Enter the small apartment of a lonely man...
He
sits at his desk in front of his computer, early Monday morning, and browses
through the NY Times online.
The headline reads...
John Walker Lindh Pleads Guilty
By DAVID STOUT ASHINGTON, July 15 —
In a plea-bargain deal with the government, John Walker
Lindh pleaded guilty to two charges today, admitting that he fought for
the Taliban against the United States. The guilty plea will spare the
defendant from spending the rest of his life in prison. But it subjects
him to up to 20 years behind bars. Advertisement "I plead guilty," Mr.
Lindh told Federal Judge T. S. Ellis III.
"I plead guilty, sir." Mr. Lindh pleaded guilty to two charges alleging
that he supplied help to the Taliban and carried explosives before he
was captured late last year during the American-led military campaign
in Afghanistan. Mr. Lindh was not accused of having a role in the Sept.
11 terrorist attacks, although he reportedly told his interrogators that
he had met Osama bin Laden, the suspected mastermind behind the attacks.
He also claimed to have met another man, a rich Egyptian shiek or oil
baron, who brainwashed him into turning against his country, while strapping
him onto a camel and dubbing the words "Fuck You America" over
Britanny Spear's "Ooops, I did it again". These allegations
and the unknown man are yet to be determined true...
The lonely man barely blinks, he skims right over the story. No
big breasted Hollywood bimbos in the news today he thinks...
The lonely man pulls down his trousers as he starts to type in the url...
www.porno.com...
Rewind
Poisoning
the minds of American youth
Location: Guantanimo Bay Maximum Security Prison, off the coast of Cuba
A
man dressed in a business suit and dark sunglasses is escorted by a number
of military police thru one of the most heavily gaurded prisons in the
world.
The sound of steel prison doors slamming shut resounds across the stone
compound, the footsteps of the soldiers loud and hard against the cold
stone floor.
A horn sounds as a number of doors electronically slide open and the well
dressed man walks through them all, his escort close at hand.
A
number of cells, 100 yards long, stand across from heavily fenced windows,
pale yellow light seeping through. One of the cell doors is swung open
by an m.p., and the suited man walks through, The guards leave.
The man takes off his sunglasses and we immediately recognize him as El Qasr Sahli Casbah!
He scans the interior of this dingy cell, squinting hard, until he sees a figure resting on the top of a double bunk. Another figure rests on the bottom bunk.
The figure on the bottom bunk stirs.
John Walker Lindh: Duuuuude... wha'.... wha' time is it?
El Qasr: John! It is me! John!
JWL:
Duuuude... is TRL on yet? You guards shouldn't be waking me up so early,
man. What time is it?
El Qasr: It is two o'clock in the afternoon John... and I am not one of the guards. I am here to free you!
JWL: Duuuude, you screws are fucked up man. Heh heh heh, free me. Riiiight!
The figure of John Walker Lindh steps out all groggy eyed, into the light. JWL rubs his eyes.
JWL: Oh shit dude! It's you! You're not one of the guards dude!
El Qasr: No, no I am not one of the guards John.
JWL: Duuuude, you're one of the towel heads that talked me into joining the Jihad! How gnarly!
El Qasr: John, listen, we have no time to talk. I have come here to free you. Your service to the terrorist cause will not be forgotten. I have brought with me a case of explosives, and all you have to do is blow your wa--
JWL walks over to the bunk and tries to shake awake his bunkmate.
JWL: DUUUDE! Wake up butthead! One of those dudes I was telling you about is here man! You'll see I wasn't just high an mushrooms when I went over to Afghanistan!
El Qasr: John, please! Be quiet! We don't want those camel farking American bastiches to hear you. They think I am your lawyer.
JWL: I wanna wake this dingleberry up man, cuz everyone thinks I was just having a bad trip when I went over to fight the Jihads.
El Qasr: You mean fight the Jihad, not the Jihads.
JWL: Whatever dude. Hey! Wake up stupid!
El Qasr: John! Please! Be quiet! It is time to escape!
JWL: Escape? Nah bro, I ain't escaping man.
El Qasr: But John, what about the cause? What about killing all the Jews and the filthy American bastiches?
JWL:
Dude, um... I don't know how to break this to you... and when you see
Sama, I hope you can tell hi--
El Qasr shakes his head.
