Hello, my name is Johnny Olympus. You might have heard of me. Some people call me the "Greek Physique". Some people call me an asshole. But everyone knows that when it comes to Johnny O, nobody does it better.

I have been a wrestler, and I have been a manager. I have held World Championships, and Tag Championships. I ran a promotion or two, I owned a big interfed corporation. But my greatest love of this game is as an agent. I find wrestlers, good wrestlers, and I get them a job with a promotion. That's how El Qasr Sahli Casbah got his contract with W³.

I like to be right. I like to win. I like to find good talent and stick that talent somewhere where it can thrive and grow and be succesful. I also like all the money I make and all the heads I turn when I pull off a good signing. I think this signing was very good, don't you? One World Championship later, I'd have to agree and I am sure you do too.

I look around this place, I look around the game, and all I see is little boys. Trying to live out there dream when they haven't even lived their lives yet. And I see men who don't know how to act like men. And it makes me laugh.

Nothing I like better then looking at the faces of all these boys when I bring in a man with character. A man with conviction in his blood, who has been around the world, has seen things that most people couldn't imagine. Men with more then just muscles. Men with moxy. Men with motivation. Men who like to win. Andmost importantly, men who know how to entertain the fans.

El Qasr Sahli Casbah is a man like that.

El Qasr Sahli Casbah has been a marked man since Corporate Judgement. Everyone wants a piece of the "Man from Taliban". You have to appreciate that. No one wants a piece of Scotty Carter. No one wants a piece of Jason Sensation. No one gives a damn about Mike Steele, The Punisher, or Xavier Scott. But everyone... EVERYONE wants to get their mits on the "Turbani-maniac". And can you blame them?

He walked into the W³ and immediately won the World Heavyweight Title. He laughed all the way to the top of the federation, spitting in the face of decency and patriotism. He saved a nice big gooey blob of phlegm, and then SPIT that into America's apple pie. You might hate him, you might despise him, and you probably want to kill him, but you and everone else has to admit one thing. The man brings it each and every week. He entertains, when the meaning of that word has been lost on the countless of has-beens and wanna-be's that have come and gone in the W³.

That has been the point from the get-go, but even Sahli Casbah knows that Americans never get the POINT of anything. You have to hit them over the head with it, light some fireworks, set small animals on fire, all style no substance. Hey, look over here at the dancing monkey! Look over here at this completely materialistic, money bought, American culture, while over HERE the politicians and big corporations steal your social security and brainwash your kids with empty television and movies!

That IS how it works, right? Take a look at anything today to see that substance is gone and only style is imporant. Take a look at the sport of pro-wrestling, which has become sports entertainment. More and more, promoters look to cheap heat and stupid angles, while pushing the art of wrestling into the back of the closet. Problem is, most promoters wouldn't know a good gimmick if it grabbed them by the sack and yanked one off.

It's too bad though, that the only one that has caught on around here is El Qasr Sahli Casbah. Because while every other W³ wrestler usually finds the time to talk to the fans while they are waiting on line in McDonald's, or eating a bag of peanuts in an airplane, or even worse, feel all they have to do is just... gulp... TALK... El Qasr Sahli Casbah has brought his world right into your homes. And it's not a pretty world, not even close. But it's alot more fun then picking your nose for 15 minutes, or eating a slice of pizza. No one wants to watch a wrestler do that, so how come so many of them do it?

And Casbah isn't afraid to tell you EXACTLY what he thinks either. Wanna talk about religion? He'll take a shit on your bible. Want to talk about relationships? He has 114 wives back in Kabul. Want to talk about September 11th? He thinks you Americans got exactly what you deserved. Want to call him a racist and a terrorist? He agrees with you. Wanna complain and cry about it? Write a letter to your congressman, but before you do, give it to Casbah so he can seal the envelope with some wet stuff off the tip of his Arabian weinie.

