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Prologue

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"Get out! Get out!" came an outraged female scream.

Relena Peacecraft's band of groupies never would have recognized

their idol as she screamed at the suspicious-looking man who hastily

scuttled away from her wrath. Now alone in her office, she stared

down at the photos scattered all over her desk, her eyes bulging in

rage.

She grabbed one and tore it to shreds, then started on another.

"This... this can't BE!!! There's NO way this can be true!!!"

At that moment, some foolhardy soul knocked on the door.

"What do you want!?" the Peacecraft snarled. Hell hath no wrath

like a woman scorned....

Her secretary timidly poked her head into the room and said in a

quivering voice, "Relena-sama, someone dropped off this package for

you. He said it was VERY important and that you absolutely HAD to see

them! He ran off before I could stop him, but he said that you'd know

how to contact him."

Relena snatched the package from her secretary's hand and slammed

the door in the poor woman's face. She then torn open the envelope,

yanked out a handful of photos, and glared at them.

Then the color drained from her face.

"Oh no... oh no... oh no... it can't be...." She shuffled hastily

through the stack of large prints. "Unbelievable...." But as she

stared at the pictures with a horrified expression, she muttered, "Of

course. That's the only POSSIBLE explanation!"

--------------------------------------------

[two days later]

The waiting had been so hard. Trying to locate him had been

difficult enough, but then having to wait for the right moment to

approach him.... But she hadn't wasted the opportunity. She made

arrangements, devised backup plans....

Relena slung her oversized purse over her shoulder like a soldier

shouldering his backpack. She knew what she had to do and she wasn't

about to let a little thing like mortal danger stop her. For the sake

of love, Relena Peacecraft was prepared to go to any lengths to save

the man of her dreams.

--------------------------------------------

"HEEERRROOO!!!"

Standing outside their current safehouse, the cobalt-eyed Gundam

pilot, otherwise known as Heero Yuy, turned to see the all too

familiar sight of Relena rushing toward him.

"Go away," he said flatly.

Relena blatantly ignored the words and glomped onto him. As she

clung to him like a starved leech, she babbled, "Oh god, I'm so glad

to see you! I've been absolutely frantic! You can't imagine how

worried I've been! I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to find you

in time!"

Heero scowled at her as he wondered if he should use his full

strength to free himself and risk injury to Relena. He was seriously

contemplating it. His frown deepened as she continued with her

incoherent mutterings. What the hell was the matter with the girl?

She was prone to gushing all over him, but she had never been THIS

bad.

He involuntarily winced as she wailed, "Hee-eerrooo! I have to

warn you about the terrible danger you're in!"

"Then stop wasting time moaning about it and just tell me," he

replied in his usual distant monotone.

Heero barely managed to keep himself from backing away as she

leaned VERY close to him, her eyes swimming with tears of relief. She

opened her mouth just as a familiar husky voice cheerfully spoke up

right beside her.

"Yeah, why don't you just spit it out?"

Relena suddenly went rigid. Then ever so slowly, she turned her

head to find Duo Maxwell grinning playfully at her from only a few

inches away.

"IYYYYYYYAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

An earsplitting shriek of terror tore through the air and kept

going... and going... and going....

"Owww!" yelped Duo, his head ringing from the sound of Relena's

scream going off only inches from his ears. He hastily scuttled

away, his hands protectively clapped over his abused hearing organs.

Heero had endured battle injuries, gunshots, broken legs and

enemy torture with barely a grimace, but this time, he couldn't stop

himself from visibly cringing. He would have followed Duo's example

and tried to flee the scene, except Relena continued to cling to his

waist like a limpet.

Wufei exploded from the bushes, sword in hand, followed rapidly

by Quatre and Trowa, both armed with guns.

"What!? What!?" the Chinese pilot snapped, his black ponytail

lashing wildly about as he searched for the enemy. But the only

people he could see was Relena who looked as if she was doing her best

to get closer to Heero than his spandex shorts -- an obvious

impossibility -- and Duo, who was now sitting on the ground doing his

best to stuff his braid into his ears to muffle the sound of Relena's

shrieks.

