JIHAD! #3: Round up

Somewhere in the city of Eerie, there is a small Muslim community. I don't know how big it is, or if it even truely exists, but for purposes of this promo, it does. And if it doesn't you can bet wherever El Qasr Sahli Casbah is, there will be a quick migration of Muslim peoples, especially Islamic fundamentalists.

The "Prince of Egypt" strolls along the city streets, looking at all the Arabic stores with the arabic writing, all the Middle Eastern restaurants and of course, the Optimo delis all owned by Arabs, or Indians, or Palestinians, or Lebanese people.

El Qasr: Is this not wonderful Babboo? The hard working, strong, tough as a desert cactus, peoples of the Muslim faith, can all come here to this shit hole of a country, and find a place for themselves? Like an oasis in the desert, this community sprang up in the middle of this vast, bleak, uninviting place called America, where all the Americans suck camel balls, and the streets are paved in dog poopie.

Babboo: Oh yes great Shiek of the Strip Malls. What a wonderful visage it certainly is to see our people so succesful in this crap biscuit of a country.

El Qasr and Babboo continue to walk down the street, Babboo, of course, a few feet behind his master. The various people of the neighborhood, all of them Muslims, greet the "Man from Taliban" with waves and smiles and some even bow before him.

El Qasr: Ah! Hello! Hello good Islmaic peoples! How are you today! Hello Akbar Al-Shakey Sheepskin! Have you killed any Americans today?

Akbar: Hello great Sahli Casbah! No, sorry, today is the day for the Multi-Super Mega Lotto jackpot. The store is very busy today!

El Qasr: Good, good for you! Take all the black peoples money, and all the poor white peoples too Akbar, good job, you are a good Muslim.

El Qasr and Babboo pass a number of stores and more people wave to him.

El Qasr: Hello Mahmoud Fahmala Falafel, are you being a good Muslim today?

Mahmoud: I pooped in a police officers shishkabob today great Qasr Sahli Casbah!

El Qasr: Ha ha ha! Allah has 40 wives waiting in heaven for you, you super great Muslim mother farker! Ha ha ha!

Way way behind El Qasr and Babboo, if you are paying close attention, a streak of blue rushes across the street of this fine Islamic neighborhood.

El Qasr and Babboo stop in front of a movie theatre.

El Qasr: It is great to see that in this wonderful Muslim neighborhood, even in this cesspool of America, you can go to the theatre and see some good Afghanistan films, eh Babboo?

Babboo: Yes, great Shah of Siskel and Epiphany of Ebert!

El Qasr: So what is playing here toda--- AAAAAH!

El Qasr: What the fark is this???

Babboo: It looks like "Tali Wars: America Strikes Back" oh great Judas of Jabbas.

El Qasr: I see what it is you porcupine farker! But what is it doing playing in this movie theatre, in this Muslim neighborhood!?

Babboo: Isn't it obvious oh great one?

El Qasr: Yes, very obvious. The Americans, they fark us.

Babboo: Farking Americans!

El Qasr: They cannot leave my peoples alone for one second. Those cork sucking Americans! I mean, the omnipotent Osama Bin Laden, as Darth Vader???

Babboo: You got that right!

El Qasr: He should be Luke Skywalker for farking out loud!

Babboo: Oh... yeah, I guess. I can see that great Shah of Sharmoota.

As El Qasr Sahli Casbah and Babboo discuss the validity of Han Solo being played by Saad Bin Laden, and George W. Bush as Jar Jar Binks, another blue flash rushes across the street the other way behind them. But this time, both Casbah and Babboo see it.

El Qasr: Eh, Babboo, perhaps we should continue on to the mosque, eh?

Babboo: Let us hurry great Calimph of Claustrophobia, and perhaps you can honor me by telling me how you expect to destroy the great evil American punk-ass bitch, Mike Steele tomorrow on Flatline??? Please, please, oh pretty please???

El Qasr: Of course little one, but it is no secret that I will shove my curly toed shoes right up Mike Steele's camel-molested rectum on Flatline, and I will bring the W3 World Heavyweight Championship back to Afghanistan!

Babboo: Tell me more!

El Qasr: Mike Steele, without knowing it, you will bring honor back to the Afghani people, and power back to the aliban. You are most likely the weakest American pussy-boy to ever hold the W3 title, making it the most easiest of wins for the "Man from Taliban"! And with that gold title, I will go back to Afghanistan a king! And the Taliban will take the gold title, and will melt it down, and with the money we will be able to buy lots of guns and bombs, and nails! To make nail bombs! And then we will go to Palestine and Israel and kill more Jews! All with the Americans wrestling title as the catalyst! HA HA HA!

Babboo: Uh, great Turbanmaniac? I don't believe that title is actual gold.

El Qasr: No? Feh! No wonder! Would that pubic hair flosser Mike Steele be worthy of carrying an actual gold belt? But when I, El Qasr Sahli Casbah win the title, I will create a gold title, a REAL gold title, for it is the only thing fit for a prince such as myself!

Babboo: You will show these arsehole Americans what a true champion is like!

El Qasr: Mike Steele, let me make this especially clear to you babboon lapper. Yes, I am better then you because I am an Arab, and I am a Muslim, and I am an Islamic fundamentalist, and I am a terrorist. And Mike Steele, I am also better then you because you are an American, and everyone knows Americans are nothing but arsehole farking corksuckers!

But you can take all of that and feed it to the sheep Mike Steele, because in the end it all means nothing. In the end, HALLAH! Always, always I will be better then you Mike Steele because I am the better MAN. You cannot beat El Qasr Sahli Casbah in the ring unless I want you too, and right now, all I want is that world title. You are not as smart as El Qasr Sahli Casbah, you are not as talented as El Qasr Sahli Casbah, and you do not have the unbreaking will that El Qasr Sahli Casbah has in his soul. Allah help me if I do not rip your head from your shoulders and feast on it in the middle of the ring with a side order of humus you donkey masterbater! HALLAH!

Flash of blue, not fifteen feet away.

El Qasr: Babboo.... RUN FOR IT YOU FARKING BASTICHE!!!!

Babboo: Huh?

Suddenly, a huge military helicopter erupts from overhead! SWAT teams fill the streets rounding up Muslims everywhere.

Special Armed Forces: STOP WITH YOUR HAND UP! THIS IS THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT AND YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST FOR BEING SCUZZY ARAB SAND MONKEYS! THE SAND PEOPLE WILL BE ERADICATED FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH OR AT LEAST THE NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENT! DROP YOUR FALAFELS WHERE YOU STAND AND PUT YOUR EVERLOVIN' HANDS UP YOU FUCKING FILTHY CAMEL SHEEP HERDERS!!!

Babboo: Great Prince of Egypt! Stay and fight! Fight like you will fight Mike Steele on Flatline!!!

El Qasr: You stupid farking bastche! Look behind you! They have...

El Qasr: SCUDS!!!

Babboo: Holy farking sheep dip!

El Qasr and Babboo run and somehow evade the net.

Fade...