The targets have been acquired. The mission is clear. The Taliban will live once again, this time somewhere in Buttfuck, Kansas.
The Taliban DEFINITELY has found a home in the W3, where the Taliban's main man, El Qasr Sahli Casbah, has won the W3 World Heavyweight Title.
But recently, a secret Islamic Fundamentalist terrorist camp for wayward youth has been discovered by the actor and part-time US government snitch, Hollywood actor Steve Buscemi...
That, or Steve has a thing for turban wearing Arab men, because he seems to be following El Qasr Sahli Casbah and man-boy Babboo everywhere.
Add to the mix a few hundred brain-washed suicide bombers, bellydancers, helicopters, Alec Baldwin, hookah pipes, a whole lotta sheep anatomy, and two idiots named Jackrabbit and Brian Batson, and what do you get?
Confused...
Taliban Judgement #3:
Felching spies with Jerboas
El
Qasr: To arms! To arms! Prepare yourselves for the war against the satanic
Americans!
Babboo: El Qasr, how did Steve Buscemi and Alec Baldwin discover our Camp Al Qaeda???
El Qasr: I do not know Babboo, I do not know, but I can tell you this. When we find them, there will not be a gerbilling.
Babboo: No gerbilling?
El Qasr: When we find them, there will be no gerbilectomy.
Babboo:
No gerbilectomy? Whatever for??? The boys all love it when we give the
gerbilectomy!!!
El Qasr: Oh ho ho ho NO! I am going to take this one step further... to the brink of Muslim insanity!!! Just like what I am going to do with Jackrabbit and Brian Batson at Corporate Judgement I am going to do to those two corksucking arseholes.... we will have a.... jerboa-ectomy!!!
Babboo: A JERBOA-ECTOMY!?!?
El Qasr: Yes... yes.... YES!!!!
Somewhere halfway across the world in some desert, a jerboa stops what it is doing and freezes in place. Lord help the jerboas.
Babboo: But faboulously awesome one, are you not goingto show ANY mercy upon these infidels? Especially Brian Batson and Jerboa-rabbit??? They are not spies, they are not against the Taliban, they just want that shiney gold title belt!
El Qasr: Babboo... Babboo you slithering sand worm. DID YOU NOT WATCH THE BRIAN "THE BASTICHE" BATSON PROMO???
Babboo: A googlizillion pardons oh great Merciless Talibanman!
El Qasr: Brian Batson had the audacity to call one of Allah's soldiers a "goatfucker"! He opened his miserable mewly little American corksucking mouth and called one of the Taliban's greatest fighters a homosexual!!!
Babboo: And who would that be great one?
El Qasr: ME you pugancious pig pimper!!! Who else but the great Sahli Casbah holds the W3 World Championship!? Brian Batson has crossed the line in the sand, and he will never be given the same opportunity again, for I will give him such a gerboalling that he will be spitting out fur from his mouth for months to come!!!
Babboo: I didn't know you were a homosexual... but all this talk about the small animals up the bunghole would explain allot oh great Shah of Shitter Shenigans, now wou--
El Qasr: Babboo, I will act as if I did not hear that and then take my frustrations of you out on those miserable curs come Corporate Judgement... but if I lose, your balls will be swimming in a pickled yam jar on my mothers kitchen shelf!
Babboo: GULP!
El Qasr: Brian Batson has the nerve, HALLAH!!! To question my undieing faith in Allah and the Koran and the Muslim religion!!! How dare that flaming infidel!? If I were not so busy here at Camp Al Qaeda I would head to the nearest airport and hi-jack a 747 and fly it right up Brian Batson's hairy American farking arsehole!!!
Brian Batson, you sit there smugly, and you talk and talk yet you say nothing at all. You talk of this Jackrabbit fool as if he were your greatest enemy, as if he could bring you to the greatest heights imaginable in your sport of professional wrestling. How stupid of you Batson, or maybe, how cunning. For you know, in a war against the "Man from Taliban", Brian Batson could not and would not survive! As much as the American corksucking fans hate me, they want nothing more then to watch me in the ring, and watch me on their stupid little television sets! You bore them with your words and with your actions Brian Batson. You are but a shadow of a man compared to El Qasr Sahli Casbah, and you are but a mere pittling of what I am as a wrestler and you KNOW IT! Jackrabbit may be the man you wish to meet in the ring, the man you wish to make your legacy with, but it will be a pathetic legacy, for the only man worthy in this federation is El Qasr Sahli Casbah. Perhaps you are smarter then you sound Brian Batson, for fighting me would surely mean your loss, over and over again. Find yourself a weaker opponent you can make a name from. I would not give you that pleasure, for I would surely be the end and the embarassment of you.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ENOUGH!!!