Trowa's and Quatre's relatively soft voices were no match for

Relena in full cry so it was left to Wufei to do his best to shout her

down. The cacophony went on until finally even Relena ran out of

breath. Still clinging desperately to Heero, she ducked behind him,

her bosom heaving as she gulped for air.

A thoroughly exasperated Wufei bellowed, "WOMAN, WHAT THE HELL'S

WRONG WITH YOU!?!?"

Peeking warily around the Wing Gundam pilot, she shouted, "Heero,

you're in terrible danger! You've got to kill the unholy monster

before he tries to destroy you and devour your soul!"

"WHAT monster?" Heero growled ominously.

"HIM!!!" she replied, pointed a quivering finger directly at Duo.

For once, Duo was left totally speechless, his clear, blue-violet

eyes widening in utter disbelief. His mouth opened and closed a few

times as Quatre and Trowa exchanged dubious looks. Wufei slammed his

sword back in its sheath in disgust. Finally, all Duo could do was

wiggle his fingers in little circling motions beside his head in the

familiar gesture denoting total insanity.

======================================================================

Part 1

======================================================================

They all ended up inside the safehouse, Relena being forcibly

escorted in by Wufei after he managed to pry her off of Heero. As for

the Gundam Wing pilot, he was sticking close to Duo, although it was

unclear just who was protecting whom.

"All right, woman, explain yourself!" the Chinese pilot snapped.

"I TOLD you what's going on! He's a monster!" she said in a

hostile, snippy tone as she jabbed a long-nailed finger at Duo.

The long-haired pilot groaned and rolled his eyes. "What did I do

to deserve this!?"

Heero snorted before saying, "Duo, what are you doing back so

early? You were supposed to be gone all afternoon."

"It didn't take me as long as I thought to get the parts, so I

decided to come back. Now I'm wishing I hadn't! Man, I thought this

was my lucky day. So much for THAT!" muttered Duo.

Relena quietly fumed. It had been so difficult to find a chance

to speak to Heero alone, then that... that monster had to screw things

up by showing up early!

Quatre, looking adorably confused, said, "You know, I'd say that

this was a rather bad and tasteless joke, except I didn't think Miss

Peacecraft made jokes, at least not like this."

Duo sighed and leaned over toward her. In a quiet voice, he said,

"Listen, Relena. I know you don't like me much, but don't you think

you're carrying this whole thing -- whatever it is -- a bit too far?"

Relena know exactly what the demonic monster was up to. It wanted

to cut some sort of deal. Duo was giving her a chance to back down

and pretend that it was all some sort of prank or plot. But how

stupid did he think she was? Aside from making herself look like a

fool or a jealous harridan, just how long would he let her live, now

that HE knew that SHE knew all about him?

She glared at him and shouted, "Why won't you people believe me!?"

Relena then pounced on Heero again, clenching his arm. "Please

Heero! I know all about those horrible... horrible, obscene,

unnatural ACTS that he made you perform."

Duo sputtered, "Say WHAT!?!? What do you mean by 'obscene

acts'...." His voice abruptly trailed off, then his jaw dropped.

"You don't MEAN... you DO!!! How the hell did you know about that!?"

"I have pictures!"

Quatre was unfortunate enough to be drinking a glass of water at

that moment. When he choked, gasped, and started to turn a color that

clashed alarmingly with his pink shirt, Trowa quickly started to pound

him on the back.

As Heero gave her THE LOOK(tm), she babbled passionately, "Snap

out of it! Don't listen to him! Don't let him control your mind!"

"EXCUSE ME!?!?" Duo yelled at the top of his lungs.

She glared at him and hissed, "I know what you've been doing! You

can't keep your slimy hands off of him! You're probably planning to

suck him dry, then eat every inch of him!"

Strangely, it was Wufei who started to turn extremely red in the

face.

Twice within the same hour, Duo was left totally speechless.

Gently rubbing the still wheezing Quatre on the back, Trowa calmly

said, "We really don't have time to waste on this baseless accusations

of yours...."

"They're NOT baseless! I HAVE proof Duo Maxwell's a horrible

diabolical monster!"

Wufei muttered, "Then let's see it, woman!"

Relena suddenly looked flustered.

