New Year's Eve Silence

New Year's Eve. He sniggered loudly. His open cynicism brought stares from Quatre and the other pilots. Former pilots, that is. He lolled his head back on the comfy leather sofa and sighed, very softly. It was enough to be heard by all of them, however.

"Duo? Is something wrong?" Quatre's soft voice intruded on his thoughts, almost drowned out by the sudden burst of sound; wailing rockets and popping fireworks filled the cool night air with their racket.

He pretended not to hear him. Drunk, you're drunk...A little voice in his head called out admonishingly to him, but he swatted that voice away like he would a particularly annoying fly. So what? He thought back rebelliously. It's not like it matters anymore...No one needs these brain cells anyway...

"Duo? Duo? Are you alright?" Quatre again endeavored, trying to gain his failing attention. Duo snorted. Since when had he ever even *started* to pay attention to poor, poor, well-meaning Q? He'd better reply, now, though, in case Quat called the freaking paramedics or something. Or had a heart attack. Shit. Now that would suck. 

Or would it? Quat was always throwin him off, messin him up...Trynna be so damn nice, so cute, so fucking sugary sweet...It was enough to make him gag. Or at least try to. He couldn't right now though...He might choke to death if he did. Now there was a thought! A death worthy of how he'd lived his life...Everyone he knew would attest to that. Even Quat, he'd bet. 

"Yesss Quatre-dearestest. Est? Whaaaat issss it?" He asked in a honey-sweet, high pitched voice. Hmmm....He frowned slightly...He reminded himself of...Hmmm...Annoying bitch? Always after Heero...Relena? Dammit! No! He giggled, instead of cursing, which really wasn't what he'd wanted. 

"Duo. You're drunk." Heero's profoundly disgusted voice pulled him out of his near endless circle of giggling and quietly cursing.

"Andddd? Do you have any more pearlssss of wisssdom to offer us todaaayyy, Solo-daaaahliing?" He asked, laughing at the sound of his own slurred voice...Damn he was plastered! Oh, wait. Solo. Shit.

He blinked. And blinked again. "You're not Sholo...." He murmured softly. "Nobody is." 

He laughed at the others' mixed reactions. Wufei and Heero...both disgusted. But then again, that was no different than the usual. Quatre was faintly concerned, and Trowa was...pissed?

"Weeellll....Folksh. It waaaasss jusss GREAT seeing allllll of yooouuuu here! Tonight! Heh. Tonight. Hah! I think I better gooooooo...Loooks like mah welcomes plain near ole worn ouuuuuuuuuuut! W00t!" He laughed, again, and stood up, pushing himself off of the couch, trying to dust himself off at the same time. 

Yeah, he reflected thoughtfully, he wasn't sure if he ever had been welcome here. He was just another reminder of the war, of the anguish they'd all suffered... Just another somebody who'd never change, nor ever lead a better life. 

Wufei glared at him. "Have you no respect Maxwell!" He hissed. "Kisama!"

"Whaaat, Wuuufiiie?" Duo slurred again. Dammit, Fei was always pissing about SOMETHING. Like the time that he'd switched his gel with pink hair dye...

"Now whaaat the fuuuuck waaaas fuuuckin WRONG with thaaat anyyhow!" He yelled out, trying to find an answer. 

He fell back down upon the couch, heavily, pointedly ignoring Fei's dagger-like glares. He would stay awhile longer, relish this time with these people that couldn't care less for him...It might be the last time he'd ever see them again.

"Sheeeeit...I'm hiiiiigh as a fuuuckin kiiiite yaaa'll an...an twice as freeeeeeee! Yip! Yip!" He yelled again, laughing more slowly this time.

He hicced.

It was so fucking quiet. Why wouldn't they talk? They KNEW how uncomfortable he was with silence! Fuck, that's why they fucking called him Shinigami, they'd laughed at him, at first, fucking gundam pilot and afriad of fucking quiet, the docs thought he'd go insane after awhile but he DIDN'T, he survived! Survived what they did, thought they'd break him HUH? Stupid fucking scientists, always tinkering around with shit they weren't supposed to play with...

"But nobody did. They couldn't fucking break me. No matter how hard they tried." 

Dead silence. He looked up from his place on the couch, unaware of the near-lucid thought he'd just voiced. 

"Some fuuckin New Year's, huuuh?" He laughed again. 

He prevailed to make his voice sound less slurred. It worked. Kind of. 

"Soooo, ya'll, waasuuuuup? Where ya...gonna....be going from here? I'm...Shit, I dunno. I'd fucking stay wit ya'll...but you know how THAT goes...The bunny always dies and ends up on YOUR doorstep. Why's life like that?!" He demanded huffily, crossing his arms and scowling at the other four.

Still SILENCE.

"Why don't yaaa'lll...ya'll. Fuckin TALK or something?!" He yelled, afraid of it. The silence.

"Duo..." Quarte softly began, with the dreaded sound of pity in his voice, but Duo angriliy cut him off.

"Oh, see, there you go again, there, with that, 'I pity you' holier-than-thou shit! I pity you, fuckin Maxwell, 'cause they all fuckin died and there's no one ever left again to make a better start than THAT?! How could I? Oh God, how could I...?" Duo briefly subsided, still glaring at everyone, unaware that Heero had moved over to the leather couch with him.

"I pity you...I fucking pity you Maxwell, riiiight? Yeah, I sure do. Left all alone, another New Year's, worth shit to no one, left out again in the fucking cold, nose pressed to the window and staring, belly empty and heart just as bad off, if not worse. I swear to God, one of these days, I'll live a little and get out. Somewhere. Meet someone. Get over this shit. I'll meet somebody and fall in love, fall away. Away from all this fucking shit." He laughed again, painfully, like broken glass, then continued, "Yeah, I'll love someone, and then they'll fucking die and I'll go crawl away in a hole at the end of the world and wait."

Quarte looked on with teary eyes. Trowa had lost his angry scowl a while ago, and instead, looked on with the dreaded pity. Wufei just shook his head, muttering about the war. 

Duo giggled some more and then looked at Wufei. His next words could have frosted over Hell. "Yeah. The fuckin war Wuffie. It killed us all. Well, maybe not all of us. But it all took FUCKIN parts of us and we DIE slowly instead of quick and fast! We die like this slowly because there's nothing else to do and nowhere else to go." His next words chilled everyone in the room. "It's the end of the line for me. Maybe for us all." 

Heero had scooted over until he was sitting beside Duo, and began rubbing his back rhythmically. Duo still didn't notice.

His tone was even, and he seemed to shake off the drunkenness that had clouded over his mind minutes ago. "You think I'm worthless, don't you? It was a mistake to ever come here." He tried to stand up again, but Heero held him back.

"Stay. Please, Duo. We need you." His whispered entreaty held no sway over Duo, however.

"No one needs me and no one ever will. I was brought into this world alone and I'll die alone, just like everyone has that I ever felt anything for..." His voice trailed off, and he looked over everyone slowly...

Heero still held him, and he wasn't surprised when Duo collapsed suddenly. He cradled Duo's prone body more tenderly than any mother would her child.

Effortlessly, he picked Duo up and carried him to another bedroom in Quarte's echoing mansion.

Silence reigned when he left.

Silence.

But in the bedroom...

A disused, nasal voice was singing lullabies.

Much better than silence.

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