El Qasr turns to watch his terrorist trainees prepare for jihad.
El Qasr: It is very important to be sure we are completely prepared! I will not let a couple of American arseholes get away with attempting to bring down the resurgence of the Taliban here in the American homeland, especially a couple of corksuckers like Steve Buscemi and Alec Baldwin!
Babboo: Do not forget your match at Corporate Judgement with Jackrabb--
El Qasr: OF COURSE I have not forgotten my match you imbecil!
Babboo: A million and one pardons great one!
El Qasr: But first I must address the troops, and make sure all out suicide bombers are well equipped and of the proper mind to give their lives to Allah! With all these spies and infiltraters around, I must be sure nothing goes wrong!
El Qasr starts
to inspect the troops...
El Qasr: You there! Come here!
A very strange looking Arab skips over to Sahli Casbah, rifle in hand.
El Qasr: Are you a proud Muslim???
Tali-Tubby: Tee hee!
El Qasr: Are you ready to give your life for Allah???
El Qasr: What if you are captured and questioned by the farking Americans? Will you break? Will you tell them our most secret of secrets?
Tali-Tubby: Uh... tee hee?
El Qasr: What if the Americans were to strip you of your clothes? Blindfold you? Then beat you and whip you with elctrical wires and sticks, would you talk then??? HALLAH!!!! What if they were to attack you with viscious dogs? Or put cigareetes out on your face??? Or burn your genitalia with cigars, then would you talk??? What if they feed you Happy Meals while singing the song from the "Mary Tyler Moore Show", then would you talk, you farking sheep herding bastiche???!!!
Tali-Tubby: Uh oh.
El Qasr: Mmmmmmm....
Babboo: Hmmmm....
El Qasr: Hmmmm....
Babboo: Mmmmmmmm....
El Qasr: You look like a good terrorist! You shall bring great joy to the Muslim peoples with your utter destruction and the destruction of our enemies... NO GO!!! And take that silly little red purse with you!
Tali-Tubby: Tee hee!
Tali-Tubby skips away. El Qasr continues his inspection.
El Qasr: I see we have a platoon of good looking, strapping younf Taliban soldiers here, do we not Babboo?
Babboo: Eh.... that one looks like a pirate... but yes, they are very handsome looking terrorists... too handsome looking really.
El Qasr: You are ready to die for your sins? Ready to give your lives for Allah and the Muslims peoples???
Justin Bin Laden: Oooh woohooo! You got that sexy ass baby! Yeah!
El Qasr: Errr, I do not understand. Do you have your Reebock Nitroglycerine 350's on your feet, ready to destroy bus, plane, and train in the name of Osama Bin Laden???
Joey Al Akbar: Pop! Pop! Pop! Yeah! Word!
El Qasr: Hmmmm....
Babboo:
Hmmmmm....
El Qasr: Mmmmm.... hmmmm....
Babboo: Hmmmm.... mmmm... errr...
El Qasr: Well then off with you and go kill some Americans for Osama!!!
The Bin Sync fags run off.
El Qasr: Ahh, the strange trappings of youth Babboo. What a time it can be, so strange, so difficul. I remember when I was but a little shoe bomber, back in Afghanistan....
Babboo: What was that pop, pop thing they were doing great one? It had me confused. Those terrorists didn't really look like terrorists to me.
El Qasr: babboo, are you saying that El Qasr Sahli Casbah would not recognize a spie in his midsts???
Babboo: A bazillion and one pardons great one!
El Qasr: Shut up Babboo, and tell me. Have my magazines come today Babboo?
Baboo: Which ones oh great Pasha of Proof Reading?
El Qasr: My magazines you camel scrubber! Ebony, Martha Stewart's Living, Time, and the Tenthouse!
Babboo: Well, your excellency, I have some bad news. Ebony and Time have arrived, but I somewhat got all the pages of Tenthouse stuck together....
El Qasr: Not again you filthy babboon peasant!
Babboo: A million and one pardon's oh absolutely faboulus one!