"Well, put up or shut up!" growled the Chinese pilot, who still

looked just a trifle flushed.

"I HAD proof, but I don't have it anymore!" Relena finally spat

out in a frustrated voice.

Duo rolled his eyes and muttered, "Oi! I bet she's going to say

that a dog ate it or something!"

Her face went white and she edged closer to Heero who gave Relena

a narrow-eyed glare.

"If that's not proof...." she whispered breathlessly, wide-eyed

with shock. "How else could you know?"

"Know WHAT!?" Duo shouted, yanking on his braid in aggravation.

Maybe if he tugged hard enough, he would wake up from this bizarre

dream....

"How else could you know that a hellhound ate my only witness and

all the negatives!?"

--------------------------------------------

[back at a nearby estate]

Zechs Marquise walked in to Treize's office to find his superior

officer and lover scowling in bewilderment at the computer.

"What's wrong?" the pilot asked, moving behind him to rub his

shoulders.

"I'm... not sure," muttered Treize.

"Does it have something to do with that email message you're

reading?"

Treize cocked his head in that elegant way that Zechs found so

sexy and murmured, "Milliard, I think your sister's gone stark raving

bonkers."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"Just take a look." Treize pointed at the computer screen.

Zech's glorious blue eyes slowly went wide as he read the email

message (with attachments) that Treize had received from Relena

Peacecraft.

--------------------------------------------

[at the safehouse]

By this time, Duo was sitting on the floor holding his aching head

in his hands. Heero had managed to detach the persistent Relena and

hovered worriedly -- for him, at least -- by his lover's side.

"Why do you keep calling me a demon!?" Duo demanded.

Relena retorted. "What else would you call someone who turns into

a black-robed skeleton waving around a glowing green scythe!?"

At this point, a thoroughly bewildered Quatre asked Trowa, "Is she

referring to Deathscythe Hell?"

She whirled around and shouted at the Sandrock pilot, "I'm not

talking about a Gundam, you half-witted blond twit!"

As Trowa gave her a cold warning look, Wufei muttered, "Talk about

the pot calling the kettle black... or blond, so to speak...."

"I'll show you...," Relena muttered as she dug around in her

oversized purse. As she fumbled around, her fingers grazed a cold

metal object... and it was no mere ladies' pistol. The Auto-Mag was

the most powerful weapon she could cram in her bag. It was a tight

fit, but that turned out to be somewhat fortunate because it kept the

hand grenades from rattling around too much. Relena thought about

yanking it out and shooting Maxwell, but two things stopped her.

First of all, she had no idea if the pistol would be enough to kill

the unholy monster calling itself Duo Maxwell. Second, Heero was

standing too close to the demon and in his confused mental state, he

might try to protect Duo and end up getting hurt.

So Relena bypassed the gun -- for now -- and yanked out a badly

wrinkled photo, which she waved in everyone's faces. Trowa took it

and stared at it... then turned it 90 degrees and stared some more.

In fact, he eventually ended up rotating the picture a full 360

degrees, viewing it up close, then as far away as his arms could

stretch.

Finally Trowa said, "I can't tell. The picture so blurry, I

really can't make anything out. Is that supposed to be... an

elephant? With that long curving shape being its tusk?"

Quatre took a look and said, "No, I think it's a river and that

curve's the glare from the sun."

"NO!!! That's a picture of the demon with his stupid hair braid

and scythe!" an outraged Relena shrieked. She glared at Duo who by

now was leaning on Heero for support.

She pointed at Duo and shouted, "Ask him! Ask him what he was

doing in the city two nights ago!!!"

Duo muttered, "I was hungry so I went out to get something to

eat."

Relena sneered. "Oh sure! I just bet he did!"

Trowa and Quatre stopped arguing over the mysterious blurry photo

just long enough for Quatre to absently say, "Being hungry is hardly a

crime, you know."

She sniffed and said, "Why don't you tell that to the poor

prostitute he murdered and then ate!"

Duo fell over onto the floor and muttered, "I give up. I really

do."

"Hn," was Heero's only comment.

Wufei grabbed his jacket and said, "I can't take this garbage any

more," and stormed out of the safehouse.