El Qasr: Errr, who is Sama?
JWL: Sama, man, Sama. Fucking chillin' with Sama bro. Osama Bin Lizzin Frishizzin.
El Qasr: You mean, the sacred one himself, Osama Bin Laden?
JWL:
Word to yo moms biznizatch! Do me a favor and when you see Osama, tell
the brother its all good, I had a gnarly fun time hanging out with you
cats, but this whole Islamic thing man, its like, a real bummer and stuff?
JWL grabs his crotch like a black man.
El Qasr: Wait... what?
JWL: Duuude, you know. Like its all restrictive and stuff, and anyways, I'm like into hip hop now. That whole religion, America hating, kill the Jews, jihad, terrorist, suicidebomber thing, it was just to get chicks anyways.
El Qasr: HALLAH! Why you little camel farker!
JWL: Dude, chill. It's like, I'm f***ed now anyways man. You don't wanna know what they do to me in this prison an' shit.
El Qasr: I should flay your bones with a scorpions tail!
JWL: Dude, that would be like, nothing compared to what they do to me here man. I mean, they beat my ass with a rubber hose.
El Qasr: Hah! I would stake you to an ant hill and pour honey up your rectum!
JWL: They shove glass rods up my pee hole and smash my wanker with a hammer.
El Qasr: HALLAH! I would cut off your testicles and hang them on my rear view mirror!
JWL: They tie me down and make me watch hours and hours of... David Thunder promos!
El Qasr: Wha... wha... WHAT?
JWL: Yeah, I had to actually sit through an entire David Thunder... DUDE! What a LOSER!
El Qasr: Muhamed have mercy on your soul dear child!
JWL: And then, they taped my eye lids open and made me watch that other promo where Felicia Duarte actually starts to... to... to... TALK! Jesus Christ!
El Qasr: JOHN! Please!
JWL: I'm sorry... HALLAH! Listening to that slut Felicia talk, man, I was happy when they started pouring salt down my pee-hole.
El Qasr: HALLAH! Have these Americans not a shred of mercy in their souls?!
JWL: And worst of all man, look who my roomate is!
John rips off the covers to reveal...
El
Qasr: ELIAN GONZALEZ!!!
Elian is having a nightmare...
Elian: NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
JWL shakes Elian roughly.
JWL: Wake up fairy!
Elian: Huh... oh. Sup bud?!
El Qasr: John, I must leave now for this visit here has emotionally traumatized me like nothing before, even being sodomized by a camel can't be this bad.
John,
you are a piece of American trash, like all of their youth, and I am only
happy that I had a hand in causing your life sorrow and misery as you
rot away in jail for the next 20 years. 
However, at least I can say for you, and even for the rest of these stupid American arsehole bastiches, that I will stick my sandal straight up TWF's rectum this week on Saturday, and perhaps I will be able to show them all exactly what it is like to face a Muslims man in the ring. As much as I like to watch all these TWF bastiches put all these American wrestling fans through hell each and every week with their stupid idiocies, I must for the greater good, for Allah, for Palestine, and for my own sanity, destroy these American farking bastiches and become the new TWF World Champion.
Dr. Midnight's grandmother wears Russian army boots! Tim Haught is the biggest mistake since the "Howie Mandell Show"! David Thunder would be accued and convicted of being a homosexual and would have his penis cut off in a public display, right before the goat cheese raffle!
Is it any wonder the sad state of the Americans, when you look at the men who supposedly represent their finest athletes? What if I were to capture the TWF World Title? What if I were to prove to all these American rednaked truck drivers that Muslims ARE better then they are. What if I were to bring the TWF World Title back with me to Afghanistan and present it to Osama Bin Laden as a present, a gift.... HALLAH! Then, the destruction of the American spirit and pride would be utterly and completely detsroyed... FOREVER!!! HA HA HA! HALLAH!
Now, as for you John and Elian, I hope the two of you die without ever seeing the sun again, and I will try to send the TWF to that exact same fate this week. Good bye you piece of camel flotsom!
El Qasr leaves.
JWL: What a dork... still I hope he shuts that HIM bitch up. For real though!
Elian: For real though! Now do me like sweet lovers do John...
JWL: Um... ok.
Fade...
EL
QASR SAHLI CASBAH
I spit in your humus you farkin bastiches!