Is it any wonder that Casbah isn't the W³ champion? Look at the people standing in his way. Pathetic. Mike Steele dead and gone. Brian Batson is looking really bad. Colin Ronning is a moron. No one gives a damn about Jay Avarez and Pete Ebdon is the most annoying mother-fucker around. Whose this guy, The Punisher? Where did he come from? Did he DESERVE his shot against the former champ? No. He got lucky. Stupid bastard. But luck can only get you so far. One match means nothing around here. One match is NOT a career. Punisher gets his match, gets his win. Now let's see what he does with it. Either way, he is sitting in the mid-card while Casbah plays with the big boys.

After weeks of taking out the garbage, Casbah gets a real match. A match that means something. A match that he can get up for. And he IS up for it, as you will see.

So you might be asking yourself, why all this talk? Casbah isn't one for talking. We've never seen this much before, so why now? Is it because Pete Ebdon, the mouth that never stops, is on the horizon? Maybe. It's good to cover all the bases. But the main reason why I have joined you here in the W³ is because if there is one man in this world who HATES Pete Ebdon it is me. So you have to imagine how much joy it brings me to come here today and join you all, the fans of the W³, as we watch Pete Ebdon get his ass handed to him by Sahli Casbah.

Oh yeah, and the other reason why I have talked to you as much as I have today is because, I want to show the world that, as much as Pete Ebdon talks, he never says a damn thing. Anyone can talk as much as he can, and I think I do it a whole lot better then him... don't you agree?

Ramadan Games #1:

Goat-Grabbing

Scene is set somewhere in the deep bush.... of Sarah Ebdon's panties??? NO! Wish that were true, but let's settle for the Australian outback. A huge dirt field unmarked by vegetation is the scene of a very strange game going on as we speak. Meanwhile, El Qasr Sahli Casbah and Babboo have a very important guest with them. His name is "The Greek Physique" Johnny Olympus.

El Qasr Sahli Casbah: HALLAH!!! Get that damn goat you corksuckers!!!

Johnny O: This is awesome Sahli. I have never seen anything like this... you are telling me this is a sport?

A number of men are riding around on horses, a large painted circle is in the middle of the field. The men are all riding hard, trying to grab this thing that is on the ground.

Babboo: The name of this game, oh great Greek One, is Buzkashi, which literally translated means "goat grabbing", is the national sport of Afghanistan.

Johnny O: Is that what that thing they are ragging around is... a goat?

Goat: Bah!

Johnny O: Christ! Your people need some help Casbah.

El Qasr: My peoples are all the Muslims peoples Johnny O. Go back to your video games and your female vibrators. My peoples will do just fine with the goats!

Casbah and Olympus watch as the game begins, as Babboo gives us a little background on the great game of Buzkashi.

Babboo: Many historians believe that Buzkashi began with the Turkic-Mongol people, and it is indigenously shared by the people of Northern Afghanistan.

Johnny O: What is this a history lesson? And Babboo, do me a favor. Don't mention the Turks around me, ok? My "peoples" ain't too thrilled with those "peoples".

El Qasr: That is because the Turks conquered the Greeks and enslaved them for nearly 800 years! HALLAH! We were a great peoples once!

Johnny O: Oh please Casbah, your people would all kill each other if given half the chance, you blood-thirsty crazy-ass mo-fo's.

Babboo: There are two main types of Buzkashi, Tudabarai and Qarajai. Tudabarai is relatively simple compared with Qarajai, even though they share similar objectives. In Buzkashi, a headless carcass is placed in the center of a circle and surrounded by the players of two opposing teams. The object of the game, is to get control of the carcass and bring it to the scoring area.

Johnny O: But that goat's head is still on...

CHUNK!

Johnny O: Spoke too soon, eh?

Babboo: Although it seems like a simple task, it is not. Only the most masterful players, (called chapandaz) ever even get close to the carcass. The competition is fierce, and the winner of a match receives prizes that have been donated by a sponsor. These prizes range from money, to fine turbans and clothes.

Johnny O: You must be the sponsor for this game Casbah.

El Qasr: You are smarter then you look Johnny O. Yes, I am the sponsor.

Johnny O: And what kind of prizes are you going to give out to the winners?

El Qasr: Why, W³ t-shirts of course. Like this one...