El Qasr: One day I will have my executioners slice your balls ogff like so much fat off a steak! Then I will take those tiny little balls, hollow them out with a corkscrew rightin front of you, fill them with catnip, and give them to Brian atson's cat Mr. Farkikins to bat around!
Babboo: Please do not great Sahli Casbah. I do so hate Mr. Farkikins and I do so love my testies right where they are...
El
Qasr: Give me the Times magazine, I want to rea--- WHA-WHA-WHAT!!!???
El Qasr does a double take as he looks at the cover of the newest Times magazine. His greatest fears and suspicions have finally been revealed, and here they are on the front cover of the world most read magazine.
El Qasr: Is nothing sacred??? Is nothing untouchable??? How can this fat, rich, American arsefucker DARE to wear the beard and turban of aTaliban man??? Is he insane? Does he just want my peoples to drop a corksucking atomic bomb right into the crack of his coke-riddled Texas ass cavity???
Suddenly, a very strange looking Tali-whacker slithers up to El Qasr Sahli Casbah and Babboo. He looks sorta familiar...
Mahmoud Al Dubya Bushie: Heya there... umm, shiver me timbers Punjab! How goes the Jih-HAD?
El Qasr: What?
Mahmoud Al Dubya Bushie: Argh! Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum! Have ya run an American through with your cutlass yet ladies?
Babboo: Who are you? You speak to us as if we are.... as if we are pirates?! What's with all the pirate terrorists all of a sudden???
El Qasr: What madness is this???
Mahmoud Al Dubya Bushie: Yeah, uh... well that's what it... that's what I... see this little sheet of paper I have stuffed up my sleeve?
Babboo: Let me see this! You have crib notes up your sleeve???
Mahmoud Al Dubya Bushie: Yeah well... I didn't do too well in your terrorist training camps so... but anywho, see right there, what's that say. It says pirates, don't it?
Babboo: It says PALESTINIANS!
Mahmoud Al Dubya Bushie: OH! I see... well, uh... forget all that! So tell me, what's up homeskebobs? Blow up any buildings lately? I been so busy fighting the war on those American bastards, I haven't been around the old Taliban coffee machine recently. So whats up???
El Qasr: SPY! SPY! SPY!
Mahmoud Al Dubya Bushie: Awww sheep dip! OK BOYS! THE GIG IS UP!!!
A voice sounds to be coming over a radio emanating from Al Dubya Bushies turban, and sounds awfully familiar, like the voise of American VP, Dick Cheney...
Cheney: IT'S "THE JIG IS UP", YOU IDIOT!!! NOT GIG!!! I'M TIRED OF COVERING FOR YOU, YOU LITTLE TWERP!!!
Mahmoud Al Dubya Bushie: The jugs are up! Beam me up Dickie, before these sand devils cook mah goose!
Suddenly, Air Firce One swoops out of the sky and George W. Bush is teleported to safety. All that is left behind is his turban and his fake beard.
El Qasr: Those filthy farking Americans!!! They can try all their dirty little tricks with me but they cannot take away my W3 World Heavyweight Championsip! NEVER!
Babboo: I believe what the Americans were ater was secrets pertaining to Al Qaeda or Hamas' next terrorist attack oh great one.
El Qasr: NO! They all want my title! But they will never take it from me! HALLAH!
Babboo: You are right great Casbah, they all want to try whatever it takes to get that title away fom you. Just look at that grotesque little man, Jackrabbit, and what he attempted to do this week in one of his pathetic little promos!
El Qasr: Jackrabbit, you can fark all the ugly little Afghanistan women you want you farking corksucker! Why you think we make them wear those big potato sacks over their heads, huh? You piece of rotting goat cheese!!! HA HA HA! You callous on the foot of a rabid camel!!!! HA HA HA! Not even Babboo's father Bangdop, with the eyes that look two different ways at once, and with the one foot, and the old piece of Russian grenade shrapnel jutting out of his forehead, will pick up nasty old Taliban prostitutes!
Jackrabbit, you must come to terms with the new era in the W3. Just like in the world of intenational polictics, where the threat of a Muslim terrorist attack has everyone ducking for cover, in the W3, the threat of El Qasr Sahli Casbah has all of you farking American wrestlers ducking under your mommies skirts in fear of the "Man from Taliban".