Letting Quatre take another long look at the indecipherable photo,

Trowa said, "So what are we going to do with her? We can hardly let

her go running around making wild statements about Duo."

Heero shrugged and said, "We can just shoot her."

Duo abruptly sat up. "Heero! After you've tried so hard to keep

her alive!?"

"But that was when she was the one hope for peace in this world.

But now she's obviously crazy, she's useless. I don't have any

problem with it."

--------------------------------------------

Without consciously picking his destination, Wufei found himself

at Treize's country estate. Dodging security with familiar ease, he

soon found himself in his lover's suite.

Treize noticed that his beautiful dragon was thoroughly peeved as

Wufei flung himself down on the sofa with an exasperated sigh, then

glared at Treize and Zechs who were still huddled around the desk.

The two men exchanged significant looks, then headed for the sofa

and sat down, Zechs to Wufei's right and Treize to his left.

When they stared at him with rather odd expressions on their

faces, Wufei asked both his lovers with a disgusted growl, "What's

with the weird looks?"

"My dear Wufei," said Treize. "I just got the strangest

message...."

"....from my sister," inserted Zechs with a scowl.

"What's all this wild stuff...," said the nobleman.

"....about 'poor' Heero Yuy...," added Zechs with a sarcastic

twitch of an elegant eyebrow.

"....scythe-wielding skeletons...."

"....unholy demons with braids...."

"....and Duo Maxwell!?!?" the two men finished in chorus.

--------------------------------------------

Relena was appalled at this evidence of Duo's devilish domination

over Heero. Somehow the demon had managed to brainwash her poor

deluded love into trying to murder her. Oh, the tragedy of it all....

She smiled grimly. "Killing me won't stop me from revealing your

evil secret to the world!"

"Now what kind of shit are you up to!?" Duo muttered in a resigned

voice.

With a smug expression on her face, she said, "I've uploaded a

file containing the truth about you, you DEMON, complete with

photographic evidence, that will be automatically sent in a few hours

throughout the entire computer network, both on Earth and in space.

No one can stop it. Not even *I* can stop it!"

"You WHAT!?!?" Duo screamed at her, jumping to his feet.

Relena burst into wild, triumphant laughter. "Yes, in a few short

hours, everyone is going to know all about you! They're all going to

see EVERY single one of these pictures and there's nothing you can do

to stop them!"

She snatched out a thick envelope and flung it at Duo's feet. The

package burst open, scattering photos all over the floor. He bent

down and picked a handful of the pictures up, then froze when he got a

good look at them.

"Duo...?" Heero asked quietly, putting his hand on his lover's

shoulder.

"You... you're going to send out... THESE pictures.... Are you...

absolutely... sure...?" whispered Duo.

"Of course I am! I fed them into the scanner myself!" Relena

snapped.

Duo stood there with his head bowed, his long bangs hiding his

eyes and his shoulders shaking. Then without warning, he whirled to

face her.

"BAKA!!!!!!" he screamed at her. Everyone in the room, including

Heero and Trowa, jumped at the sheer rage in his voice. He thrust the

pictures he had been holding into Heero's hands.

Trowa and Quatre ran over to take a look and ended up gaping at

the thoroughly explicit photos of Duo and Heero making hot, steamy,

passionate love.

The Heavyarms pilot bent down and picked up the rest of the

pictures. Sifting through them, he said with a faint air of surprise,

"I didn't think it was possible to get into that sort of position,

Heero."

Stunned, Quatre muttered, "Wow, Duo... and I thought TROWA was

flexible...."

It was unclear what infuriated Heero the worst -- the fact that

his privacy had been so thoroughly violated or the fact that someone

managed to sneak up close enough to take those pictures without him

noticing. Whatever the reason, Heero saw red, skipped his usual 'Omae

o korosu' threat, and grabbed for his gun with every intention of

emptying the entire magazine into Relena.

Surprisingly, it was Duo who stopped the enraged Gundam Wing

pilot. Grabbing his lover's arm, Duo yelled, "We don't have time for

that! Heero, we've got to figure out a way to keep that message and

those pictures from being sent to god knows how many places!!!!"