"I got spit on by El Qasr Sahli Casbah at Flatline and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!"

Johnny O: Nice!

Babboo: In order for someone to become a chapandaz, one must undergo a tremendous amount of difficult training. In fact, the best chapandaz, are usually over the age of forty.

Johnny O: Interesting... so Sarah Ebdon probably qualifies as a chapandaz, right? Heh heh...

El Qasr: No, you are mistaken. A chapandaz CAPTURES the goat, he doesn't have SEX with the goat... HA HA HA! HALLAH!

Johnny O: Good one hairy!

One of the riders scores a point. Casbah celebrates by rifling snot at him through his nostrils.

Babboo: Buzkashi, is definitely not a game for the weak. The players are not the only ones who undergo arduous training; the horses that participate in buzkashi must train for five years before ever making it to the playing field. Buzkashi, is indeed a dangerous sport, but intensive training and excellent communication between the horse and rider can help minimize the risk of injury.

Johnny O: Ya know Babboo, you're starting to annoy me.

Babboo: The different types of Buzkashi: Tudabarai & Qarajai In Tudabarai, in order to score, the rider must obtain possession of the carcass and then carry it away from the starting circle in any direction. The rider must stay free and clear of the other riders.

Johnny O: Wow, how totally boring.

El Qasr: I know, I know. This IS the national sport of Afghanistan, and they are Muslims peoples and I would die for them and kill many Jews and farking bastiches along the way... but Allah forgive me, what a load of crap!

Johnny O: Ha ha! Fucking goat-grabbing??? That's what Sarah Ebdon does every night with her man!

El Qasr: What a bunch of corksuckers! I don't think I am even going to give them the t-shirts after the match, stupid peasant beggars! Ha ha!

Casbah seems a little perturbed by something, then just pulls his wanker out and takes a piss on the field. No one notices or seems to care. Johnny O makes sure to look away. So should you.

Babboo: In Qarajai, the task is much more complex. The player must carry the calf around a marker, and then return the carcass to the team's designated scoring circle.

Johnny O: Can't you go like shine some shoes or clean out a cesspool, Babboo?

El Qasr: hard to find the good help these days, eh?

Babboo: In each version of the game, points are awarded for successfully completing the task of getting control of the carcass, and getting it to the proper scoring area.

Johnny O: So you have to drag a dead goat to a designa

ted point, and then what? Do ya eat the goat afterwards?

El Qasr: Fark no! Not me! I would give the goat to my servants for their nightly feast. Maybe I will make some goat with mint julip and send it to Pete farking Ebdon.

Johnny O: Yeah! Send him that nice juicy part right there... the piece that got dragged through the horse shit!

El Qasr: That was Afghani shit... my peoples are so uncivilized.

This is where you might start to notice these Afghani's just piss and shit wherever they feel like.

Babboo: The winner of each match receives prizes which have been put up by a sponsor. The top prizes are usually money, or fine clothes. To many Afghans, Buzkashi is not just a game, it is a way of life.

Johnny O: Wow. That's deep.

Babboo: A way in which teamwork and communication are essential to being successfu...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

El Qasr pushes Babboo onto the playing field where he gets grabbed by a horse rider and dragged around across the rock strewn dirt.

Johnny O: Thank you very much for that. Now, let's talk business. You know very well why I am here Casbah. I want to watch first hand how you handle this next match, this next opponent.

El Qasr: HALLAH! Pete Ebdon will be BROKEN in half by the "Fuck You America"!

Johnny O: Let me tell you a story, Casbah, about how I got to know Pete Ebdon. When the World Wrestling Syndicate was top dog in the interfed game, I got a first hand look at the so-called "British Sensation" Pete Ebdon. I was extremely happy to get the SWF as part of my interfed network. I was ecstatic to have the WWS World Title Tourneys take place with a slew of SWF talent in place, and I was REALLY happy when Pete Ebdon became the first WWS World Cruiserweight Champion.

And then.... then I met Pete on a personal level. I got to know him for the man he REALLY is... a man who no-shows dates, and then bitches about being stripped. A man who doesn't know when to let things go, to the point of INSULTING me... ME! Johnny Olympus! This punk, this jerk, insulted me week after week after week, long after the subject was dead and buried.