Tell me something Jackrabbit, tell me something now before Corporate Judgement, and before I rip your tongue out of your mouth and use it to wipe my tabouli stained ass. Tell me Jackrabbit, how it is that the week El Qasr Sahli Casbah wins the W3 World Heavyweight Championship, a pathteic arsehole corksucker like you is voted #3 at this idiotic SEI? How is that you moronic monkey beater?!? I am El Qasr Sahli Casbah!!! I am the W3 World Heavyweight Champion!!! I should be atop that list and any other list every Allah farking day! HALLAH! How can you be #3 when you go and lose YOUR W3 title belt? How can you be number three when you make promos about having sex with ugly sand monkeys? I will tell you why you farking camel felcher, because you are a dirty American, and the Americans do not fight fair. You come out of ambush like sneaky little dogs and hurt innocent people wit--
Babboo taps El Qasr on the shoulder...
Babboo: Errr, I wouldn't go there oh great one. No leg to stand on if you get my drift...
El Qasr: Yes, well, the point is Jackrabbit is a Jack-ass! HA HA HA! I make funny! Even stupid American corksuckers will think that is funny joke, yes?
Babboo: Extremely funny oh Shah of Shekky Greeness... sheesh!
El Qasr: Jackrabbit, forget the W3 title little boy-monkey, because you can never have it. Just think of this beating at Corporate Judgement as my revenge for you being #3... AT ANYTHING!!! I swear to Allah himself, I swear on my 127 childrens souls, I swear on Osama Bin Laden's secret cave...
Babboo gets a hysterical look on his face...
Babboo: No great one!!!
El Qasr: Oh yes! YES! I swear on Osama Bin Laden's green camouflage panties that I will have my revenge upon you and that you will NEVER take away what is rightfully mine, LEAST OF ALL, the W3 World Heavyweight Championship... you stupid arsefarking corksucking bastiche!
Babboo: You tell him oh Talibanamaniac!
El Qasr: Yes still Babboo, there is something I did not quite understand about Jackrabbit's stupidity...
Babboo: Wait! Are you telling me great Sahli Casbah that you did not understand something that this brain dead anthrax sniffer Jackrabbit said? Say it ain't so mammy!!!
El Qasr: Yes, I am afraid so little camel bitch. What was that with tose cool little dolls?
Babboo: Oh yeah! The really neato Jihad Joe with the suicide shoe and the super Taliban grip!!!
El Qasr: And the Osama Bin Laden action figure! That was awesome, no?
Babboo: Bitchin' great one!
El Qasr: But what was that camel flethcer doing with those dolls? I mean, he did not use them to spak the Afghani putang, and he did not use them to sodomise himself, which I am sure he does with Mr. Farkikins... so what where the dolls for?
Babboo: I do not really know great one. They really didn't fit into the context of his promo. Ah, who cares, Jackrabbit is adick anyways.
El Qasr: Yeah, fark him. HALLAH! American arsehole, I will shove my 12" Afghani Army standard steel-oed Shi-ite kicker right up your bungalo!!! The W3 World Title stays right here with the "Man from Taliban" and all you will get for all your troubles is some dusty Afghnai pounani! HA HA HA! The joke is most assuredly, on you! Allah, cast a curse on that donkey masterbater, so he will never waste the great Sahli Casbah's time!
Babboo: You be talkin' smack, oh great Sultan of Sarcasm!
El Qasr: HALLAH! Got you all in check!
Babboo: Word to your mummy!
El Qasr: Good one, Babboo, good one! Ok... ENOUGH!!! There are spies in our midsts and we must contact the high one, the almighty one, the sacred camel of the Taliban, Osama Bin Laden, and let him know that there is no safety anywhere. He must tighten control of the network or we are all doomed! If we do not take control and oust these spies, we will be drinking Starbucks coffee in Levis jeans and getting ass-raped by Jackrabbit's father in an American prison somewhere! Get Osama on the tv phone!!!
Babboo plugs the tv phone into the lighter of a nearby car and all the terrorists sit around on the ground ready to watch and listen to Osama.
The picture starts to come in all fuzzy as El Qasr Sahli Casbah begins to address Osama...
El Qasr: Great Osama Bin Laden, it is I, El Qasr Sahli Casbah! I need to warn you that there are Americans spies infiltrating our terrorists camps in America, and they might have reached all the way back to Afghanista--
El Qasr Sahli Casbah: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Babboo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Terrorist Trainees: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Fade.....
TO BE CONTINUED
El Qasr Sahli Casbah
Never trust an American sock puppet!