The
scene begins inside the cave of El Qasr Sahli Casbah... well, its' not
really HIS cave, it more like belongs to the state of california, since
it is part of the Carlsbad Caverns, a national treasure. But, you know
what they say in the Middle East, "Muhtas keepers, abdukas weepers!".
El Qasr sits on a velvet cushioned chair in front of a mirror, coming his long and elegant Arabic beard. Nearby, Babboo hangs Casbah's clothing from a stalagtite and cleans up the dusty little cave.
The aura of the room, er, cavern, is tense. It shouldn't be after El Qasr Sahli Casbah defeated Shawshank to maintain his push toward a title match for his coveted if but lost title belt. But something happened at Flatline to make Casbah very very angry. And that would be Pete "The British Sensation" Ebdon attacking Casbah in the back and shaving off his beard. Something that could be considered the greatest act of humiliation in a Muslim mans life, greater then say, having a threesome with his mother and a goat.
So enter with care, dear wrestling fan, as we take you to thru this next promo, confusingly entitled...
Hide & Shiek #3:
Rave in the Cave / Chia-Beard
El Qasr: AAAARGH! This Chia-Beard itches like a flea infested sheepskin! Allah CURSE that infernal Pete Ebdon! AAARGH!
Babboo: Would you like me to itch it for you oh great Babbah of Beardocity?
El Qasr: No! I cannot scratch it, or else I will loosen the ever growing roots that are even now entangling my existing hairs... HALLAH! Pete Ebdon crossed a line in the sand that he will regret for a million years! HAPTOOI! I spit on him and his cursed soul, and the female succubi that follow him around like ensorceled yaks!
Pete Ebdon thought to make El Qasr Sahli Casbah look the fool, while he garnered power. Yes, Pete Ebdon, assualting El Qasr, like the Americans attacked the Taliban, does make you look strong, but by Allah's hand and his decree, you will pay the penultimate price for your insolence! You meant to take my honor and my dignity as an Arab and a Muslim! But you failed Pete Ebdon, due to your stupidity and lack of a penis. Now I will make sure that this lack of manhood becomes a literal translation you British pooftah! I have more important matters to attend to this coming Flatline, Pete Ebdon, but believe me now and hear me later you farking pig farmer, I will have my revenge!
El Qasr turns away from his mirror and heads toward his prayer rug.
El Qasr: Now is the time for my evening prayer, the Isha, my communication with Allah, Lord of the Universe. All Muslims payer must be performed with ritual purity in mind, and I must face the east where Mecca is located. This isvery very important and I do not wish to be disturbed, not while I am praying and asing God to make Pete Ebdon's balls shrink to the size of a macedamia nut.
Babboo: And don't forget to ask God to give Mike Steele malaria of the ass.
El Qasr: Thank you for reminding me now Babboo, instead of when I am deep in the holy act of praying that Scotty Carter's johnson falls off and turns black like a ripened banana.
El Qasr gtes down on all fours and starts praying to the east.
El Qasr: Hallah hava nagellah, babushka, ramadan, open sesame... HALLAH! Abdula olive loaf, pumpernickel, humus and tabouli baba haba felice navida---
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
El Qasr: What in the name of the Jesus killing Jews is that!?
BOOM! BAM! BOOM! BOOM! SCRACTHY SCRATCHY!
Babboo: We have been found out by the American corksuckers!
El Qasr: But that is not the sounds of bombs and bullets... that sounds like...
Babboo: Eminem???
El Qasr: HALLAH!!!! MARSHIKI MOUMADA RAMADAN GYRO ABOUKI KUSHDI HASHISHI ASHASHINI TAHINI... MARSHAL MATHERS!?!? HALLAH!!!!!!
El Qasr and Babboo leave the small cave and enter the large living-cavern. Someone is throwing a rave!?
El Qasr: What is the meaning of this!? This is a secret cave! What are all these young American corksucking sell-outs doing in my top secret cave!?
Babboo: It must be the MTV your Heinous Highness! Their Real World Carlsbad Caverns episode must have turned on all these groovy American bitching arseholes onto your very hip cave!
Raver Punk: Yo yo! Wazzup mah hizzies!?
El Qasr: FAK YOU AMERICAN BASTICHES!!!
Raver Punk: Whoa! Chill out towel head!
El Qasr: Towel head!? Fark you, you corksucking baggy pants wearing camel farker!
The rave in the cave is in full swing, with a DJ and everything. Chicks in go-go boots dance in cages, everyone is doing X, and... err... whatever else happens at raves is going on here.
El Qasr: This is an abomination upon everything in the Quran! Plus, I am going to lose the security deposit I left for this cave! HALLAH!
Babboo: Just chill out oh great Shiek of Shake-Yer-Booty! This is just what you need before your big match with this Scotty Farker person on Flatline!
Babboo starts dancing with a half-naked chick.
El Qasr: No! NOOOOO! I am going to face Scotty farking Carter on Flatline! Allah knows I do not need a herd of American acid-drenched corksucking punks dancing around in my face and calling me "Homeboy Habibi"! I am not walking into the ring with corksucking Mike Steele, whom I have beaten once and would do so without breaking into a smelly sweat again! I am entering a battle against the "Analizer" Scotty Carter! I do NOT wish to get Analized! Having my beard cut off by that fake British foo-foo Pete Ebdon is one thing, being Analized by Scotty arsefarking Carter is a totally different thing! I don't think the makers of "Chia-Pet" and "Chia-Beard" can help me if I were to get Analized. They do not make a "Chia-Grow Your Anal Cherry Back"... at least I do not think so. At least not yet.... Babboo! BABBOO! Get back here you jackal spawning horse masterbator!!!
Babboo gets swept up in the dancing and dissapears into a swarm of asshole hip-hoppers.
El Qasr: This is madness! I must put a stop to this insanity and unGodliness right away!
El Qasr runs over to the DJ's booth and grabs the microphone.
El Qasr: ENOUGH! ENOUGH YOU AMERICAN CORKSUCKING HIPPO-HOPPERS!!!
The music stops.
El Qasr: This is my cave and I did not invite any of you here for anything! I was in the middle of a most important Muslims prayer, asking God to give Mike Steele bubonic plague of the genitalia, when you interupted me with your infernal music and your stupid bobbing up and down with your bedunkadunk bottoms!
WHICKY!
El Qasr: Huh!? What was that...? Anyways... HALLAH! All you stupid American peasants will DIE when Allah judges you to be nothing more then a pestilence on this earth, the Islamic peo--
WHICKY WHICKY!
The DJ scratches a little ditty...
WHICKY WHICKY! WHICKY WHICKY WOO!
All of a sudden, El Qasr starts to rap!!!
El Qasr: A salam malakeim... malakeim a salaam!
My name is Sahli and I am here to say... I like my humus the old fashioned way!
Allah is my savior and I'm not ashamed... to blow up a bomb in an aero plane...
The rave lasts thru the night with Grand Master Casbah on the stick! Fade.....
Allah says, "Big D in your motuh is bad for your health!"