It was obvious to me then, and even now, that Pete Ebdon is nothing more then a little kid. He may be this huge monster, this muscle covered goon, physically intimidating and what-not, but let's not fool ourselves, or BUY INTO his schpeel. He's just a kid. He thinks like a punk kid and he talks like a punk kid. He's got zero talent, and he never will get any either. You can't teach a stupid dog new tricks and that trick has been all played out.

A slew of horses, with the lead rider dragging Babboo, pass by in a cloud of dust and hooves.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

The riders and Babboo are pretty much ignored by Casbah and Olympus.

Johnny O: Pete Ebdon is nothing but a punk. A loud mouthed little punk who doesn't know that biting the hand that feeds him is a very big mistake. And you can believe I had a big part in making Pete Ebdon the man he THINKS he is today. With that WWS Cruiserweight Title around his waist, Pete Ebdon was a rising star. Now I couldn't give a DAMN about him, and neither does anyone else. SWF? Who cares. Not me. Not anyone. Pete Ebdon? Another wrestler to make a quick dash out of the box, and then come crashing back down to earth soon afterwards. Or at least... that's what I BETTER see, right Casbah?

Casbah smiles at Johnny O, a wide grin that shows all of his nasty yellow teeth. Then, he starts to laugh.

El Qasr: HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA! SHARMOOTA!!!

You DOUBT Sahli Casbah? You DOUBT the "Man from Taliban"? The "Prince of Egypt"? You do not think that Casbah knows EXACTLY everything that is at stake when I enter the steel cage with Pete Ebdon at farking Flatline?

Johnny O, you believe that you have been slighted by Pete Ebdon. You believe that you want a measure of revenge against this man. But I tell you, what you feel is NOTHING compared to what Sahli Casbah feel about Pete Ebdon... NOTHING!!! Let me tell you about this Pete Ebdon, why I will crush him to pulp and feed him to the desert hyenas!

Pete Ebdon is a farking sharmoota! Blah blah blah! Blah blah blah! If Pete Ebdon were a woman in my harem, if he were one of my 114 wives, I would cut out his own tongue and shove it right into his ear, so he could listen to himself and how STUPID he really is! He begins by talking about himself, then he starts talking... about HIMSELF again, and then, he puts his camel farker of a wife on camera, and SHE farking talks about that corksucking summanabeech! What is to talk about so much? Pete Ebdon, you are a nothingman, a nobody. You are not classy and worldy like El Qasr Sahli Casbah. You do not have the money and political power that El Qasr Sahli Casbah has! You do not put FEAR into the hearts of men, women, and children all across the free world, like El Qasr Sahli Casbah! What the fark do you have to say for so long about yourself Pete farking Ebdon!? Nothing, that is what!

HALLAH! And can someone tell this faking corksucker that he is NOT British! If this arsehole is British then I am farking Jesus Christ on a cross! El Qasr Sahli Casbah brings the Afghanistan peoples to the W³ fans, for their own good. I eat sheep's brains, I live in a cave, I study the Quran and beat on my servants... I do EVERYTHING as a good Muslims man should do. Pete Ebdon, what does this farking limey corksucker do? He does not eat the fish and chips. He does not watch the "Eastenders". He does not say stupid things like "bloody", "g'day mate!" and "Manchester United"! What kind of English punter is this Pete Ebdon? I say he is not even English, but a Japanese man in disguise. That is because his penis is so small. HALLAH! Haptoui!

El Qasr spits on the ground in disgust.

El Qasr: Pete Ebdon wants MY W³ Heavyweight Championship, and this I could NEVER allow. I am the man that took this title away from the worthless Mike Steele. I am the man who was CHEATED out of the title by Brian Batson and Mike Steele. Pete Ebdon has NO cliam on my title. Where is MY title shot? Where is my re-match? Pete Ebdon has claimed something that in no way belongs to him. Now, Mike Steele is gone. Brian Batson is crippled. Who is left? Who is left to stop El Qasr Sahli Casbah? I destroyed Scotty Carter and Shawshank. The Punisher has his hands full with this Geo corksucker. Who does that leave for El Qasr Sahli Casbah to defeat? Who does that leave me to concentrate on, to study, to watch, to stalk, to plot against, to conspire against, to maim, to kill!? Pete Ebdon!!!

