parks, where they watched the sunset every day and stayed there until after moonrise. The nights would be spent curled up close or making love...and they would never be apart for any reason. Their friends would all be happy and the only emotions they would feel were love and joy...and no words would ever be needed, they would just know.

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