But what I REALLY do not like about Pete Ebdon... what I DESPISE about Pete Ebdon.. is for what he did to me just a few weeks ago.

Pete Ebdon attacked me backstage. Without word or warning he attacked me... HALLAH! And he CUT OFF MY BEARD! When this first happened, I almost did not realize it. I was thinking, "Why is this farking sharmoota beating me up?". Then, I see what he did. And so... I wait...

And I wait...

And I wait...

Nothing!

Pete Ebdon takes away my manhood, the one thing most important to a holy man, a Muslims man, like myself. He shaves my beard on American television, in front of thousands of corksucking Americans... and then what does he do???

Nothing!

HALLAH!

Pete Ebdon has the audacity to attack me, to attack my religion, to attack my peoples, and then... do nothing? Like I am just a common fool! As if I will simply forget that this happened! He goes and attacks 3-4-5 men, injuring them all, but only myself does he look to take my dignity and my pride, and then, he just ignores what he has done.

Pete Ebdon, do you believe that I am nothing? Do you believe that what you did to El Qasr Sahli Casbah will simply be forgotten? I will just throw it away, throw away the memory of you shaving my beard, taking away my manhood, and embarassing me in front of millions of peoples? I think you are stupid Pete Ebdon, for you did not finish what you started. A mujadjin like myself, a holy warrior, would have made sure that the victim would NEVER wrestle again. But you were on some sort of sick British fopping contest. See how many men you could embarass. See how much havoc you could cause. Give yourself your own little push toward MY W³ World Championsip. Make yourself look good for the American idiots! But what did you REALLY do Pete Ebdon? Yes, you took out Brian Batson. I thank you so much for this Pete Ebdon. You attacked Colin Ronning, but that just opened that sharmoota's eyes as well. Pete Ebdon, you farked up!

Forget Collins, forget Steele, forget Batson, forget them all Pete farking Ebdon, because you... FORGOT... El Qasr Sahli Casbah! HALLAH! You should have FINISHED ME! It would have been so easy! I could have done it, just like I WILL do it. To you, and to your wife, and to every thing you hold near and dear to your heart Pete Ebdon! Our match at Flatline arsehole? That is just the beginning. For I am Muslims man, mujadjin. I would die for my peoples and for my religion. I have no ties to anything Pete Ebdon. You cannot hurt me. The only ties I have now... are to you... and your lovely sheep faking wife. The W³ World Championship is not even important to me now. All I have now, is Allah, and Pete Ebdon!!!

The Buzkashi players ride by once again, the lead rider hauling Babboo around by his ankles. Babboo bounces up and down on the ground like a rag doll.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Johnny O: Ya know Casbah, you're a real crazy mother, but you're also a real wise-ass too. I know you have shady dealing with alot of so-called trrorists, and you are literally insane, but you also like to screw around alot.

El Qasr: Muslims have a really good sense of humor Johnny O.

Johnny O: I know that Casbah, but this time around.... this match with Pete Ebdon... I sense that you are extremely serious about this match. More so then any other match you have ever had in your career.

El Qasr: Let me tell you someting Johnny O, I am more serious about this match then anything EVER in my life. I would give my left testacle for the chance to win this match over the farking bastiche Pete Ebdon. Yes, sometimes Sahli Casbah maybe jokes around too much. But this time... this time I am not joking even a little bit. El Qasr Sahli Casbah will defeat Pete Ebdon and regain his dignity. Regain his integrity and his honor. About this.... I am very very very very SERIOUS!

El Qasr and Johnny O nod at each other, then turn and watch as one of the Buzkashi riders scores another pioint with the limp and broken body of Babboo... fade...

ALLAH HELP ME!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

7-11? Slurpee THIS farking corksuckers!